Tuesday, 24 April 2012

I DON TIRE 2!!!

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 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Back to  the story.

Bolanle had just called me briefly to let me know something had happening and she would be calling me back to tell me more. I sat there listening to her patiently while she took her time to tell me all that had happened some weeks later.

It turned out Mama decided to stay which was a relief to everyone most especially myself because I knew I wanted to sort things and communicate our feelings to each other. Funmi,  I know communication is something that is not exactly common in some cultures or even families. I was determined to try my best and convey my reaction and expectations to Mama.

So we all sat down around the couch, I had changed to a more comfortable clothes and nursed baby Jeremiah to sleep. Emeka and Mama were both calm and talking about stuff and catching up.

I went into the kitchen, did some nice herbal tea for myself and hot cocoa for Mama and Hubby. We all sat around the lounge, at first it seemed we were all exhausted about what had happened earlier.

I decided I had no choice but to take advantage of this opportunity and clear up what was on my mind. I also knew I had to apply wisdom and chose my words carefully.

Bolanle: I carefully chose my words and proceeded  to talk openly to Mama in front of Emeka.

Mama, I feel like I have not treated you well enough, and it was not my intention to hurt your feelings or to sound ungrateful. I guess I simply felt I was not good enough for anything and that my role of being a wife was questioned by you most of the time. I was hurt by some of the questions you asked me and the things you said towards me. I really felt I had no peace and there was nothing I could do to please you. I also knew your frequent visits meant that I had to be ready for  mental challenges. To be honest Mama, I felt unhappy about the way things were when you came around.

As I communicated  my feelings, I just felt hubby's eyes on me and Mama was looking down. At this point, I was thinking, I know it is different for his culture or Nigeria culture to discuss your feelings openly. The thing is I am not use to the culture of being timid and pretend its all right. Besides,  in my family we were alot more open and we discussed things openly maybe its the western influence but my Dad is a therapist, although worked abroad mostly, he would encourage us to discuss things and clear the air up. Catching with you Funmi the other day, your adivice reinforced the culture and upbringing I had.

I was deep within my thoughts when Mama interjected.

At first she went around the bush, but she eventually conveyed her point.

She said "Bolanle, I am sorry for the way I invaded your privacy. I knew I was critiquing you but I could not stop myself. Each time I would tell myself to keep quiet but my mouth would open and say it. I mean mostly well at the same time but I know how you feel.I had the same experience with my mother in law too when I first got married. She would bash and bash about this and that, I had it worse in those days, there was nothing I could do but to tolerate it and keep it in. I could not tell my husband because you would be told to keep quiet and the times I did, he would only apologise on her behalf. It was something you dealt with and moved on with time. I had to cajole him for us to move to the city because I felt it was the only to get out of there. Once I knew she had gone to rest, I encouraged my husband for us to start building a school in the village so we could go back to have a better life.

I should have known better because am educated and being a retired principal during my time, I made sure I demonstrated good standards and showed fairness. I understand now that being older, is different, I find myself slipping away. It is really hard when you have nothing to do anymore, or you feel like you have nothing to do, and your role within society is done. I felt I wanted to be of positive  influence to you and Emeka but I over did it.

I am sorry. I had no right to ask you about your intimate relationships with Emeka, it was none of my business. I regretted asking but it was too late.

Funimi, I think it was good when she apologised. I was so grateful she was open-minded about everything. Not alot of people are. Yes, she was right to ask. After having Jeremiah 9 months ago, my appetite for sex went out the door. She mentioned she could tell we both were miserable and she thought if she tried to indulge me and ask me, she could help and suggest ideas. We found ourselves opening up to her, we just poured everything out. I had been struggling to give hubby what he wanted but my mind and soul was not connecting, Emeka too was struggling to understand what was wrong and why I was not fulfilling my roles in sharing our bodies.  We both tried getting medical help but it was not really helpful, the more we tried the more we felt exposed and decided to stop trying.

I didn't tell you Funmi because initially I was  uncomfortable about, it was not something you wanted to tell or burden anyone with. Imagine a young wife saying  "I have lost my mojo after having a baby". It sounded ridiculous.  That night, she held our hands and told us she had been in this position before and situation like this can drive both couples apart. We needed to pray and communicate our feelings to each other. She shared with us several experiences and told us our marriage is what we make it. If we do not persist to support each other during times such as this, it will open doors for all sorts to come in. We knelt together that night and she prayed for us and with us like never before. I felt so blessed and refreshed, it was unbelievable. She shared with us herbal remedies we could try and positions we could actually feel comfortable to start with.

It was such a bizarre experience in the sense that she had so much to tell us in one night and the connection between us all just grew stronger. I appreciated so much that night and we both were thankful for her insightful advice  and support. I felt like why didn't we do this months back, why didn't we sit like this and have such an amazing conversation. That night before we said goodnight, I decided to give her a thank you massage. She mentioned she missed it so much and felt that maybe I did all of that in the past to woo her. It was really funny, we had  a blast, said our goodnights. I later went to check on her to make sure she had taken her medications.

Myself and hubby decided to pray about this even more and planned to go on a romantic trip to try getting the groove back. I could not help but laugh at this point, Bolanle, you are not serious. Bolanle went on to explain that her mother in law, had suggested trying holidays that had romantic feeling and connotations to influence the drive. I could not laugh enough.

