Friday, 4 May 2012

Dad (The Wrong Husband for MUM).

Thank you for visiting.

 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello People,

I dare say how are we???

 CHORUS. We are blessed. you berra say it with belief you don't know the angel passing around.lol.....

Thank you for the lovely comments I received in my last post, it was nice doing it. Thank you to all my tagess that have taken part and yet to take part. I am also grateful to Simply Mee for the LEIBSTER award that is soo sweet...  I have tagged five people.

Rules are:
1) Link back to the person who gave it to you and thank them.
2) Post the award to your blog.
3) Give the award to 5 bloggers with less than 200 followers that you appreciate and value their blog.
4)Leave a comment on the 5 blogs to let them know that they have received this award.

YAY....

My five bloggeeeessss are  Destiny Unveiling Gold  Gbemisoke  in the midst of her Okeoghene.
Enjoy the blog.... Yay.

Back to the title of the post. So this will be a quickish post.

The idea is just to explain and convey some interesting understanding.

I am a very happy person, YES I AM HAPPY and my happiness is infectious ask one of my friends in real life she has a blog too Jelony (if you are brave lol. am kidding). Moving on, I am not traumatised  or badly affected by my parents marriage but I have come to know alot of things and understand a great deal about humans and their MENTAL STATE.

This post is going to just be about my Dad being the wrong person for Mum.

If you met my mum and dad, they are two completely different people. Mum is so organised and likes to plan everyday. Dad is the opposite, he lives for the moment. Mum is a ambitious and a goal getter and  Dad is all about making money and living for the moment. Dad is selfish and thinks about himself in fact he thinks about having fun and having more fun. To be honest, I have no issue with that (having fun) but what I find annoying is the lack of responsibility he has towards  "us" his children and first ones too. He just does not GET IT and I dont think he ever will and if he ever does, I dont think I have it in me to care.

Growing up, I was sort of close with Dad, he was never in the picture much, he went away to work in the sea (he is an engineer) and he would come back and spend three days or less with us. Each time he came around, I was always happy and giddy up giddy up,, will scream daddy daddy and jump on his huge belly. Lol. He would lift me up too and have a little cuddle. I liked those days but it all withered away slowly and eventually. All I remember his mum being beaten or Dad never showing up to anything birthdays, school ceremonies, occasions nothing. He was absent, for a like good total ten years or plus I never had a relationship with him at all(there was the random visit very once in a blue moon). He would come in one day in a year and the rest disappeared, Mum used to look her best when we were younger and she tried to stay positive for us but it was really hard. Looking back now, I felt she was confused and helpless. Anyways, the older I got, the more I was interested in understanding my Dad and his actions towards mum and us.  Based on his actions, I can honestly say HE WAS THE WRONG PARTNER FOR MUM.

He was just the wrong partner, they weren't suppose to be married. They are so different. He is wrong in many ways for her.

a) She is so mature and independent. Dad is not, he is just sooo stuck in his own mentality.
b)She has the strong fear of God. He is just in his element doing his own thing and living a life of his own.
c)She is so family focused. He just doesn't seem to have it in him, in fact he seems like he just wants be single forever.
d)She plans ahead and has foresight. He lives for the moment.
e)She has wisdom. He lacks it.
f)She is supportive and encouraging. He is neither (maybe to an extent if he chooses to be).
h)She is reserved and calm. He is loud, brash and sometimes RAZZ.
i)She is a sweet nature, non abusive, non violent. He is NON of the above and more(maybe low on the violent side seeing that he is much older now lol).
k)She is so generous and  forgiving. She went through alot with her inlaws.... but Dad is not into his inlaws except (if there is something in it for him)
But DAD is FUNNY... lol. he can make you have a good laugh. That is the ONE quality mum said attracted her. He knows how to play and rough play too. I remember stepping on him once, acting like a monkey climbing a tree Dad was the tree, laying on the bed, me stepping and jumping on his beer belly and his face.. Its funny looking back and he would scoop me up too. He was,  I think very sweet(if he chooses to be), lost and clueless GUY. I remember he bought  me a baby doll that had set of feeding bottle, cloth, nappy and could wee lol.. He can be cool if he is sober.

So what attracted Mum to DAD?

I asked her once, you see mum married late, had us late too. It could be the pressure of society. According to Mum, dad pretended to be nice. I am not convinced, surely you can almost smell a dead rat.
After much digging, it turns out that Dad had hit mum during courtship, and Mum didnt think much of it?
Dad had girl friends over, Mum thought she was the main woman?
Dad seemed humble but yet never did anything outstanding for her, Mum thought because he didnt have a job?
Dad said he only wanted two children. Mum thought perfect guy?

Mum thought wrong, Dad is as clueless as a brass this is something have come to know with my relationship with him. I have asked for relationship advice in the past and mmm I cant say he helped me much to be fair. I could have just asked my KING or  Pastor and I would be fine. Mum had more to say than Dad did.  To be fair, Dad has the TEMPLATE OF "NOT A POTENTIAL,  AROUND HIS HEAD".lol.

