Tuesday, 22 May 2012

BAMIDELE!!! (FOLLOW ME HOME). II

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 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Thank you for the comments on the last post.

Back to the continuation of the story click here  for the part 1.

I almost forgot sharing this story on this platform will be subject to various criticisms which I am open to btw and am able to accept my wrong doings.  Based on where I stopped, I had my fun and did my part and enjoyed doing it well "I thought I did". I recall a certain episode with my sister, who felt  indulging  me in some tale telling and advice would help. She told me outrightly what I was doing at the time was plain wrong and unacceptable. Why should different women be constantly on your radar and using your name as the latest gossip in town. In her words "Chidinma has done her part and left, does that mean you have to continue in that part". She carried on to use scenarious to illustrate her concern, trying to get me to think about her points. She  eventually got the cue that I was not interested, she  prayed for me and we left it there. I carried on doing what I was doing, at this point, let just say I had no emotions, that part of me I felt died quite sometime ago or maybe I chose to bury it.  However, it would be fair if  some girls could see through that, I generally do not show emotions but they fail to realise or maybe just chose to play along with the game and then got hurt. Maybe I pretended so well they didn't see it coming. I am precisely sure some of them were in denial and assume they could change me. Wrong.

 Well to change, is not that easy, change does not happen with a click of a finger or someone professing their love. All I felt then was numbness and taking revenge or doing whatever felt I was paying back. Funny enough, despite all my fronting deep down I knew whatever I was doing was not revenge but I could not own up to it.  I suppose it got to the point I could not control what I was doing. I felt like the "good me"  had died and the "bad me" had totally taken over.  Regardless, I still had my head screwed on in terms of making it and being successful but my emotional side of me was just DEAD or so I thought.

I went back to Nigeria to start my NYSE and I must say my offers were just open book. It was surreal,  like I didn't have to talk or communicate, it was there offered on a silver platter. I enjoyed doing whatever it was my eyes fancied, making sure I was careful to protect myself emotionally and physically.  I suppose one of the things that got me sort of annoyed sometimes were mainly the way some females would try their best i.e. change accent, form accent or pretend to be from abroad just to get me. For real, but yeah it was whatever, I just felt I could have whatever females I wanted, when I wanted it etc.  Until one day, all that changed for good, one of my friend I  met during my camp invited me to come for a group meeting. Initially, I was reluctant but decided to go eventually, now its not  a place I would normally go or associate myself. I am not your average believer, for me believing in God was standard and that was it. Anything in relation to worshiping or going somewhere was not my scene. I tend to stay away even when I was great emotionally. I suppose to an extent my parents never forced anything on me or told me it was this way or never. They were regular worshipers, believers and that was it. Unlike Jide that grew up in a proper Christian home, i.e. prayer and worship took place each morning. I would not say I felt comfortable staying with him  for few days in his family home, his mum constant name calling each morning just turned me off completely during any devotion time.

So why was it that I found myself crying like a little boy that seemed like his "ball" was taken from him? Well I went to this gathering with the hope of getting him  off my back  but what I met with  was different. It was a group of youths, that got together to share their personal experiences and what they have been through and relaying how God has brought them far. They called it "EASE UP"the name itself was ridiculous but intriguing none the less. Each person shares something that was close to them and everyone would sort of pray for healing concerning the person. So when it got to me, I just teared up like a child, I cried out, that was the first tear that came out of my eyes since the episode of Chidi. It was right there I knew that I was actually in pain and had alot of emotional baggage. It so weird when you cover everything up and pretend you are fine but once you open up you feel so vulnerable and so light too. I could not say much that day but they all prayed for me. I remember getting home, going straight on my knees and cried out all the pain I ever felt during the break-up. This was someone that betrayed me, hurt me in every way possible and the only way I could deal with it at the time was to cover up and hurt other people in the process.I think it was worse for me because emotionally I connected with her or felt I did and she was my first. So yeah to an extent, I did feel like this was it. Naive I guess. Need less to say,  it was as if my eyes were uncovered, I began to see alot errors in some of the  decisions I made or more like I owned up to the horrific decisions I made. I began to pray for the first time in a very long time maybe the last time I truly prayed was when I had experienced a plane accident at 8 years old and remember saying "Lord, don't kill me or take me yet" spare my life. This time I was not praying out of fear, I was praying out of convictions, I cried out my pain  and just let my spirit rip open really. I felt open, vulnerable and ready for healing.  This was how my journey to healing began.

