I DON TIRE 2!!!

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Back to  the story.

Bolanle had just called me briefly to let me know something had happening and she would be calling me back to tell me more. I sat there listening to her patiently while she took her time to tell me all that had happened some weeks later.

It turned out Mama decided to stay which was a relief to everyone most especially myself because I knew I wanted to sort things and communicate our feelings to each other. Funmi,  I know communication is something that is not exactly common in some cultures or even families. I was determined to try my best and convey my reaction and expectations to Mama.

So we all sat down around the couch, I had changed to a more comfortable clothes and nursed baby Jeremiah to sleep. Emeka and Mama were both calm and talking about stuff and catching up.

I went into the kitchen, did some nice herbal tea for myself and hot cocoa for Mama and Hubby. We all sat around the lounge, at first it seemed we were all exhausted about what had happened earlier.

I decided I had no choice but to take advantage of this opportunity and clear up what was on my mind. I also knew I had to apply wisdom and chose my words carefully.

Bolanle: I carefully chose my words and proceeded  to talk openly to Mama in front of Emeka.

Mama, I feel like I have not treated you well enough, and it was not my intention to hurt your feelings or to sound ungrateful. I guess I simply felt I was not good enough for anything and that my role of being a wife was questioned by you most of the time. I was hurt by some of the questions you asked me and the things you said towards me. I really felt I had no peace and there was nothing I could do to please you. I also knew your frequent visits meant that I had to be ready for  mental challenges. To be honest Mama, I felt unhappy about the way things were when you came around.

As I communicated  my feelings, I just felt hubby's eyes on me and Mama was looking down. At this point, I was thinking, I know it is different for his culture or Nigeria culture to discuss your feelings openly. The thing is I am not use to the culture of being timid and pretend its all right. Besides,  in my family we were alot more open and we discussed things openly maybe its the western influence but my Dad is a therapist, although worked abroad mostly, he would encourage us to discuss things and clear the air up. Catching with you Funmi the other day, your adivice reinforced the culture and upbringing I had.

I was deep within my thoughts when Mama interjected.

At first she went around the bush, but she eventually conveyed her point.

She said "Bolanle, I am sorry for the way I invaded your privacy. I knew I was critiquing you but I could not stop myself. Each time I would tell myself to keep quiet but my mouth would open and say it. I mean mostly well at the same time but I know how you feel.I had the same experience with my mother in law too when I first got married. She would bash and bash about this and that, I had it worse in those days, there was nothing I could do but to tolerate it and keep it in. I could not tell my husband because you would be told to keep quiet and the times I did, he would only apologise on her behalf. It was something you dealt with and moved on with time. I had to cajole him for us to move to the city because I felt it was the only to get out of there. Once I knew she had gone to rest, I encouraged my husband for us to start building a school in the village so we could go back to have a better life.

I should have known better because am educated and being a retired principal during my time, I made sure I demonstrated good standards and showed fairness. I understand now that being older, is different, I find myself slipping away. It is really hard when you have nothing to do anymore, or you feel like you have nothing to do, and your role within society is done. I felt I wanted to be of positive  influence to you and Emeka but I over did it.

I am sorry. I had no right to ask you about your intimate relationships with Emeka, it was none of my business. I regretted asking but it was too late.

Funimi, I think it was good when she apologised. I was so grateful she was open-minded about everything. Not alot of people are. Yes, she was right to ask. After having Jeremiah 9 months ago, my appetite for sex went out the door. She mentioned she could tell we both were miserable and she thought if she tried to indulge me and ask me, she could help and suggest ideas. We found ourselves opening up to her, we just poured everything out. I had been struggling to give hubby what he wanted but my mind and soul was not connecting, Emeka too was struggling to understand what was wrong and why I was not fulfilling my roles in sharing our bodies.  We both tried getting medical help but it was not really helpful, the more we tried the more we felt exposed and decided to stop trying.

I didn't tell you Funmi because initially I was  uncomfortable about, it was not something you wanted to tell or burden anyone with. Imagine a young wife saying  "I have lost my mojo after having a baby". It sounded ridiculous.  That night, she held our hands and told us she had been in this position before and situation like this can drive both couples apart. We needed to pray and communicate our feelings to each other. She shared with us several experiences and told us our marriage is what we make it. If we do not persist to support each other during times such as this, it will open doors for all sorts to come in. We knelt together that night and she prayed for us and with us like never before. I felt so blessed and refreshed, it was unbelievable. She shared with us herbal remedies we could try and positions we could actually feel comfortable to start with.

It was such a bizarre experience in the sense that she had so much to tell us in one night and the connection between us all just grew stronger. I appreciated so much that night and we both were thankful for her insightful advice  and support. I felt like why didn't we do this months back, why didn't we sit like this and have such an amazing conversation. That night before we said goodnight, I decided to give her a thank you massage. She mentioned she missed it so much and felt that maybe I did all of that in the past to woo her. It was really funny, we had  a blast, said our goodnights. I later went to check on her to make sure she had taken her medications.

Myself and hubby decided to pray about this even more and planned to go on a romantic trip to try getting the groove back. I could not help but laugh at this point, Bolanle, you are not serious. Bolanle went on to explain that her mother in law, had suggested trying holidays that had romantic feeling and connotations to influence the drive. I could not laugh enough.

Bolanle, continued to explain, I could not resist to ask hubby what brought on the argument. He came home from work, to find her packing her things. He asked where she was going. Apparently, she wanted to leave because I had taken Jeremiah to my Mum and that made feel useless and unloved. I also did not invite to go out shopping with me like we used to do in the past.She knew I was off to see a friend and the baby could have been in her care. She did not feel trusted and she had had enough of my coldness. During the mist of  the situation, Hubby explained he was trying to get her to understand, but she insisted otherwise, the conversation got heated up and eventually bad day from work with so much going in his mind, he flared up. He could not believe he did, he felt that although Mama was overreacting, he should have been calm about it. But he is grateful because the situation turned out better for us all.

I am glad we sorted everything out before we went to sleep.

In the morning, I woke up early to get breakfast ready just the way she liked it. I went to her to room to get her, but my knocks were not getting a response. I tried again and I opened the door and I just knew then she had passed away. It was so strange, I immediately called for hubby who was in the shower, he had no choice but to come outside and check if it was real or not. Our family doctor also confirmed it. It was a painful experience and time for us, but it brought the family closer.

I tell you Funmi, this life is so unpredictable. I am sitting here on the phone with you and thinking to myself thank God for another chance. The importance of talking and discussing is incredibly essential. This is something Jeremiah will never forget to do as he grows older.

This the end of the story... (EVIL GRIN...LOL).

This is a fictional story, any correlation to real life experiences is purely coincidental.

Oh yes, have noticed most characters in my inspired stories sometimes die or something horrible happens.  The whole point I feel is to get us thinking that life in itself is not rosy and not suppose to be. Through the help of the Holy spirrreeee I am trying to make it as realistic as possible.(I dont know why am explaining, but you get the gist).

Moral of story:  In life we will meet people that are  extremists in terms of how they help or chose to help, they just seem to over do it. Most times, we are suppose to build a character during that process and learn one thing or two about ourselves and them too. Communication is incredibly important, not everyone can do it or  know how to do it. It does not come easy to some people. Communication is not just talking, it is listening, understanding  the point and views of the other person without being judgmental. This takes alot of hardwork to get there. We should also  try to hold on to the ones that seem to want to build us up and not tear us down.

You are free to add your opinions..YAY.

Thanks for reading.

God is love. Love yourself and others.

I DON TIRE!!!

Thank you for visiting.

 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Dear Lovelies,

WELCOME, welcome welcome to DHK blog. (happy smiles)... Blowing kisses to my old, new followers, commentators, stalkers etc. GOD BLESS U...

Today, I will share with you a story, an interesting one too, so please relax and enjoy...

Friday is the day, my friend Bolanle is coming to say hello and for us to catch up on our girly gist and  life in general. I was completely caught unguarded when Bolanle came in with raging  voice, I knew something was definitely up. Immediately, I thought " what could be the situation that has made my lovely turned into a dragon,  blowing fire". Well in this case, blowing words.

I  came into the sitting room to indulge her and asked if this was how she greeted her bestiee she had not seen in a while.

Bolanle:  Funmi, I am TIRED, TIRED as in exceptionally TIRED. I DON TIRE SEF. what is her problem? Seriously, why does she feel the need to constantly drive me crazy and how she thinks everything has to be done her way. I don't understand why we cant just enjoy the little peace we have. Everything, I constantly wanted was to enjoy my life as a wife and navigate my way through and not someone constantly telling me " its this way or that way". I know I probably sound arrogant now, but pls she should just butt out of our lives just this once and give us a chance to find what works for us. She really does mess up with my head, if it is not food, it is house, it is our darling son, it is this and that. She seems to have an opinion on everything and even Jeremiah apparently should not have been circumcised in the city it is much better done in the village.

Can you believe the other day, she actually asked me what types of sexual positions me and hubby does?? I could not even believe she asked me that question. She could tell by my reaction, I didnt see this coming and I didn't know how to answer it. She mentioned I should not be shy, that she had been there done that and has different advice to offer. I didn't even know how to react to that, it was just so strange, I had to tell her I did not know how to answer it.