I guess Mum thought he would change in marriage, well he did not. It tells you people do not change not at your watch. THEY only CHANGE ON EXCEPTIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES of which are many. Ultimately change is down to the person who recognises it has to be done and convictions keeps them in check.

Mum mentioned she didn't really have a mentor that helped with choosing the right partner. I believe it is that but more than a mentor. It is knowing what you STAND FOR and not accepting crap. I know I am a CONFIDENT individual with a STRONG PRINCIPLES AND MINDSET and I am not willing to share my incredible lifestyle and quirky ways and dynamic structure, amazing personality and my VIRTUOUSNESS for any MAN. YOU HAVE TO BE  WELL-DESERVING AND MORE to take ME HOME cos Once I step in YOUR LIFE, IT IS FOREVER BLESSED and AMAZING (I AM CONVICTED BY IT and I know it to TRUE and besides JESUS best is what am after). I know the blessing I carry and I have to be careful who I share this with permanently i.e. HUSBAND. I am thankful to my God that has helped me to  know myself and my worth and willing to strike it out by his GRACE.

Do I blame Mum? No, how can I... her experience is something I am using as a daily lesson. She thought she was doing the right thing but its was not. I am glad she has learnt from it. I really love Mum and I appreciate the endless sacrifices she did, I cant blame her for some decisions she made because not only have they made me STRONGER, it goes to show life is a learning process, mistakes are not the END, its a stepping stone to attain better and do better.  She did not have the strong structure we have today so I suppose I do understand. Besides, in those days things were different (not making excuses).

I also think marrying someone has a lot to do with the maturity and the state of mind(will do a post on it). There are just certain mindsets I cant contain or encourage. I wont be able to HACK IT. I feel that until you are MATURE mentally,  there are certain things you will fail to consider when (praying or seeking for the right partner).

All I can tell you  is that in  life " people will posses different values and principles and you have to be sure whatever you are compromising on, is worth it. I am sorry I am  NOT SETTLING for anything, that means I am not having below standards, they are clear GROUNDED PRINCIPLES IN PLACE and if those are not met or exceeded by any dude, sorry relationship is OUT and  marriage is not by force. Abeg, am not talking myself into pretense and a life of potential HELL.

Every decision you make TODAY affects your TOMORROW. The life you are living is the life you WILL HAVE. If you are unable to see the errors of your mistakes that is nobody problem but yours only and if you affect the lives of others based on your errors, you will live to suffer the consequences. PLS LET LIVE TO LEARN from the mistakes of others and try to be better.

If you find out you are unhappy in a relationship or that he is not treating you well or viceversa or its not WORKING i.e. progressing, you are not growing mentally, physically, spiritually, financially, emotionally etc.. Pls take your bags and move on, its not about "we have been through so much together" or that he/she is forever my "soul mate" (you aint married). Besides,  are you sure you can TAKE THE CRAP IN TEN YEARS TIME multiply this by 100 and see the whalaha. It is about the people that will be involved and how they are affected and the damages that could well be avoided NOW.

I am sorry we cant always HOPE FOR THE BEST when we can make the BEST DECISIONS NOW and eventually ENJOY THE BEST by his GRACE. AMEN.

My prayer for the singles/searching, you will not enter the wrong HOME or jam the wrong guy in the right clothing. Enough said.

God will continue to minister to me and empower my vision and purpose.

P.S.  I have long forgiven Dad. Its not his fault mum said yes to him. I suppose if he had married someone else at the same level as him it might have being a different story. As for Mum, she deserves so much more than DAD could possibly offer.

God is love.Love yourself very very very well and extend this love to others. Its amazing.

Thanks for reading..
xxx


25 comments:

  1. Wow!!..I have learned a lot from this... Thank God for giving you understanding

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad you have learnt loads hun, thanks for stopping by....

      Delete
  2. I just want to give you a hug!!!!

    Thanks a lot for sharing this. You don't know how much you have helped people. From this, its obvious that you have learned enough lessons. You mum has made a huge sacrifice for US all in terms of making her life a lesson to us young 'uns.

    Thanks a lot!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey ema, thanks for stopping by.....

      I am glad you find it useful hun. I am always happy to help. Yes, I have learnt loads and still learning.

      Mum has made huge sacrifices for us and I cant thank her enough. I pray all I stand for will not stand against me in any way shape or form but STAND for me and see me through.

      I am returning the hug too hun..

      xxx

      Delete
  3. This is d 3rd time I'm saying this but I truly want to hug you. I like your mom's strength & I'm guessing you got yours from her. I love the way you analysed this & just said it as you've seen it. There are amazing lessons to be learnt here. Whatever we're compromising on must be worth it. May God help us with His wisdom

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    Replies
    1. awwwww (hugs)...lol...thanks hun.Mums strength is amazing and I got some from hers and more from God and life experiences. I believe I think differently and approach things in a positive way. I think its important to be realistic about situations and see the best in it.

