Friday, 21 October 2011

Sense of Maturity....... part of the series of Sense of Failure.

Hello Everyone,

I hope you are fantastic and things are going well and even better. If nothing is going well now, trust and believe it will work out for  your good(I join my faith with you)..

I am here to (hopefully complete the part of the series).

Please enjoy reading...

Note: the first part of the series you can access here http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.com/2011/10/sense-of-failure.html.

This was it for me, I meant meeting the HIM.. Lets call d guy HIM... I met him through a friend and we got talking. Now before we started talking I sort of knew about him and his love for God, but through a friend because of Bible Study. Fast forward to  December 2011, I was going on skype for the first time and so was my friend. We decided to put on out on our fb status for friends to add us, so she put hers on  and "HIM" added her. We were chatting on skype when she mentioned  HIM added her and she was excited friends were adding her. Me on other hand, didnt seem to have many people adding me (sads face lol). So, I was like who is "HIM" and she was like the dude that helped with bible study etc... I recalled "HIM" and I was like (yes me and my mouth)  suggest "HIM" to me. She asked "HIM" and he was like am shy  and she told me and  I am like why is he shy... Anywhoo "HIM" added me on skype and we got talking (talk about being confident and forward, I am, TRUST me, I will take charge anyday. Am I learning to back down? YES but I am still learning)..

At first it was exchanging pleasantries and started asking about family etc. It was pretty cool, we got on well and the next day or so was supposed to be his DAD Bday. Nevertheless, the convo was really nice (am deep so when people go deep mehn am like so super excited).. I was super excited and wanted to talk again so we planned to meet up again, n again, n again n again n again on SKYPE of course(power of the internet heheh). Through all this in my head I was thinking chia mehn he fits pretty much everything ohh.. (He loves G.O.D, he has a relationship with him, he actually understands the BIBLE, He is family oriented, he is respectful, he is charming, he is cool, he is curious like me, he is caring, he is humble, he is sweet, he is FINEEEEEEE, He is tall (lol.... vain). On a serious note, he has good education, he is well-mannered, very articulate, lawyer by profession,  he is AMBITIOUS, health conscious, prayerful, he is young too (I can only do 2-3 years of age gap, so he fitted perfectly. Everything was tick, tick in my book, boi, but I was like that because I asked God for my HUSBAND to come at the time so YES, I was wearing the analysis HAT..). Meeting him in person was awesome too, his smile was so infectious... I loved his smile (I love  guys that have nice smiles and actually can smile and do smile and smile not just with people they are with but smile all through).

Feelings were getting deeper (ofcourse) and @ this point my friend was nagging me to find out what is going on and if he is taking to this to another level. If he is the One..and etc. I knew we spent quite alot of time together on phone, skype etc. I remember going to see my Pastor in January 2010 and telling him about this "HIM". He asked me if was a christian,if he had a job etc. No, he did not have a job so pastor what asked what  he was doing, "I said he is doing his masters, the job market is tough". Anyways, he gave me advice that he needs to have a job and maturity does not come with age, so in essence, if I feel ready. He didn't mention go and seek the Lord face, (but said, do not get over yourself, it is likely this dude might not be the ONE). He told me how he met his wife and said God did not tell me this is your wife (Even though God told his wife, he just wrote down the qualities of what he wanted in a wife and compared to her qualities and other potential in life at the time). Cut long story short.. In April 2010, we both decided to enter a relationship for real and take things slow. At this point, "HIM" was saying he is convicted am his wife...

We did and it was awesome.......... it was wonderful.. I have always wanted a relationship where it was not self centered around physical passion i.e. kissing, foul play, sex etc. I just wanted it about us just US...and our inner beauty and God too. Was it tough not to engage in physical (u know what I mean). Nope it was not for me (though I was very attracted him both physically, spiritually and intellectually. However, when you learn to subject your flesh into submission you just simply carry on with grace), But for him..was it "I would say sorta but he did say he renewed his mind and respected me and my values not to violate me or take advantage or  disrespect his role in my life (I commend him for that).

Rewind 2 half years before, I had to tell myself that there has to be a guy out here that is willing to wait till the declaration of Husband and Wife before we starts the main business (this is because everyone around including some of my christian sis and bros were sexually active in their relationships, but I didn't want that).  (why: I see life in an angle of fairness, I am not ready to play any role such as giving you my precious body not even under the word love. For you to come inside me and explore my beauty that is  me trusting you into my world and my life and believing am doing the right thing and giving you a gift that is special to me). I don't think any man deserves that gift until he is BOLD enough to make the right sacrifices in the right places. Does this mean he needs to earn it. No, it does not to earn anything. All HE NEEDS to know is and be diligent to is, he has a role to play in my life and should play it well and that means respecting my values. abeg, do not mess me up for another person, Besides,  he should already know what HE WANTS i.e. abstaining  from sexual immorality and should stick with it...

NOTE: you are your biggest fear and temptation, if you know why you do not want to do something, its most likely you will say NO or at least back off or if anything do things right next time when you mess up.

HIM had his reasons (Apart from dishonoring GOD)he wanted to do things differently and not focus on the physical.. Anyway I do not hold on to words, but his actions was speaking louder than words. No he did not even try stuff and as in talking about feeling comfortable.. I was comfortable around him all day (comfortable for me means, not thinking that he would try anything stupid and constantly watching his moves to react).