Funmi: (As Bolanle, described every detail about her mother in law, I knew I could relate with her. This is exactly what my Mum does with me. She does not know when to keep it quiet and allow us to handle it and figure our way).

 I had to tell her, that I imagined how she felt and although I did not mention my personal battle.

I had to explain to  certain things to Bolanle,  Bolanle" I understand how you feel and the fact  that you feel someone is constantly watching you or critiquing you,  I know it can be sad at times". I also understand you feel that she should back off and not interfere in your personal business. I also think that you feel like there is only so much you can take, and as an individual you are trying your best to be respectful and make a complex situation sound lighter. However, you must understand your mother in law is only trying to help in her own way, she might not even understand that she is being a pain and constantly annoying you. She is probably trying to help you build a better home with Emeka and her grandson. She feels pouring her own wisdom will help you and hubby to  avoid  mistakes or make less ones. Although, I think she might not show her intention in the best way possible. I think she means well and you have to exercise patience and not rudeness and selfishness. This situation can cause resentment between you and her relationship and Emeka too.

Bolanle: You have spoken well, but I am still fed up with everything and I find myself constantly complaining to Emeka about his Mum. I mean she of all people should understand how to give us a break. She mentioned she wants to be in the background and help only when needed and also Emeka is the last child so she would be happy to put hands up and now enjoy the fruits of her labour. So why then? Is she going on about things and not giving us the little peace we need. She goes away  for a little while and within a two weeks she wants to be back again. Her constant visits is  now  getting too much.

Funmi: Bolanle, you make me laugh so hard. You mentioned I have spoken well but I dont think you LISTENED to any of my advice let alone pick up any lines. You are making this situation about you. You are not understanding her needs too. Remember, she is the MOTHER of your HUSBAND. She is the reason plus God why you are enjoying such a great Guy and having all your family support. It seems to me you have forgotten the times his other family members  disagreed, it was her that came and begged them  to allow you two to marry. She saw something in you and the potential of how could be a great wife to her last SON and she saw the great daughter in law you could be to her. Also have you forgotten she was not judgmental towards you,  she accepted you the first time Emeka brought you  to see  her in the village. She had her  reservations but she listened to her son and was willing to get to know you for you rather than tribe or culture.

Besides, you both felt comfortable around each other that you both became instant friends which was little surprising  to us as we know  some mothers find potential wives as threats to the relationships with their sons and can be so judgmental too. I remember the times  in your courting days with Emeka, when you would say "I am going to see my second Mum". You would pack a whole bag to stay for the weekend even sometimes for a week during your leave. You will come back telling me all sorts of things Mama had  showed you. You would talk about how much you liked her softness, kindness, openness and love. You would praise for her  raising five children single-handedly after losing her husband to stroke. You mentioned how you gave  her full body massage,  washed and styled her hair, and followed her to the farm. Remember, the time you even invited her  to lagos and gave her make-over for the help she has done over the years and you two had a photoshoot together. In fact, at some point, Emeka became jealous and felt threatened that you were taking his mum from him.

You have been blessed to have such an amazing Mother In Law that does so much and would even go to the extent of bringing  organic yam, plantain, vegetables grown specially for you two from the village. Each time she came to visit with you in the city. She has done so much and still doing.

You need to understand she is lonely too and feels the need to be of help and service to someone. All her life has been dedicated to her children and her closest is Emeka.  What do you expect? Of course she would be in your space, she misses her son, she misses the noise, she misses the sense of belonging, she misses been around people that she loves. This is why and many more reasons she would invade your space. I bet you Bolanle if you dont hold her closer and communicate your feelings in a respectful way or at least develop ability to tolerate and appreciate her love instead of your incovenience. You will be the one losing oh.

As for me I would be glad to have such Mother In Law that is willing to run around for us  and babysit for free.

Bolanle: Funmi, now that you have explained it that way which I had not seen before. I guess I have taken her niceness and calm nature for granted and I should be less selfish. It must actually be hard for her that Emeka her baby is now married and even harder that all her children are out of the country apart from us. I see that she means well but I also maybe need to relax and communicate with her instead of resenting her.

I will try to make it up with her on my way home today.This was how we finished the conversation to that matter.

We talked about other things, about me popping soon only two months to go. As usual, Bolanle was happy to give advice about babies, she saw our  new baby nursery, checked out clothes and we caught  up on  other issues.

That night before we said our goodnights, she promisied she would think less of her self and try to see from her mother's in law point of view. She would also make the effort to discuss things with her in love and openness.

But what happened within the space of her getting home and calling me, truly did surprise me.

That night after our conversation  Funmi, I felt I had off loaded my burden but I had to deal with it openly. As I drove to pick our son from my Mum, I resisted the temptation to tell her my issues  because I knew she would be keen to get involved.

After exchanging goodnight with Mum,  I  went home feeling more encouraged to discuss things with my mother in law  and clear the air. I got home to what I felt was not in my agenda.

At first I  heard voices echoing but I could not make out what it was about. As I took Jeremiah towards the stairs, it became clear, it was Emeka rasing his voice towards Mama. At first I could not believe it, I was trying to be sure so I stepped closer towards the room.

The next words that came out of Emeke were " Mama am tired of you constantly saying that Bolanle is not giving you enough attention. Can you not see we are trying our best to accomodate you and all you do is complain about her abilities and ciritque all the time. I don't think its fair that we have to constantly tip toe around the house because we dont want to hurt your feelings and disrespect you. But Mama, this is my wife we are talking about and from what I see she is trying her best.

As I held my opened mouth, the thoughts running through my head was "What have I done". My role was not to bring enemity or resentment in this household. So why is this happening, its all my fault. I should not have complained to Emeka so much. I felt so horrible.

Mama at this point was communicating in ibo language, which I could sort of make out she was angry and felt so upset.

She came out, and saw me standing outside, she gave me that funny look. You know the "ingrate, I dont blame you, witch you have poisoned my son against me look". She went downstairs, towards the   door as if she was leaving that night. It was really late, and when I came in earlier I must have missed the bags that were already packed.

I immediately ran after her  to ask where she was going. She didn't reply and looked as if she was struggling to open to door. I asked her again "Mama, where are you going? It is late. She ignored and started sobbing, calling me all sorts of names in ibo. I did not mind, I was so concern about her safety, I kept saying Mama, it is late. I didn't even know when I was on my knees even with Jeremiah, who was sleeping btw. I kept begging her, saying I was sorry, we were sorry etc.

Hubby came downstairs and had changed to some casual clothes and saw me and Mama by the door. He was puzzled and gave us both a funny look.

That was when I gave him the look " the what were you ever thinking look, why would tell her those things". We have to beg Mama not to leave tonight was what I said after. He gave me that "WHAT, beg her look, isn't this what you wanted". Me, "this is not what I wanted look, ok, maybe but not like this". We have to beg Mama I said again for the second time. Which by this time Mama was trying to call her eldest in Canada with her phone but the line was not going through.

I kept on begging her, I didn't give up, I spoke all the ibo language I knew to cajole her and get her to stay for that night. Eventually, Emeka joined me. We both were begging her, Mama we are sorry, we have been ungrateful, pls Mama we children, acting immature, we would not do this again.

Mama said, after everything I have done for both of you this is how you repay me. My God is watching you.

I felt even worse, we begged her for what seemed like an hour plus, although my legs were aching, I knelt there and didn't not bulge. Jeremiah,  woke up during the plea and started crying. That was when Mama  changed her mind to stay the night.

But it did not finish there.

This is one long story. So please pardon me. I promise to finish it next time.

Thank you for reading.

God is love. Love yourself and on others too.

Communication!!! WITH YOUR OFFSPRING

Thank you for visiting.

Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello Blogsville, 


I hope everyone is well. I welcome my new followers and old followers. YAY.


I did not intend to write this post, I had other posts in mind to do. However, I watched a program today and it was on anti-social behaviour and bullying etc. Each time I heard someone committed suicide based on bullying of any kind it hurts and did  not sound right. Today, I watched and listened to how a 15 year old boy killed himself because of Facebook Bully and other forms. Apparently, he had never been physically  bullied before, but the horrid names and disgusting terms used on fb wall might have drove him over the hedge. Besides, that very day he committed suicide he had had a fight in school that day. Did he tell his parents? Did his parent notice any awkwardness? Could they have prevented his death? Did they even know their child engages in physical fight? Have they ever discussed the dangers of bullying? Have they made him comfortable enough to talk about anything? Do they even know his circle of friends?  Have they ever discussed about death and suicidal? etc.  What about another girl that was consistently bullied through social network and also ended their lives. It is not only suicidal it is other things like joining the wrong crowds, engaging in the wrong activities, watching and feeding the oneself with the wrong image and media exposure etc. It is a lot of things that just sometimes if not tackled will destroy the lives of our children.

Besides, it got me thinking really deep and each time I kept saying thank God I have God..lol. This is because it reinforces the impact of dedicating our soul and spirit and mind in his hands. Also  am able to bring any fears before God to deal with and fire prayer to any tormentors.  With that said, we need to play our part too, and communication needs to take place between a parent and their offspring. Seriously, we all know the world is dangerous with evil and wicked people but we have that responsibility to educate our offspring and communicate with them too.

