Monday, 13 February 2012

Marriage: Journey of Discovery

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome.


Hello People,


I hope all is well.


Tribute to Ms Whitney Houston who passed away approximately two days or less  before this post.(I pray her Guardian Angels take her to her perfect rest and I pray  her family will have the strength and courage to grieve and heal).


Ok, something is bugging me(i am not one to talk about trivial issues sometimes) but I know people read my blog I just wonder why anyone chose not to leave comments or at least chose to follow me(i am not paranoid). Please when you read,  share your thoughts if any, only be positive and pls do click to follow me(publicly)...
THANK YOU.LOL.


I will hopefully do a mini post today. This post is mainly about discovery and five key things I would like to discuss. Seeing that this month is dedicated to sharing my views on marriage (and learning), I will simply carry on from the foundation. I consider life a journey, fact is: life in itself is also a discovery journey, I figured everything in life helps us to discover ourselves, inner ambitions and personal growth and Marriage is no exception.


Discovery journey which I have summarised into Five categories are as follows:


1) Compromise:


Now this is a very interesting topic and one that I think as humans we cannot live without.. We all in our own ways somehow have to compromise either it was forced upon us or other wise.  I believe marriages involves quite a number  of compromises if not alot more  and I know it will be happening in mine. I would like to think the type of compromises that will happen will be  accountable and justified in a godly way (but this sometimes is not the case). So, yes compromising will happen that will either take me out of my comfort zone and put in a different situation(which can be bad/good but its ok, cos life is all about discovering right?). I guess it another opportunity to learn more about one's self and strength. Having said that, I am a reasonable/sensible person and compromising in my marriage or anything else  has to be inline with God's purpose mainly because accountability/responsibility is essential in my life. On the day of judgement, I really do not want to be looking lost but comfortable....lol. But really I  do not want to regret or start living with major guilt due to senseless and stupid decision making that could have easily been  avoided (if wisdom and help was applied beforehand, although lessons will be learnt, it can be very costly that I would like to avoid and I believe compromising should not involve such but then again it could to learn and teach others).


2) Differences:


This is also a very interesting topic, in all of us we can be similar but still we  all  have our differences i.e. our ideologies/views/opinion governed by experiences/environment etc. I know without a doubt there will be differences in our marriage mainly because we are two different individuals with different upbringing that has shaped our world and way of thinking. Differences can sometimes make things better or make things worse depending. This is why I strongly believe understanding and discussing i.e. open communication with transparency/honesty  should pave way that means,  because we both actually understand that we are different, our expectations about things needs to be altered (or in the process). In essence, when I expect things to be done in  a particular way and its not ( i have choice to react or respond). Reacting means doing/saying the exact things that comes to your mind/head. Responding:  stepping away from the situation/ emotions and looking at it from a different angle(it is easier to react than to respond but responding provides better solutions most times). When I learn to respond I am more likely to be reslient and tolerant and able to communicate  my hurt better and convey my emotions in a sensible manner. Also at this point I am believing   hubby and I will be open with our thoughts and discuss our  understanding expectations/differences
/preferences etc we both will have and as a result of communication we can both have a common ground/agreement and clearer views(just to let you know, am willing to drag it out of him lol.. as you can tell am big on talking/questioning lol, more like interrogating. I  like to think good communication is an important foundation from both sides, it should be equal).


3)  Romantic Gestures:


The interesting thing about this topic is that the ideologies surrounding romance is different for every individual. In my case, it is the little things and the thoughtful things I tend to consider romantic I am more than superficial i.e. buying flowers or chocolate etc(although, its sweet I will probably appreciate it more if its a little creative and unique). In addition, romance is both ways, I do not in any shape or form expect Hubby to be the one doing everything and coming up with the ideas(I have alot on my sleeve lol, I am a creative person as you might know my mind does wonder alot so thoughts and ideas easily pop in my head lol.). For me, things like helping out, doing chores, using personal initiative to carry out tasks I consider that as romantic gestures. For instance, if I am cooking (which I love doing, no quams), I would appreciate an helping hand and someone that actually ask how things are going and if I needed any help. (If I do, trust me I won't say NO, I will say YES). By God's grace I don't have to worry about that cos I know my (husband will have a good dose of initiative). Having being in a relationship where the guy had common sense and does things without being told has just reinforced my views on certain things.  In addition, I am big  on family support and family gathering (so checking up on my mum i.e. a phone call or ring is definitely so cool and me also doing that ohh). Besides, other little things like  prepping for work/occasions  I would not mind him polishing his shoes and asking if I wanted to polish mine too  or  if it is the case ironing/driving etc. Guys tend to iron well more than ladies (I think, lol), I would consider him ironing my clothes, cleaning the cars, emptying the bins, changing the lights, setting the table, washing up, getting the babies ready etc  romantic gesture as suppose to buying a dozens of roses that will wither away. Having said, I am totally up for doing these things too ohh... I cant have expectations and not expect to do my part (not sensible). Sometimes, I know I would have to exercise some of my expectations out of hubby mainly because some people have the potential in them to do things but they just do not think about it straightway(besides, we are different individuals and since marriage is about discovering he has to be open-minded to ideas viceversa). Although, some people do not have any idea or clue of what to do or what is required of them and some people t just have a CLUE and instantly do it(these people, i tend to roll with, CLUED up people).


