He had a DREAM....!!!

Hello Lovely people,

I hope we are good in the land of the living....
I would like to share a little piece of gift, please read on.

Once upon a time,a child was born.
That child was born with hope but little did his  parents know he had a massive future ahead.

The child became a Boy, the boy became a Man and the man became a LEADER.
He had a dream, he was laughed at, ridiculed and spat on but he had a DREAM.

With his dream, he would work with other amazing people that would change the world for good.
He HAD A DREAM...... and his DREAM became everyone's dream including his enemies. HE HAD A DREAM....

This piece is dedicated to MARTIN LUTHER KING JNR...
Thank you SIR for walking in the destiny ordained for you.
Thank you that you helped every African American to stand TALL AND PROUD.
Thank you to all OUR FREEDOM FIGHTERS who fought with everything including their dignity, pride and shame.... THANK YOU.

Don't let your dreams die...

Piece by me..x

Thanks for reading and visiting. xxx

Update

Hello Everyone,

Thanks for the love, comments and patience, much appreciated.

So what happened? Why the silence?

I admit I am not a regular blogger as much as I want to be, so I said to myself I will try to post as often as I can. Sometimes, I don't post anything because am not feeling what am writing or I have lost my trail of thoughts or in the middle of it and I give up because its not coming together the way I initially imagined.

In some cases,  I don't feel like blogging and these days if am being honest, there is a disconnection with my blog and the blog family. I don't know what happened or why it is so but I read less and less blogs these days.  It most likely a phase.

I think some of the factors that might have disconnected me from my blog:

1) Bored: I just get bored sometimes of reading in general, its just feels pointless.I find myself skim reading and getting to the end before giving myself a chance.

2)  Sleeping hours: I tend to read blogs in the evenings but I go to bed early therefore I don't read as much or cant be bothered too.

3) Watching: I do more watching these days than reading. I just want to watch movies or listen to music.

4) Laptop issues: Yep for almost a month my lappy would just randomly shut down. I had to hand it over for repair.

5) Blogsville: I liked reading certain blogs that I enjoyed but each time I check on their post its like a month ago or two months ago and for some reason I think it just demotivated me.

6) Google playing up: It felt as though I couldn't access my blog. there would be times I want to update and something goes wrong and am trying to fix it but end up giving up.

7) Depression: Some of us may know I have been job hunting for a while and I must say I was not motivated at all to read anything and I think that where the whole watching movies just kinda took over.

8) Victory: I have been meaning to share a little testimony with you blogsville family. In June, I had some marketing/ promotional ideas that came to me. I took these ideas and pitched to a company. Initially,  I didn't know what the outcome would be, but if anything I thought they would invite me for a meeting in their board room and I would elaborate more on the ideas.  I was nervous, prayed and told only my sister who encouraged me, "what is the worst that can happen"?Exactly, they will say NO and thank you. I did pitch, they liked it, they offered me a job and I am grateful to GOD.  I am encouraging someone if you have that creative idea GO FOR IT, "what is the worst that can happen?" Right?

Needless to say, work has been a major contributor to my schedule. I have also had weddings, visitors to host and my baking too.

I promise myself despite some of the jargons I have listed, I owe it to myself to do at least 2-3 posts plus a month if anything. I know some of my posts blesses someone so I shouldn't give it up or abandon my blog. I should also try to reconnect with blogsville. I know blogsville has helped me at some point in my life when I was really down. Blogsville family  were one of the things that kept me going.

 In the past, I have hated when people created blogs, leave it and not come back to it for weeks, months and years. I always told myself I won't be such person and I hate to think am now doing what I hated so please don't think I don't appreciate the sneak peak and every now then check ups,  I really do and  I thank you for your continuous love and support.

Am home for my Mum's birthday. I baked her a delicious coconut cake which she liked alot.Yay.
 I am taking her shopping and we are having lunch/dinner afterwards.

I WILL RECONNECT AGAIN. LOL.

Stay blessed people. xoxox and Thanks for reading/visiting.

I am still here!!!!

Hello Everyone,

Please please please I am so sorry for the late update.

I have alot of apologising to do.

Seriously, I have been  missing from blogsville its unbelievably unacceptable.
I bet most bloggers that visit me often have probably given up on me posting anything or visiting them back.