Bolanle, continued to explain, I could not resist to ask hubby what brought on the argument. He came home from work, to find her packing her things. He asked where she was going. Apparently, she wanted to leave because I had taken Jeremiah to my Mum and that made feel useless and unloved. I also did not invite to go out shopping with me like we used to do in the past.She knew I was off to see a friend and the baby could have been in her care. She did not feel trusted and she had had enough of my coldness. During the mist of  the situation, Hubby explained he was trying to get her to understand, but she insisted otherwise, the conversation got heated up and eventually bad day from work with so much going in his mind, he flared up. He could not believe he did, he felt that although Mama was overreacting, he should have been calm about it. But he is grateful because the situation turned out better for us all.

I am glad we sorted everything out before we went to sleep.

In the morning, I woke up early to get breakfast ready just the way she liked it. I went to her to room to get her, but my knocks were not getting a response. I tried again and I opened the door and I just knew then she had passed away. It was so strange, I immediately called for hubby who was in the shower, he had no choice but to come outside and check if it was real or not. Our family doctor also confirmed it. It was a painful experience and time for us, but it brought the family closer.

I tell you Funmi, this life is so unpredictable. I am sitting here on the phone with you and thinking to myself thank God for another chance. The importance of talking and discussing is incredibly essential. This is something Jeremiah will never forget to do as he grows older.

This the end of the story... (EVIL GRIN...LOL).

This is a fictional story, any correlation to real life experiences is purely coincidental.

Oh yes, have noticed most characters in my inspired stories sometimes die or something horrible happens.  The whole point I feel is to get us thinking that life in itself is not rosy and not suppose to be. Through the help of the Holy spirrreeee I am trying to make it as realistic as possible.(I dont know why am explaining, but you get the gist).

Moral of story:  In life we will meet people that are  extremists in terms of how they help or chose to help, they just seem to over do it. Most times, we are suppose to build a character during that process and learn one thing or two about ourselves and them too. Communication is incredibly important, not everyone can do it or  know how to do it. It does not come easy to some people. Communication is not just talking, it is listening, understanding  the point and views of the other person without being judgmental. This takes alot of hardwork to get there. We should also  try to hold on to the ones that seem to want to build us up and not tear us down.

You are free to add your opinions..YAY.

Thanks for reading.

God is love. Love yourself and others.

Monday, 23 April 2012

I DON TIRE!!!

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 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Dear Lovelies,

WELCOME, welcome welcome to DHK blog. (happy smiles)... Blowing kisses to my old, new followers, commentators, stalkers etc. GOD BLESS U...

Today, I will share with you a story, an interesting one too, so please relax and enjoy...

Friday is the day, my friend Bolanle is coming to say hello and for us to catch up on our girly gist and  life in general. I was completely caught unguarded when Bolanle came in with raging  voice, I knew something was definitely up. Immediately, I thought " what could be the situation that has made my lovely turned into a dragon,  blowing fire". Well in this case, blowing words.

I  came into the sitting room to indulge her and asked if this was how she greeted her bestiee she had not seen in a while.

Bolanle:  Funmi, I am TIRED, TIRED as in exceptionally TIRED. I DON TIRE SEF. what is her problem? Seriously, why does she feel the need to constantly drive me crazy and how she thinks everything has to be done her way. I don't understand why we cant just enjoy the little peace we have. Everything, I constantly wanted was to enjoy my life as a wife and navigate my way through and not someone constantly telling me " its this way or that way". I know I probably sound arrogant now, but pls she should just butt out of our lives just this once and give us a chance to find what works for us. She really does mess up with my head, if it is not food, it is house, it is our darling son, it is this and that. She seems to have an opinion on everything and even Jeremiah apparently should not have been circumcised in the city it is much better done in the village.

Can you believe the other day, she actually asked me what types of sexual positions me and hubby does?? I could not even believe she asked me that question. She could tell by my reaction, I didnt see this coming and I didn't know how to answer it. She mentioned I should not be shy, that she had been there done that and has different advice to offer. I didn't even know how to react to that, it was just so strange, I had to tell her I did not know how to answer it.

Funmi: (As Bolanle, described every detail about her mother in law, I knew I could relate with her. This is exactly what my Mum does with me. She does not know when to keep it quiet and allow us to handle it and figure our way).

 I had to tell her, that I imagined how she felt and although I did not mention my personal battle.

I had to explain to  certain things to Bolanle,  Bolanle" I understand how you feel and the fact  that you feel someone is constantly watching you or critiquing you,  I know it can be sad at times". I also understand you feel that she should back off and not interfere in your personal business. I also think that you feel like there is only so much you can take, and as an individual you are trying your best to be respectful and make a complex situation sound lighter. However, you must understand your mother in law is only trying to help in her own way, she might not even understand that she is being a pain and constantly annoying you. She is probably trying to help you build a better home with Emeka and her grandson. She feels pouring her own wisdom will help you and hubby to  avoid  mistakes or make less ones. Although, I think she might not show her intention in the best way possible. I think she means well and you have to exercise patience and not rudeness and selfishness. This situation can cause resentment between you and her relationship and Emeka too.