I know I don't have any offspring yet but I sure do know that I want to cultivate the best relationship with them,  that  makes them feel comfortable to tell me ANYTHING and I will have their back through the grace of God.  I have to be aware of what is going around them, with them and in them this is because as a  future parent I feel it is my duty to ensure their  safety is not compromised and individuality too.  We should aim  to form a relationship that hold no bounds where our children are able to voice out or tell us anything before its too late.

My point: I know some parent lead a busy life and the time for chitchat is out the door, because they just want to relax. But the interesting thing about that is "that very life you are working towards is most likely driven for the need to create a better future for your children" . Yet the basic things that we disregard i.e.communication will end up hunting us forever if anything at all was to happen to any of them. We need to have a "me time with our children" and it is important we develop creative ways to improve the communication in order for them to feel comfortable to tell you any issue at all from peer pressure, to molestation, physical, emotional, financial,mental  abuse, trauma, drama, fights, misunderstanding, low self esteem, insecurities and so much more. We have asked for them to join in this earth, surely we need to advocate their right to decent communication. Hence, we should start as early as possible.

Even when they become teenagers it is no excuse. It is paramount to know as much as we can so we are able to intervene before anything takes a negative turn or is about too.

My mum is a prime  example, she has always cultivated a great relationship with us i.e. pray with us, pray for us, joke with us, watch movies with us and share her personal experiences and likewise. She has  educated  us and made us feel so comfortable to come for help whatever the case maybe. I really like the fact that I can go to my mum and tell her anything, she tries  her best to help, support and comfort. Most importantly she prays like a LION like if you dare mess with her cubs, you  berra be dodging because you are about to receive spiritual slaps from GOD. She does not mess around when it comes to communication and been there for us.

I know despite all her efforts, it is ONLY GOD that has helped to reinforce her values and he continues to protect our whereabouts. But I believe communication is a one step to ensure we do our parts as parents and not to have regrets later on.  No interrogation unless necessary, but gentleness and meekness tends to work better than an angry voice and  impatient too. I know I would not be friends with mum let alone tell her anything  if she was constantly shouting, screaming, shouting abusive words or just plain rude. I cant stand such qualities in anyone. I will retreat to myself, this is why  till this day, I can easily show vulnerability if you raise your voice at me or shout without any cause at all or reasons why, because MUM does not do any of those. But trust me to fight for myself, just because I show my vulnerability  does not make me  a MUGU. If anything I will report you to my KING that has plenty  of armies to come and flog you for taking advantage of me LOL. I am serious sha.

I just thought I share this. Please feel free to add comment.

Side note: Start talking with them i.e. listen and understand their point of view. There is no recommended age,the earlier the better. Don't  think it is a lot of tasks, the Lord that blessed us with them will bless us with the strength to do a great job.  I keep using us inclusive of me because I know I will be a parent one day.AMEN.

Thanks for reading.

Pardon the use of offspring.. lol. back to science class. lol.

God will continue to keep us and protect us from all forms of evil.

I pray God will continue to comfort the hearts and spirit of any grieving parents that has experienced the passing away of a loved one.

God is love, love yourself and others.

On a lighter note, KING SUNNY ADE.. IS THE NEW JAM FOR ME at mo. HE is a Legend..

Random, Rant and more Random.

Thank you for visiting.

 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello Sweetiesss...... lol.

Hello to my lovely blogs fam.. shout out to my loyal readers and commentators, I really appreciae your visit, comments and opinions.. To Simply Mee, Unveiling Gold, Toinlicious. Thank you for the comments on previous posts. I guess there were loads more I wanted to include in the story but was too tired oh, but I hope the message behind the story was deduced. lol.

It feels good to just blog about anything jor, as in anything on my mind. I am tempted to just have a blank title and  just rant and keep ranting.. but i cant lol. This is because am usually inspired to write about something  even when  the words in mind comes in little patch here and there lol.  I actually didn't plan on writing today, but am cooking one long food jor, no job too, so plenty time, although I have to catch up on my other work ohh (rolls eyes).

Scratching my head so what should I talk about ohh.... hmmm lol.  I am teasing, as the title suggest am gonna talk about it. This time will keep the post short... (mehn, if u believe that lie you are so gullible ohh lol, seriously will try).

Random 1: Today's is someone that I used to consider special birthday. In fact, I woke up today thanking God for life, and weirdly enough his date popped into my head hahahahaha.... he turned 25 today awww.. I don't wish I could say happy birthday, because he doesnt talk to me anymore(his choice not mine). But I said a little prayer for him sha.. soooo... I don try. Did a post on us click here..Sense of Failure, Sense of Maturity, Sense of Understanding. If you want to indulge in some gooey, nice love story that had an interesting ending, then this is your link... lol. Enjoy.


Random 2: Ok, am thinking hard about this and nothing is coming to me.... nawahoo. ok,  ermm will  have to move on and dodge this. Ok, yeah something is up, I dont understand why people use the word sad for death.. like when people pass way. Am sure if the person was alot older i.e. in their late 70's or 80's am sure we are so happy they have lived a good life and gone to rest. But when a young person dies we say ahhhh, its so sad. Why: is it because they are young? or they died a horrible death? or we are sympathetic or "sad" is the easier word to say? I think its all of the above and more, it is not fair from my understanding when innocent people die young, but I have learnt to appreciate the part they have played on this earth. I think I am more of celebrating their life although, mourning their loss is a great part of healing. I would prefer to focus on the role they played,  because it helps with the grieving process and healing process. I also know that for some people "time does not heal their wounds" and for some "time does". In all, be rest assured that you had an opportunity to meet such an amazing person who has inspired you even if it was a short visit. Please do not think I  am advocating  denial, I just think its not easy, who says it is. I swear it cant be easy for God creating Universe, the thought process is huge though. But then again, he is spirit, am sure the load is alot easier to carry. lol.


Random 3: I want be a bunch of things that I know I possibly can be or not. I want to be a humanitarian, CEO, photographer, motivational speaker, marketing consultant, baker, wife, friend, lover, Evangelist, Advocate(good will ohh), Governor, President,  Counselor,  event organizer etc etc. A bunch of many things.... I am sure humans are generally like that, so am not wacko jacko lol. i.e. a weirdo.

Random 4: I am not feeling marriage pressure. to be honest I really do not want to feel the wedding fever or marriage pressure. I want to enjoy each stage life has in store and develop at the same time.


Random 5: I am incredibly fussy, the older I get the more am learning to keep my mouth shut and reserve my opinions and that is sooo hard or more like challenging for me. I love talking and intellectual talk is my favourite... But, I am learning to stop contributing my opinions to senseless and foolish conversations that goes no where. Wasted time and effort, I hate it now. In fact some intellectual talk that seems to be energy draining, am avoiding now.. how weird for me.

Random 6: My mum came to jam in my room lol. I told her "go to sleep my child". she said it is your father that will go to sleep. loooooooooooooooool. I didn't mean that ohh.. we were just cracking up yesterday too funny. She is so sweet and cute, lol, I call her my baby. i know am random.

Random 7: My sis and I watched some funny Chinese movie yesterday. Am sorry she is obsessed with chinko peeps. she speaks mandarin really well and she went to China last year. I pray she meets a Chinese man. Pls if you know a good christian, born again, circumcised Chinese dude... Holla @ me. Sorry he has to be all of the above and more. lol.

Random 8: Mum wants to divorce dad, what my opinion on it, I dont really care. lol. i know it sounds as if  " but have never really saw him as dad. More like an Uncle that happens to donate a sperm... I refer to him as sperm donor. lol. He knows this, I told him severally, if I was his wife, he would regret ever stepping into this planet. He messed up, to the extent that I dont care, he has been given all the chances in this world and more and still acts like a mugu. soooooo... I feel for my mum for marrying the wrong person. she is such as great woman. oh well. shine your eyes ohh.

Random  9: I am thinking of treating my family to a nice dinner. I have to take them all out on my last month salary. I really want to spoil my mummy... she deserves it all. As you can tell am in love with her. why wont I be, she is the bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh lool. On a serious note, she is really awesome, she is like my soul mate, she really knows me and understands me. Having said that, I do want to find my ribs ohh well I want to complete the rib of my HUBBY. He does not have to worry about myself and mums relationship. lol.

Random 10: I am a JESUS baby, I feel spoilt by him most times. I like the fact, he knows my thoughts process and what am about to say before I say it. I like the fact that he knows me so well and he is the only able to judge accurately. I like the fact that most times, when I feel like this world is worthless, too much injustice and unfairness. He tells me I have a role to play and I have to do my part well. In as much as it unfair, this  is the way the world  is at the moment,  I can honestly put my hands and say we have come along way. "no matter what" the situation maybe now. I pray we will keep improving  until, JESUS COMES lol. it would be an interesting day.. alie.


This is my random rants, lol. Hope you had a weird look, possibly a frown on your face and maybe at some point  a smile or chuckle. lol.

Thanks for reading.

As always JESUS is love, love yourself and others too.

xxx

The Test FINALE...

Thank you for visiting.

 Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome

Hello People....

I hope we are all good and fabulous. I read about  a post on Toinlicious and I must say I envy your positivity and attitude. I pray HIS glory concerning you and your family will continue to wax stronger. It amazing how we can react to bad news in a positive way and not allow it to affect us negatively.

