Hello Blogsville (waving with enthusiasm and love),
I have missed blogging and sorry for the late one... As usual busy with stuff e.g. work. So I am going to take you on a journey as usual and let you into my world this time. So lets GO..
This is my story, my very own testimony and my very own life. As a child growing up was not the best and I struggled alot, after moving from one relative to another, I knew within me this was not the life I want for my children nor will I give them anything less. Although, my mum tried to be there which she did, there was only so much she could do. My Dad left my mum when I was an infant so yes it was tough for a non-educated woman such as my mother to bring me up. However, she was determined that I would get access to education, hence she took me to my Dad relative thinking that was the best option. It was tough like I said earlier but I went through it knowing it would end someday.
Growing up, I was determined to make it and the hardwork paid off when I joined one of the successful Banks in Nigeria "First Bank" in the early 80's and I made sure I did my best in my position. In my early twenties, I saved enough money and sent myself to the UK to study extra vocational courses. It was actually a great experience and even though settling in the UK was a great option then, I had a great career back home with my mum constantly on my mind and I chose to go back. At the time, Nigeria was booming so there you go. I have always being astrong lady so when it came to settling down i.e. marriage I wanted to be sure of what I wanted.
I met my husband through my best friend fiance in 1985 and we became friends, got close and we went into a relationship. It was an average relationship which some women generally assume the role of a wife which I did perfectly.. Even though, he didn't have a job at the time when we started out, I stuck by him and believed in him and contributed toward his living, feeding and clothing. At this point, I was in my early 30's with pressure of marriage constanly looming, and as a Nigeiran Lady, you would understand. I had an ultimatum, I had to be pregnant first before we could get married, and I must say getting preganant was not easy. I had my own share of fair troubles and I remeber saying to God if you bless with children I will make sure I do right by them always and be there for them. Yes, he did it, I got pregnant and we got married, a day after the marriage ceremony I had our first born. It was painful and long experience and as most mothers can relate but the joy of holding my baby cannot be comprehended. The pain immediately disappeared, our baby was beautiful and I was grateful to God everything went well and even better, including me giving birth safely.
I had been looking forward to a wonderful married life with my new husband and our baby girl and I was happy, excited and felt truly rewarded for the blessings God blessed me with. But it was not so, my expectations were immediately shattered when I started having dreams that he left me and the children. I would wake up in the middle of the night and tell him this. He would reassure me and tell me he would do no such thing. I was pregnant just after our baby girl was few months old and I was determined to keep this one as my husband suggested I should get rid of the baby. I was not going to allow him to dictate anything, after all I am the bread winner. Besides that point, I knew how much I badly wanted children. At around 16 months after our first baby girl, I had another wonderful baby girl and she was opposite of her elder sister (she was really quiet). And Yes, I actually wanted a boy and was praying for one, but I wouldn't change them for anything. This time around, I hardly saw him around the house, infact he hardly came home. It was me, the children and my mother at home. At first, I didn't complain, whenever he came home, he would wake me up to make him food and all... I still wouldnt say anything, not that he bothered to ask about me and the children. He got a job in one of the successful companies in Nigeria and I was the one that fasted whilst expecting our second baby girl. Nevertheless, I did my role and carried out doing everyhting right. There were time he was there and times he was not.
But the deal breaker started when I started receiving letters at my work place from his girlfriend apparently he is following her and I should tell him to BACK OFF. To say I was disgusted was an understatement, this was someone that told me he lost his mother at a young age and has since learnt the hard way. Hence, he will be a steady husband and be a father to our children. But his actions were not matching up to his charming words, and YES I confronted him and what does he do, slap, kick and hit me infront of the children. Ok, so I dont complain about that to people because domestic voilecne was major in our culture. Regardless, I carried on, but the stress, pain and everything started to take toll.
My youngest was only four when I heard about Mayflower. I had no choice as maids weren't constant, no family member available to care for the children and their well being. I had to enroll them in a Boarding School, and yes it was painful but I had to do it. It was a nice day, when I took both girls with my driver to the school and I was praying for them to pass and get in. I remember my youngest met Late Dr.Tai Solarin and she had no clue who he was. She ran to me and told me she met this old man and I was thinking in my head you met Dr. Tai Solarin and she thought it was nothing special, but she told me he was nice to her and am sure she can still recall their place of encounter. Although, my children were in boarding house or boarding school, the stress did not stop there, I was carrying our third child so I thought.
It was until after 10 months I knew this was not ordinary, and we went around looking for help. Doctors said they could not see the child through scan, it was a long turmoil where he was nowhere to be found. I was all alone apart from relatives that stood by me and kept on going around to ask for solutions regarding the problem. It was long hard months of about four years or less before the baby could be seen and the operation was sorted out. I almost lost my life, in fact I did but God directed the Doctor and he knew what to do. During the third pregnancy, I think our second child was about five plus, I knew I had to travel abroad and had to take my babies with me. Although the cause of the delayed pregnancy was told to be a spiritual attack I am thankful to GOD that he sorted me out and provided the means to do so. At this point, I had not seen my children for two long summers during the Holidays.When I eventually saw them, they didn't want to come near me and were even laughing at me, I looked ridiculous, they must have thought this was not their mother and I cannot blame them. I could not recognize myself too.
I had been so sick, stressed, in pain and during this time, I did not see HIM not even one hospital visit.When he eventually saw me, his words were "What kind of woman are you"? they have tried everything and you are still here, ALIVE". I am grateful that I am, because I knew one thing I told God, no other woman will raise my children and take advantage of them. I refused to allow anything to happen to my children and God kept to his promise to keep me alive and I just kept holding on to his words.
I was healed and got better and just when I thought the hurdles had reduced, our first born fell seriously sick with abscess and it was me running again like headless chicken going around and asking for directions from GOD to sort things out. Our second child fell sick with Malaria, it was me again doing all the work, just going around sorting things out. It was just so much and it was me and God fighting this battle. For years we did not see him, and when we did see him, he would turn up randomly in the middle of the night to say he wants to see the children. I remember one night he showed up and he demanded to see the children, he came in and I told my girls not to say a word. Well, children can sometimes spoil your plan, just when I was telling him they weren't here and they were in school, my youngest decided to scream. He obviously knew I was lying at this point, he saw them and the youngest said "Dad we don't see you much and you don't pay us any visit and you don't pay our school fees". He took a playing stick and started hitting her telling her never to say such. I looked at him and I thought the cheek for you to do that and not feel ashamed. We both clearly knew she was telling the truth. My children were aware about everything going with him because they ask questions and am sorry I won't lie to them.
All these and many more things were happening and he was not there, nor were his family. At time, I would sit back and think after all have done for you, this life is really really unpredictable.
It was until 1997, I knew Yes I was done for, I was made redundant at work and I could not comprehend how I will survive or do anything.
To be continued......
The rest of the story will be revealed in the next post... so stay tuned lol(that is so NTA, you would know this TV channel if you lived in Naijer).
Thank you for reading.
God is love, love yourself and others too.