Bolanle: You have spoken well, but I am still fed up with everything and I find myself constantly complaining to Emeka about his Mum. I mean she of all people should understand how to give us a break. She mentioned she wants to be in the background and help only when needed and also Emeka is the last child so she would be happy to put hands up and now enjoy the fruits of her labour. So why then? Is she going on about things and not giving us the little peace we need. She goes away  for a little while and within a two weeks she wants to be back again. Her constant visits is  now  getting too much.

Funmi: Bolanle, you make me laugh so hard. You mentioned I have spoken well but I dont think you LISTENED to any of my advice let alone pick up any lines. You are making this situation about you. You are not understanding her needs too. Remember, she is the MOTHER of your HUSBAND. She is the reason plus God why you are enjoying such a great Guy and having all your family support. It seems to me you have forgotten the times his other family members  disagreed, it was her that came and begged them  to allow you two to marry. She saw something in you and the potential of how could be a great wife to her last SON and she saw the great daughter in law you could be to her. Also have you forgotten she was not judgmental towards you,  she accepted you the first time Emeka brought you  to see  her in the village. She had her  reservations but she listened to her son and was willing to get to know you for you rather than tribe or culture.

Besides, you both felt comfortable around each other that you both became instant friends which was little surprising  to us as we know  some mothers find potential wives as threats to the relationships with their sons and can be so judgmental too. I remember the times  in your courting days with Emeka, when you would say "I am going to see my second Mum". You would pack a whole bag to stay for the weekend even sometimes for a week during your leave. You will come back telling me all sorts of things Mama had  showed you. You would talk about how much you liked her softness, kindness, openness and love. You would praise for her  raising five children single-handedly after losing her husband to stroke. You mentioned how you gave  her full body massage,  washed and styled her hair, and followed her to the farm. Remember, the time you even invited her  to lagos and gave her make-over for the help she has done over the years and you two had a photoshoot together. In fact, at some point, Emeka became jealous and felt threatened that you were taking his mum from him.

You have been blessed to have such an amazing Mother In Law that does so much and would even go to the extent of bringing  organic yam, plantain, vegetables grown specially for you two from the village. Each time she came to visit with you in the city. She has done so much and still doing.

You need to understand she is lonely too and feels the need to be of help and service to someone. All her life has been dedicated to her children and her closest is Emeka.  What do you expect? Of course she would be in your space, she misses her son, she misses the noise, she misses the sense of belonging, she misses been around people that she loves. This is why and many more reasons she would invade your space. I bet you Bolanle if you dont hold her closer and communicate your feelings in a respectful way or at least develop ability to tolerate and appreciate her love instead of your incovenience. You will be the one losing oh.

As for me I would be glad to have such Mother In Law that is willing to run around for us  and babysit for free.

Bolanle: Funmi, now that you have explained it that way which I had not seen before. I guess I have taken her niceness and calm nature for granted and I should be less selfish. It must actually be hard for her that Emeka her baby is now married and even harder that all her children are out of the country apart from us. I see that she means well but I also maybe need to relax and communicate with her instead of resenting her.

I will try to make it up with her on my way home today.This was how we finished the conversation to that matter.

We talked about other things, about me popping soon only two months to go. As usual, Bolanle was happy to give advice about babies, she saw our  new baby nursery, checked out clothes and we caught  up on  other issues.

That night before we said our goodnights, she promisied she would think less of her self and try to see from her mother's in law point of view. She would also make the effort to discuss things with her in love and openness.

But what happened within the space of her getting home and calling me, truly did surprise me.

That night after our conversation  Funmi, I felt I had off loaded my burden but I had to deal with it openly. As I drove to pick our son from my Mum, I resisted the temptation to tell her my issues  because I knew she would be keen to get involved.

After exchanging goodnight with Mum,  I  went home feeling more encouraged to discuss things with my mother in law  and clear the air. I got home to what I felt was not in my agenda.

At first I  heard voices echoing but I could not make out what it was about. As I took Jeremiah towards the stairs, it became clear, it was Emeka rasing his voice towards Mama. At first I could not believe it, I was trying to be sure so I stepped closer towards the room.

The next words that came out of Emeke were " Mama am tired of you constantly saying that Bolanle is not giving you enough attention. Can you not see we are trying our best to accomodate you and all you do is complain about her abilities and ciritque all the time. I don't think its fair that we have to constantly tip toe around the house because we dont want to hurt your feelings and disrespect you. But Mama, this is my wife we are talking about and from what I see she is trying her best.

As I held my opened mouth, the thoughts running through my head was "What have I done". My role was not to bring enemity or resentment in this household. So why is this happening, its all my fault. I should not have complained to Emeka so much. I felt so horrible.

Mama at this point was communicating in ibo language, which I could sort of make out she was angry and felt so upset.

She came out, and saw me standing outside, she gave me that funny look. You know the "ingrate, I dont blame you, witch you have poisoned my son against me look". She went downstairs, towards the   door as if she was leaving that night. It was really late, and when I came in earlier I must have missed the bags that were already packed.

I immediately ran after her  to ask where she was going. She didn't reply and looked as if she was struggling to open to door. I asked her again "Mama, where are you going? It is late. She ignored and started sobbing, calling me all sorts of names in ibo. I did not mind, I was so concern about her safety, I kept saying Mama, it is late. I didn't even know when I was on my knees even with Jeremiah, who was sleeping btw. I kept begging her, saying I was sorry, we were sorry etc.