I myself  have a little story to add to that, I don't know how many people read  my thanksgiving to God about getting a new job. Well, I graduated last year with the hope of securing a job but things were not looking great. Cut long story short, after I found this job, I felt it  was about time to gain ground, little did I know, it was not to be. I went to work during the week, that same day after my arrival, my office manager called me aside to tell me "the director is considering employing an experienced marketer" so in a nutshell I was dismissed.  To be honest, it makes you ask a lot of questions but what is the need? I know for a FACT I will not go hungry. Not because of paying tithe or offering ohh, but because I have that ASSURANCE by his grace. The other thing I am rest assured of  " when one door closes, another will OPEN".  By HIS grace and faithfulness I will  testify.

Life like I always say is a journey of discovery so, never give up "we are suppose to learn one thing or the other".

Thank you Lord for the birth and resurrection of JESUS. Truth is am not sure if am feeling the Easter this year but I know my JESUS lives regardless of whether I celebrate Easter and its traditions or not.

Alright, enough gloominess ohh..lol. Back to the story "as innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, you mean, you get, you feel, OUSH..lol "Jenifa lines". I showed my mum for the first time through iroko TV. Thank God for that website ohh...

On a serious note, I will now resume the continuation of Kemi and Kayode story as relayed by Kemi herself.

Kemi: I was standing right there, staring at him with disgust, anger, pain, hurt, annoyance and  vulnerability. My friend that was with me  at the time, God bless her took complete charge of the situation, made it clear, that Kayode had on three minutes to say whatever he needed to say. She even went ahead to time him with her phone and threatened to call the police for harassment if he went above the time limit. Looking back now, it is so funny, she was adamant too, I was too weak to talk or protest. I just wanted to get away and go home or at least somewhere else.

Kayode: Kemi I don't have not much to say other than, pls if you could only take my card or my number and we can talk further.  I could take yours whichever you prefer. I know you completely hate me right now, which I accept but we have to talk. I am genuinely sorry for  all that has happened.

Kemi: On that note, he stood up, left his card with my friend "who took it". He left. I stood there shaking, and still upset, my friend took me home.  I did not know where the strength came from to slap KK, and I didn't even know I had it in me, but I was glad I did. He deserved more than that for all that he did.  For the next 3 months after the episode, I did not call Kayode even though my friend purposely tucked the card into my bag and encouraged me to do whatever I felt within me. She said "if you chose to give him ring, it would either show  "you are  compassionate" or you are a mere fool". This is why she suggested I prayed over it because whoever I discuss this with will have an opinion and idea on it, that might not necessarily be a Fact. As for me, I did not bother, for the next 3 months I did not pray about it,  in fact, I tore up the card and left the situation there.

I went to Church on Sunday which I seem to go when I felt like really. This particular sermon "pastor was preaching about unforgiveness" and the attitude we have as Christians towards it. He went on to use a personal story of a lady friend whom he had trusted and loved betrayed him so bad. In the midst of it all, and  finding ways to forgive her and the wrong she did, he met his the love of his life JESUS through another love of his life "his wife". It was a turbulent time for him and forgiveness did not come naturally "in most cases it is not suppose to and anything to the with the matter of the heart or mind" It is harder to let go because of the emotional connection. It was his friend at the time who is now his wife that encouraged him to learn to let go and that it was good for him to mourn, get angry, be upset,  feel all the emotions but do not stay bitter and do not remain in that situation. Through this and the more time spent with God, he realised that we also do things, and hurt other people intentionally or not we are forgiven when we confess our wrongs. Even so, Jesus encouraged us to forgive not seven times but SEVENTY SEVEN times (Matt 18:22). He went on to say that  it meant Jesus recognises people will hurt us, and people will offend us even up to SEVENTY SEVEN times and we have to forgive despite all. It also meant there is grace that comes with it, surely God realises that we live in a world where offences is generated and often returned but we are instructed to forgive one another, be kind to one another and compassionate just as Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:32). He spoke more on unforgivness, and the more he said, the more I felt within me, this was for me. It was at this point, I realised I had not forgiven not entirely, I had not forgiven my old pastor, my church members, even Kayode.

It was much easier for me to suppress things and convince myself I had let go but the emotions that I felt seeing Kayode proved me wrong. It was until then, I got home, went on my knees and cried to my Lord and  told him all I felt and still feeling and how I needed him to help me because I was truly lost and I wanted to be found. I approached my pastor that I had not spoken to after the whole incident on my wedding day. He was quite shocked to receive a call from me and we agreed for a meeting.

He apologised and said he tried his best to sort everything out and even tried to pay me a visit but I had my changed address, phone number, email etc  and before that my Dad had warned him never to contact me or have anything to do with me ever again. I told him I was not aware of all this, infact I was not in a good place myself, and only felt neglected by the church for not showing support and love.  I  had only called him because I felt it within me   and I found the number through an old  church magazine. I told him about KK and what had happened when I saw him. He was so happy that about the encounter and really encouraged me to call him that if it was alright with me, he would collect my number or email address and pass it on to him or vice versa. He told me there was alot KK has to say to me but he could not do it because it was not his place. But he mentioned something that juggled my memory.

Old Pastor: Do you remember  the feeling you had you two would be tested in a big way but you weren't sure and we prayed and fasted over it.

Kemi: That was a long time ago pastor. But I remember clearly now. Could it be this is the test.

Old Pastor: It could very much be. I say this because just the other night, I woke my wife up for both us to pray for you two. We as a church had always put you before God but this was different. We were putting you before God as man and wife. For you to call me and now speaking with me, it seems to me God has a hand in this situation and I believe it will work out for good.

I left feeling empowered and encouraged although I had my doubts, I had this assurance everything will work out for good. At this time, I had not told any member of my family about my decisions so far or even seeing KK. I really wanted to let things go and discussing it I felt will bring back old sores. I carried on as usual, doing everything,  by this time my cousin had gone back home to get married and mum went to support. I had stayed because again I felt it was not yet time for me to go. I also had an opportunity to think clearly in my own space.

Two weeks after my meeting with Pastor. I got an email from KK who had said pastor had passed on my details but felt the need to email first before he could call me. I responded back and we said hello via email for a week. He decided to ask me again if we could meet up in my own time  and talk face -to-face. I was still upset, still felt certain emotions but I was able to deal with them by God'grace. I was really nervous, I had not seen him for almost five years. I prayed and I chose an open restaurant to meet up. I made sure I told one of our  prayer group from my new church that I was meeting with someone. and would like him to come with me. I also made sure KK knew  that I was bringing someone with me. I knew it was going to be awkward but I felt much better if someone else that is neutral that knew nothing about our past or knew us personally was with me. I could tell from his voice that he did not sound too excited about me bringing someone else most especially a brother but I was not bothered in the least about his reaction if he had nothing to hide, he would be himself.

I went home feeling  more confused as ever but clearing the air little bit was great.  The restaurant was beautiful and the scenery was perfect not romantic and the person  I brought with me from the prayer group was well matured and did not interrupt much. He was a married elderly man with grand- children.  He posed no threat was so ever from my end at least. I could tell by KK face he was happy that it was not a  younger brother he was thinking about. Obviously, we did not dwell on trivial issues as such, we had more serious conversations to unfold.

As I sat in my bed that night, I wondered and wondered about how life is in general and how situations can easily be misguided.

According to KK, there were alot more deeper issues he did not tell me beforehand and the morning of the wedding had played out in a different way.

Kayode: At exactly  1 month to our wedding date, I knew certain things were not right within me, for some reasons I was  feeling pain and sweating alot more. I had frequent headaches and was hurting but I had put it down to stress and too much work. I knew I was working over time to meet up with our expenses. I  had found it  increasingly difficult to pass out urine without feeling pain of some sort. I genuinely thought it was not much of a big deal. I had shared my concerns with a colleague from work and he had suggested I see doctor about it. I knew it had nothing to do with STD because I was abstaining . I went for check up and the GP told me it could be anything  but the diagnosis will need to come through first in order to find out what it was, but based on my symptoms it seems like a  prostrate cancer. I did not know what to say but he gave me some additional information and prescriptions for the pain etc.  Besides, he was not certain for sure, so I tried to eliminate  worry from my mind. I did what I knew best, I said a prayer and left it in God's hands. It was 3 weeks later, the test came through to confirm that I had prostrate cancer stage 3,  which most likely had spread through the prostrate, the tube and semen. Having all these information thrown at me did not make me feel comfortable. In fact, it made matters worse because all I thinking was what if "I cant stand or rear children" will I ever make her happy sexually, how this would change our lives forever.

I had on many ocassions made up my mind to tell you  but each time I opened my mouth I say something else. I could not do it to you, cause  you pain or hurt your feelings. You were always happy each time I saw you, talking excitedly  about the wedding, marriage, children etc. I was a coward, I could not find the strength to tell you. Despite my worries, the date for my treatment was actually on our wedding day. I had told my colleague from work who had pestered to know the result of my test. He had spoken with the board of directors who decided to pay for my treatment and booked me in a private hospital in  Germany. I tried to protest,  it was my wedding day and I could not do it. I had no choice, it was either that day or wait another 6 months in which the cancer would have advanced if not killed me. It was one of the hospitals that had the latest technology and treatments available. I was too distraught, I wrote it down and decided to post it to you, I was too ashamed to tell you, I did not know why I felt that way. Although, we decided we would tell each other everything but all I kept on thinking was you were too young to be widowed, you are too wonderful  not be able to rear children if you married me. The pain I felt would have been much easier to deal with if you did not know. Well at least I convinced myself  of that. On our wedding day, for some reason I plugged up the courage to tell my parents who eventually told the pastor who felt you had the right to know no matter what.

