Friday, 21 October 2011

Sense of Maturity....... part of the series of Sense of Failure.

Hello Everyone,

I hope you are fantastic and things are going well and even better. If nothing is going well now, trust and believe it will work out for  your good(I join my faith with you)..

I am here to (hopefully complete the part of the series).

Please enjoy reading...

Note: the first part of the series you can access here http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.com/2011/10/sense-of-failure.html.

This was it for me, I meant meeting the HIM.. Lets call d guy HIM... I met him through a friend and we got talking. Now before we started talking I sort of knew about him and his love for God, but through a friend because of Bible Study. Fast forward to  December 2011, I was going on skype for the first time and so was my friend. We decided to put on out on our fb status for friends to add us, so she put hers on  and "HIM" added her. We were chatting on skype when she mentioned  HIM added her and she was excited friends were adding her. Me on other hand, didnt seem to have many people adding me (sads face lol). So, I was like who is "HIM" and she was like the dude that helped with bible study etc... I recalled "HIM" and I was like (yes me and my mouth)  suggest "HIM" to me. She asked "HIM" and he was like am shy  and she told me and  I am like why is he shy... Anywhoo "HIM" added me on skype and we got talking (talk about being confident and forward, I am, TRUST me, I will take charge anyday. Am I learning to back down? YES but I am still learning)..

At first it was exchanging pleasantries and started asking about family etc. It was pretty cool, we got on well and the next day or so was supposed to be his DAD Bday. Nevertheless, the convo was really nice (am deep so when people go deep mehn am like so super excited).. I was super excited and wanted to talk again so we planned to meet up again, n again, n again n again n again on SKYPE of course(power of the internet heheh). Through all this in my head I was thinking chia mehn he fits pretty much everything ohh.. (He loves G.O.D, he has a relationship with him, he actually understands the BIBLE, He is family oriented, he is respectful, he is charming, he is cool, he is curious like me, he is caring, he is humble, he is sweet, he is FINEEEEEEE, He is tall (lol.... vain). On a serious note, he has good education, he is well-mannered, very articulate, lawyer by profession,  he is AMBITIOUS, health conscious, prayerful, he is young too (I can only do 2-3 years of age gap, so he fitted perfectly. Everything was tick, tick in my book, boi, but I was like that because I asked God for my HUSBAND to come at the time so YES, I was wearing the analysis HAT..). Meeting him in person was awesome too, his smile was so infectious... I loved his smile (I love  guys that have nice smiles and actually can smile and do smile and smile not just with people they are with but smile all through).

Feelings were getting deeper (ofcourse) and @ this point my friend was nagging me to find out what is going on and if he is taking to this to another level. If he is the One..and etc. I knew we spent quite alot of time together on phone, skype etc. I remember going to see my Pastor in January 2010 and telling him about this "HIM". He asked me if was a christian,if he had a job etc. No, he did not have a job so pastor what asked what  he was doing, "I said he is doing his masters, the job market is tough". Anyways, he gave me advice that he needs to have a job and maturity does not come with age, so in essence, if I feel ready. He didn't mention go and seek the Lord face, (but said, do not get over yourself, it is likely this dude might not be the ONE). He told me how he met his wife and said God did not tell me this is your wife (Even though God told his wife, he just wrote down the qualities of what he wanted in a wife and compared to her qualities and other potential in life at the time). Cut long story short.. In April 2010, we both decided to enter a relationship for real and take things slow. At this point, "HIM" was saying he is convicted am his wife...

We did and it was awesome.......... it was wonderful.. I have always wanted a relationship where it was not self centered around physical passion i.e. kissing, foul play, sex etc. I just wanted it about us just US...and our inner beauty and God too. Was it tough not to engage in physical (u know what I mean). Nope it was not for me (though I was very attracted him both physically, spiritually and intellectually. However, when you learn to subject your flesh into submission you just simply carry on with grace), But for him..was it "I would say sorta but he did say he renewed his mind and respected me and my values not to violate me or take advantage or  disrespect his role in my life (I commend him for that).