4)  Identity


This is very important to us in our society, in our everyday lives we all have a form of identity that we all portray or people perceive us as. It is equally important for us as a couple to have our own identity, I understand with everything going on around us it is easy to get caught in the whole journey and business and forget you both had a lives or still do have life when we chose to say "I DO". For this reason, goals/objectives I think should we should set/encourage  that comes along with the visions we have  for our marriage. In essence, what do we both want to portray ourselves as and how can we maintain consistency and transparency. Having  an identity means a lot to me for someone that believes in enriching lives and growth/development  I definitely would  want to have an healthy identity that does not take me away from myself but adds more or contributes  to my mindset and sense of purpose sames goes for hubby. Everyone's idea of identity will be different some will  stand for justice, ambitious etc. It will range for different individuals(lol repetition).


5) Lessons


Knowing that life is full of lessons and each stage offers a different ground to express yourself and maturity including implementing the changes developed (and an opportunity to learn something new).  I believe marriage will present a lot of lessons too (in fact I think marriage is one of many lovely things I believe is present in this life and will impact one's life like never before). For me and by my KING's grace, I  have made a mental decision to chose to learn from all the lessons and be better(if anything maintain consistency of what I regard better and inline with God's purpose).


 I believe marriage itself will change me, my husband can influence me but marriage is most likely going to have a bigger effect (This is because when anyone says I do, you not just marrying that man/woman, you are marrying their problems/flaws/imperfections/pleasant/unpleasant situations, family members i.e. in laws, relatives etc. (Most especially in an African community Nigerian for that matter, forget your peace and husband lol (kidding) but be sure  of intrusion from family members/other people  whether negatives/positives).One is  basically marrying into the unknown really and one's marriage  comprises of various stages including situations with in laws, distant relatives, his/her destiny and many more. This will without a doubt change me not only influence  my thoughts/actions but change the way I think and see life. Now, I have the decision to ensure those changes whatever they are, are not ones that will destroy me or my future or the future of myself and hubby instead, it should BUILD US, ENCOURAGE US, ENRICH US AND ENLIGHTEN US etc. There will be stages where trials and tribulations just seems to be a common occurrence but its ok, (it happens,) my decision now is not to be a VICTIM but VICTORIOUS(it cant be easy to be victorious at anything but that is my decision because I have alot to teach my children and their generation and I owe to them to be honest and transparent but to be positive too. Mistakes will be made, situations will change, people will disappoint/you will also disappoint people/ betrayl can occur in other aspects of lives that will take a toll on the marriage. But since we  are both in a partnership in this together and I am his missing rib,  I would like us to agree from the beginning  that by his grace there is no going back, no going sides ways or confused.com but taking it on the chin and moving forward (again, not our  strength but his everlasting GRACE).


Finally,(I am young and still learning and discovering things about life and my views can be altered and influenced). But I know my values and principles on life are most likely to sway every now and then but it will mostly remain(His grace not mine).. At the end of the day,(thing happen, however God did say to Habakkuk to write his visions down and watch it come to pass, so doing this, feels  like I am  writing my visions down and praying I live to see these and much come to pass).


Thank you for visiting.


Please share your thoughts.


God is love, love on yourself and others too..

xxx

My Jam.......



8 comments:

  1. So sad about Whitney. I always thought she was gona grow old and grey. I also feel for Bobbi Kristina.

    Well i personally think Communication should come first in the discovery journey :-)

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    1. Hey love thanks for reading..

      U are right communication should have come 1st.. i guess i have sort of covered that in previous posts...

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  2. The biggest things I have found in marriage is love, both of yourself and the other person. I don't mean the feeling, but the doing. It is this love that helps you respect, communicate, and work with your partner as you should. You're also right that having your own identity and being prepared to compromise and learn are important, as are expressing your love, and understanding that your partner is a different, an individual who is not perfect just as you are not perfect.

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    1. Myne you are write Love is needed. I believe our foundation i.e. courtship and relationship would have set the pace for LOVE and that should not stop even in marriage. I wrote the post based on discovery into the marriage world. Although LOVE is good and it would be the LOVE that would make us want to go the extra miles. However, there are other aspects of marriage I would have to discover only when the two of us are in it together...

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  3. Hey!!! I wanted to stop by and check out your blog! I am smitten with your background (My favorite color is......purple!)

    You are speaking truth in this post and I am only half way through it! You said you are how old??? I ask because you are so on point and you really are showing a high level of maturity (in the field of love) in your twenties! Not all of us can come to accept some things about our selves (especially that ol' compromising part *cough Cough). I'm working on it.

    Let me finish this post!
    -Yo

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for appreciating this I am really grateful for the comment(happy smiles). To be honest all I know and still knowing/learning is through the help of the Holy Spirit/relationship with God/experiences from life.

      If you read my previous posts I didn't experience that notion of love between a man and a woman i.e. mama and papa. So, have learnt through life and God.

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  4. Very powerful understanding of marriage when not married.You are AWESOME!!! I wish I could hook you up with my brother,but he is annoying so forget it...lol but seriously that compromising thing is not easy,God dey sha...lovely post I am so following now!!!(and publicly too)

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    1. LOOL... i love u already ohh.... thanks for the beautiful comment it means alot... I thank God for the inspiration and the opportunity to one day express these values and understanding and more.

      Compromise cannot be easy @ all but sometimes it is worth it...

      Thank u hun for following....xxx

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Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..