We were in the office when you arrived with Dad, when he was told everything. He said I was a weak man with wicked intentions and he would not allow this news to get to you and I should stay away. He went on to tell pastor that he should NEVER contact you. Pastor was a culprit to my wicked plans etc. It was better if he took you home and sorted things out. I think he must have told you I had left and none could contact me. I felt powerless, he was right that I was weak but I had good intentions, at the time I felt I was protecting you by not allowing you to deal with the mess I would have to face. It was too much, what if I had not made it, you have invested time and energy into nothing. It was better if you thought other than dealing with the pain of me having a cancer etc.

During everything, we tried to beg your Dad but he would not give us a chance. I went for my treatments and after two years of battling and fighting, I won and I am thankful to God, the support from friends and family and prayers. I waited till I could gather my strength to approach  Dad  again about my intention but insisted on not seeing me or allow me to see you. It hurt, I was in pain for all these years.I also tried contacting your old work place, visited your old address, contacted your cousin none was to no avail. It was a dead end, pastor encouraged me to leave it all in God hands. It was harder because I had done that before, I felt he let me down. I had to gather courage and allow God to do his will. It was not  until then, that I had to trust in  his strength not mine.  Besides, it is not by my power I am alive, but through the ups and downs, your smile really encouraged me. I knew you weren't there, but I had surrounded my room with our pictures, your smile, your encouraging words. I was determined to look for you and try my best to explain all that had happened, at least you would know that I did not intended to leave even though that was what happened. I had failed once and now I knew I did not want to fail again. I decided to focus on building my confidence again, my career and future plans. When an old friend had invited me to a wedding, I had turned it down but felt the need to go later on. I changed my mind that morning and went and that was when I could not believe what my eyes saw. When I saw you, I was not sure, you looked different, you were glowing but you looked different, alot more slimmer and you had an haircut. I could tell right away you had lost alot of weight and you had been in pain. As I proceeded to approach you, I could not imagine your reaction but I knew whatever it was, I was ready for it and I didn't care even if you chose to ignore me. I must say the slaps you gave me meant that alot more than pain, it showed me you still cared enough to demonstrate how you felt. I would not have preferred it any other way, it was a different experience to see you angry, I have never seen that side during our courtship but then again I knew it was not in you to do such, situation can provoke some reactions in us we never thought we had.

Kemi: It was revelation what KK had told me earlier, I  sat on my bed feeling weary and drained. We had talked about alot of things and everything but I could not help thinking why didn't I pay enough attention. I recalled times during our courtship when he would look lost or as if he wanted to say something but would close his mouth or say something else I thought was irrelevant and strange. Little details  like that was brushed away but looking back now became more apparent. I asked myself that question would I have appreciated it,  if KK told me about the cancer at the time.
My response: I do not know, I knew I would have felt powerless, emotional etc that we had to be face this challenge but I knew without a doubt at the time  I would have stood by him. But then again, maybe I would  have stood by him but not have dealt with the situation in a positive way. I believe I would have stayed, but it would have been harder for me to see him suffer.

The truth is I could never tell my reaction because  in life we never know what we would do until a situation occurs. It is sometimes easy to say  I would do this and that but again, we can't tell but only ASSUME. This is why am amazed how things truly do work out for those that LOVE GOD.

It been 12 years, I am glad am married to the love my life, the one that is the bone of my bone, the flesh of my flesh. We have two beautiful twins a boy and girl and I could not have been happier. We have had our shares of ups and downs and we still do but am grateful  to God to be a living testimony. KK and I through HIS  grace worked things out and everything fell into place. We had a little wedding ceremony and Dad walked me down the aisle. I knew  Dad  made some decisions I was not happy with, but he did with all good intentions to protect me and he still does. I feel like as a couple, we have really been tested in a way that we could never imagined but also overcame  in a way we still cant imagine. It amazing how life works out in the end.

My advice: Whatever is worth holding onto, is worth appreciating and praised. We ought to have a mentality that everything happens in its season and time and with that we should always have a grateful heart and a positive attitude. We will  all go through different forms of test,which at times feels like punishment or torture but you have to TRUST it will work out in the end. Do not be anxious about nothing, but in everything, make your requests known to God through prayer and supplications (Phil 4:6).

Side note: Remember, no matter how you feel today, some people have it worse, be thankful.

NOTE: This is a fictional story, any story to real life is pure coincidental. Inspired by the one and only Holy Spiriiiieeee... hehehe..lol. Holy Spirit.

Thank you  for reading. God is love...Love yourself and on others too.

xxx

The Test Chapter 3

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello Children lol (chorus hello aunty.. lol, raise ur pinky finger if you stayed up watching "tales  by moon light" loll).

Ok, on a serious note. Hello People of Blogsville, I hope we are all doing great.

Can I just say am beaming with smile due to all the lovely feedback and visits I have received from my new and old followers. Thank you so much and I genuinely appreciate each one of you. (big smiles).

I do apologise for not updating  sooner,  chia, its been busy busy busy ohh, as in I had to take the day off today sha i.e. went on leave. lol.

Back to the much anticipated continuation of Kemi and Kayode's journey.

Kemi: I believe our relationship was amazing, we started off with a good solid foundation what I meant by that is we communicated a lot and discussed areas of what our goals were, how we played an impact or could play an impact in each other's life. We talked about backgrounds, upbringing, past relationships, life experiences, we prayed together, studied the word etc. What I particularly liked during our early days of courtship was the direction and vision Kayode had for us and our future together. He wanted  us to be a transparent couple and God fearing with the idea of none is perfect but mistakes is all about discovery and development. Which for me was significant has it helped me to relax and be myself and around him and be alot more open about things. We were quite close and we had a lot open discussions.  As our relationship took shape, the more time we spent together the more we knew about each other habits, likes, dislikes etc.

In particular, Kayode does not like cooking with salt, in fact this is one bizzare situation I had to deal with. Basically, he would prefer to cook without and sprinkle some if need be on his food if at all he felt the need to. This attitude all stemmed up from his Mum who felt it was healthier to eat less salt or have none at all. When he was much younger i.e a toddler she did try to use salt to build immune system etc but the older all her children got i.e. Kayode's siblings the more she fed them less salt. For instance, she would cook rice and not put any salt and only use salt to boil the meat to kill bacteria and use its stock to cook the stew. In fact she went on to make a her own organic maggi and ingredients etc. In a nutshell, Kayode tends to stir away from cooked food that contained salt, he would much prefer one where he is able to dictate the amount of salt that should be in the food. Which I found annoying at the time because the food  I ended up cooking with little salt or maggi practically turned out tasteless I felt.

I mean the first time he tasted my food, he smiled through out saying it was nice but deep down he would have preferred other wise. Although, we talked about his selective ideas on foods, i didn't not know it was this bad in my opinion. For a while, I would get upset when he says oh he would wait till he get to his house to eat because he felt the salt or maggi I used was too excessive. I was usually mortified trying to defend myself that the food tasted like food good food to be precise.  Few months into our courtship we had to address this issue and we came to a compromise. That all the food I cooked will contain  salt but minimal one only because he is eating out of it. Funny right, when I tasted his food it actually was not that bad although the natural ingredient he used were helpful and tasted fresh. This was us and how the journey of discovery began, the more we talked, the more we knew about each other.

I started driving after two attempts at passing my test, it was fun to own my vehicle as I felt more independent not that am saying I was not beforehand. But this time, it was my car and it was not ohhhh am getting a lift with KK although I still do. KK is that sort of person you would call "push the button kind of person", he knows how to push my button alot or maybe I should say I allow him to get to me so much,  I react each time. He is so unpredictable yet predcitable i.e. you never know when he plans on doing things, he does things out of the blue. In a nutshell, he can be very annoying and he is spontaneous.  There was this particular time, I had to run an  errand for someone and I had promised the person that I would be on time. It  was during  this time KK said he wanted help that his car was acting up and he needed a lift to work. I remeber responding "Honeysuckle, you know I have to run errands that morning, I can only give you a lift on one condition if you wake up really early in the morning and I will drop you early". This was our agreement. So that why I was annoyed and then angry that if KK knew our arrangement why would he  not  respond to me pressing the bell, calling his phone no response "ahh to say I was begining to get irritated was  an understatement. I waited for around 5mins and I thought if I do not get in my car now, I would be late . As I was about to reverse out of the estate, I looked into my rear-mirror and left mirror and guess who I saw running down. KK, with a bunch of colour full flowers and break fast. He wanted to surprise me but he ran behind schedule more like the whole timing  didn not work out as the delivery man was late and there was a long queue at Starbucks. I stopped the car and he came right next to my car window, "breathing profusely" with my face looking really angry.

KK: Babi mii, omo toh dun, omo toh fine, omo sexy, omo valuable, omo sweet, am sorry. These are for you.

Kemi: (still frowning)  am I suppose to be happy and jump up down?

KK: Yep, (chuckles) am sorry, I know that face very well, its not a happy one, but this was suppose to be well planned and things just didn't go according to plan.
You were suppose to knock, and I was suppose to spoil you rotten today by brining you nice flowers to brighten up your day and possibly your office hence the flowers.  am joking now. I wanted to treat you today just for 5mins so you would have a smile all day  but it did not work as planned. So I am sorry, can I drop of these flowers  for my delicous honeybunny eventhough she looks so upset and angry right now, she still looks even yummier in the mornnings. Goodness!!  how do this Kemi.