Rewind 2 half years before, I had to tell myself that there has to be a guy out here that is willing to wait till the declaration of Husband and Wife before we starts the main business (this is because everyone around including some of my christian sis and bros were sexually active in their relationships, but I didn't want that).  (why: I see life in an angle of fairness, I am not ready to play any role such as giving you my precious body not even under the word love. For you to come inside me and explore my beauty that is  me trusting you into my world and my life and believing am doing the right thing and giving you a gift that is special to me). I don't think any man deserves that gift until he is BOLD enough to make the right sacrifices in the right places. Does this mean he needs to earn it. No, it does not to earn anything. All HE NEEDS to know is and be diligent to is, he has a role to play in my life and should play it well and that means respecting my values. abeg, do not mess me up for another person, Besides,  he should already know what HE WANTS i.e. abstaining  from sexual immorality and should stick with it...

NOTE: you are your biggest fear and temptation, if you know why you do not want to do something, its most likely you will say NO or at least back off or if anything do things right next time when you mess up.

HIM had his reasons (Apart from dishonoring GOD)he wanted to do things differently and not focus on the physical.. Anyway I do not hold on to words, but his actions was speaking louder than words. No he did not even try stuff and as in talking about feeling comfortable.. I was comfortable around him all day (comfortable for me means, not thinking that he would try anything stupid and constantly watching his moves to react).

But, it was not long until the doubts came, and they poured hard into my spirit.. it started with he is not Yoruba so how will you cope.. ok so he is not from my tribe thats fine. I can deal with it. The others came too "what if he is not the One God is preparing for you". I am like but everything fits right like a glove or a jigsaw.
The doubts  did not stop, it just came one after the other, the more I combated the doubts the stronger they became.I just kept feeling that "I should break up with HIM". The feelings I had to fight,  asking if this was God or the Devil. I remember telling him and we talked, we prayed and I also  told my Pastor's wife (two other pastors with different opinions, most importantly I told God).

I was really praying for a sign but nothing was coming through or maybe it did and I just could not see it. All I knew was, I was not at peace. It was a real battle. I could not take it, I had to go on a break.
I felt it with in me to take a break and I suggested we went on 3 months communication break apart from texting, it was difficult ( as we were  both emotionally attached) but we  did go on  a break for a month or less thinking it was just the fact I was spending more and more time  with US and less time with God.
During the break,  I was at peace as in felt stronger etc, but we started talking again and again, we broke the break.. lol. well more like I had to talk to him about something important and ended up not going back to the break.

Until  the 4th of November 2010, we were fine, praying things through and just not rushing things i.e. marriage talks, children talks etc. However, this particular day  he was adamant he wanted a sign from God he needed a sign infact, he craved for sign from God to let him know am his WIFE... Ok, he had been saying this for a while like he needed a sign but this time around he was really adamant. Mainly because he is ibo and his parents are abit effy around Yoruba (I have met them, he introduced me to them during the YAM Festival as a friend, which I was cool with.  His father and I went to the same school, MAYFLOWER, so there was abit of convo)...He was nice to me and very friendly (he did mention his dad was nicer than his mum, considering they are only 3 boys, his mum is incredibly protective). He also thinks the fact am raised by a single mum is an issue, as he always wanted a lady with both parents, you get the drifts...

Back to November 2010, his parents happened to ask HIM more about me (thinking he met me at his Uni and I was one of the international students that came abroad to study, but he told them that am I from here and I live with my sis and mum and she is a single parent). Apparently, their reaction was not positive, so he was even more ADAMANT about getting a word..(When I say detest the concept of getting a word or receiving a word and I am being honest, cos it was that one thing that ruled over our lives and could be that very thing that would save us......

I have to continue next time..

Thanks for reading...

God is love, love on yourself and others too...

xXx.

Monday, 10 October 2011

Sense Of Failure

Hello People of the World,

My Blogville family and I hope each and everyone of you is great and all is well. I pray whatever is going not right for you at the moment will work out for your good. I also pray that whatever is going well right now will remain permanent even better each day. AMEN.

