Friday, 9 November 2012

To be NICE or NOT to be NICE.....

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 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome.

Hello My People,

How are you and how body?

Well done o, its FRIDAY, TIME TO BOOGEY (not). lol .Perhaps time to relax and throw your legs up.  Hope you have had a lovely week and a nice stress free weekend is coming along just fine... hehe. xxx
Thankful for  life and  Thank God for the opportunity to be here. Congrats to OBAMA and his people  I pray he fulfills purpose in this forth coming years.

Thank you to my new and old followers xxxxxxx

Like most of my post, there are usually inspired by an event, a situation, personal experience, Holy Spirit, external stories etc etc. Today's post is no different although I had planned a different blog post.  I  felt compelled to write on this post.

I like to maybe elaborate or contribute on this TOPIC "NICE". One of the things I have come to understand in life is, it is very dynamic AS IN dynamic that my mind cannot comprehend. Each time or every now and then you hear stories that will not only send shock waves through your system but you leave you stunned for the rest of the day and just when you think you have heard it all, you hear another one that tops it. No wonder I am sometimes nonchalant because this sums it all " What has been will be again, What has been done will be done again, THERE IS NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN" Eccles 1:9. However you chose to interpret this is up to you. But it plain to me that there is nothing new under the SUN and it is applicable to anything. Therefore, I try not to worry myself sick or drive myself insane when I come in contact  hear or see something that is absurd or out of place.

This post is not really about that, again I digress. This is about something entirely different and much more thought provoking or at the very least interesting. Lol. Kia, am so ermm whats the word CHARACTER. hehe.

Before we start the post: let me provide some definition?

What is NICE: According to my Oxford Dictionary, it means 1. Pleasant or Kind, 2. Precise or careful.

My own definition: It includes the combination of the definition above, but add in respect, good sincere heart, good spirit, clean motives, positive aura, friendly, generous, sweet, encouraging, humble, polite, helpful, supportive, grateful, thankful,  lovable and approachable. In a nutshell, to be NICE you to have posses really good qualities and willing to go the extra mile if need be. My summary if I say you are nice, I MEAN you have really awesome qualities that has summed up who you are.
Note: I make room for nice people to make mistakes, to have  mean sides although not horrible ones but manageable ones lol, nobody is PERFECT as long as they are HUMBLE to recognize it.. 

I think our idea of "nice" is subjective. some might think outspoken people are not nice (my friend thinks am not nice cos I told someone not to use their bare hands to touch my food)Yikes, I didn't think that was part of it, I guess I could  have been less dramatic sha or  nicely told them that I have a phobia with people using their unwashed hands to  touch my food in my face, cos you just touched your top and your hair to say the least, ewwww i prefer my own bacteria. thank you very much. lol.. Am random.

Back to the post, I have come to an observation because humans are generally unpredictable and  it is fair to say having expectations  can be good and in some cases healthy but it needs to managed respectfully if at all one chooses to have  expectations. Generally, some of us are of extreme nature where we over do it to the point where nothing much can be said whilst some of us are moderate. Extremism can be applicable to anything anything at all from eating to gossiping to fighting to insulting to helping to generosity etc etc lists are ENDLESS.

I have come across both moderate people and extreme people in certain areas, some people are nice to a fault, emphasis to a FAULT. It means they are nice regardless of all and people take advantage of them because they are nice, although some people with such quality (blessing at times) might complain and even rage that they will not be caught helping people again or someone in that situation but ermm give them few days and  they are quick to forgive and forget and are  helpful again. While this is a good trait(if not awesome), it can also have some damaging consequences that leaves the nice   person  to suffer terribly. As a result, some nice people might chose to be mean or develop a mean tactic not only to  avoid people that tend to take advantage  but to protect themselves and maybe some seek/take revenge. Some nice people that have been hurt due to doing good and being helpful sometimes find themselves becoming mean and more mean because people generally assume their niceness as a form of weaknesses and take advantage of it. I sympathize but   some nice people are also very unassuming and I think this is where my thin line comes in.

There is a difference between NICE and being a PURE MUGU(gullible), lol, sorry but its true. Some of us our niceness and innocent thoughts about people have led us to make wrong decisions or as a result found ourselves in a very awkward situation. The  assumption is generally placed when we see certain people appear in such a way that "you chose to ignore the warning  sign" cos YOU "ASSUME" or should I say "Like to think" such people are not out there to get you. WRONG. Once beaten, twice shy.  Not everyone is nice and some people have ulterior motives. Therefore, before we think its our niceness that landed us into trouble(partly) but  it probably largely attributed to our naivety,stupidity  in some cases and lack of discernment i.e. ability to be a judge of good character which comes with experience, wisdom, understanding and God direction.

