Thursday, 25 April 2013

USERS............................... BEWARE

Hello Everyone,

How are we? I hope we are well.
I am still enjoying the spring. Yippe..

I have a new template now... pls let me know what you think.

I would like to say a lovely Thank YOU to Afronuts for doing a blog review on my blog and a host of others. I   found it very encouraging. lol. So a mini capture of what he said about my blog....
"DOHK is practically a teacher because there’s a lot of stuff you can learn from her blog posts; she kind of counsels you and gives answers to a myriad of questions you may have never thought of asking."

I practically grinned from ear to ear lol. Please visit his blog to read more. Thank you Bro, May God continue to appreciate you as you do others. x

Quick update:
I went to London for few days.. Yikes. It was my friend Jelony's bday (she had a dating blog at some last year). I did the catering for the food,  made delicious coconut rice, chicken, gizzard and plantain  and baked birthday cake. It was well loved (Thank God). I also got to meet up with friends including a childhood friend from Nigeria. All in all it was a long and fun weekend.

Back to the topic of today. I really would like to make it crisp and straight to the point.
I am not sure about you but goodness some of us do inhabit and exhibit some scary traits and attitudes. Its scary because it hurts other people and yet we still defend ourselves.  I personally have had to learn the hard way about things because I can be very oblivious and quite innocent in my approach to life though  am glad I am. I am very trusting of people and tend to allow people to show themselves before I make a run for it.While I advocate second chances and opportunities, I for one also know we humans are unpredictable.

This topic is simply about humans or more like individuals that are USERS. Having experience a first hand of people with such traits, I  complied a mini lists below. I actually copied it  from my Facebook as I posted it sometime ago.

USERS TRAITS
Manipulative: Uses you for what you are/good @.
Conniving: Always plotting a plan.
Sweet talker: Knows how to get under your skin.
Pretender: Rarely upfront.
Takes advantage: Seeks opportunity, find the opportunity and drop the person asap.
Malicious: Spiteful remarks and looks.
Commitment issues: Always hopping from one place to the other.
Drains your energy: Wants to hear  your opinion ONLY to feel better not necessarily change for the best.
Insensitive: Don't consider your feelings.
Patronising: Never truly means it/meant it.

While my lists might completely exclude some facts and include mainly opinions.  I do believe USERS are one to watch especially if you are someone that a)You are not sharp and b) You are too nice. I find that, to deal with users I have to constantly think fast ahead of them, apply strategic pointers and constantly be aware of myself. That in itself is a job on its own. I am real and transparent and its just hard work to constantly feel am second guessing somebody, or overly cautious or thinking sharper. Its just too much stress for me to handle.
Hence, my ways of dealing with USERS  is to a )spot them from the onset and stay clear away from them  asap except in exception cases or b) keep them at arms length distance or even further. 

Don't get me wrong people can still  change and there are rooms for improvement as I always encourage the opportunity to learn from mistakes and be better. However, I strongly feel it is not a good approach to consciously allow myself to suffer knowingly in the hands of a user and its traits. Besides, its totally unnecessary. 

My point: chose your battles carefully and be fully aware whether you are in a relationship, friendship or whatever with  a USER the price to pay might be costly and irreversible.

P.S. Users  can buy you with anything they know you like. They are smart and full of conniving ideas. They never truly say much about themselves or over says too much.They are mild ones and extreme in some cases.

Enjoy the little good left in this world, show kindness and I pray God will pour his anointing on us afresh...

Please don't forget to comment and share your thoughts. xoxo

I baked this cake delish cake for a client.

                                                               Me posing away. lol. x

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Using your PERSONAL INITIATIVE.......

Hello PEOPLE,

I hope we are doing great and enjoying the spring... Hmmm *loves*.

This topic is inspired by real life experiences  but what prompted me to write about this. was something I read on BN CLICK. While my title is not exactly based on the article it made me want to share  some ideas.

I am not too sure if everyone understands the meaning of using personal initiative in anything at all.Some of us do not only lack common sense at times we lack the ability to think outside the box /allow ourselves to do things without being told or asked. Personally,I hate when people are unable to use their own initiative like for real, I need to keep telling you everything when you are not two years old???

I have read stories and seen a lot of people that make mistakes, myself included and some of these  mistakes   if not most, could have been so avoided.  While am not a perfect being but a strong advocate for learning as a way of growing up I do believe  using personal initiative and taking responsibility is crucial to development and maturity.

