My Blogville family and I hope each and everyone of you is great and all is well. I pray whatever is going not right for you at the moment will work out for your good. I also pray that whatever is going well right now will remain permanent even better each day. AMEN.
So, I have not blogged in a way while. Why: I just didn't know what to blog about really, it took a while and I am glad the Holy Spirit inspired me.
Yes, I am here to simply discuss certain aspects regarding the concept of failure or the idea of failing.
According to Oxford dictionary: Failure means not being able to do something. It also said to FAIL means trying to do something but be unable to do it or to become weak or useless. It also means not being successful at something e.g. in an examination.
Lets take another definition: Dictionary.com says "an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure."(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/failure).
Finally, my last definition is taken from The free Dictionary which states "the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends"(http://www.thefreedictionary.com/failure).
To be honest, I am not here to expand on their definition or try to base my understanding of failure on some of the definitions provided. I have simply included them, as a base of reference point and to provide a general overview of what I intend to discuss. However, I guess I could agree with some of the definitions e.g.the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends"(http://www.thefreedictionary.com/failure). (I will explain in detail why I agree with this definition later on).
Back to the purpose of writing this topic. I have aspects of what I consider as sense of failure. Bearing in mind I do not think failure is a negative thing. In fact it is one the best reasons we humans have been able to come up with incredible ideas. This is because when we fail at something some of us try other methods and find that other alternatives are better and produce incredible results than the first. Failure is what you make it and how you intending on using it.
I have few aspects to what I think contributes to the sense of failure.
a) The application of ideas and methods that failed for some but worked for others. E.g. learning how to drive and passing your test straight way will depend on how you have been taught and how you have applied the concepts. If for instance, you had a good driving lesson but failed your PRACTICAL TEST it could be that the method your driving instructor gave was not the right one for you or the method you applied was the wrong one and it failed (This is a generic example).
b)The sense of assuming you are ready and well prepared for something but in fact you are not near ready. Notice the word ASSUME. I say this because preparation is something that most of us think we know and are prepared enough but in reality we are NO where near preparation. For instance, take a story of contestants that feel their are ready to live up the big dreams but they are knocked out at the first hurdle because they fail to prepare hard enough. Preparation does take time, however sometime some go and come back and they realise that
c) The external influences or factors that has contributed and affected or facilitated the sense of failure. In most cases, we have no control over.
Lack of experience and knowledge and basic understanding. This is in fact MATURITY, sometimes we fail because we lack maturity and believe the option we are taking right now is the best. Thus, sometimes we fail to consider other factors.
I know there are other considerable factors that affects failure that I have not mentioned here. But, trust me to say these are my own typical underlying principles of sense of failure that occurred in my life. I believe they all can be applied differently to different aspects of our lives. Ultimately, some of the factors mentioned above are what I have experienced in my life and I have learnt so much and grown.
I want to take you on a journey on my life, sounds weird lol. But, on a serious note, I want share some aspects of my life with you (well maybe a particular aspect to be precise).
Rewind to when I was Sixteen, couple of my friends were already dating, even doing the big stuff i.e. kissing, sex etc. (No longer a big deal in this age). But, it was back then I guess. Most of the female I knew back then were mostly about boys but for some it was about boys but not all about boys. I say not all because fashion, music, peer pressure were also in the picture but not much education though. So, here I am excited to start College and my friends are asking me "Do you have a Boyfriend" I am like ermmm Yes. Truth is, I don't have a boyfriend and I didnt want to say No because I did not want to be seen as not part of the big girls doing big things. To be honest, its a mental thing as in who cares if you do not have boyfriend and I wish I said No and stuck to my guns. And if they were to look at me funny or thought funny or said anything stupid , I wish my response would have been am not dictated by society standard or trends, boys do not define my life(that would have been epic an answer mehn.. ohh well I did not say that).
