Saturday, 18 February 2012

Marriage: As a Service

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Hello Ladies and Gents(thought I try a new opening line).

I hope all is awesome.

Thank YOU to my followers old and new(hugs and loves and muwaahhhhh)...

 Its me again ohh.. on this marriage yarn ohh.llol. so this particular post  involves marriage as a service. Seeing that all that pertains to humanity deals with service one way or the other, there is no doubt marriage involves that aspect too.  In a place of service or providing any form of service there are dynamic qualities I believe are needed to accomplish the goals and tasks set. These dynamic qualities ranges from different dimensions and its one that most people will find out along the way so each one will require different abilities to accomplish any tasks.  Essentially,  Marriage I believe offers a place of service  where couples are working in a partnership (i certainly know this is how I see my marriage), both work towards a particular purpose and offering each other as a service to themselves and to others.

I have heard people women/men discuss how marriage has changed them and they are more patient, polite, serviceable and tolerant etc.

This post will focus on five different aspect of services that would or is required to be rendered in  a marriage(please do not hesitate to contribute your ideas xx).


LOVE: lurveeeeeeeeeee luve luve ok am kidding. yeah so on a serious note, Love is a serious topic ohh.Well, in my head it is. Love where do you start from really, because for me Love is a foundation to all and will always be. Now love is not a feeling and certainly not a void.  LOVE !!! and the best description I can find is written in the book of  1st Corinthians chapter 13 vs 1-13. I will use verse 7 it says "Love bears all things, believes all things and hopes all things" and vs 8 "Love never fails" and more etc (pls do read it to get the whole picture or better still google it...Yay). Personally, I know that love is needed from the get go and the actions concerning love is needed to show otherwise. In a marriage, LOVE should be  a center where it bears all things and literally bears all the positive/negatives/perfections and imperfections/the annoying and the not so annoying etc etc. Love believes i.e. we can conquer and overcome and know that this journey is made out to be easy if we chose too and surely I will stick by you through the thick and thin and good and the bad and the ugly etc. Love hopes all, Yep, the situation we are facing is not the end of our chapter we will write a new chapter from this  and that is our testimony etc. Love never fails, friends will fail, jobs will fail, health may fail, riches may fail, life itself may fail but LOVE never fails that means when we make mistakes we don't quit and say its OVER in fact more reasons to say its only begun because of out of the failures, we will have ten reasons not to try that method  and we will have ten alternatives to try different  method  that works better.

I believe LOVE  is needed in our everyday lives  and marriage is no exception. In a place of service, LOVE is needed to do things without expecting or feeding expectations it is done with open heart and good intentions. Seeing that marriage is  a  place of service LOVE is needed to firm the foundation and reaffirm the foundation and to carry out certain duties and fulfill purpose.  Personally, I believe Love is  a decision hence people make sacrifices that shocks you  and you are in awe. I am not talking about evil sacrifices though(because love does no wrong hence doing wrong to hurt/cause pain to another in the name of LOVE, I question your mindset/ideologies ohh). I am talking about the ones like doing things to better other people and doing things that are of benefit and significant  help for others you can use the example of JESUS and his love for humanity i.e. salvation).

Love is the very decision that I believe will contribute too many qaulties that will get us through the journey of life and especially in marraige. I know myself and hubby will share the romantic love (which is basically attraction that is deeper than emotions but it is between two genuine people). But we will need to demonstrate God's  LOVE which Paul described in the book of Corinthians and this love aint easy, aint fair aint rosy but it has to be done. We need LOVE in order to give without expecting back, we need   love knowing that things might not work the we want and we need  love knowing that making a difference in a positive way is very important.


Humility: This is one aspect that if one does not posses already(you will one day). They say "charity begins at home" well some of us we might have to find this out from outside  before we start praciticing what we preach (its not so bad,  life is a learning curve at the end of the day, but its good to know and practice the right things). It is important  to know that "pride" resides in the heart of every human and it takes grace and understanding to humble oneself. To be of a service at any place humility is significant mainly because there are things and I mean probably horrible situations one has to deal with but its humility that shows the difference between dealing with a situation in a positive way or just making things worse. For some of us, to recognise our wrongs or the fact that we have hurt others is a not an easy thing but it has to be done. Seeing that marriage is a place of service, it will teach you to be humble, infact if you think you are humble (i am referring to me btw), well marriage will show how humble you are and how humble you can be. Humility surely cant come easy but I believe is needed in  a marriage that wants to be of a service, there has to be mutual respect and understanding going on and there has to be acceptance and responsibility. Marriage I believe will require me to stoop to some levels on a normal day I will not stoop to.

