Thursday, 4 April 2013

Don't make people a PRIORITY when to them, you are an OPTION.

2013 is great so far..

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are all well and enjoying 2013, thank God for life and life in abundance.

Its been a while since have updated. So here we go:
I am currently chilling with the fam so am at home. I have taken up jogging, it requires me waking up early as 5:30 (good for the soul right?) and I have lost a size I can see a difference on my clothes. Late last year to early this year, I wore UK size 12, now am back at UK size 10 and I can just about squeeze into a size 8 (Yippee). Not bad, I also have changed my eating habits, e.g. cutting down on hours I eat late, eating  smaller portions of food and drinking loads of water  with lemon. I will share some pics also. I must say I have not jogged since coming home on holls my excuse (running up and down the stairs is also exercise  lol).

Back to the topic of the day, So what with the title? (i actually think its a saying or a quote).  The moment I understood this saying, the moment my life became easier and better lol(kidding). As someone that generally takes everything in life seriously lol, I never understood how one can devote time and energy into somebody or something  and they never get the same attention or level of involvement back or never just got there. Besides, different things have different meaning to people.  You see,  in life we are influenced by different situations that also influence  our mindsets,  values, thought process and actions. Each character or attitude we have/depicts is a result of an influence of some sort whether we are conscious of it or not or its intrinsic in our character. For instance, I like to think am  helpful, if/when I see anyone struggling with bags or heavy things I offer to help. I can say this  influence I have had is from my family (well mostly Mum) and  I also know how it feels when you carry heavy things and just need help. This attitude has been influenced not only by my family but by other situations around me. Based on influences,  some of us make decisions that are different to the norm. I have also come to realise that as individuals, based on our influences, core values and mental state we all have different priorities in life.

For me, priorities are things that are important to me and I am also passionate about them however not in all cases but they add value and meaning to my life in some sort of way. Our priorities also change mainly because we grow, experience  and develop and what used to be important / priority 5 years ago is no longer relevant e.g. falling in love (the term is subjective but I know me five years and now the term is irrelevant).

I will use the context of relationships, friendships or people in general to discuss the topic.  I find that some of us due to the we are, we consider  certain things important than others whilst to some it aint. Due to this, I think some people or many people get hurt in the process. For instance, for some people they think friendships is about  communicating and telling  each other all the secrets in this world. Whilst you find yourself telling all your secrets to somebody you consider your friend, you find out they don't do that with you? Could it be they don't place you on that friendship pedal stool like you  or better still, they don't consider sharing secrets true friendships? It could be anything... Whilst you make time to call, text or check on somebody, you find that they don't do the same for you or with you?  In my own opinion, no matter what the excuses are (as we all never run out of them), to me it means they don't see you the way you see them. It not such a bad thing, because again we all influenced by different things and are moved by different situations and we all have priorities.  It is only bad when people never take time to communicate/ be honest or they lead you on pretending to be this whilst they are not.
For some of us we find its frustrating when people do not relate to us as we want them to or think they should. On the other hand, the other  people might be  the way they are as a result of past hurts and experiences  which again influences their priorities meaning what they would usually hold dear is no longer the same. For some people, stuffs like sharing secrets never mattered to them because to them that not what they consider friendships or perhaps they have no secrets to share or do not consider anything as secrets etc. I guess this is where communication does take place to better understand each other values and mentally   relate well to each other.

I suppose for me, its not so much what people place value on, its much of I don't like feeling stupid or be stupid and I always read between the lines. Whilst this might not always be the case, I think its important when to know its time to draw the line and just plainly understand "there is no point flogging a dead horse". No matter how much you invest, try or cajole, if somebody isn't changing or budging to make you a priority i.e. give you the same attention as you give them or even place you higher. I simply think, to them you are an option or better still nothing at all or they are not ready/not into you. Whichever, I think the sooner one realises this, the better you know how to strategically deal with some issues that come your way.
We all do it, we make people priorities and some people options and vice versa. With time, some people you thought were "options"   become priority  due to some eureka moments whatever/whenever that occurs and some that were "priorities" become options again maybe you read between the lines and thought "things gotta change" whichever way.  I believe its best to tell yourself the truth, face reality and deal with it.
In all fairness, placing people as options is not such a negative thing  (though I don't encourage it in some situations e.g. in relationships), but  providing that the level of investment is about the same or better still not exhausting. Some people like being options whether its in relationships or otherwise. Personally, I don't  like  giving  my best knowing that the other person wont and isn't bothered to.  It really does not encourage me.  I know my worth.