But, it was not long until the doubts came, and they poured hard into my spirit.. it started with he is not Yoruba so how will you cope.. ok so he is not from my tribe thats fine. I can deal with it. The others came too "what if he is not the One God is preparing for you". I am like but everything fits right like a glove or a jigsaw.
The doubts  did not stop, it just came one after the other, the more I combated the doubts the stronger they became.I just kept feeling that "I should break up with HIM". The feelings I had to fight,  asking if this was God or the Devil. I remember telling him and we talked, we prayed and I also  told my Pastor's wife (two other pastors with different opinions, most importantly I told God).

I was really praying for a sign but nothing was coming through or maybe it did and I just could not see it. All I knew was, I was not at peace. It was a real battle. I could not take it, I had to go on a break.
I felt it with in me to take a break and I suggested we went on 3 months communication break apart from texting, it was difficult ( as we were  both emotionally attached) but we  did go on  a break for a month or less thinking it was just the fact I was spending more and more time  with US and less time with God.
During the break,  I was at peace as in felt stronger etc, but we started talking again and again, we broke the break.. lol. well more like I had to talk to him about something important and ended up not going back to the break.

Until  the 4th of November 2010, we were fine, praying things through and just not rushing things i.e. marriage talks, children talks etc. However, this particular day  he was adamant he wanted a sign from God he needed a sign infact, he craved for sign from God to let him know am his WIFE... Ok, he had been saying this for a while like he needed a sign but this time around he was really adamant. Mainly because he is ibo and his parents are abit effy around Yoruba (I have met them, he introduced me to them during the YAM Festival as a friend, which I was cool with.  His father and I went to the same school, MAYFLOWER, so there was abit of convo)...He was nice to me and very friendly (he did mention his dad was nicer than his mum, considering they are only 3 boys, his mum is incredibly protective). He also thinks the fact am raised by a single mum is an issue, as he always wanted a lady with both parents, you get the drifts...

Back to November 2010, his parents happened to ask HIM more about me (thinking he met me at his Uni and I was one of the international students that came abroad to study, but he told them that am I from here and I live with my sis and mum and she is a single parent). Apparently, their reaction was not positive, so he was even more ADAMANT about getting a word..(When I say detest the concept of getting a word or receiving a word and I am being honest, cos it was that one thing that ruled over our lives and could be that very thing that would save us......

I have to continue next time..

Thanks for reading...

God is love, love on yourself and others too...

xXx.

10 comments:

  1. Hmm...please do continue. Very interesting. Like you, I'm also wary about the whole getting "the word", I believe God speaks to us all the time, and in various ways.

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  2. Hello Myne(waving)...

    Thank you for stopping by....

    I will continue soon....

    I do believe God speaks to us in many ways we cannot comprehend. I think the prayer should be Lord help me to be sensitive and see the signs..

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  3. Relationships are always challenging.... and the fact that you guys have made it this far without the physicality/sexuality involved in the relationship is a pretty big deal, it shows a certain commitment and mutual respect from both of you... i dont think you should let issues such as being from different tribes bog you guys down, especially if he is everything you ever wanted. i say go for it, and work through this little bump you guys have... there millions and billions of people on this earth, and im certain they would die for such compatibility that you guys share.....

    Thanks for visiting my blog, i hope you become a regular visitor and hopefully a subscriber... its always refreshing to find people who can expatiate on their views in my comment section.
    and trust me, you just gained a blog follower in me.
    i hope to see more post from you soon enough. Ciao.

    Lovelife4sale

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  4. nice!!!! i had to reflect about this issue on a word from G. okay i was in church, i needed a pen to write some of the sermon which i felt was important 'cause it was about God's spirit. then i said a little prayer if your spirit is real, where is this pen i need. i felt a urge to ask the lady in front of me. i looked around, saw like 4 people, but the urge was to ask this lady in ankara right there, i noticed she was jotting down some of the sermon too. guess what i did. i tapped on her shoulder for a pen. she didn't even look back to see my face, just went for her bag and gave me one. does God still speak?. sure G does!

    Hope this ain't Nollywood? part 1, part 2 watchout part 3 coming soon!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  5. @Love4lifesale... thanks for visiting... (smiling)and thank you for the advice bro.. you are right on point with that..

    But please read the coming series for the concluding part...

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  6. @ The Lawson Runway... thanks for visiting.....

    Yep... God still does.. he works is mysterious ways.. Nice story btw..

    LOL@ Nollywood bit.. I will try to make it nollywood lol.. But, it is quite a long story.. lol..

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  7. great n post n i loved every word..bdW Come thru my fashion blog n lets follow each other like twitter :)

    Chuchu-chulala.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey Chulala... thanks for visiting...

    i have been to ur fashion blog. Wow impressive and busy.. Kudos....

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love #sigh

    Thanx for coming by my blog and commenting. Now following yours and i'm gona be stalking too #not in a creppy way

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Tolu..... waving..

    thanks for visiting me too.

    I am glad you will stop by often and pls you can stalk as much as you like.. lol.

    I am yet to update the part 3. But will do it soon......

    ReplyDelete

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