A quick scenario (Mother Inlaw came to visit for few days, enters the Kitchen and she  decides today she will cook for her son(my hubby, but my guess is, am not feeding him well enough lol).
 Me: Mummy (i like to think I will call her mummy not do you need help with anything in the kitchen Ma.
Mother In Law: No my dear, (hopefully she will call me dear and be nice to me lol), I just want to cook something fresh and nice for my son.
Me: Mummy you don't have to stress yourself, I have prepared some nice fresh and tasty meal for our son now).
MIL: Really you have, you are a nice daughter ohh.. but this one I think is nice too ohh infact this particular food is his favourite, he loved it as a child and chai he has missed it ohh.
Me: Really, are you serious Ma? well,  I must have missed it when he mentioned this  particular meal was his favourite but am certain he mentioned something else.
MIL: Dont mind him, he is joking he knows in his heart this particular meal is his favourite oh.
Me: Ok Mum, I will clear the table and tell him we are making his favourite dish and afterwards I will come and help you and learn this special meal.
MIL: Thank you dear, I will wait for you to come before I start.
Me: Now that I have learnt this recipe Ma, it means I will have to cook this ohh and next you visit you will relax and enjoy the meal abi?
MIL: Yes dear, infact I will give all the recipes I have ohh.
Me: I'm  happy to come and collect them oh... Thank you Ma, for your support and love God bless you abundantly(hugs her).  (In my head, thank you for the sly intrusion, but its cool am willing to share as long as you are not possessive lool, only kidding).

The End lol...

Now, I am not saying that this role play works like that in real life or that I will just succumb like that (probably will sha lol). Fact is, I know that  this is not my hubby favourite meal and I know that he has particularly requested for the dish I already made. But if his mum insist to make him food then I would be humble to understand that
a)She misses him and misses making food for him and the joy of having to make that food and know its goes down.
b)She feels she can cook a better meal than I am (ofcourse she sees me as a competition now).
c)She wants to use this opportunity has a bonding time between herself and her son.
d)Finally, she probably feels other wise(it could go either way).

Only God knows why she made that decision, but for me instead of being angry, sad or getting paranoid, I will humble myself and understand this is only temporary and I will give her the chance to express herself and her love (If she becomes possessive or uses this the opportunity to her disadvantage, its cool no wahahlala... but by  the time I pray her out, she  will know how myself and hubby will discuss issues like these now..).

My point is, situations in marriage will make you humble and marriage as a service  requires humility, there will be instances where humility requires you to  own up  to wrong doings/decision, to back off, to accept, to be patient, to be quiet and in fact use wisdom in some situations where you would have walked away no long ting jor lol. In essence, I know that,  massive dose of humility is required from myself and hubby to ensure our marriage serves a purpose and particularly serves the purpose it should fulfill. Like I said, there are many dimensions humility will be needed but its important in a marriage of service.

Note: Before I say Yes I do, am collecting all her recipes ohh during courtship that is and No, her cooking will only be allowed when necessary lol if not I will  just freeze all her dishes and dash to somebody else oh lol.


Charity:  now am not only referring to money, but time, energy, advice, ideas, encouragement, prayer etc. Charity for me is the essence of using ones quality in a better way to impact positively, it not only with money. Seeing that my marriage will be of service not only to myself and husband but to the outside world. I know charity will be important in our home, I believe in the act of giving and knowing the difference it makes when we give something positive. I would like to encourage myself and hubby to practice charity in our family that means giving to each other, family members, relatives, community at large. In marriage, I know there will be times where  we are compelled to do something or to reach out to someone one way or the way and if volunteering is one of those aspects I will definitly encourage it. I am compassionate (well I like to think I am lol) and I know hubby will be too,hence,  I know both of us will  be drawn to sow, help and support and that will automatically be of a  second nature in our home which we will do without any attachment or expectations. But, I will definitely encourage wisdom and wise decisions in all that we do or hope to do. Charity is a big deal for me because its a service that is rendered without anything expected in return, it is done in love and it is  just what it is....


Grace: Well I will keep it simple and sweet. I can honestly tell you when I see myself doing good to people that have hurt me it has to be GRACE. When I see the amazing things God has done in my life and my family and others and in the world. ITS GRACE. In a place of service, grace is needed to carry out the tasks without being wary or complaining. Grace for me is a divine strength that God will empower us with when we ask.  I can't perform the services concerning marriage if I have no grace. I will tell you now,  its easy to walk away, and  not to bother, its so easy to be by yourself and do you and it easy to stay unhappy in a marriage and make no changes to improve or simply manage.  But grace will give us both that strength that we have no clue about but desires us to want to stay,  not stay out of duty or obligation or but out of sincerity, kindness and Love. I know that we will need the GRACE OF GOD our  my marriage and in the place of service. Knowing fully well our marriage is not only ours to enjoy  but as an experience to share with others and a foundation for our  generations and an opportunity to demonstrate God's kindness/visions. I believe we will need the Grace to do things and accomplish them with open heart and smile. Grace is needed to carry the marriage with dignity, respect and Love. I know that our marriage will serve a bigger purpose and for that reasons and more GRACE in its abundance  is needed.