Hubby came downstairs and had changed to some casual clothes and saw me and Mama by the door. He was puzzled and gave us both a funny look.

That was when I gave him the look " the what were you ever thinking look, why would tell her those things". We have to beg Mama not to leave tonight was what I said after. He gave me that "WHAT, beg her look, isn't this what you wanted". Me, "this is not what I wanted look, ok, maybe but not like this". We have to beg Mama I said again for the second time. Which by this time Mama was trying to call her eldest in Canada with her phone but the line was not going through.

I kept on begging her, I didn't give up, I spoke all the ibo language I knew to cajole her and get her to stay for that night. Eventually, Emeka joined me. We both were begging her, Mama we are sorry, we have been ungrateful, pls Mama we children, acting immature, we would not do this again.

Mama said, after everything I have done for both of you this is how you repay me. My God is watching you.

I felt even worse, we begged her for what seemed like an hour plus, although my legs were aching, I knelt there and didn't not bulge. Jeremiah,  woke up during the plea and started crying. That was when Mama  changed her mind to stay the night.

But it did not finish there.

This is one long story. So please pardon me. I promise to finish it next time.

Thank you for reading.

God is love. Love yourself and on others too.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Communication!!! WITH YOUR OFFSPRING


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Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..




Hello Blogsville, 


I hope everyone is well. I welcome my new followers and old followers. YAY.


I did not intend to write this post, I had other posts in mind to do. However, I watched a program today and it was on anti-social behaviour and bullying etc. Each time I heard someone committed suicide based on bullying of any kind it hurts and did  not sound right. Today, I watched and listened to how a 15 year old boy killed himself because of Facebook Bully and other forms. Apparently, he had never been physically  bullied before, but the horrid names and disgusting terms used on fb wall might have drove him over the hedge. Besides, that very day he committed suicide he had had a fight in school that day. Did he tell his parents? Did his parent notice any awkwardness? Could they have prevented his death? Did they even know their child engages in physical fight? Have they ever discussed the dangers of bullying? Have they made him comfortable enough to talk about anything? Do they even know his circle of friends?  Have they ever discussed about death and suicidal? etc.  What about another girl that was consistently bullied through social network and also ended their lives. It is not only suicidal it is other things like joining the wrong crowds, engaging in the wrong activities, watching and feeding the oneself with the wrong image and media exposure etc. It is a lot of things that just sometimes if not tackled will destroy the lives of our children.

Besides, it got me thinking really deep and each time I kept saying thank God I have God..lol. This is because it reinforces the impact of dedicating our soul and spirit and mind in his hands. Also  am able to bring any fears before God to deal with and fire prayer to any tormentors.  With that said, we need to play our part too, and communication needs to take place between a parent and their offspring. Seriously, we all know the world is dangerous with evil and wicked people but we have that responsibility to educate our offspring and communicate with them too.

I know I don't have any offspring yet but I sure do know that I want to cultivate the best relationship with them,  that  makes them feel comfortable to tell me ANYTHING and I will have their back through the grace of God.  I have to be aware of what is going around them, with them and in them this is because as a  future parent I feel it is my duty to ensure their  safety is not compromised and individuality too.  We should aim  to form a relationship that hold no bounds where our children are able to voice out or tell us anything before its too late.

My point: I know some parent lead a busy life and the time for chitchat is out the door, because they just want to relax. But the interesting thing about that is "that very life you are working towards is most likely driven for the need to create a better future for your children" . Yet the basic things that we disregard i.e.communication will end up hunting us forever if anything at all was to happen to any of them. We need to have a "me time with our children" and it is important we develop creative ways to improve the communication in order for them to feel comfortable to tell you any issue at all from peer pressure, to molestation, physical, emotional, financial,mental  abuse, trauma, drama, fights, misunderstanding, low self esteem, insecurities and so much more. We have asked for them to join in this earth, surely we need to advocate their right to decent communication. Hence, we should start as early as possible.

Even when they become teenagers it is no excuse. It is paramount to know as much as we can so we are able to intervene before anything takes a negative turn or is about too.

My mum is a prime  example, she has always cultivated a great relationship with us i.e. pray with us, pray for us, joke with us, watch movies with us and share her personal experiences and likewise. She has  educated  us and made us feel so comfortable to come for help whatever the case maybe. I really like the fact that I can go to my mum and tell her anything, she tries  her best to help, support and comfort. Most importantly she prays like a LION like if you dare mess with her cubs, you  berra be dodging because you are about to receive spiritual slaps from GOD. She does not mess around when it comes to communication and been there for us.

I know despite all her efforts, it is ONLY GOD that has helped to reinforce her values and he continues to protect our whereabouts. But I believe communication is a one step to ensure we do our parts as parents and not to have regrets later on.  No interrogation unless necessary, but gentleness and meekness tends to work better than an angry voice and  impatient too. I know I would not be friends with mum let alone tell her anything  if she was constantly shouting, screaming, shouting abusive words or just plain rude. I cant stand such qualities in anyone. I will retreat to myself, this is why  till this day, I can easily show vulnerability if you raise your voice at me or shout without any cause at all or reasons why, because MUM does not do any of those. But trust me to fight for myself, just because I show my vulnerability  does not make me  a MUGU. If anything I will report you to my KING that has plenty  of armies to come and flog you for taking advantage of me LOL. I am serious sha.

