Saturday, 16 March 2013

Haters are GONNA Hate. SO let THEM.

2013....

Year of reaching TARGETS..

Hello Everyone,

I know some of us have missed me, my posts and maybe comments *chuckles*.. I like to think so sha.. lol

To start off, am not a blogger that generally talks about these things i.e. hating. I have never had the reason to. I am also not the type that generally writes by reading other posts.  My comments are usually enough to show my strong opinions, though I think if I  blogged often people are able to see more of me and my thoughts pattern. Which I think it great (I should just try harder lol).

This post is inspired by many things but ultimately what pushed me to writing is the post I read on my lovely Aunty IB blog.  People should leave her for me o. I like her alot because she is bold enough to communicate her feelings and her stance, though it might not always go down well with everybody, such is life. At least, she is learning and aims to be better, not everyone can boast of that. This is a link to the post Simply Mee.

Back to the topic of the day. lol o. The term hating is subjective, it will vary depending on individuals and their understanding of things. Typically, when people term others as haters I have to read the comment or what they have said to see it as that. In some cases, some comments are not hateful its just the choice of words and interpretation that makes it come across as that. In most cases or less, some people are not sensitive enough to realise that the comment might be hateful or considered rude and unnecessary  We live to learn.
What I generally find hateful is mainly centered around personal attacks, for example, you get people that insult people's image and go further by calling them horrible names and attacking the rest of their family members. I find that not only appalling but disrespectful to the person in question saying such, and it makes me marvel if anything at the type of mindset and issues the person abhors in them. "By their fruits you shall know them". Mattew 7: 16 (Pls read the whole chapter, its just amazing).

Moreover, I do think some hateful things some people say are not generally intended that way, it might be the passion and the lack of insight to the situation that makes them talk as such or maybe the ground they stand on. For me, I have very strong opinions and I am incredibly expressive with my words, actions and body language etc if you met me in real person, I suppose that the testament. In comparison to some people, I do a lot of reflections, that has been a big part of my growth and growing process and if at all I feel or convicted I didn't handle a matter in love or could have been better handled,  am quick to apologise and amend my ways. Sadly, not alot of us have the capability  to exercise humility and some of us simply choose/chose not too.

There is a saying  that goes "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all". I think "good" is relative, does it mean good as in nothing elevating to say or does it mean you must first think of a good thing and if you don't see the good, it means the rests are bad, therefore you shouldn't point out an error? We are humans and our opinions are formed by various issues and situations we are influenced by.After all, we are products of our environment, if you someone doesn't see any good but chooses to calmly state their points without any form of aggressiveness or hateful tone, it most likely they do have something good to say. Maybe not what we want to hear but their  comment or opinion makes sense and it would make a different if employed.  Obviously, we are required to sift through things and weigh them.

I think that hating is not the issue, because to a degree we all dislike some things and have a strong opinions about stuffs be it religion, relationships, upbringing etc. I guess what stands out for me is the way we approach the issue and discuss it without breaking the roofs or ripping out the keyboard. Lool. If you find yourself wanting to do something destructive based on someone else disagreeing with you, I suggest you find a chill corner or better still do something about it because that for me is a sign of "VIOLENCE" which am sorry it shouldn't not be tolerated because you want to "by force by fire" push the person to believe your points of view in order words coercing the person. If you stand correct, leave the matter and pray for the person to see it  for themselves that for me is the true way. In fact, doing so might allow the person to think and reflect.

I also do think that seeing that the world is diverse with different personalities, it is inevitable not to get someone or somebody that wouldn't hate or pour venom. I think the  hurtful things some people say, pierce through the hearts but you have to ask few questions. What made this person say such horrid things? could  they have an element of truth? Could they have their own personal demons fighting them? Are they indirectly seeking help? Do they enjoy feeding off negative vibes to feel good or are they generally aiming to pull me down?  Based on your answers, my solution,  do try to answer/respond in love trust me it will not only back fire it will help you to understand some people are just "attention seekers" and love does conquer.  Besides,  one can still clarify without having to stoop low to the level of the hateful comment for example calling horrid names. You know Why:  "the hearts of man is desperately wicked", sometimes you don't know the state of mind of people, their history, their upbringing, their challenges etc. If it was online, you can't see this person, look/ assess them and you don't know whether they have had in for you in a long time etc. You don't know alot of things so why would you think you can take them on? If anything, they are charged and rearing to go after all its is their mouth and opinions. It can't be easy to LOVE but that the calling, I'd say pray for grace and strength.