Nevertheless, I am sure as at some point they knew I was talking gibberish because the so called Dude I called my boyfriend was a guy I did not like but sort of kissed and in my head we are in a relationship so to speak. Although, we went to the same college, I think it became apparent he was not interested and if at all he was, he wanted only one thing. I so thank my God I did not get rapped up in his world or anyone else world. Moving on, I carried on with the flow of being with friends and watching them link up with various dudes every now and then. Prior to moving abroad, I spent my semi teenage years in Nigeria despite the fact girls liked guys and they liked us, most of us would not dare to enter a relationship (we talking 12,13, 14 age-range). Some were bold enough to move to ladies and some didn't have the balls and if they did, the ladies were strong to say NO and played hard to get. Hence, the shift of my mentality abroad was quite a struggle, I had to get used to how people viewed life or applied knowledge. Having a dude at the time was a big deal (well in my era or during my time but not a very long time away though lol).
When I actually did get into a relationship I was not interested because I knew I was not ready and did not want to make a fool of myself.
Interestingly, there is an aspect or a character I love about me, I like to take calculated risks or should I say I like watching my back alot and making sure I know where something is heading before I put myself in it. Due to this character I am able to get out of situation faster before you say "No can do". I am able to see what the other person "cannot see" or "does not see" or "refuses see" or "sees but fails to acknowledge" (a lot is in it.lol). I am a firm believer of "know what you want before committing yourself". This is exactly why I had to avoid relationships I knew what I wanted was different from what he would want. There is no point fooling myself that it will all work out in the end, because working it out does not guarantee me happiness or joy. I guess I could possibly fool myself and say it can work out, obviously investing all my strength and finding myself living with loads of regrets later on. As I did not want that for myself I back out either earlier or in the middle.
Compared to my peers(at the time), I was not relationship driven, I was so much more i.e. commitment, life-time goals, maturity, readiness, willingness etc. All these and more is what I was looking for. At 19, I already made a decision with God not to be involved with anyone apart from the bone of my bone. So, I began praying, praying that he should have great characters and God should bless him, uplift him etc. In fact, this is an example of my prayer line " Lord please, he has to be humble, if he is not, please make him humble". I also knew if I wanted an humble Husband I needed to be humble myself. Hence, I began to learn how to be humble, accepting wrong doings, apologizing whether in the wrong or not, not keeping malice etc (through the help of the Holy Spirit). I also knew I wanted someone that was on passion for God and God was the center of their world (Not religious though and obsessive). I know am in love with God (its hard to explain but I will try, you see if you open your heart just a fraction, REALLY GO DEEP. YOU WILL SEE HOW AMAZING GOD is).
Yes, he had to be a good cook, CONFIDENT, someone that was not materialistic (Yes, you can own assets, properties and many things and not be materialistic or conscious about material things). I knew I had a lot to live up to, I was never one for he has to have a car, buy a house or ready made. I am not bothered. WHY: Cars will come, houses will come, money will come so, my focus was the foundation.
As long as the foundation is right not just Godly but he is focused am focused, he is down for us as in both of us and our future then we will make it HAPPEN. I know this for a FACT. So, yes I was
First of all, I wanted to have the time to build my marriage and know what is like. b) I wanted to be part of his life every step of the way and look back to see how we started and how far we have come. c) I knew I had so much in me to give and so much to receive in return and seeing that I am young, my energy level is rocket high so am able to invests all the hard work. d) I am incredibly AMBITIOUS and having our children early on will help us both to pursue and follow our dreams head on. e) I intend on keeping myself for hubby and waiting forever cant be an easy task not by my power that is( I rely only on God ohhh). f)I wanted to have a young family. h)I wanted the struggles of making it as a couple to be combated earlier in the marriage. etc. Yes, these were my ideologys' and I raised them all to KING and yes I told him to bring the main MAN i.e. HUBBY by the time am 21 or turn 21.
In December 2009, I met HIM or so I thought.
I will continue in the next series. Stay TUNED...
Thank you for reading.
God is love, love yourself and love on others.