I just thought I share this. Please feel free to add comment.

Side note: Start talking with them i.e. listen and understand their point of view. There is no recommended age,the earlier the better. Don't  think it is a lot of tasks, the Lord that blessed us with them will bless us with the strength to do a great job.  I keep using us inclusive of me because I know I will be a parent one day.AMEN.

Thanks for reading.

Pardon the use of offspring.. lol. back to science class. lol.

God will continue to keep us and protect us from all forms of evil.

I pray God will continue to comfort the hearts and spirit of any grieving parents that has experienced the passing away of a loved one.

God is love, love yourself and others.

On a lighter note, KING SUNNY ADE.. IS THE NEW JAM FOR ME at mo. HE is a Legend..


Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Random, Rant and more Random.

Thank you for visiting.

 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello Sweetiesss...... lol.

Hello to my lovely blogs fam.. shout out to my loyal readers and commentators, I really appreciae your visit, comments and opinions.. To Simply MeeUnveiling GoldToinlicious. Thank you for the comments on previous posts. I guess there were loads more I wanted to include in the story but was too tired oh, but I hope the message behind the story was deduced. lol.

It feels good to just blog about anything jor, as in anything on my mind. I am tempted to just have a blank title and  just rant and keep ranting.. but i cant lol. This is because am usually inspired to write about something  even when  the words in mind comes in little patch here and there lol.  I actually didn't plan on writing today, but am cooking one long food jor, no job too, so plenty time, although I have to catch up on my other work ohh (rolls eyes).

Scratching my head so what should I talk about ohh.... hmmm lol.  I am teasing, as the title suggest am gonna talk about it. This time will keep the post short... (mehn, if u believe that lie you are so gullible ohh lol, seriously will try).

Random 1: Today's is someone that I used to consider special birthday. In fact, I woke up today thanking God for life, and weirdly enough his date popped into my head hahahahaha.... he turned 25 today awww.. I don't wish I could say happy birthday, because he doesnt talk to me anymore(his choice not mine). But I said a little prayer for him sha.. soooo... I don try. Did a post on us click here..Sense of FailureSense of MaturitySense of Understanding. If you want to indulge in some gooey, nice love story that had an interesting ending, then this is your link... lol. Enjoy.


Random 2: Ok, am thinking hard about this and nothing is coming to me.... nawahoo. ok,  ermm will  have to move on and dodge this. Ok, yeah something is up, I dont understand why people use the word sad for death.. like when people pass way. Am sure if the person was alot older i.e. in their late 70's or 80's am sure we are so happy they have lived a good life and gone to rest. But when a young person dies we say ahhhh, its so sad. Why: is it because they are young? or they died a horrible death? or we are sympathetic or "sad" is the easier word to say? I think its all of the above and more, it is not fair from my understanding when innocent people die young, but I have learnt to appreciate the part they have played on this earth. I think I am more of celebrating their life although, mourning their loss is a great part of healing. I would prefer to focus on the role they played,  because it helps with the grieving process and healing process. I also know that for some people "time does not heal their wounds" and for some "time does". In all, be rest assured that you had an opportunity to meet such an amazing person who has inspired you even if it was a short visit. Please do not think I  am advocating  denial, I just think its not easy, who says it is. I swear it cant be easy for God creating Universe, the thought process is huge though. But then again, he is spirit, am sure the load is alot easier to carry. lol.


Random 3: I want be a bunch of things that I know I possibly can be or not. I want to be a humanitarian, CEO, photographer, motivational speaker, marketing consultant, baker, wife, friend, lover, Evangelist, Advocate(good will ohh), Governor, President,  Counselor,  event organizer etc etc. A bunch of many things.... I am sure humans are generally like that, so am not wacko jacko lol. i.e. a weirdo.

Random 4: I am not feeling marriage pressure. to be honest I really do not want to feel the wedding fever or marriage pressure. I want to enjoy each stage life has in store and develop at the same time.


Random 5: I am incredibly fussy, the older I get the more am learning to keep my mouth shut and reserve my opinions and that is sooo hard or more like challenging for me. I love talking and intellectual talk is my favourite... But, I am learning to stop contributing my opinions to senseless and foolish conversations that goes no where. Wasted time and effort, I hate it now. In fact some intellectual talk that seems to be energy draining, am avoiding now.. how weird for me.

Random 6: My mum came to jam in my room lol. I told her "go to sleep my child". she said it is your father that will go to sleep. loooooooooooooooool. I didn't mean that ohh.. we were just cracking up yesterday too funny. She is so sweet and cute, lol, I call her my baby. i know am random.

Random 7: My sis and I watched some funny Chinese movie yesterday. Am sorry she is obsessed with chinko peeps. she speaks mandarin really well and she went to China last year. I pray she meets a Chinese man. Pls if you know a good christian, born again, circumcised Chinese dude... Holla @ me. Sorry he has to be all of the above and more. lol.

Random 8: Mum wants to divorce dad, what my opinion on it, I dont really care. lol. i know it sounds as if  " but have never really saw him as dad. More like an Uncle that happens to donate a sperm... I refer to him as sperm donor. lol. He knows this, I told him severally, if I was his wife, he would regret ever stepping into this planet. He messed up, to the extent that I dont care, he has been given all the chances in this world and more and still acts like a mugu. soooooo... I feel for my mum for marrying the wrong person. she is such as great woman. oh well. shine your eyes ohh.