Kemi: KK you know you are just buying your way out of this, with all the sweet words and lovely comments. But am vexing for you big time, am running out of time and am going.

KK: Ok, I guess I will go back home and drive myself to work with the flowers and pancakes breakfast I got you.

Kemi: No oh. drop them I know am upset but (secrecetly smiling) I want my flowers and my pankies oh...

We resolved our issues and we carried on as normal, again he does funny things and I have had to learn to be patient and not take things emotional because KK sees the fun in everything and the more serious I got, the more he would do strange things so I decided to calm down a bit.

On this particular day, it was my birthday  and I really was not in the mood for  anything. My cousin from naij had cover to the UK and she persuaded me to do something . I succumbed  and we decided  three of us, KK, myself and her would go a for dinner. KK would always let the waitresses know he does not want salt in his food or would indicate the amount of salt he wanted, he is a very fussy eater. Back to my birthday, my cousin had insitited I wore this particular dress she got me as a birthday present which came in baby blue colour, she wanted my make-up done by a professional which at the time I thought she hired. She was making a big fuss which I thought was a bit too much but I did not want to sound ungrateful so I felt well we are like sisters maybe she is trying to make up for the last 3 years for the birthdays she missed. I went along with the flow and she told me she wanted to pick something up and she would meet myself and KK at the restuarant. I did not think much of it, KK came around and his jaw dropped at the sight of me more like he looked very pleased with what he saw and would not stop complimenting me. Well, let just say I could not hide my expressions as I was beaming from my way out  into the car to the destination.

KK and I arrived at this place that looked familiar but I did not think much of it, he mentioned earlier that someone wanted him to drop some parcels off. I did not ask any questions so I was so surprised when he said he wanted me to come in  with him. At first I was really reluctant and I really didn't want to go in. I eventually stepped out of the car and went inside with him and all I could hear was "SURPRISE". Awww he had organised a surprise birthday party in fact himself and my cousin with couple of others from Church and friends from work were there. It was really emotional, as I was not expecting it,whilst everyone was all merry and having a laugh, KK was trying to get all our attention and it was weird I was thinking what is he doing and what is he upto this time.

I was with a couple of friends when KK said I have some surprise for you and I was like what is it, that was when my parents both of them came in and to say I was shocked is an understatement. I was incredibly ecstactic and  happy and shocked, I have not seen them both in a long while and it completely made by birthday so special that KK invivted my parents over. The suprises were not over, it turned out 2 of my brothers that were in Canada were also there, I was really happy and my pastor, Uncle, Aunties etc were all there. He really made the effort and ensured I had a great 25th and I could not ask for a better present. It was then, that he wanted all of our attention again and took on stage.

KK: Hello everyone, I would like to say a massive THANK YOU to all that made to ADEKEMI's birthday, am eternally grateful for the support and love. God bless you all abundantly.

Well, I have something special to say and I am a bit shy but I will get on with it. Adekemi, "my rising star, my incredible credible lady".


KK: I guess everyone now knows what I call you, nevermind. He went on to say, Adekemi Oluwatemitayo Morinke Ireti Babalola Samuel. I am eternally grateful to God for your existence and your purpose on earth. I am even more grateful that our paths crossed and I got to know more about you. I am exceptionally grateful that I have found courage to proceed to ask you  out. Now, I would like to take it a step further, to say this  in front of the people that mean the most to you. If I am worthy enough to  be the man that will father  your children, protect you,  help you and provide for you. Your presence in my life is a genuine blessing and I am happy to say I am myself around you and I feel always  encouraged to keep improving and developing.

Please would you do me the honour of being my wife, my best friend and my helper.

At this point, KK was kneeling right next to Kemi.

Kemi: (I cant believe you) Beaming with smile and pride and affection.

KK:  Sugar plum plum, am still waiting for an answer.

Kemi: its a yes, ofcourse its a Yes.

It was a such a delighful, memorable and incredible day that I felt so loved and so valued it was unreal.

The preparations for the wedding began, we had planned we would have the white wedding in the UK and have the traditional in Nigeria. It was lovely and we included each other in all the details and preparation and it was absoulty awesome. I did not see any signs of negativity from KK and I made sure I did not pressure him or be too demanding even though I knew it was my special day I made sure it was not centered around me only but instead it was "our special day" I was really looking forward to being Mrs Oluwakayode Korede I was so happy that our home would be joyful despite any storms we will come across, I was sure that we will come  out stronger.

We set the date for 6months after the engagemnt for the white wedding.

On our wedding day, it was a bright blue sky and it was awesome, it felt good and I felt good and I was ready so ready every fibre within me was ready. I remember driving down in the classic vintage rolls royce with my dad by side feeling proud and happy. We got to the Church and for some reason I was kept in the car but my Dad was requested. It was apparent KK was running late or some sort and I had to wait in the room until he gets to church. I was not worried I thought he was probably doing a surprise theme again as he was prone to do.

I stood in the alter for what seemed like ages and it seemed KK was not coming. I kept on saying someone should call him. They said his phone was switched off and I insisted they tried his land line.. I did not understand how all his grooms men and best man was there and KK was not. I  kept on asking were you not all in the hotel, what happened, where did he go, what is wrong. I was asking all sorts of questions and crying at the same time. That was when my sister aka cousin woke me up to tell me I was dreaming again.

Its  had been  months and I still had  nightmares everyday, what seemed like a great day turned out to be a grey day.Ever since, it felt grey, I was not myself, I could not eat, I had lost a lot of weight, I had to take a leave of absence from for a whole year from work. I could not function, I had lost my sanity. My parents decided to move me out of my old apartment into a new place. My cousin and Mum had to move in with me to care for me because I could not live on my own. My parents made a decision not to  me take to Nigeria because they felt the environment will not be positive for me. Besides, I was under medications and I needed to stay in a place where am most  likely would be receive the attention and care I could possibly get i.e. therapy. I saw a therapist once a week but it did not help. I was just in a dark place with a lot of questions. I had a lot of emotions as well, I did not who to direct my anger to, at times it would be at myself, at my destiny, at God, pastor, family, life, everything and at KK. But I had no answers, I had questions but no answers. I lost the will to live, literally felt this life was simply pointless. I have never felt destroyed in my life until that moment, it was awful.

Fast forward two years after the whole KK episode and I am finding my feet again. I made  a decision not to be a victim I did know where the strength came from but I knew people were interceding for me spiritually. I simply woke up one random morning and thought I can't live like this i.e as if am dead when am alive, I have to get on with it and make this  situation better and that was how journey to discovery and healing began and I tell it is one of the toughest, most challenging aspect of my life because I had to face it all, the pain, hurt, betray, anger I had to face each one step by step and begin to eliminate their power and influence over my life. It was not all my strength, the little prayers I said each day, each time, second were helping me too.  I knew my family and some of my friends were already affected by the situation and I could not bear the fact they all felt sorry and powerless and trying their absolute best to bring me back to my old self. I had to face my demons and face the world, I could not deny the shame or pain but instead embrace it but not make it my own. Horrible things happen and I cannot afford to remain a victim, it was about  time I took power and took charge of my life, and it was in no way shape or form easy.

Within the two years, I focused on building myself again and my career, I did not want to make my life about KK anymore or even  questions what went wrong and did not. The deed is done I just need to get on with life, and make it the best I can.

Four years of working hard, praying for healing and support, I was finally getting there, I started my own registered pharmacy  in the  UK with aims of going back Nigeria to set up a baby branch. I started to get ambitious again, I wanted to provide quality drugs that improved the quality of patients in Nigeria and sell them at affordable prices. My main focus was making sure that rich and the poor could access the medications under certain allowances and financial support from the local government would help with that.

Before I could embark on this journey, I needed to get a lot of things sorted out first in the UK and that took time. In  the midst of those I had written up  a business plan, secured sponsorship from governors and private investors. It was a hectic time for me so when one our friends was getting married and I was invited I did not say pass like I would have in the past as I  needed a break to relax and wanted to live again.

It was at her wedding that things took a different turn just when I thought I had moved on and everything was working out well. I could not believe who I saw at the reception in fact the nerve that he had to approach  me was indescribable. I did not realise when my hand landed on his face that was all I could do. I also did not realise when  he went on his knees and I gave another two. I must say it was so loud, heads were turned. It was at this point I came to reality when one of our friends came to get me and I was shaking, shaking like a jelly,. To make matter worse he was following me begging, saying he was sorry and he just wanted to talk to me and everything. I could not face him, I was too distraught, too angry, he begged my friend to have a word with and he was on his knees doing this. She said she was not going anywhere  that if he had anything to say he had to say right in her face. "We don't trust you, was a her response".

P.S. I would have to continue THE FINAL series next time. My eyes are soo dowry...

Thank you for reading.

God is love, love on yourself and others.

The Test.... Chapter 2

Thank you for VISITING.

Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello Peeps..(thot i try a new opening line ahahahah). Hope everyone is cool, calm and collected.

Thank you to all my blogsville friends and readers and I appreciate the comments on the last post.... Happy Smiles..


