Tuesday, 24 April 2012

I DON TIRE 2!!!

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 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Back to  the story.

Bolanle had just called me briefly to let me know something had happening and she would be calling me back to tell me more. I sat there listening to her patiently while she took her time to tell me all that had happened some weeks later.

It turned out Mama decided to stay which was a relief to everyone most especially myself because I knew I wanted to sort things and communicate our feelings to each other. Funmi,  I know communication is something that is not exactly common in some cultures or even families. I was determined to try my best and convey my reaction and expectations to Mama.

So we all sat down around the couch, I had changed to a more comfortable clothes and nursed baby Jeremiah to sleep. Emeka and Mama were both calm and talking about stuff and catching up.

I went into the kitchen, did some nice herbal tea for myself and hot cocoa for Mama and Hubby. We all sat around the lounge, at first it seemed we were all exhausted about what had happened earlier.

I decided I had no choice but to take advantage of this opportunity and clear up what was on my mind. I also knew I had to apply wisdom and chose my words carefully.

Bolanle: I carefully chose my words and proceeded  to talk openly to Mama in front of Emeka.

Mama, I feel like I have not treated you well enough, and it was not my intention to hurt your feelings or to sound ungrateful. I guess I simply felt I was not good enough for anything and that my role of being a wife was questioned by you most of the time. I was hurt by some of the questions you asked me and the things you said towards me. I really felt I had no peace and there was nothing I could do to please you. I also knew your frequent visits meant that I had to be ready for  mental challenges. To be honest Mama, I felt unhappy about the way things were when you came around.

As I communicated  my feelings, I just felt hubby's eyes on me and Mama was looking down. At this point, I was thinking, I know it is different for his culture or Nigeria culture to discuss your feelings openly. The thing is I am not use to the culture of being timid and pretend its all right. Besides,  in my family we were alot more open and we discussed things openly maybe its the western influence but my Dad is a therapist, although worked abroad mostly, he would encourage us to discuss things and clear the air up. Catching with you Funmi the other day, your adivice reinforced the culture and upbringing I had.

I was deep within my thoughts when Mama interjected.

At first she went around the bush, but she eventually conveyed her point.

She said "Bolanle, I am sorry for the way I invaded your privacy. I knew I was critiquing you but I could not stop myself. Each time I would tell myself to keep quiet but my mouth would open and say it. I mean mostly well at the same time but I know how you feel.I had the same experience with my mother in law too when I first got married. She would bash and bash about this and that, I had it worse in those days, there was nothing I could do but to tolerate it and keep it in. I could not tell my husband because you would be told to keep quiet and the times I did, he would only apologise on her behalf. It was something you dealt with and moved on with time. I had to cajole him for us to move to the city because I felt it was the only to get out of there. Once I knew she had gone to rest, I encouraged my husband for us to start building a school in the village so we could go back to have a better life.

I should have known better because am educated and being a retired principal during my time, I made sure I demonstrated good standards and showed fairness. I understand now that being older, is different, I find myself slipping away. It is really hard when you have nothing to do anymore, or you feel like you have nothing to do, and your role within society is done. I felt I wanted to be of positive  influence to you and Emeka but I over did it.

I am sorry. I had no right to ask you about your intimate relationships with Emeka, it was none of my business. I regretted asking but it was too late.

Funimi, I think it was good when she apologised. I was so grateful she was open-minded about everything. Not alot of people are. Yes, she was right to ask. After having Jeremiah 9 months ago, my appetite for sex went out the door. She mentioned she could tell we both were miserable and she thought if she tried to indulge me and ask me, she could help and suggest ideas. We found ourselves opening up to her, we just poured everything out. I had been struggling to give hubby what he wanted but my mind and soul was not connecting, Emeka too was struggling to understand what was wrong and why I was not fulfilling my roles in sharing our bodies.  We both tried getting medical help but it was not really helpful, the more we tried the more we felt exposed and decided to stop trying.

I didn't tell you Funmi because initially I was  uncomfortable about, it was not something you wanted to tell or burden anyone with. Imagine a young wife saying  "I have lost my mojo after having a baby". It sounded ridiculous.  That night, she held our hands and told us she had been in this position before and situation like this can drive both couples apart. We needed to pray and communicate our feelings to each other. She shared with us several experiences and told us our marriage is what we make it. If we do not persist to support each other during times such as this, it will open doors for all sorts to come in. We knelt together that night and she prayed for us and with us like never before. I felt so blessed and refreshed, it was unbelievable. She shared with us herbal remedies we could try and positions we could actually feel comfortable to start with.

It was such a bizarre experience in the sense that she had so much to tell us in one night and the connection between us all just grew stronger. I appreciated so much that night and we both were thankful for her insightful advice  and support. I felt like why didn't we do this months back, why didn't we sit like this and have such an amazing conversation. That night before we said goodnight, I decided to give her a thank you massage. She mentioned she missed it so much and felt that maybe I did all of that in the past to woo her. It was really funny, we had  a blast, said our goodnights. I later went to check on her to make sure she had taken her medications.

Myself and hubby decided to pray about this even more and planned to go on a romantic trip to try getting the groove back. I could not help but laugh at this point, Bolanle, you are not serious. Bolanle went on to explain that her mother in law, had suggested trying holidays that had romantic feeling and connotations to influence the drive. I could not laugh enough.