If you are nice person with over generosity attribute or any great attribute, be sure people will not only look to take advantage but they WANT and WILL take advantage. Like a predator studies its prey that how some mean people with ulterior motives will study their victims. So before we get all soppy and full  of excuses,learn to follow your instincts if it does not feel right, IT DEFINITELY NOT RIGHT until proven otherwise.. DO NOT TRY to make up excuses, if all the actions are proving to be an unworthy situation in the end, take a step back and study that situation again with YOUR SENSES open.

The other thing I have come to observe is, there will always be MEAN PEOPLE, just like there will always be "RICH AND POOR". There are people that posses unaccommodating mean sides it just terrible i.e. UNBEARABLE at all costs. Some of us think not  showing niceness (some people consider "niceness" as vulnerability)   will eventually wade off people that are genuinely mean.
Well, WRONG.

Quick Definition
Mean to me means? Someone that lacks regard for other people's emotions, feelings, thoughts and welfare. Someone that is full HATE, full of evil thoughts and NEVER wish good for anyone or to those around them. Someone full of ENVY, JEALOUSY, OBSESSED with negative/evil connotations. Someone that takes  advantage of people whether poor, helpless or better of, someone that toils with other peoples emotions, someone that keeps long term malice in hope to punish other people for wrong doings, harbor unforgiveness, and enjoy wrecking/destroying lives. Someone that derives pleasure in seeing bad things happen to people that they ENVY and feeds of it. Someone that lacks respect  self control, regard to society, humanity, LAW, unrepentant etc etc. My lists goes on. Generally, someone that posses bad  and horrible traits with Ulterior Motives.

 We think  that  to stop being nice will make mean people hurt us less. WRONG. Have you head of this phrase" Watch out for false prophets", "They come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly they are FEROCIOUS WOLVES". Pls Google the word FEROCIOUS oo, kia. Matt  7:15. Sweet J, said it.
 From what I gather, it means anyone can pretend to be what they want you to see or what you would like to see (which is the outer appearance) but inside their hearts they have a plan, a very cunning, deceitful deep  plan and that their TRUE self.  Lest I forget, the advice works really well with this "The heart of man is deceitful above all things, and DESPERATELY wicked, "who can know it"? Jeremiah 17:9. What am I saying, our ulterior motives, if only we can see it. WOW, not even wicked,  it is DESPERATELY wicked, surely we cant comprehend PEOPLE'S THOUGHTS. We can try but that about it.

My point is, we cant change our virtuous qualities because we want to disguise our  NICENESS or try to appear MEAN in order to avoid being hurt or taking advantage of. Newsflash, you are NICE. PERE(that it). It is what is it. However,  you are suppose to learn and understand that there are people who will show appreciation, people who would not even bother to say "Thank you", people that will even badmouth you after all you have done for them. Well, that where you learn to manage your expectations. Knowing fully well that humans are unpredictable and can surprisingly  appear  good and  convincing,  yet full of CRAP. lol. You need to learn how  to deal with it positively  and MOVE ON. You will not be the first person to fall for their culprit/conniving plans  and  certainly wont be the last. Aim to learn from the situation, think about it whether you allowed it, check yourself and gather courage and learn to build the character you were supposed to build during your encounter which such person or situation.

The thing is, you will always get the mean people once in awhile or for a long period of time. Whether they are your inlaws, family members or  colleagues etc.  In some instances, you can communicate your feelings with them,  some might understand, and sometimes you just have to  prayerfully learn manage their character and learn to deal with them respectfully.


As for me, I  dont like MEAN or  excessively mean people, I think they are WEAK and some of them are like that based on different situations whatever the reasons are.Besides,  it could just  be their own way of dealing with their own insecurities. Depending, on the severity of the crime that has been done or the pain afflicted, I am able to a degree see  beyond the pain a mean person has  inflicted. I suppose I analyse things deeper than the surface.

Besides,  I had my mean side too, although not extreme  in fact perhaps much more immature at the time. Need less to say,  I had a lot of anger in me, I had a lot of hatred for people that did me wrong whether  little or big. I kept strong hateful malice where I RESENT the person that has done me wrong even when they apologise (but I think that was a product of my environment, most Nigerians I know in Nigeria likes KEEPING MALICE alot, in fact they breed it,  and I think it is a  disgusting/vulgar trait to posses and we are all SUSPICIOUS of each other (i hate it).  Anyhoo, I traced my issue to my childhood and as a child I was blamed for most things that went wrong, my sis would do wrong and  blackmail me,  I was usually defendless and I took the blame. It was the same everywhere, I took the blame for the fear of the unknown and I hated my sister for that (we have settled it now). I became fierce and loud and a bully (not extreme bully sha but I can come across like that if I put on my harsh tone) but them days in Niaj I will pick on people that I knew couldn't fight for themselves cos that was what happened to me. People called me RUDE or this and that(that is not a good name).