Random  9: I am thinking of treating my family to a nice dinner. I have to take them all out on my last month salary. I really want to spoil my mummy... she deserves it all. As you can tell am in love with her. why wont I be, she is the bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh lool. On a serious note, she is really awesome, she is like my soul mate, she really knows me and understands me. Having said that, I do want to find my ribs ohh well I want to complete the rib of my HUBBY. He does not have to worry about myself and mums relationship. lol.

Random 10: I am a JESUS baby, I feel spoilt by him most times. I like the fact, he knows my thoughts process and what am about to say before I say it. I like the fact that he knows me so well and he is the only able to judge accurately. I like the fact that most times, when I feel like this world is worthless, too much injustice and unfairness. He tells me I have a role to play and I have to do my part well. In as much as it unfair, this  is the way the world  is at the moment,  I can honestly put my hands and say we have come along way. "no matter what" the situation maybe now. I pray we will keep improving  until, JESUS COMES lol. it would be an interesting day.. alie.


This is my random rants, lol. Hope you had a weird look, possibly a frown on your face and maybe at some point  a smile or chuckle. lol.

Thanks for reading.

As always JESUS is love, love yourself and others too.

xxx


Sunday, 8 April 2012

The Test FINALE...

Thank you for visiting.

 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome

Hello People....

I hope we are all good and fabulous. I read about  a post on Toinlicious and I must say I envy your positivity and attitude. I pray HIS glory concerning you and your family will continue to wax stronger. It amazing how we can react to bad news in a positive way and not allow it to affect us negatively.

I myself  have a little story to add to that, I don't know how many people read  my thanksgiving to God about getting a new job. Well, I graduated last year with the hope of securing a job but things were not looking great. Cut long story short, after I found this job, I felt it  was about time to gain ground, little did I know, it was not to be. I went to work during the week, that same day after my arrival, my office manager called me aside to tell me "the director is considering employing an experienced marketer" so in a nutshell I was dismissed.  To be honest, it makes you ask a lot of questions but what is the need? I know for a FACT I will not go hungry. Not because of paying tithe or offering ohh, but because I have that ASSURANCE by his grace. The other thing I am rest assured of  " when one door closes, another will OPEN".  By HIS grace and faithfulness I will  testify.

Life like I always say is a journey of discovery so, never give up "we are suppose to learn one thing or the other".

Thank you Lord for the birth and resurrection of JESUS. Truth is am not sure if am feeling the Easter this year but I know my JESUS lives regardless of whether I celebrate Easter and its traditions or not.

Alright, enough gloominess ohh..lol. Back to the story "as innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, you mean, you get, you feel, OUSH..lol "Jenifa lines". I showed my mum for the first time through iroko TV. Thank God for that website ohh...

On a serious note, I will now resume the continuation of Kemi and Kayode story as relayed by Kemi herself.

Kemi: I was standing right there, staring at him with disgust, anger, pain, hurt, annoyance and  vulnerability. My friend that was with me  at the time, God bless her took complete charge of the situation, made it clear, that Kayode had on three minutes to say whatever he needed to say. She even went ahead to time him with her phone and threatened to call the police for harassment if he went above the time limit. Looking back now, it is so funny, she was adamant too, I was too weak to talk or protest. I just wanted to get away and go home or at least somewhere else.

Kayode: Kemi I don't have not much to say other than, pls if you could only take my card or my number and we can talk further.  I could take yours whichever you prefer. I know you completely hate me right now, which I accept but we have to talk. I am genuinely sorry for  all that has happened.

Kemi: On that note, he stood up, left his card with my friend "who took it". He left. I stood there shaking, and still upset, my friend took me home.  I did not know where the strength came from to slap KK, and I didn't even know I had it in me, but I was glad I did. He deserved more than that for all that he did.  For the next 3 months after the episode, I did not call Kayode even though my friend purposely tucked the card into my bag and encouraged me to do whatever I felt within me. She said "if you chose to give him ring, it would either show  "you are  compassionate" or you are a mere fool". This is why she suggested I prayed over it because whoever I discuss this with will have an opinion and idea on it, that might not necessarily be a Fact. As for me, I did not bother, for the next 3 months I did not pray about it,  in fact, I tore up the card and left the situation there.

I went to Church on Sunday which I seem to go when I felt like really. This particular sermon "pastor was preaching about unforgiveness" and the attitude we have as Christians towards it. He went on to use a personal story of a lady friend whom he had trusted and loved betrayed him so bad. In the midst of it all, and  finding ways to forgive her and the wrong she did, he met his the love of his life JESUS through another love of his life "his wife". It was a turbulent time for him and forgiveness did not come naturally "in most cases it is not suppose to and anything to the with the matter of the heart or mind" It is harder to let go because of the emotional connection. It was his friend at the time who is now his wife that encouraged him to learn to let go and that it was good for him to mourn, get angry, be upset,  feel all the emotions but do not stay bitter and do not remain in that situation. Through this and the more time spent with God, he realised that we also do things, and hurt other people intentionally or not we are forgiven when we confess our wrongs. Even so, Jesus encouraged us to forgive not seven times but SEVENTY SEVEN times (Matt 18:22). He went on to say that  it meant Jesus recognises people will hurt us, and people will offend us even up to SEVENTY SEVEN times and we have to forgive despite all. It also meant there is grace that comes with it, surely God realises that we live in a world where offences is generated and often returned but we are instructed to forgive one another, be kind to one another and compassionate just as Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:32). He spoke more on unforgivness, and the more he said, the more I felt within me, this was for me. It was at this point, I realised I had not forgiven not entirely, I had not forgiven my old pastor, my church members, even Kayode.

