Friday, 6 July 2012

Moving On: Hugely Important.

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Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are well. Amen.

Initially, I was going to title this post "How to Move ON". But then I thought, hmmm that abit too ermm over doing it. The method that works for me might not necessarily be agreed with. Although, I do think this post is helpful.

This title is very much something I know about, while they are books that tells you about how to deal with heartbreaks or how to hate your ex or kill them lol.... I think the best book that will work for you is your own book.lol. am being sarcastic btw. In a nutshell, you have to figure out what works for you.
So what inspired this post, let just say its something that has being brewing in the back ground but today its manifested and thought I should share it with the blogsville family.. YAY.. Aweshome. lol. x

Back to post: Moving on means accepting things and letting go, that you cant change the past and even if you had the chance to, it might not have worked the way you thought. Better still, it does not guarantee you will be where you are today if the past didnt happen. Besides, I think its mostly helps us to discover ourselves and how to deal with our emotions. For some of my new blog readers that have not yet read my backdated posts, I have had my likkle fair of disappointments or should I say heartbreak whatever it means. Links are HERE, HERE and HERE. You are in for a long ride ohh, well with reading those posts. x


Basically, I remember saying have moved on and that this is it, accepting it and knowing things happen for the best. I think for me the hardest part which I mentioned was not being friends, this dude in question has not even dared rung me or checked up on me since we had erm gone our separate ways and the last call I ever received was in response to his birthday message I sent him(last year). I wont tell you about the time I stupidly texted him last yr November (blame it on hormones) and I was sent a text back "who is this". Chia.. talk about insult upon injury.I guess I told you.lol.

With my tails between my legs, I jejely got the message that dude had deleted my number, omo time to EXTRA MOVE ON ohh as in...lol. Which I have and still doing,MOVING ON is a process, but we will get there, although getting there does not mean the person is forgotten (actually it sometimes is) but it means you have learnt from it and making the effort to build your life back. I must say its harder if you have loved the person as in gave your all. To be honest, anytime I see his pic or something I get this weird sensation in my belly not a good one ohh, its like opposite of gooey/butterfly stuff. I hate it, and I think its important to recognise it emotions and it will pass i.e. the horrible sensation.lol. Its like one is nervous in a random way but could it be lurveeee lol. I am kidding. I dont think one can ever stop loving once you have but one can stop dreaming and accept reality.

Moving on, is important because it helps you to get on with the future and attend to the present effectively. For some of us, we find it difficult to move on or to accept what is done. Sometimes its difficult but I think its easier to imagine the other person has moved on cos they are not batting an eyelid, so why should you?(whatever their  reasons are). You are to see situations as a learning process too, i.e. its bringing out a character in you or that you are better understanding e.g you are no longer gullible. lol.

The three things I applied to my MOVING ON:
Let it ALL OUT, In big and horrible drops:

One of the things, I did was to have a good cry. Yes oh, I cried out the pain, I had to let it out physically, I didn't want it in me. I had to admit to my fantasies (that I felt were beautiful and didnt come through). Basically, I cried for every laughter, joy, love, peace and sincerity that was shared in that relationship. He was really good to me in the relationship, so it made it even worse to move on at the time.

Praying it ALL OUT in a massive and little doses:

I did some serious prayer too, I could not do it by myself, there was no way on this earth I could face the world. As in, I hated and hated people that seemed happy in their relationship. I just hated seeing couples holding hands, I hated not being happy for people, I hated feeling sorry for people that had broken up, as in serious eyyyaaaa pele ohh, I understand how you feel. Its like a party search business. All the broken hearted club, oya tell me your story, he left me for another person, or he was not ready, his parents said No. etc me ohh he wanted to hear from God. It always seemed my story was not bad until I mention he doesn't even talk to me and or call me and its like eyehaaaa over again. I had to pray, the self pity, the constant 
blame culture, I kept playing the situation over/over again in my head to try to fix things, the constant beef I had with myself that I could have avoided this and that. The constant rubbish and nonsense the devil, his agents and my mind were feeding me with, making me so miserable and withdrawn. I had pray them out, the fact I was emotional, way to emotional had to STOP. I needed God strength for that oh, big time because each time I felt I had crossed an hurdle, it was like back to the same step I had crossed. I had to gain control and in doing so meant I had to be positive.

Owning it and being POSITIVE:

If I didn't want to end up bitter, miserable and lonely and full of hate and jealousy. I had to own the situation. It basically meant, I had to face my demons and I accept my faults, his faults and forgive everything. Boy, was that hard, but I had to do it. I knew I didn't want the situation to ruin my life, better still my love life, am an amazing girl and I know there is an amazing somebody that will love  and cherish moi, lol. Biko, I didn't want to ruin it for the other person too.lol. Kidding. I had to do it for me, I needed to do it for me, there are generations relying on my well being and positive state of mind and being negative will do no good. Besides, I knew I had a bright future and I refused to allow this situation to end that. I was determined, I was positive, I called my name plenty times and said to myself you will get through this. You will become a stronger woman from this, you will learn from this etc. I wrote down all my feelings (now I look back and am like I didn't write that, did I? infact I felt ewww so emosh man, you sound like desperado, thank God none saw this.  I simply felt embarrassed I wrote them as in too emosh, I lol so much looking back now), what emotions does to your brain. lol.