I personally will not date or consciously allow myself to like or indulge with a dude that does not HAVE/USE his initiative. In addition, I will not also allow myself  to be in friendships that the other  does not use INITIATIVE. I don't like being frustrated and I don't like   the feeling  of training someone! its just not acceptable. .. Besides, am still training me by the grace of God jor. lol.

There are five facts I dont like:
1) Never offering help ever. Not even can I get that for you? or would you like me to get you this ?? I am not talking only relationships but in everyday life. E.g. at work, helping a colleague out or offering to serve tea (lol, the UK).  This gesture is a sign of humility if anything at the very least. I know in some instances some people will take advantage  and you will know. Why? They never return the offer or at least try to. I think in situations as such i.e. not to feel like a doormat, I  will consciously cut back or communicate about it esp in a relationship or friendship.

2.) Always taking: I just loath it when people always TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, and keep on taking and never give nothing. Life does not work that way (well in my world), if we all took, took and took we will have nothing in us to give or sacrifice. It is a kind gesture not only to try and give a little back but  it also helps to release  blessings and in return be appreciated and valued. For some of us, we are quick to take and not quick to give. This is an area I had to learn to work on. It is a blessing to me to bless others and be supportive in anyway I can   and I think it is great to say no to things as in  take less where necessary.

3.) Lack of home training: I say this because some of us simply lack the ethos of house keeping, helping around the house or simply being supportive. We simply enjoy others slaving away for us in the kitchen, in the bedroom. in the work place etc. The simple gesture of appreciation is what we lack  and not only is this attitude discouraging its just pure rude and insane for anyone to lack basic home training and expect so much from others. Mtcheewwww....

4.) Lack of responsibility: I hate when people can't/ refuse to be accountable esp when you are SANE.  It is important to understand we are all on a journey so it is expected for us to mess up at some point order to get it right next time. Although, the degree of the mess we make varies, it is essential  we  learn to take responsibility for the mess we have caused and the pain that has affected others as a result. Surely, if you had any ounce of initiative you would have thought twice or three times harder about the decision that created this mess. If you didn't pls own up and don't blame any DEVIL, did he force you or you simply bought the idea that popped in your head?

5.)Lack the ability to think outside the box: The inability to think outside the box i.e. try to do something a little different for the person you love or care about is just plain BORING.  For some people not only do they claim they don't have it in them, they don't even bother to TRY.
TRYING is a start. Nobody expects you to get it right  all the time but when you try, you will  learn and figure it out better next time.

What am I saying: STOP THE EXCUSES and just try to allow yourself to use your own initiative to think outside the box and take the lead.

I am done ranting..lol.

I hope to post some more relevant pointers about other topics.

Stay blessed and enjoy the tiny beauty left in this world.

*Sigh*  @ the news, not very encouraging. I pray for strength and grace. x


Thursday, 4 April 2013

Don't make people a PRIORITY when to them, you are an OPTION.

2013 is great so far..

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are all well and enjoying 2013, thank God for life and life in abundance.

Its been a while since have updated. So here we go:
I am currently chilling with the fam so am at home. I have taken up jogging, it requires me waking up early as 5:30 (good for the soul right?) and I have lost a size I can see a difference on my clothes. Late last year to early this year, I wore UK size 12, now am back at UK size 10 and I can just about squeeze into a size 8 (Yippee). Not bad, I also have changed my eating habits, e.g. cutting down on hours I eat late, eating  smaller portions of food and drinking loads of water  with lemon. I will share some pics also. I must say I have not jogged since coming home on holls my excuse (running up and down the stairs is also exercise  lol).

Back to the topic of the day, So what with the title? (i actually think its a saying or a quote).  The moment I understood this saying, the moment my life became easier and better lol(kidding). As someone that generally takes everything in life seriously lol, I never understood how one can devote time and energy into somebody or something  and they never get the same attention or level of involvement back or never just got there. Besides, different things have different meaning to people.  You see,  in life we are influenced by different situations that also influence  our mindsets,  values, thought process and actions. Each character or attitude we have/depicts is a result of an influence of some sort whether we are conscious of it or not or its intrinsic in our character. For instance, I like to think am  helpful, if/when I see anyone struggling with bags or heavy things I offer to help. I can say this  influence I have had is from my family (well mostly Mum) and  I also know how it feels when you carry heavy things and just need help. This attitude has been influenced not only by my family but by other situations around me. Based on influences,  some of us make decisions that are different to the norm. I have also come to realise that as individuals, based on our influences, core values and mental state we all have different priorities in life.