It was much easier for me to suppress things and convince myself I had let go but the emotions that I felt seeing Kayode proved me wrong. It was until then, I got home, went on my knees and cried to my Lord and  told him all I felt and still feeling and how I needed him to help me because I was truly lost and I wanted to be found. I approached my pastor that I had not spoken to after the whole incident on my wedding day. He was quite shocked to receive a call from me and we agreed for a meeting.

He apologised and said he tried his best to sort everything out and even tried to pay me a visit but I had my changed address, phone number, email etc  and before that my Dad had warned him never to contact me or have anything to do with me ever again. I told him I was not aware of all this, infact I was not in a good place myself, and only felt neglected by the church for not showing support and love.  I  had only called him because I felt it within me   and I found the number through an old  church magazine. I told him about KK and what had happened when I saw him. He was so happy that about the encounter and really encouraged me to call him that if it was alright with me, he would collect my number or email address and pass it on to him or vice versa. He told me there was alot KK has to say to me but he could not do it because it was not his place. But he mentioned something that juggled my memory.

Old Pastor: Do you remember  the feeling you had you two would be tested in a big way but you weren't sure and we prayed and fasted over it.

Kemi: That was a long time ago pastor. But I remember clearly now. Could it be this is the test.

Old Pastor: It could very much be. I say this because just the other night, I woke my wife up for both us to pray for you two. We as a church had always put you before God but this was different. We were putting you before God as man and wife. For you to call me and now speaking with me, it seems to me God has a hand in this situation and I believe it will work out for good.

I left feeling empowered and encouraged although I had my doubts, I had this assurance everything will work out for good. At this time, I had not told any member of my family about my decisions so far or even seeing KK. I really wanted to let things go and discussing it I felt will bring back old sores. I carried on as usual, doing everything,  by this time my cousin had gone back home to get married and mum went to support. I had stayed because again I felt it was not yet time for me to go. I also had an opportunity to think clearly in my own space.

Two weeks after my meeting with Pastor. I got an email from KK who had said pastor had passed on my details but felt the need to email first before he could call me. I responded back and we said hello via email for a week. He decided to ask me again if we could meet up in my own time  and talk face -to-face. I was still upset, still felt certain emotions but I was able to deal with them by God'grace. I was really nervous, I had not seen him for almost five years. I prayed and I chose an open restaurant to meet up. I made sure I told one of our  prayer group from my new church that I was meeting with someone. and would like him to come with me. I also made sure KK knew  that I was bringing someone with me. I knew it was going to be awkward but I felt much better if someone else that is neutral that knew nothing about our past or knew us personally was with me. I could tell from his voice that he did not sound too excited about me bringing someone else most especially a brother but I was not bothered in the least about his reaction if he had nothing to hide, he would be himself.

I went home feeling  more confused as ever but clearing the air little bit was great.  The restaurant was beautiful and the scenery was perfect not romantic and the person  I brought with me from the prayer group was well matured and did not interrupt much. He was a married elderly man with grand- children.  He posed no threat was so ever from my end at least. I could tell by KK face he was happy that it was not a  younger brother he was thinking about. Obviously, we did not dwell on trivial issues as such, we had more serious conversations to unfold.

As I sat in my bed that night, I wondered and wondered about how life is in general and how situations can easily be misguided.

According to KK, there were alot more deeper issues he did not tell me beforehand and the morning of the wedding had played out in a different way.

Kayode: At exactly  1 month to our wedding date, I knew certain things were not right within me, for some reasons I was  feeling pain and sweating alot more. I had frequent headaches and was hurting but I had put it down to stress and too much work. I knew I was working over time to meet up with our expenses. I  had found it  increasingly difficult to pass out urine without feeling pain of some sort. I genuinely thought it was not much of a big deal. I had shared my concerns with a colleague from work and he had suggested I see doctor about it. I knew it had nothing to do with STD because I was abstaining . I went for check up and the GP told me it could be anything  but the diagnosis will need to come through first in order to find out what it was, but based on my symptoms it seems like a  prostrate cancer. I did not know what to say but he gave me some additional information and prescriptions for the pain etc.  Besides, he was not certain for sure, so I tried to eliminate  worry from my mind. I did what I knew best, I said a prayer and left it in God's hands. It was 3 weeks later, the test came through to confirm that I had prostrate cancer stage 3,  which most likely had spread through the prostrate, the tube and semen. Having all these information thrown at me did not make me feel comfortable. In fact, it made matters worse because all I thinking was what if "I cant stand or rear children" will I ever make her happy sexually, how this would change our lives forever.