So, I have not blogged in a way while. Why: I just didn't know what to blog about really, it took a while and I am glad the Holy Spirit inspired me.

Yes, I am here to simply discuss certain aspects regarding the concept of failure or the idea of failing.

 According to Oxford dictionary: Failure means not being able to do something. It also said to FAIL   means trying to do something but be unable to do it or to become weak or useless. It also  means not being successful at something e.g. in an examination.

Lets take another definition: Dictionary.com says "an act or instance of failing  or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was failure."(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/failure).

Finally, my last definition is taken from The free Dictionary which states "the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends"(http://www.thefreedictionary.com/failure).

To be honest, I am not here to expand on their definition or try to base my understanding of failure on some of the definitions provided. I have simply included them,  as a base of reference point and to provide  a general overview of what I intend to discuss. However, I guess I could agree with some of the definitions e.g.the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends"(http://www.thefreedictionary.com/failure). (I will explain in detail why I agree with this definition later on).

Back to the purpose of writing this topic. I have aspects of what I consider as  sense of failure. Bearing in mind I do not think failure is a negative thing. In fact it is one the best reasons we humans have been able to come up with incredible ideas. This is because when we fail at something some of us try other methods and find that other alternatives are better and  produce incredible results than the first. Failure is what you make it and how you intending on using it.

I have few aspects to what I think contributes to the sense of failure.
a) The application of ideas and methods that failed for some but worked for others. E.g. learning how to drive and passing your test straight way will depend on how you have been taught and how you have applied the concepts. If for instance, you had a good driving lesson but failed your PRACTICAL TEST it could be that the method your driving instructor gave was not the right one for you or the method you applied was the wrong one and it failed  (This is a generic example).

b)The sense of assuming you are ready and well prepared for something but in fact you are not near ready. Notice the word ASSUME. I say this because preparation is something that most of us think we know and are prepared enough but in reality we are NO where near preparation. For instance, take a story of contestants that feel their are ready to live up the big dreams but they are knocked out at the first hurdle because they fail to prepare hard enough. Preparation does take time, however sometime some  go and come back and they realise that knock out or disappointment  brought out the best in them.

c) The external influences or factors that has contributed and affected or facilitated  the sense of failure. In most cases, we have no control over.

Lack of experience and knowledge and basic understanding. This is in fact MATURITY, sometimes we fail because we lack maturity and believe the option we are taking right now is the best.  Thus,  sometimes we fail to consider other factors.

I know there are other considerable factors that affects failure that I have not mentioned here. But, trust me to say these are my own typical underlying principles of sense of failure that occurred in my life. I believe they all can be applied differently to different aspects of our lives. Ultimately, some of the factors mentioned above  are what I have experienced in my life and I have learnt so much and grown.

I want to take you on a journey on my life, sounds weird lol. But, on a serious note,  I want share some aspects of my life with you (well maybe a particular aspect to be precise).

Rewind to when I was Sixteen,  couple of my friends were already dating, even doing the big stuff i.e. kissing, sex etc. (No longer a big deal in this age). But, it was back then I guess. Most of the female I knew back then  were mostly about boys but for some it was about boys but not  all about boys. I say not all because fashion, music, peer pressure were also in the picture but not much education though. So, here I am excited to start College and my friends are asking me "Do you have a Boyfriend" I am like ermmm Yes. Truth is, I don't have a boyfriend and I didnt want to say No because I did not want to be seen as not part of the big girls doing big things. To be honest, its a mental thing as in who cares if you do not have boyfriend and I wish I said No and stuck to my guns. And if they were to look at me funny or thought funny or said anything stupid , I  wish my response would have been am not dictated by society standard or trends,  boys do not define my life(that would have been epic an answer mehn.. ohh well I did not say that).