Prayer:  There are many verses  in the bible that talks about prayer (will not delve too deep in that). I see prayer as a way of talking to God and discussing my inner most fears and insecurities, doubts etc. It is also an opportunity to be grateful and recount (though one has to have a grateful heart everyday). Me, I pray alot ohh(like my friend once said God knows my face and voice like I literally bang it out in his ears lool). I actually don't think I pray alot i mean some people pray for hours etc, but I talk alot when praying as in (God grabs a chair and a cuppa cos he knows am gonna go on and on and on and eventhough the bible says let your words be few as God knows the desires of your heart lol). On a serious, prayer life is very significant to me and having seen the power of prayer, I dare not commit my life and activities to God. Hubby  and myself have no choice but to practice a life of prayer in order to embark on the this journey, because I know for a fact all my issues concerning him will be to reported to God (lol). I know that we need to communicate with him to cover certain areas that we cannot see or comprehend and hence prayer is important. In addition, we are not only praying for us and future, prayer should involve other people too and  the world around us. Our prayer life should be of a service in our marriage where we focus on different areas of life. I would personally (me speaking) like us to actually ask around and take personal prayer points and pray for other people and take it seriously like we would when praying for ourselves. In addition, we need to do this and to do more. so mehn alot of tongue wagging lool. am joking. Is essential and it has to be used in serving others and staying on track.

In summary, there are alot more I would like to say on each topic but this is all I have now and been revealed to me and so ermmmm maybe next time(but then again, people might be tired of reading oh lol). On a serious note, marriage should not only be a service to both parties but to others as well. People have to benefit from the beautiful qualities that both couple share and can impact in a positive way. Most times, the service might not be done together physically but it is agreed spiritually and both understand  and aware of that.

Above all, I pray that I carry on learning and keep learning and implement all that I have learnt. Obviously, I am growing and open to ideas so this is not the end.

God is love, love on yourself and others too.

My song for the week...(happy smiles)

so blessed... Yehe


  1. All of that is so legit! I had this warm feeling going through me the entire time I was reading this post. I enjoyed reading it because all of these things are issues that have been addressed in my relationship at some point. The two most important ones to me are love and prayer. If you can find it in a marriage or relationship to make time for those, those other things will surely surface!

    Great post lady!!! I hope you had a great Saturday!

    1. Thank you sweetcakes... and thanks for visiting... am glad you enjoyed it babes...

      Your courtships sounds strong and amazing and I pray your journey to marriage will be easy and awesome based on the strong foundation..

      I actually had a good Saturday(thanks for asking) went for a bday ceremony..
      loads of food (me love food sha..).

      Again thanks for visiting...(hugs)

  2. Are you sure you are not a marriage counselor? keep getting everything right. Great post!

  3. lool....@ Myne aww babes am not ohh.. I would like to be one day though lol... Thanks for letting me know I am getting things right, I pray I implement all that I have learnt and still learning.

    Thank you for the compliment love..


  4. Well articulated points. I think this service to each other gets easier if we truely have the best interest of our partner at heart. Love is sacrificial afterall

    1. Finally you came to visit after 90gboroo lol.. thanks for coming though.

      Thanks for the comment, its true its get easier if we do, I believe this should be the intention at the first place.

      come often.. xxxx

  5. Hey, I definitely agree with some of your points. Although I can see why you refer to marriage as a service, I think referring to it as that makes it sound quite mechanic in my opinion but like I said I understand why you've done so as it illustrates your points well.

    1. Finally a visit. Yay, hmmmm an explanation on what u mean by mechanic would be much appreciated.

    2. When I think of the word service, I see it as though I'm doing something simply to get something back thus making the word industrious. When I amagine what I'd be like when in love I see myself as being selfless and it's not so much a trade or something to do in pretty much the same way over and over again.

      I hope I made myself clear enough

  6. You sound like you have first-hand experience of these issues o. I lmao @the mother in-law scenario. I wish mother in-laws were that easy. You nailed em points tho. The place of prayer can not be over emphasized.

    P.s: There's something wrong with this sentence in the Prayer point. "On a serious, prayer life is very significant to me and having seen the power of prayer, I dare not commit my life and activities to God"

    1. Lol... first hand experience ke well am yet to have it oh. AMEN.

      Lol@ Mother in Law, I pray ours will be beautiful and nice. Thanks for the props.

      Re: prayer point, i dont see the wrong.

      Thanks for visiting.. xxx

    2. Yea. I think the problem is "I dare not commit my life and activities to God" meaning you don't ever wana commit you life and activities to God...or so i think :-)

    3. lool... ohh that not how i meant it... i meant as in based on the effectiveness of prayer I will be a fool not to commit my life and activities in God's hands. Hence, I dare not as in... them no born me well if i no do am....

      But thanks for letting me

  7. Nice post. I laughed when I read your MIL encounter. Humility goes a long way in handling situations. You nailed all your points well.

    1. lool... its funny right.. thank u for the comment...


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