I am grateful for my upbringing and my faith, because first and foremost, we all have opinions. If you hate, that is your opinion, I am not about to start a world war 3 because of what you have said. I will admit depending on the severity of what was said, I would be hurt but I won't allow the hurt to rule my mind and emotions. I have the CHOICE. The other thing is, you don't know me,I don't know you, if you die today I prolly wont know, so what my own?. Besides,  it is energy and time consuming replying to an hateful comment like seriously the person is already less busy and looking to while away their idle time.
Finally, that hater or the commentator with the hateful comment will not be the last person that will attack or say horrible things so why should I start entertaining you?  I won't be the first or last person that has been dizzed not only by haters but by any particular hater.

Life is tough as it is, and some people derive some sort of sad joy by sapping our energy so what do you do? You ignore and pray for them. God said he will heaps of coal on your enemies  head.  Unfortunately, some people have allowed themselves to used by all sorts.  The other thing I would say is, there are extremities and its important we also check ourselves, some people do say hateful things but there could be an element of "truth in it".We should take time to sift through things and not allow our emotions to take over as it is sometimes always the case.

Lastly, if you look through history of great men and women, pls do let me know if they didn't encounter or still encounter any form of hatred and injustice. When you generate hate, it means you are making an impact, so pls don't be discouraged, if anything your words are like "Loud SIRENS" to some people. I also think some of us have it easy with some haters, some people get it really bad so pls be grateful in a way. lol. You have to always compare. I am not saying is right or fair that "haters" or "hateful" comments should be here to stay but the reality is, it is here to stay before us it did and it will after us because like everything in life "there are opposites" so it is law and part of life processes. Jesus had it bad, and for me despite his love and sacrificial death  and salvation to mankind he still does have it  bad and prolly will till the end of time.  So can you ever please people. NO ( I am spelling it out). You cant.

So next time you see any awful comment. MAKE SURE YOU CHOSE wisely.

P.S. I would like to say the word "hate" has been misused and is now tagged on anyone that disagrees, critics or points things out. Its not acceptable to just tag people as hate because they disagree with your opinion or share theirs.

God is love and pls don't stop praying for grace and strength.

xxx


This Kind of LOVE Cont...

On it wrote:

My sunshine, I have never stopped loving you. I went away a boy and now am a Man. A man that I am, I want another chance to do it right, to make it better and love you dearly as you deserved. 

Yours always and forever

Chijioke.

I read it again, and again and again.Precisely  four years, no contact and now this. I went through the envelope again and found his contact card saying we should  meet up. I smiled, blushed and seemingly felt WOW. I hadn't realised my hands were doing what my head wanted whilst my heart was busy screaming. I ripped the whole lot and chucked it in the bin. I switched on my light, put off the candle, took my bag and coat and left the office at 8:00 pm.
 I was knackered,  with my "To- Do -Lists", I  called Mum, called Catherine about the wedding, caught  up on my movie night and ate the meal I had been looking forward to. As if nothing ever happened, I had a shower and went to bed. I woke up to a morning of sweet sweet Sun, I love the SUN, I  am a sun person. I do prefer it warm with a cool breeze but I also don't mind it HOT as long as I my bottle of  chilled water and lotion of sunburn cream. I went to the office with a smile on my face, happy the Sun was smiling on me.  I could feel it. It loved me before and it does always as I felt the warmth on my shoulders, it was the perfect day to wear a beautiful yellow armless dress. Yum.

I walked into my office and was greeted with a bunch of flowers I thought,  "O wow, that a nice gesture, I smiled, was it a client this time around, it looked quite expensive". I am aware our clients do send expensive flowers to say "Thank you" for planning  all sorts of dinner dates, weddings, birthdays, corporate events and much more.  I took another look at it, I admired the different roses including the gorgeous smell. I read the card, it was from him. This time, I didn't chuck them away I dumped the withered ones that I got just few days before and filled the vase. It looked perfect sitting just next to the reception desk, it was much better there in comparison to my office. It does bring a glow to the reception area and it should attract the  attention of clients. I smiled and hummed to myself and made my way to my office. This time it was a feel good smile, you have to try harder was my thought,  and I closed the door.

It was a pretty hectic day and with loads of meetings. I certainly wasn't expecting to see anyone that was not booked in but I did. I saw the man himself, the one behind the notes and the flowers. Goodness, he looked dashing, I can't fault him. He looked the part and dressed the part and surprisingly more handsome, quite huge too. My hands were sweaty, heart racing, No  make it " thumping and hyperventilating" but I had to play it cool.