 Nevertheless, I am sure as at some point they knew I was talking gibberish because the so called Dude I called my boyfriend was a guy I did not like but sort of kissed and in my head we are in a relationship so to speak. Although, we went to the same college, I think it became apparent he was not interested and if at all he was, he wanted only one thing. I so thank my God I did not get rapped up in his world or anyone else world. Moving on, I carried on with the flow of being with friends and watching them link up with various dudes every now and then.  Prior to moving abroad, I spent my semi teenage years  in Nigeria despite the fact girls liked guys and they liked us, most of us would not dare to enter a relationship (we talking 12,13, 14 age-range). Some were bold enough to move to ladies  and some didn't have the balls and if they did, the ladies were strong to say NO and played  hard to get. Hence, the shift of my mentality abroad was quite a  struggle,  I had to get used to how people viewed life or applied knowledge. Having a dude at the time was a big deal (well in my era or during my time but  not a very long time away though lol).

 When I actually did get into a relationship I was not interested because I knew I was not ready and did not want to make a fool of myself.

Interestingly, there is an aspect or a character I love about me, I like to take calculated risks or should I say I like watching my back alot and making sure I know where something is heading before I put myself in it. Due to this character I am able to get out of situation faster before you say "No can do". I am able to see what the other person "cannot see" or "does not see" or "refuses see" or "sees but fails to acknowledge" (a lot is in it.lol). I am a firm believer of "know what you want before committing yourself". This is exactly why I had to avoid relationships I knew what I wanted was different from what he would want. There is no point fooling myself that it will all work out  in the end, because working it out does not guarantee me happiness or joy. I guess I could possibly fool myself and say it can work  out, obviously investing all my strength and finding myself living with loads of regrets later on. As  I did not want that for myself I back out either earlier or in the middle.

 Compared to my peers(at the time),  I was not relationship driven, I was so much more i.e. commitment, life-time goals, maturity, readiness, willingness etc. All these and more is what I was looking for. At 19, I already made a decision with God not to be involved with anyone apart from the bone of my bone. So, I began praying, praying that he should have great characters and God should bless him, uplift him etc. In fact, this is an example of my prayer line " Lord please, he has to be humble, if he is not, please make him humble".  I also knew if I wanted an humble Husband I needed to be humble myself. Hence, I began to learn how to be humble, accepting wrong doings, apologizing whether in the wrong or not, not keeping malice etc (through the help of the Holy Spirit). I also knew I wanted someone that was on passion for God and God was the center of their world (Not religious though and obsessive). I know am in love with God (its hard to explain but I will try, you see if you open your heart just a fraction, REALLY GO DEEP. YOU WILL SEE HOW AMAZING GOD is).

Yes, he had to be a good cook, CONFIDENT, someone that was not materialistic (Yes, you can own assets, properties  and many things and not be materialistic or conscious about material things). I knew I had a lot to live up to,  I was never one for he has to have a car, buy a house or  ready made. I am not bothered. WHY: Cars will come, houses will come,  money will come so, my focus was the foundation.

As long as the foundation is right not just Godly but he is focused am focused, he is down for us as in both of us and our future then we will make it HAPPEN. I know this for a FACT. So, yes I was bigging  building up my prayer bank. The interesting thing was, I wanted to get married young and knew that from a relatively  young age. I wanted to get married at 24, and these were  my rationale behind it.
 First of all, I wanted to have the time to build my marriage and know what is like. b) I wanted to be part of his life every step of the way and look back to see how we started and how far we have come. c) I knew I had so much in me to give and so much to receive in return and seeing that I am young, my energy level is rocket high so am able to invests all the hard work. d) I am incredibly AMBITIOUS and  having our children early on will help us both to pursue  and follow our dreams head on. e) I intend on keeping myself for hubby and waiting forever cant be an easy task not by my power that is( I rely only on God ohhh). f)I wanted to have a young family. h)I wanted the struggles of making it as a couple to be combated  earlier  in the marriage. etc. Yes, these were  my ideologys' and I raised them all to KING and yes I told him to bring the main MAN i.e. HUBBY by the time am 21 or turn 21.

In December 2009, I met HIM or so I thought.

I will continue in the next series. Stay TUNED...

Thank you for reading.

God is love, love yourself and love on others.

Happy Smiles...