Well my week was alright nothing major, started my new job thank u Lord for the provision.  Heard about Djazzy and dbanj spilt on BN. All the best to both of them, they do really work hard. oh well, moving on ... No point going back.

Appy Moras Day lool.. joking.

 Happy Mothers Day to my Blogsville  expecting mummies, yummy mummies, older mummies, grany mummies, old in the game mummies, supportive mummies, acting mummies etc etc..... pick each category you belong to lol. I thank God for the awesome work all of you are doing towards bringing up these great children of God and I pray his light, protection, guidance, peace and direction will be upon them always. None of you will  bury, cry nor mourn after your children, instead you will be proud, happy and joyous over them and their character. Every plans of the evil ones concerning your loved ones are all  frustrated now and forever in JESUS NAME.  AMEN.

 To Mothers for all the commitment, strength and love you pour towards your children and family, May the Good Lord continue to reward you openly and inwardly.

 For as many as are believing the  Lord for the fruit of the womb and trusting for a turn around, I join my faith with you and believe it for you. AMEN. Jesus said with men it is impossible but with GOD  ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE not one thing but ALL things. I pray even  our tiny mustard faith will move mountains in our situations. He said ask and receive, seek and find. Keep asking and keep receiving by FAITH.

To MY PRECIOUS DARLING SWEET, LOVABLE, GENEROUS, KIND, AFFECTIONATE, RELIABLE, COMMITTED, TRANSPARENT, AWESOME, BLESSED MOTHER aka BFF. I salute you, congratulate you, appreciate you, respect you and celebrate you and your amazing commitment to motherhood struggles. You are so awesome, I pray you live longest to eat the fruits of your labour Now & Forevermore......AMEN.

Back to the  much anticipated continuation of Kemi and Kayode's journey.

Kemi: I clearly  did not know  or see  Kayode  feelings for me developing or maybe I did and chose to ignore it so as not to feed it and then get disappointed. I got to church on Thursday  evening for choir's  meetings and prayer. I recall  pastor's wife telling me pastor would like to know when next am free to come in, that he would like to speak with me. I was thinking to myself ok, I guess am free this Saturday afternoon. I could not for the life of me think about what he had in mind  to discuss.

 I remember on our way home Kayode was obviously my driver at this point lol. Well he drove me home frequently because pastor felt it was safer and  as a result we were sort of closer at this point. But, again I did not want to assume until I knew for sure so I just accepted he was being generous even though my mind thought otherswise i.e. he likes you etc. Besides, Doyin also started getting rides from Kayode, since she moved house, she insisted she also wanted to be picked  up, and I occasionally sat at the back of the car again Doyin wanted to sit next to Kayode and me being me, I would just find me a  nice comfy area at the back seat jor. During our drive home from the choir meeting with Doyin in there,  I mentioned Pastor wanted  me to see him  and I wondered why. He sniffed and didn't say much other than "hmmmmmm you will have to see him and find out I guess". I replied saying I hope it nothing major though, may be I have done something wrong. Doyin said haba, you are a good girl now, maybe  someone has expressed an interest in you and she chuckled.  I laughed and then said I doubt it, as in everyone in church is practically paired and by that response I felt silly and kept quiet. With an awkward silence brewing between us all. He  finally said really everyone in church is taken and I replied by the looks of it. He made the hmmm sound again and  Doyin, went on to say,  well apart from certain people now,  including you but am not sure. I don't know everyone's relationship status I am only assuming. We moved on to another topic, it was becoming too dramatic.

Well, the truth is, I didn't think Kayode would fancy me  mainly because they were other fine looking girls with nice character that would complement him and I did not think I was his type not in a derogatory way though, simply being realistic.  In fact, most of the fine singles ladies practically drool over him, Kayode is a correct boy, he is sharp, smart, calm and not all over the place.He  also is very warm too. I think that is an attractive quality in a man i.e. he is respectful and respectable with good moral standards. I also knew Doyin from choir had mentioned couple of times how Kayode is not bad ohh, as in he might not be your bad boy type of guy but he is so warm and cool. I nodded but did not voice out my opinion,  after all, I had to renew my mind daily avoiding any form of emotions developing, so I told myself.

Saturday comes and I was sat in Pastor's office feeling shocked, I left his office calling my female cousin whom I refer to as sister. I remember telling her everything including how pastor said there is something he would like to discuss with me. He said "someone in this church very much enjoys your company and values your friendship"." He sees something special in you and he would like to approach you and he felt it was right for him to speak with me first mainly because he was led to".  "I have only  called you in here to say when the person does approach, please listen to what they have to say and pray about it". "Whatever decision you make,  it perfectly fine". I wanted to ask more questions but pastor would not say more than that because he felt that it was only fair for me to find out everything myself. Which left me even more baffled and curious and annoyed. I was just going over it again in my head, who could this person be as in, fancy me and I did not know or see it coming. After my sister's conversation, she reassured me to relax, pray openly about what Pastor said and remain calm and not over think it.

It was not until after my prayer that my mind was calm and relaxed and I told myself I would  not over think it and remain patient.

Two weeks later, am back in my room again calling my cousin aka my sister to let her know what had just happened. After the whole pastor episode, I renewed my mind and tried not to over think it(even though the thoughts always seems to come and seize me unexpectedly. Besides the curiosity of the human nature demands explanation and desires to seek things out but I had to again, renew my mind which was not easy and be patient. Exactly Saturday after choir rehearsals in the mid afternoon. Kayode said he would like to treat us, and I said us? In fact he had this beautiful smile on his face, he looked dashing too as in made proper effort in looking good and he smelt great. Really, I did not want to notice these things but it was different. He said I know you have nothing planned for today and I would like to us to go somewhere of your choice and just relax and talk.

I was still trying to process the word "us" and with my response yet to come,  Doyin again came in and said, so  when are we leaving now. Kayode, had to let her know gently that he was not going home straight away but he could drop her if she wanted. She was like ohh you are not going home now? Kayode said precisely. She said so is there somewhere you are planning on jamming, invite us now, as in you cant go and enjoy it alone. Kayode smartly replied, Doyin if you want me to drop you I will right about now, because my time is pretty much planned today. Reluctantly, she replied saying, well I am sorry to disturb your timing ohh, I will go and catch the bus and with that she gave me a funny look and left. Kayode being humble, said Doyin come back. She came back and said what now. Kayode, said ok let us all go, I will drop you off. Again mourning and sulking and more mourning about how  he should not bother but she was clearly following him towards his car. I did not say anything kept quiet and was going through the "us moment".

We dropped her off, we waved goodbye and left. I remember saying that is something you did there, he said "Doyin reminds me of my little sister, that is exactly how she behaves, you are in the middle of something she wants you to drop all that you are doing  for her but its cool, that what people with that mindset do. I was not upset abit irritated Yes,  but that all. She will live to learn was his last response to that matter before he turned around and said. So " about what we were discussing in church, do you have a place in mind you would like us to go and talk and relax". I did not see myself blushing (i was later told by KK). I replied saying, errmmmm I dont know, its awkward(stupid answer). He said ok, I know it is but let not make it awkward, let make it interesting. Is there a place you have always wanted to visit in London and thought hmmmm one day one day. At the mention of one day I started laughing and said you have being picking alot of naijer lines ohh, and he said abi ohh.  We started laughing and it was not so awkward anymore. We ended up choosing a nice Italian restaurant, a restaurant that was not a popular choice seeing that he particularly wanted a calm atmosphere. It was during desert, KK said he had something in mind,  he would like to tell me, he said pls dont be nervous. Wrong move, cos I was tripled nervous. He said:

Kayode: Kemi " do you know you are incredible".
Kemi: me (looking down at my dessert, I could not look into his eyes, too much mushiness, too nervous).Ok, I did not know.
Kayode: Well to me you are incredible, I ermmm, well,errm, ok, this is really difficult for me but errmm ok. ahem ahem, " you are great girl, what I mean is  you are awesome and you make me so happy  you have no clue". How do you that: its your smile,  it is so beautiful and so warm. Your voice gets me excited and I can listen to you endlessly. I know I am  beginning to sound gibberish at this point, because my words are failing me and what I am trying to say is "I have found something special in you". It is your sincere approach to life, your moral standards and principles to life, your respect for your family and those around you. Your intelligence, love for God and killer body. Ok, that was not part of the speech, but I have to admit you are a very attractive lady and yes your eyes are so beautiful. I have to stop myself looking into your eyes because I know I would be lost inside and not have anything else to say but be in awe of how  beautiful you are,  yet your inner beauty seems to shine forth. This is why I say you are incredible.

I want to get to know you more with a vision of going into a courtship and possibly being married. I see  in you a caring wife, great mother and a loving friend and I want to be more than that with you. I know we will develop, grow and make it together. Ok, so what am saying is please in your time, I would like us to pursue a godly relationship with a purpose to accomplish. I know I am talking alot. So please look up and say something. Obviously, I will not be a hurt if there is another brother, actually I would be but I will get over it.

Kemi: KK, i feel the same way. I guess am very shy.

I remember he came around me and gave me a hug and said I am sorry if that a step too far but I wanted to reassure you. I know it is a lot to take in, so I will take you home and give you time to think about it. So you know I was the guy that went to pastor am sure you guessed right. I am so shy you have no clue but am happy and I feel so relieved telling you this. It has not being easy but it was worth the wait.