I had on many ocassions made up my mind to tell you  but each time I opened my mouth I say something else. I could not do it to you, cause  you pain or hurt your feelings. You were always happy each time I saw you, talking excitedly  about the wedding, marriage, children etc. I was a coward, I could not find the strength to tell you. Despite my worries, the date for my treatment was actually on our wedding day. I had told my colleague from work who had pestered to know the result of my test. He had spoken with the board of directors who decided to pay for my treatment and booked me in a private hospital in  Germany. I tried to protest,  it was my wedding day and I could not do it. I had no choice, it was either that day or wait another 6 months in which the cancer would have advanced if not killed me. It was one of the hospitals that had the latest technology and treatments available. I was too distraught, I wrote it down and decided to post it to you, I was too ashamed to tell you, I did not know why I felt that way. Although, we decided we would tell each other everything but all I kept on thinking was you were too young to be widowed, you are too wonderful  not be able to rear children if you married me. The pain I felt would have been much easier to deal with if you did not know. Well at least I convinced myself  of that. On our wedding day, for some reason I plugged up the courage to tell my parents who eventually told the pastor who felt you had the right to know no matter what.

We were in the office when you arrived with Dad, when he was told everything. He said I was a weak man with wicked intentions and he would not allow this news to get to you and I should stay away. He went on to tell pastor that he should NEVER contact you. Pastor was a culprit to my wicked plans etc. It was better if he took you home and sorted things out. I think he must have told you I had left and none could contact me. I felt powerless, he was right that I was weak but I had good intentions, at the time I felt I was protecting you by not allowing you to deal with the mess I would have to face. It was too much, what if I had not made it, you have invested time and energy into nothing. It was better if you thought other than dealing with the pain of me having a cancer etc.

During everything, we tried to beg your Dad but he would not give us a chance. I went for my treatments and after two years of battling and fighting, I won and I am thankful to God, the support from friends and family and prayers. I waited till I could gather my strength to approach  Dad  again about my intention but insisted on not seeing me or allow me to see you. It hurt, I was in pain for all these years.I also tried contacting your old work place, visited your old address, contacted your cousin none was to no avail. It was a dead end, pastor encouraged me to leave it all in God hands. It was harder because I had done that before, I felt he let me down. I had to gather courage and allow God to do his will. It was not  until then, that I had to trust in  his strength not mine.  Besides, it is not by my power I am alive, but through the ups and downs, your smile really encouraged me. I knew you weren't there, but I had surrounded my room with our pictures, your smile, your encouraging words. I was determined to look for you and try my best to explain all that had happened, at least you would know that I did not intended to leave even though that was what happened. I had failed once and now I knew I did not want to fail again. I decided to focus on building my confidence again, my career and future plans. When an old friend had invited me to a wedding, I had turned it down but felt the need to go later on. I changed my mind that morning and went and that was when I could not believe what my eyes saw. When I saw you, I was not sure, you looked different, you were glowing but you looked different, alot more slimmer and you had an haircut. I could tell right away you had lost alot of weight and you had been in pain. As I proceeded to approach you, I could not imagine your reaction but I knew whatever it was, I was ready for it and I didn't care even if you chose to ignore me. I must say the slaps you gave me meant that alot more than pain, it showed me you still cared enough to demonstrate how you felt. I would not have preferred it any other way, it was a different experience to see you angry, I have never seen that side during our courtship but then again I knew it was not in you to do such, situation can provoke some reactions in us we never thought we had.

Kemi: It was revelation what KK had told me earlier, I  sat on my bed feeling weary and drained. We had talked about alot of things and everything but I could not help thinking why didn't I pay enough attention. I recalled times during our courtship when he would look lost or as if he wanted to say something but would close his mouth or say something else I thought was irrelevant and strange. Little details  like that was brushed away but looking back now became more apparent. I asked myself that question would I have appreciated it,  if KK told me about the cancer at the time.
My response: I do not know, I knew I would have felt powerless, emotional etc that we had to be face this challenge but I knew without a doubt at the time  I would have stood by him. But then again, maybe I would  have stood by him but not have dealt with the situation in a positive way. I believe I would have stayed, but it would have been harder for me to see him suffer.

The truth is I could never tell my reaction because  in life we never know what we would do until a situation occurs. It is sometimes easy to say  I would do this and that but again, we can't tell but only ASSUME. This is why am amazed how things truly do work out for those that LOVE GOD.

It been 12 years, I am glad am married to the love my life, the one that is the bone of my bone, the flesh of my flesh. We have two beautiful twins a boy and girl and I could not have been happier. We have had our shares of ups and downs and we still do but am grateful  to God to be a living testimony. KK and I through HIS  grace worked things out and everything fell into place. We had a little wedding ceremony and Dad walked me down the aisle. I knew  Dad  made some decisions I was not happy with, but he did with all good intentions to protect me and he still does. I feel like as a couple, we have really been tested in a way that we could never imagined but also overcame  in a way we still cant imagine. It amazing how life works out in the end.

My advice: Whatever is worth holding onto, is worth appreciating and praised. We ought to have a mentality that everything happens in its season and time and with that we should always have a grateful heart and a positive attitude. We will  all go through different forms of test,which at times feels like punishment or torture but you have to TRUST it will work out in the end. Do not be anxious about nothing, but in everything, make your requests known to God through prayer and supplications (Phil 4:6).

Side note: Remember, no matter how you feel today, some people have it worse, be thankful.

NOTE: This is a fictional story, any story to real life is pure coincidental. Inspired by the one and only Holy Spiriiiieeee... hehehe..lol. Holy Spirit.

Thank you  for reading. God is love...Love yourself and on others too.

xxx