I spent more time by myself than ever done before, in fact by the time NYSE was over, I had made up my mind to stay focused on Jesus path. It was not easy, but its worth it, why?? it was pure convictions, and I knew being  naked emotionally could not have been my own might. Truth be told, pretending its alright was what I did for a long time and it got me nowhere. I started contacting various girls that I toiled with their emotions and began to apologise and it took alot from me to do that. I had to just bare my wounds open and not live in the dark anymore, I stopped engaging in activities that I just felt brought nothing but pain and sorrow. I was just into me now, understanding me more and things around me. By the time I was 27, I had already planned certain things I would like to achieve and got a job and worked hard at it. I was no longer your average player, I am glad to admit it but I was on fire for GOD. It was a different fire though, the kind I felt was transparent and was not pretentious. I have been there done that and got the T shirt for it. It didn't feel good to know I did some horrible things,  in fact if anything I have to constantly renew my mind because the devil always tried it on me. I forgave Chidinma, even apologised to her, I heard her marriage didn't work out, the guy found out she cheated, and she also found out the same on the guy. I suppose that is not my prerogative, but I carried on focusing on myself and building myself up that I forgot  about certain things. I suppose being a Christian does not stop the fact women will still flaunt themselves at you, I had them in church, events, concerts etc. I was the eligible bachelor that everyone wanted to end up with. Each time I went to a gathering all the females were already queuing up to take a picture with me or have my number (does it sound as if am bragging, lol. I am not). But it didnt get to me, am sure if they knew my past most of them will still stay. Despite all that, I knew I didn't want to be with any woman not just yet. I had to be prepared to be the right husband in order to spot the right woman and part of that meant stripping away some ideologies that I had before. It also meant I had to pray about things and not just rely on my feelings to lead me all the time. I had to test every fruits to make sure this is the right one for me, that meant praying for wisdom, understanding, insight and foresight.

Prior to anything, I felt I didn't deserve much based what I had done in the past but great things were just falling into place to for me and it just reinforced the fact LOVE is just what God has instore for myself and many others. He just loves me regardless and it was that. I had my consequences to live for but I had grace to endure to it all and yes victory was coming in, in every hardship that came my way, I overcame in ways I did not imagine. I joined some couple of charities that was all about caring for the blind and deprived children and that made me really content. The joy I saw in their faces made me so content and the difference I felt was clear. I was in a better place and am grateful to JESUS for that opportunity. I started my new job immediately after serving and I must say its been a blessing because I find favour in different corner of the business. I had a promotion to be the youngest consultant to advise high caliber of international clients that meant I had to deal with sensitive information and this was when my integrity came into play. In fact, I am   known  and recommended for my integrity to deal fairly and equally and that attracted more international clients, you would think it would be the other way round, right? Well this is God doing.

Couple of months into me taking my leave, I was informed HR was recruiting for a new Chief Communications Officer. It was not new  that  the position came easily available.  It was as if, the candidates recruited in that position just didn't have enough commercial awareness, it was a job that became vacant often. I suppose I didn't have much expectations for the new candidate. I recall coming out of one of my bosses office when I saw her. Well its a she...(big grin). So I heard her speaking in a native language which I knew to be yoruba or sounded like it, I can't converse in it myself but understand it well. The closer I got, the more I realised it was not the mainstream yoruba most people in Niaj living in Lagos would converse with.  It was a native one like the ones they spoke in the village, the ones you saw in movies or when you go to the market.(Yes, I go to the market alot to cook my meals). I am used to some interesting pronunciations.

This particular day, I stood looking at this well dressed lady with naturally long hair, that I could only see her back but could see the client face and it  seemed really pleased.  She was communicating with him in their native language  which I later came to find out it was "ijesha" an indigenious language from Ekiti. I was still sprung at this time, the thought of someone speaking with such pride and accent to one of high caliber clients, who I came to understand was impressed with the fact she dealt with the situation in her indigenous language. News about her spread like wild fire within the business and I heard she is really helping the business to flourish, her versatile  approach to communication and speaking in different languages really is an attractive quality for the company.  It didn't stop there, I also heard she dealt with one of our Japanese clients whom she communicated with in their language. The more I heard, the more I wanted to know more about her, it was intriguing, she was just taking charge of the post and fast becoming a relevant person within the company and our business deals.

I did try to approach her but she was always busy,  talking or dealing with a situation. I suppose my opportunity was out, but was it?. Just when I thought she was probably out of reach, I heard she might be single.mmmmm,  I just kept on hearing things but never spoke to her myself, I could not wait. I said a prayer about it, I just said pls Lord, let me meet this lady. I could not believe my eyes when I saw her in the car park, conversing with the  security guard aka gateman in Niaj,. I quickly walked up to them and tried to say something but she had a phone call, great (rolls eyes). That was when I saw her face properly, I saw the prominent tribal marks on her face and  her sexy lips and nice nose structure, aside from that she was so mersmerising. My goodness, (its been ages I felt any appetite for women lol, not in a sexual way, renew your mind). I meant my chasing instinct was ready to pounce and run after her which was quite exciting but I knew I had no chance to play in it. I had to really pray about this and be sure this was it for me. She ended the phone call but I had forgotten that I was standing face-to-face with her at this point, my mind was trillion miles  away. It took me a while to hear the gateman (Calling, Oga, Oga, are you ok?). It was then I realised I was tongue tied, I genuinely didn't know what to say. I found myself stammering and this was something that didnt occur  on a normal day, am usually articulate and well spoken. For a few split seconds which felt like ages, I was totally words struck, tongue tied and blabbing absolute rubbish. funny.

I would have to continue next time.

Thanks DHK for allowing me to share this.

Thank you for reading.

God is love, love is amazing, make sure you treat yourself to some and save some for others.....

xxx


2 comments:

  1. Ok, that's more like it. Lol.

    Waiting for part 3 o...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. Ms Buki, thank you for reading.

      Yep...PART 3 coming real soon.. xxxx.

      Delete

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