During the car drive, I was so quiet I actually did not have anything to say but Kayode will not stop talking. It was as if he came out this shell that he was hiding in. He went on and on about other things and he would occasionally look towards me and smile and say am so happy telling you this. I just felt silly for not saying more I guess I was tongue tied and still processing all the things he said to me. What words can do to your emotions, it really is incredible.

I explained it all to my cousin and she processed it and asked me what I wanted to do. I said I believe I should pray about this first and commit it in God hands because words are easy but actions are different. She prayed with me and we left it.

A month later, we were both officially in  a relationship, after seeking God's face and discussing with our parents and pastor. We were finally in a courtship, which was quite exciting, new and different. But I will not dismiss the fact that I felt something was going to happen but whatever it was I had that assurance I would be fine. I just felt myself and KK would be tested in a big way but I had not clue what it would involve. We prayed about the feeling and left it in God hands. This was the beginning of a beautiful, fun, exciting, cool and totally God centered two years courtship.

I did not see his proposal coming..

I would have to continue next time. Please stay tuned...

God is love, love on yourself and others too.

May God continue to keep you strong and healthy this week and protect your going out and coming in. AMEN.

The Test.. Chapter 1.

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello People....

I hope we are all doing amazingly and gorgeously well. My condolences and my prayer are with the Family of the British and Italian Men who have suffered a terrible loss. Lord, may you avenge and fight their battle. Amen. May the strength of the Almighty continue to empower their family and protect us from evil in any part of this world. We will not be  wanted in the  wrong place at the wrong time. Amen.

This is going to be a long post as usual with many series to cover... I suggest you grab a chair and a cup of cocoa and Enjoy.

This is the story Kemi and Kayode, a story that is about love, survival, hurt, confession, revival, discovery, forgiveness, acceptance and moving on.

Written as described by the person that experienced it.

Kemi:  As I stood across the balcony, I looked back over the past 12 years and wondered how life can be so interesting and damaging at the same time. How life in itself is a journey of discovery without any manual apart from the Bible even then we still have to discover what works for us and does not and how our mistakes can cost our lives, yet be that very same thing that will help us to be better if we chose life. Now, I can honestly say life  is truly unpredictable and God makes no mistakes no matter how my human mind tried to comprehend.

I will share my story with you, it might be one of many but its certainly amazing to me.

About 22 years ago, I met someone and it was the beginning of what is to make my life a journey. It was a normal day at Church, I recently finished my degree in Pharmacy so I was quite excited about my future career and goals. I was looking to conquer the world really, I was young, naive, interesting, funny and playful but so serious with my walk with God and education too. Whilst my friends were dating or being chased, I faced my education squarely knowing fully how my parents have laboured their last penny on me, I had no chance of messing that up. I was a happy bunny on my Graduation day, seeing the joy in my Father's eyes made me so proud of myself, I am the only girl and only child of my Father so he loves me so dearly. Before, Dad married Mum,  he was single and never thought he could be married again after all he passed the date of marriage according to family and friends. He was 40 when he met Mum, Dad had been busy preparing his future and plans he chose to have a ready made life for his wife and children when he felt it was right but things didn't work out the way he wanted so he decided to wait a bit more. During that waiting time, most of the potential women were snatched off the market, and when he did meet someone he truly loved and felt he could marry, the lady wanted to marry asap as in right now or next year and Dad felt at 26, he was struggling and hustling and he was not ready to commit to that life of "managing". Besides, he saw how much he manged in his own time and he didn't want that. Mum on the hand, married three different men Yes, and bore three boys for each of them. Mum was beautiful and a stunner  in her youth (she still is), but at the time,  she was incredibly naive and immature and that led her to make stupid decisions upon stupid decisions.

Mum and Dad only got together through his cousin, Mum was a caterer and she cooked to make a living. During her days, she wanted to chase the higher earners because she knew she was most likely to make more money. She cooked for a particular party where everyone like the food including Dad, in fact he loved the food so much, he decided he would hire Mum right there. He did, he hired her and the rest is history as they say, Mum was 35, Dad was 40 and they tied the knot 2 years later and I was on the way the next month.

This particular Sunday was the day I met Kayode, infact Oluwakayode Aderemi Korede mostly known as KK, cos of his surname. I remember vividly in the afternoon, I was running errands for my Uncle Segun Dad's cousin, who sent to his car to pick up some stuff for the church. I was  communicating with my Uncle without looking my way and before He could shout my name to get my attention, I  had already knocked over the Guy that seemed to have alot to carry and the sound of clashing instruments everywhere. I remember I kept saying sorry but really wanted to get out of there. I had a meeting to attend this afternoon, well more like, Funsho my friend  and I had plans to meet up. Besides, we were going to serve together in the same location  and we decided to meet up afterwards and discuss things. However, this Kayode guy seems to affect my timing. I hurriedly  helped him  with the instruments and when others came around too, I said sorry severely, didn't really catch his face but left to run my Uncle's errands and came back.  Afterwards, I simply left for my friend Funsho and we planned and did our thing etc. That was is it(so I thought).

Fast forward, 16 months  later, I was in the UK working for an international company and looking to settle back home at some point. Again, I went to church joined the choir, worked hard and focused on me, God and my life. During  choir's rehearsal  that took place in the week,  I bumped into one of my friends from church and we talked  for a bit, exchanged numbers and proceeded to leave. He called me back and asked me if I had met his cousin, he is the new drummer, he is replacing Femi that decided to move outside London, he said.  I was already frowning  my face saying "Femi can never be replaced oh, he is too good and his rhythm  is always on point. I was lamenting, when his cousin came by and he  introduced us and we shook hands (well he took my hand to shake it so I responded).Well, it was a brief meeting and again I had to dash, this time I had a deadline so after choir practice I was just looking to catch my bus before it leaves me or I miss it, I do not fancy waiting another 30 minutes. I remember standing at the Bus Stop which was approximately 8 mins away from Church. A car drove by, stopped and asked if I wanted a lift. I politely declined, I guess I could not see his face properly to tell it was the cousin Kayode I was introduced because my glasses was now in my bag or that the lights were just too dim, I could not make out his face. Either way, I would not have entered into his car, I do not like turning people into mini cabs unless I have a rapport and a strong one too and you have to practically force me into your car, other than that I will walk home or take a cab or bus and simply pray for protection.

It wasn't until four weeks later that I spoke with the cousin again, although we made eye contact during practice and meetings and said brief hellos. Anyway, I would always mind my business and stay focused not watching any glance even though Bimpe my closest friend at the time  was suggesting that he liked me and was forever scoping me when he drummed. I simply ignored it and did not allow her words to get into my mind.
This particular night vigil in church, Pastor announced if we didn't have a transportation we should say so, I quickly took my bag to proceed towards the door, when pastor saw me and called me back. At this point, pastor then called him too and said Kayode, you know Kemi now, she lives not too far from you, please kindly drop her and make sure she gets home safe. This is me protesting, Pastor I know my way home and I am safe, I don't need Kayode or anyone to make sure am safe. Pastor, insisted he knows that but today Kayode will take you home and no more walking by yourself in such late hours it is not appropriate for a lady certainly not in that area you live in.

That was how the friendship started, he would drop me and pick me up etc and we would talk, catch up and discuss stuff. Kayode was warm, not incredibly friendly but he was warm like, cool and calm. He didn't talk too much, but sometimes he would talk ohh (when he is passionate about a topic or situation). He also has good memory, he recalls alot of events. In fact, he recalled my accident with him in Nigeria, which I totally forgot, he told me how he would never forget that day. He had come down on  holiday as usual and was helping with the drums instruments, when I decided to torture him by bumping into him without looking and offered one lame excuse that I had to get away. He was so shocked and thought what a pretty but yet manner less/selfish. He remembered saying to himself, some of these girls with fine face  with no morals and respect. I could not help but burst out laughing when  he said those things, and I asked him if he hadn't  heard my several attempts at saying sorry, he said even if he heard, it didn't mean anything as  I did not meant it. I remember defending myself and going on about it, what was a joke, turned into a biy deal on my part, despite the fact he kept on saying this was like more than two years ago its not a big deal. For some reason, I did not leave the subject, I was going and on and on ,(maybe a part of me wanted to get him angry or get him to show slight emotions because he always had it together and despite my attempts he did not lose it). His response, Kemi, when you are done making a big deal out of nothing,just let me know. He kept quiet throughout the whole journey and did not say anything. To say I felt stupid was an understatement or to admit I was wrong and just looking for trouble is also an understatement. To cut a long story short, I wrote a letter to express myself as I was to ashamed to talk to him face-to-face. I posted it to his home address,he read it, picked it up and spoke about it during a Sunday dinner that I offered in order to break the silence I created between us. That was it, I knew from then on, nothing I can do or say will make him flinch if he does not see the need to argue or waste his time, he would leave it, literally leave it.

After six months of friendship, Kayode finally told our Pastor about his feelings towards me and his intentions of which I was shocked not that am saying I did not think about it or it didn't cross my mind.To me Kayode was cool and did not express or give anything away.For instance, he rarely called me, he would only tell me things in advance or write a letter or emailed, he didn't act as if he knew my birthday but he did, or that my favourite snack or meal is fried fish(I love fried fish).

I will have to continue in the next post.

Thank you for reading.

God is love, love on others and yourself too.

XXX