In boarding house then, I would get punished for telling a senior about themselves (hahaha, I dont regret that one oo), still they will beat me and I will cry but my mouth was RAZOR. lol. I feel bad for the friends I tormented oo or  the people I terrorized. Now, I cant even keep malice, in fact I feel horrible when I have a disagreement with someone and we ended on a bad note even if its the other person @fault I still feel bad. But once we talk about it am good. It took  PRAYER, deliverance sef,( am not exaggerating) Grace, Maturity and Holy spirit.  Now if you hurt me, I will prolly cry if need be, clean my tears and MOVE ON. I like crying oo, cos it means am letting it out and not holding back, it helps with my healing process and forgiveness  Crying does not mean you are WEAK, if anything I think it means the situation has sunk in and there is no other way to express than through tears as words fail you.  In some cases, it just feels better to cry. I cry and I sleep like a baby afterwards lol so I forget the situation. But really, I do abit of everything to clear my mind which is praying, talking about it, documenting it and eventually learning from it and MOVING ON.

 It is  good to know about yourself because it not shocking when someone tells you are this or that, am cool with someone telling me I think am better than this and I will say yes, not only do I think it,  I KNOW IT. I am a very opinionated, there you go, call it PRIDE Yes, there is pride in a bit of us but for me am mostly teasing  hmm  ( let just say I  think I like to think am teasing lol).... I used to be very FULL OF MYSELF but am learning to calm down if not calm already, am much more humble and willing to listen to others and learn from others cos whether I like it or not they actually make some sense most times and it adds to my wealth of knowledge.. whoppi.  (Experience is not only the best teacher, IT IS THE ONLY TEACHER).

I will stop here, I didn't talk about myself to rub it on anyone faces (Even though it might across like that, I apologise) i said it  to give an example that we are all on this journey and we are dynamic in nature. We can learn together and be better together.  In conclusion, be NICE but learn to apply wisdom and manage expectations(keep praying for grace too xx).

Thanks for reading. HAPPY SMILES.

God bless you.. JESUS Best..xxx

What say you? 

9 comments:

  1. Long post oh...lol.. Don't mind me.

    I agree with you completely.
    I've always battled with drawing that line between being nice and being a 'mumu', especially when people take advantage of all my niceness. And I find that because of that as I grew up I became very mean some times or just been plain rebellious..
    But I'm learning everyday. One thing I've learnt is to just try as much as I can to show love to EVERYONE I come in contact with. I won't say it has been easy oh, but by God's grace I try.
    Well, like you said there'll always be mean people and it is important to 'shine your eyes'to prevent anything happening that you'd be blaming your niceness for.

    Aww..I like the part where you talk about crying.
    "it helps with (my) healing process and forgiveness"..really true..
    Crying always helps, really. I cry a lot myself. Just can't help it.

    I pray God will just help us to lead good christian lives. Amen!!

    Chai!! My comment is almost as long as your post..:)

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    1. ATTA girl.. pele oo.. well done for reading... kia it long sha.. lol.xxx

      that the way forward...xxx

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  2. Replies
    1. yeah.. (covers face)... blame the passion..lol.xx

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  3. My mouth too sharp like RAZOR oh. I have learnt to count from 10 to 1 to calm my nerves when I am upset before I say anything.

    At times, people associate being nice with "mumu" in Naija.

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    1. thanks for reading... Yep, pple do that alot.. take advantage...

      yep, calm is the word..xx

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  4. SO true...

    The truth about oneself may be very bitter but its better to get that bitterness than to end up swallowing a gallon of pain.

    I used to know a guy that anytime he wants to make jest of anyone, he'd first of all ridicule himself and talk about his shortcomings before yabbing you...so in the long run you can hardly say anything about him that he doesn't know..

    Malice is not a good thing because its what handicaps communication and lack of communication always has dire consequences

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  5. You sound a lot like me
    I think kindness is it, though
    Niceness is not enough.

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  6. I absolutely loved reading this. From all your posts that I've read, I can sense the type of personality and attitude you've got and it is one I truly admire. I like the fact that you are blunt and not afraid to speak your mind.

    You are right about Nigerians and malice, it exists too much in the environment, but i have ound that is is sae almost everywhere else too.

    Being kind, loving and honest inwardly should cover it all for us all.

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