For me, priorities are things that are important to me and I am also passionate about them however not in all cases but they add value and meaning to my life in some sort of way. Our priorities also change mainly because we grow, experience  and develop and what used to be important / priority 5 years ago is no longer relevant e.g. falling in love (the term is subjective but I know me five years and now the term is irrelevant).

I will use the context of relationships, friendships or people in general to discuss the topic.  I find that some of us due to the we are, we consider  certain things important than others whilst to some it aint. Due to this, I think some people or many people get hurt in the process. For instance, for some people they think friendships is about  communicating and telling  each other all the secrets in this world. Whilst you find yourself telling all your secrets to somebody you consider your friend, you find out they don't do that with you? Could it be they don't place you on that friendship pedal stool like you  or better still, they don't consider sharing secrets true friendships? It could be anything... Whilst you make time to call, text or check on somebody, you find that they don't do the same for you or with you?  In my own opinion, no matter what the excuses are (as we all never run out of them), to me it means they don't see you the way you see them. It not such a bad thing, because again we all influenced by different things and are moved by different situations and we all have priorities.  It is only bad when people never take time to communicate/ be honest or they lead you on pretending to be this whilst they are not.
For some of us we find its frustrating when people do not relate to us as we want them to or think they should. On the other hand, the other  people might be  the way they are as a result of past hurts and experiences  which again influences their priorities meaning what they would usually hold dear is no longer the same. For some people, stuffs like sharing secrets never mattered to them because to them that not what they consider friendships or perhaps they have no secrets to share or do not consider anything as secrets etc. I guess this is where communication does take place to better understand each other values and mentally   relate well to each other.

I suppose for me, its not so much what people place value on, its much of I don't like feeling stupid or be stupid and I always read between the lines. Whilst this might not always be the case, I think its important when to know its time to draw the line and just plainly understand "there is no point flogging a dead horse". No matter how much you invest, try or cajole, if somebody isn't changing or budging to make you a priority i.e. give you the same attention as you give them or even place you higher. I simply think, to them you are an option or better still nothing at all or they are not ready/not into you. Whichever, I think the sooner one realises this, the better you know how to strategically deal with some issues that come your way.
We all do it, we make people priorities and some people options and vice versa. With time, some people you thought were "options"   become priority  due to some eureka moments whatever/whenever that occurs and some that were "priorities" become options again maybe you read between the lines and thought "things gotta change" whichever way.  I believe its best to tell yourself the truth, face reality and deal with it.
In all fairness, placing people as options is not such a negative thing  (though I don't encourage it in some situations e.g. in relationships), but  providing that the level of investment is about the same or better still not exhausting. Some people like being options whether its in relationships or otherwise. Personally, I don't  like  giving  my best knowing that the other person wont and isn't bothered to.  It really does not encourage me.  I know my worth.

For me, my best solutions to dealing with encounters such as this i.e. placing people as priorities/options.
First establish an understanding of the person in question or the situation (consider their attitudes and scenarios). Understanding a variety of issues gives people scope on dealing with them.
 Communicate if allowed by the person and  maintain transparency. This offers opportunity to gauge things in order to make prepared and  better decisions. If you sense things and you communicate it, yet no amendments then I guess you have to ask yourself the ultimate question.
Importantly you can be led to  pray for them and lift them in love because you never know the  deep battles people are fighting in their personal lives. I guess if you had a really good rapport, vibe and understanding beforehand it would facilitate this approach.  For some, it simply the case of we live and learn or  time will tell.
Like everything that has less time invested in it, it will die and on that note, if we don't want it to die we have  to keep trying. In most cases, we only try with things that we consider important and  are of benefits to our lives or to others etc.

In conclusion, you will meet various people in life and situations will occur but before anything, its important we know ourselves and what we consider important. If we are able to communicate great. Just bear in mind that people react to things differently based on their personal values, motives and mindsets.

Please feel free to add your comments or contribution.

Thank you for reading.

God bless you and hope we all had a wonderful EASTER.
                                                                      Such a poser...

                                        Nothing like noodles and eggs. Yummy. x