I caressed  my dress with both my hands  proceeded to address his name Mr ... I wasn't to finish the sentence, a bear hug had greeted me. I stood there stunned and responded with a lame and weak hug but that should do. I gently removed myself from the bear hug, gestured towards the sit in front of me and I opened my mouth to talk more. Next I knew, he was on his knees, his words "You don't have to say anything, in fact don't say anything.  I  have loved you everyday of my life but I knew I was not ready to be what you wanted us to be, I felt I needed to be a certain standard to be with you  and my perfect excuse was,  I didn't want to hold you back from all you could have. You are  a great lady, no pardon me "you are an exceptional human being with an amazing personality". I kicked myself throughout the whole time apart but I needed to grow and to be sure of what I could be for us. I prayed for you everyday, us and possibly our future and  I believed at the right time I would   come back for us. The thing is, the time  never  felt right until I made up mind about what I wanted and  without a doubt I know  it is you, us and  our future. Please find it your  heart to forgive me and come back.  I am not going anywhere, so you have no choice, well at least am hoping you don't."

I stood  there staring at him and watching  everything play out like a movie. It was dramatic, intense, I could see and sense the passion. It was just so surreal but I had to do what my head was thinking. Which was "Get OUT". I called security to intervene  and get him out. I couldn't believe I was throwing one of the finest lawyers out,  and importantly the Guy I once loved so much.  I sent him out and cried my eyes out, though I wanted him, it wouldn't be at his terms. After the episode, it took few six months of contemplating,  understanding myself and a massive dose of prayer to come to terms with the idea of "us" again. Funny thing was, I didn't anticipate I could react the way I did. Before he finally showed up, a part of me did pray about us and possibly reconnecting and that made me think  I would run  into his arms or at least be decent and actually go on dates with him. I guess my head had other plans and my mind seemed to be respond.

With all of that, he fought, o he fought. He sent letters everyday as he promised when he left my office. I read each letter and  tore it up.  Eventually, I said Yes  on my birthday. I guess my happy days came after I was convicted he was ready for me, us and our future. Was it easy to let down my barriers? Heck No. I had grown into my own woman, I had worked my way in life, fought and still fighting for what is right and just. I wouldn't want to throw it away because the love my life came back. My head said that not me but I said "life is mysterious, love does not happen all the time, we take chances, we take risks and we take time but its not everyday LOVE comes knocking back".

Marrying him on that day wasn't the best day, No. Everyday is the best day. I smile, I laugh, I cry, I giggle, I get upset, I scream, I disagree, I mourn, I display randomness, I stand my ground, I pray, I love, I cook, I plan, I chuckle, I share, I give, I submit, I withdraw, I share memories  but everyday is beautiful. It was better to wait for a Man, than to wait and marry a boy that would take a while to find his way whilst he makes indecisive decisions that will wreck our lives. I waited, I believed, I prayed and most times felt DELUDED but he felt the same way and  he came back not only for me but to FIGHT and prove I am needed. I love the feeling.

"Therefore a  man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24.

He did just that, cleaving is a process but he is doing a great job. As I sat down to write how lovely and amazing he has been to me I couldn't help but smile and think wow our KIND of LOVE is amazing. I thought writing him and sending him a Thank You letter for being a great husband and a cool dad would remind him that he is always needed and forever appreciated.

Are we gonna live happily ever after? Yes, because happiness is what you make it. It is not in material things it is in our actions, in our hearts in the way we do and practice things. We will fight, argue, disagree and love some more why: conflicts helps us to discover our likes, our boundaries and what we should do differently.
Is it easy? Yes, it is with the right person and the right intentions. Loving is easy and natural.
Will it last forever? Yes, why because nothing never dies until YOU let it.
Will things get in the way? Yes, challenges are part of the journey, it strengthens and bind the cords of love and even wax stronger. Genuine love and pure hearts can take alot and will stand through tests and trials. We intend to spend each time with God using  1st Corinthians Ch 13 4-8 as reminder of what we share and intend to show our generations.

I love to "love" and I will chose to "love" you always now and forever.

P.S. This is a fictional story  truly inspired by my creative mind and the Holy Spirit..

Thanks for reading.

God is good at being awesome and full of surprises. Never stop claiming...

xxx.

Made me better man today...