      I am glad my analysis made sense. lol...

      I am glad I was able to inspire you.

      AMEN. God is an amazing KING and yes I pray for his wisdom like the one he gave to GREAT GRAND UNCLE Solomon. aka uncle solo..llol. I love that dude still.

      Delete
  4. I admire you for having the boldness to talk about your parents in public...thanks so much for sharing, becox i know you want women to lean from it..and am glad you have forgiven your dad.

    The matter of the heart is very unpredictable and never really understood. We pray for guidance from GOD and our family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks love... life is a learning process and I don't think we should hide any truth from reality. I suppose I see my situation as a blessing instead of a curse. I like both of them but Mum has worked so hard for us.

      AMEN. God mercy will continue to reign in our lives.

      Delete
  5. hmm.... deep stuff, very personal stuff into the lives of your parents, I admire you for this, i definitely enjoyed reading this and some lessons have been learnt. *hugs*

    first time here and following, i love your blog http://apysworld.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Priscy.... welcome to DHK blog... Thanks for visiting (waving with love).

      I am glad you enjoyed reading it and I hope we learn from lessons too.

      xxx

      Delete
  6. Mistakes our parents made...my only prayer is that we never make the same mistake. This deep, hope I can one day share really personal stuffs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AMEN............

      I hope so too.....

      am glad u understood the point.

      Delete
  7. I sincerely understand the nature of family life you had to endure dear. My wife also has a Dad just like yours who did her family more harm than good and we believed he was bewitched mainly because he married two other women after my wife's Mum.

    The experience made my Mum-in-law to struggle to raise her family. Since her husband was always out of the picture spending most times with the other two mistress, she had to fend as a schoolteacher for her five kids all by herself while the father spent his money on the other women.

    It made my wife eager to make sure she raised the opposite of what her parents marriage was; to marry a man who was responsible- so she married me!(I'm not bragging oh!). Today we have two lovely kids I'm crazy about.

    God always puts a smile back on the face of those that cherish Him after they have shed tears.

    Your smile will come in a big way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Bro Afronuts.... thank u soo much for visiting.

      I really appreciate your comment. Very insightful and encouraging...

      Thanks for sharing.

      Dad also claimed to bewitched etc, he too married another wife. but that is not an excuse as far as am concerned.

      I am sure your wifre took her EYES to the market.lol.. if u were to brag, I dont mind lol..

      Awwwwww (children... sweets). I pray you will be the BESTEST DADDY to them...

      Amen. I claim that prayer. YES... MY SMILE WILL BE THE WIDEST ONE IN TOWN.

      Thank u for the love...

      Happy Smiles..

      Delete
  8. Thank you soooooo much for my award!

    The mistakes are parents make should be viewed as a template of something we can grow from but something we need to make sure we don't grow into….I hope that made sense..lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey hun, thanks for accepting the award.. xx

      Yes, its definitely a template from my side.....

      Delete
  9. I think you showed a lot of maturity in writing this, and you're right that people rarely change after marriage. god will surely grant you the man that is right for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Myne for the compliment.

      I claim the prayer. I pray I JAM THE RIGHT MAN. AMEN.

      Thank u hun...xx

      Delete
  10. I loved the way you wrote this
    You have a maturity that is way beyond your age
    God bless you
    I guess the moment a child realises his/her parents are fallible human beings is the moment the child starts to objectively analyse what s/he will copy or not copy from those parents.
    You are blessed
    The only thing worse than making mistakes is not learning from them.
    I really really really like you
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hellooooooo NIL.... Waving with love..

      Longest time ohh... chai,I missed you small sha..lol. how are u nah??

      Dancing with JOY that you came over to VISIT. YAY..

      Happy smile with a BIG GRIN, "I am matured beyond my age".. WHOOPPPII.LOL.

      I RECEIVE IT.. AM BLESSED. AMEN.

      YAY... YOU REALLY LIKE ME..(my head is swelling ohh)..

      Ooooo all these encouraging words, all for me. YIKES. AM indeed BLESSED.

      I am glad am able to convey such maturity objectively and God will continue to use me.. AMEN.

      THANK U for the compliment and thanks for reading.

      xxx

      Delete
  11. I'm glad I stopped by and this is my first time to your blog. I first met my husband at church and I didn't like very much at first , I thought he was arrogant. But God changed my heart. Now we have been married 15 yrs next week...is everything rosy, far from it, but we are relying on God to bring us through what is a challenging time right now. Marriage I'm finding out can be major work sometimes...for better or worse.

    Lisa x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello love,

      Thank you and welcome to DHK blog....

      Wow. amazing thank God for his love upon you and your marriage.

      Yes, it major work and am glad you getting through it all by his grace.

      xx

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
  13. wow, I have to say I'm impressed that you took the time to analyse your parents marriage and identified the issues, this shows that you have a good head on you and set for a bright future, all blessings!

    www.bukkyapampa.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks hun..

      lol..@good head.. thank God... Amen. xxx

      Delete

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