Bolanle, continued to explain, I could not resist to ask hubby what brought on the argument. He came home from work, to find her packing her things. He asked where she was going. Apparently, she wanted to leave because I had taken Jeremiah to my Mum and that made feel useless and unloved. I also did not invite to go out shopping with me like we used to do in the past.She knew I was off to see a friend and the baby could have been in her care. She did not feel trusted and she had had enough of my coldness. During the mist of  the situation, Hubby explained he was trying to get her to understand, but she insisted otherwise, the conversation got heated up and eventually bad day from work with so much going in his mind, he flared up. He could not believe he did, he felt that although Mama was overreacting, he should have been calm about it. But he is grateful because the situation turned out better for us all.

I am glad we sorted everything out before we went to sleep.

In the morning, I woke up early to get breakfast ready just the way she liked it. I went to her to room to get her, but my knocks were not getting a response. I tried again and I opened the door and I just knew then she had passed away. It was so strange, I immediately called for hubby who was in the shower, he had no choice but to come outside and check if it was real or not. Our family doctor also confirmed it. It was a painful experience and time for us, but it brought the family closer.

I tell you Funmi, this life is so unpredictable. I am sitting here on the phone with you and thinking to myself thank God for another chance. The importance of talking and discussing is incredibly essential. This is something Jeremiah will never forget to do as he grows older.

This the end of the story... (EVIL GRIN...LOL).

This is a fictional story, any correlation to real life experiences is purely coincidental.

Oh yes, have noticed most characters in my inspired stories sometimes die or something horrible happens.  The whole point I feel is to get us thinking that life in itself is not rosy and not suppose to be. Through the help of the Holy spirrreeee I am trying to make it as realistic as possible.(I dont know why am explaining, but you get the gist).

Moral of story:  In life we will meet people that are  extremists in terms of how they help or chose to help, they just seem to over do it. Most times, we are suppose to build a character during that process and learn one thing or two about ourselves and them too. Communication is incredibly important, not everyone can do it or  know how to do it. It does not come easy to some people. Communication is not just talking, it is listening, understanding  the point and views of the other person without being judgmental. This takes alot of hardwork to get there. We should also  try to hold on to the ones that seem to want to build us up and not tear us down.

You are free to add your opinions..YAY.

Thanks for reading.

God is love. Love yourself and others.

14 comments:

  1. You are a good story teller! I was so immersed in it.....she went in peace and quite an inspirational story...the key word here was COMMUNICATION.

    In Nigeria culture, you dare not talk down or discuss with your MIL concerning anything! Or else it would be seen as rudeness. Have to suffer many things in silence, praying for her stay to be over..it is also applicable to men, whose MIL are staying with them
    The truth is that, it is a circle. First a wife, then a mother, then a mother-in-law. Every mother believes nobody can take care of their sons like them! So it is like 2 captains in a ship....nevertheless, it takes two to tango!
    Well,like i said before, the difference is clear like 7up, and if you like, go drink a crate finish, nah you know!..ahahahhahahaa.

    Weldone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy smiles.... first I will like to say thank YOU for the compliment... much appreciated. It is the Holy Spirit inspiration. So am thankful.

      I am so glad you enjoyed it too.

      Yes, you are right in the Nigerian culture the communication aspect is very non existent or out the door. With the cases with in laws, extra harder. I really do sympathize with all of women who have had to endure alot of inhumane things from their inlaws.

      This why my upbringing influences alot of what I do, mum had to learn to communicate effectively too. It is part of life.

      Yeah, I agree some mothers would believe that nobody can do a better job on their sons or daughters.

      This is why we need to be open minded and forth coming.

      Thank you for your valuable input. As always you have a wealth of wisdom to share. LOL. LOVE u MUCHEST. XXX

      lool 7up and crate...

      Delete
  2. Simply Me is so right, this is a great story! I'm glad they sorted out their issues. Communication is so very important if we can get it right.

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    1. Thank you for reading Myne...

      I like it when you comment cos I know you are one of the sought after bloggers in the blogville community. Its niceee....

      I pray we continue to get it right.

      Delete
  3. Communication is such a powerful tool and yet very often we ignore it. . can imagine how she would have felt if her MIL had passed without them resolving their difference. I now know never to put till tomorrow, what I can easily resolve today!

    Mighty powerful story!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Ema, thanks for reading and following.. welcome to my blog..

      Yes, communication is incredibly imperative, imagine if she had not communicated, none would have known what the outcome would be.

      I am glad you learnt something new today.

      Thank you for the compliment.

      Delete
  4. I guess I have to go back to read the preceding story understand this better. I got the message but I felt the story was jammed together. I got lost at some point.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I came as promised!

    You always take time to show love and check up on me, I had to take time out to come here. I see I've been missing out on a lot.
    I really want to do this story justice, so I'm going to feed the munchkins, out them to bed, then settle down to read this story.

    From the other comments, I can tell it's an interesting one.
    BRB

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    Replies
    1. Yes, you have missed loads.

      happy you stopped by. I am glad you enjoyed it too..

      xxx

      Delete
  6. Glad I took time out to read both parts. I'm glad they had a happy ending, where everyone got a chance to express their feelings. I'm not sure discussing their sex life with his mum is such a great idea, awkward conversation... Communication is hard work, but like you said, the results are worth it :o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YAY... U CAME, U CAME, U CAME. happy smiles.

      thanks for visiting and commenting too.

      To be honest, i agree the sex life convo can be cringe worthy too.LOL.

      communication, not an easy task.

      Thanks for coming by.. xxx

      Delete
  7. Nice one though a long read. Effective communication remains the key to resolving issues in all manner of relationships. I'm happy they reconciled and the mother-in-law died in peace. Well done..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heloooo.. thanks for visiting...

      I know long story right..lol....

      Communication is sooo important...

      I am happy they had the chance too..

      Delete
  8. You have been tagged! Check it out via my blog. Enjoy the rest of the week.

    Destiny.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for visiting.

Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..