I emailed myself a lot of things I could have sent to him but didn't. I talked about it alot to purge it out of my system(my Mum is the best, she lent her listening ears, my sisters too and some couple of friends, pastors and my GOD). It really helps when you have amazing people helping you through a tough situation. My Mum understood so much and God did too cos He was the one I told, I wanted a hubby nah.lol... so surely he would understand the disappointment my heart felt. Mum was there to pray for me, encourage me and lift me up even hug me and make sure I was eating well and doing work.

Gradually, slowly I began to gain strength, sometimes I would get a little upset from time to time, but I was able to renew my mind and dwell on the good. It makes you appreciate that when we do good, we are not doing for others, we are doing because we have good intentions not because we are looking to keep the person or trying to slave them. When I think about the good things I did, I learnt that we do it unto God, unto our future and our seeds. Sometimes, not everybody we show love and favour to, will return it but we need to learn to accept and MOVE ON. Before you become obsessed with the situation and keep saying to yourself ahahah God take that thing away from him because it was through me he got it etc. Not good.


I also think now, I understand my emotions alot more. I now know the importance of applying wisdom, concealing my emotions and not allowing it to run over me or help me make  silly irreversible decisions.

In life, we all have our fair share of battles, nobody has it easy and none will. But the important thing is to
know, you will not be the first or the last to be in it. You have to accept and let go of the baggage. It has happened, stay encouraged and be a LIVING TESTIMONY.  Life is all about decisions, no body writes your story only you, even God cannot manifest it if you don't give him permission to.

I am done now.. xxxx

Thanks for reading.

God is love, love yourself and on others too. xx

Btw my NEW JAM love it ohh. Enjoy.

19 comments:

  1. Experience really is the best teacher. It‘s good you took all this away from that experience and have grown in the important aspects. Wish you all the very best. Take care:)

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    1. YEP... it had to be done... thank God for strength.

      thanks love. I will.. xxxx

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  2. I loved the way you learnt from experience. Kudos
    Moving on is very hard as one feels rejected. If one doesnt learn from the experience one is likely to repeat silly mistakes.
    I'm sure you've heard the saying 'success has many fathers but failure is an orphan'
    If you carry yourself with dignity and succeed in life, those who 'rejected' you often regret their actions
    xxxxx

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    Replies
    1. Thank u NIL...

      i know the rejection does feel hurtful. but we have face the truth and move on. I chose to carry myself with dignity and make sure I succeed in all my affairs.

      lol. Yep its their loss. they will regret noni.lol.


      I appreciate the kind words love.. xxxx

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    2. So agree with you 9jamum.
      It always good to have the last laugh.

      Delete
  3. Learning and actually applying our experiences make us so much stronger. Do you think there is a distinction between moving on and letting go? as in can you move on and not let go or do both go hand in hand?

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    1. Hey hun, finally a comment. after all these years lol. I exaggerate. It brings me joy my when I see comments from old blogs mates. lol.

      Yep it does makes us stronger. I suppose that is the point of it. If we chose to see the point.

      I think TO MOVE ON one has to LET GO, you cant move on without dealing with the issues.

      It goes hand in hand, YOU MOVING ON means ready to face the challenge and to deal with the core of the situation, accepting it and letting go of what you cant change i.e. all the "ifs and buts". it basically means the same to me. Although, moving on is a process and in the process, you will begin to let go of all the baggage and the luggage. etc etc.

      I hope this answers the question. Do let me know or u can always email me @daughterofherking@yahoo.co.uk.

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  4. Hi dear,
    Thank you so much for taking out time to check on me. I really appreciate your show of love, in spite of my not being consistent these days. I do not take it for granted at all.

    one of the good things about having an experience like this one you had is that you'll probably appreciate true love more when you it comes. It's okay to cry, I don't think it's a sign of weakness. the most important thing is that you came out stronger. That's a win in my books.
    *hugs*

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    1. Hey hun, u are welcome dear..

      I am glad you appreciate it love... xxxx

      Yes oh.... coming out strong...

      Delete
  5. It hurts...it is hard to move on, it gets crazy and we think our world has crashed. It is not easy but we always get out of that rut. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. yes we do.. the crash bits...lol. but the world hasnt.. that what makes it reality.. arrrhhhggg. i certainly wished the world stopped for me to mourn me though.lol.

      Thank you for reading.. xxx loving the cartoon pic.

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  6. "who is this"....lol that dude sha...nice write up

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  7. well said. moving on is something hard. after a 4 year relationship, it took me another year to completely move on.

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    1. I cant complain ohh.. 4 yrs thats a lot. It took a yr, i would have thought it is still a process..

      well done for moving on. the road to love is still open. Thank God.

      Delete
  8. hey! checking on you. MIA for a while.
    Hope all is well?
    Pls drop a note for us, hum?
    take care.

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  9. What a heartfelt inspiring post. I loved especially the conversations with God. I talk to Him like that too. He is my Father naa.
    I just hold on to the belief that one day I will be singing Taylor Swift's God bless the broke road that led me straight to you.
    Till then biko Chukwu, ozoemena.
    Thanks

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    Replies
    1. Hey hun, thanks for reading... You will and I will rejoice in the testimony.

      Thanks for visiting... xxx

      Delete

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