For me, my best solutions to dealing with encounters such as this i.e. placing people as priorities/options.
First establish an understanding of the person in question or the situation (consider their attitudes and scenarios). Understanding a variety of issues gives people scope on dealing with them.
 Communicate if allowed by the person and  maintain transparency. This offers opportunity to gauge things in order to make prepared and  better decisions. If you sense things and you communicate it, yet no amendments then I guess you have to ask yourself the ultimate question.
Importantly you can be led to  pray for them and lift them in love because you never know the  deep battles people are fighting in their personal lives. I guess if you had a really good rapport, vibe and understanding beforehand it would facilitate this approach.  For some, it simply the case of we live and learn or  time will tell.
Like everything that has less time invested in it, it will die and on that note, if we don't want it to die we have  to keep trying. In most cases, we only try with things that we consider important and  are of benefits to our lives or to others etc.

In conclusion, you will meet various people in life and situations will occur but before anything, its important we know ourselves and what we consider important. If we are able to communicate great. Just bear in mind that people react to things differently based on their personal values, motives and mindsets.

Please feel free to add your comments or contribution.

Thank you for reading.

God bless you and hope we all had a wonderful EASTER.
                                                                      Such a poser...

                                        Nothing like noodles and eggs. Yummy. x

9 comments:

  1. I'm getting you. I think the most important thing to do is be 'YOU' and do you the best you can without expecting anything in return. If your friendship gets reciprocated then yay, if not, be content in doing what makes you happy.

    I think you nailed it with "Importantly...pray for them and lift them in love because you never know the deep battles people are fighting in their personal lives"

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    1. Yes o.... i agree with you 110% re.doing YOU and not expecting anything in return... Thanks for the contribution and thanks for visiting..

      I appreciate it. x

      Delete
  2. OUCH! O-u-ch! OUCH!

    ok! isorit! I don hear.

    so is that why you refuse to reply my mail? ok o!

    mehn! this post hit me sha!!!!
    correction taken DOHK :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ahhhh aunty IB, Refuse ur email ke... dont think like this o... ahhhh our own friendhship is different o. I rate you alot o. I have also replied your email. I just saw it ni oo..

      XX

      Delete
  3. Guilty as charged....I need to improve on my people skills.

    Now, I feel like eating indomie....

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  4. i am here and this is my first time commenting. i am here because friendships change sometimes you may have offended someone and they never told you OR they decide that you are not as valuable to them. I dont throw the baby out with the bathwater however because it all has to do with our relationship to the father, when we treat Him well we have a tendency to treat others well. OR we may find that it is simply time to MOVE on. What worked before no longer fits you. but my mistake is i keep on investing when the person has clearly said this far and no farther. So the only thing to do is to back off. People make choices and it is arrogant for me to assume that it is always their loss not having me in their life. perhaps it is their gain for where God is taking them and I may not be going in that direction or God has something else for me.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hello, thank you for visiting.. waving with love.welcome to DOHK space.

      I just love how u summarised it.."People make choices and it is arrogant for me to assume that it is always their loss not having me in their life. perhaps it is their gain for where God is taking them and I may not be going in that direction or God has something else for me."

      Well said.. I guess the part people say its only their loss, its regards to contributing largely to someone life and they never appreciate it or consider it. I think on that note, if one should leave, it is the person loss but then again it could be gain if they allow themselves to grow and learn through the experience.

      Either way, I appreciate your contribution. x

      Delete
  5. you look lovely in that outfit and am hungry for the food. Such an interesting topic, as we become adults,you begin to realize who is equally on the same level as you in terms of friendships, behavior, being there for you, listening to you. It is best to not waste time on someone that doesn't return back the same values or energy you spend on them. I used to have this one friend that I always called all the time, text but she never replied or did the same to me. in the end, I deleted her off my phone list and I have been happier seen. so not worth my time this year investing in someone that doesn't do the same, l truly don't care.lol

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    Replies
    1. Hey destiny, nice to see your comment. Thanks for visiting.

      O the compliment... my head is swelling o.

      I agree with you, that your friend made you to consider your priorities and set your goals accordingly. Thanks for the contribution love...

      Delete

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