Please am sorry. I am  not done with my blog.

I have just been busy, tired and lazy with my blog plus my lappy needed TLC.

I will be back real soon to do better posting. I have quite to share.

Thanks for reading.

Side note, I hate that I don't blog often and I have drafts sitting collecting dusts smh.

Stay blessed and see you soon. xoxox

A Movie inspired post.

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are well and thankful for yet another day to breath in/out fresh air and eat good food. Thank you Lord.

I absolutely loved the lovely comments I got from my last post Pls click here. YAY....

Very quickly (learning how to keep my post short and snappy), I watched this interesting movie. Initially, I didn't like it, I thought it was too slow, way too mumuish etc but I allowed myself and not only did I enjoyed it, I learnt one or two things I will share with you.

I am not sure if you have heard of the Ghanaian movie "Sinking Sand" starring Yemi Blaq (that dude knows how to make English sound so cool). I watched the movie free on Irokotv (pls watch it too).

I won't spoil it for those that haven't watched it, but I kinda have to mention what happened to illustrate what I learnt. 

The movie was about two love birds that wanted to love and live together "happily ever after" until a disaster struck. This changed both their lives together forever. I must say, I didn't particularly like the ending to the movie, I like happy endings, "who doesn't?  expect you are a Devil. lol.   I like to say I love realistic happy endings.

Back to the movie so they loved each other so much they couldn't foresee how this situation could have destroyed what was once beautiful. Who could have foresaw? Well, lets just say the disastrous situation was caused by the woman/wife which affected the man i.e. his physical state and psychological state. The situation affected their marriage, a joyful man/husband now became a "monster" constantly torturing his wife, abusing her and treating her shamelessly. A vibrant hopeful women/wife became a shadow of herself making up excuses to pretend the situation was healthy. 

However, the key things I learnt from this movie was "Unforgiveness" and "Guilt". I rarely learn from movies produced these days. Can I get an "aye aye" ? lol.

After the negative situation occurred, the woman/wife carried a heavy burden on her mind which goes for alot of us when we make mistakes especially  when it has a direct effect on our spouses or loved ones. Some of us carry the guilt because we feel immensely responsible  for what has happened. We also don't forgive ourselves or the situation rather we mentally subject ourselves to the torture of trying to undo the situation by being more nice, cautious etc and at the end we  exhibit self pity, low self esteem and other forms. We feel responsible for the situation,  which is normal but it is important we learn from the situation and allow ourselves to better. Feeling guilty wasn't/ isn't the issue,  it is "staying guilty" that is the main issue. When we feel responsible for what we have done wrong we can bend over backwards to please the other party while they take out the anger, frustration, rage and lack of self control on us. In this case, the woman/wife felt guilty and stayed guilty because she felt responsible for what happened, constantly blamed herself and to top it off she accepted the punishment as a way to rid herself from the guilt. While I advocate the need to feel responsible, I also advocate the need to learn how to move on from the situation and become better. It is possible, it will take time and lapses but it is POSSIBLE. Nothing is Impossible. Can I get an Amen? lol.

Now the "Unforgiveness" was mainly from the man/husband he just couldn't bear it, he was angry, dejected, insecure and frustrated.  He didn't know how to deal with the situation and felt  his wife intentionally hurt him.  He couldn't bring himself to forgive her and move on. He felt angry with himself more so his wife and instead of dealing with the issue as it not always easy to do so, it was far more easier to punish his wife and take out the anger out on her. I believe this is a situation where any individual can be found in, the fact that we are trapped in our own  feelings and emotions makes it impossible to see a way out or to see how sorry the other  person is about the situation."Though sometimes people are not always sorry". 

The unforgiveness he abhorred led to a series of torture his wife received from him and even with that,it didn't take away the fact that he is still bitter, angry and worse still, the situation is still there. The truth is, the damage is forever done and cannot be undone however there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In essence, the  situation can be better managed.  Besides, the man/husband also fed it by allowing himself to turn to the negative things like drinking, although it makes sense that he is upset and probably will be for a very long time it didn't mean that the future couldn't be bright or that nothing was impossible.

After all that has been said and done, both parties I felt needed help. They needed professional help equally and separately to deal with the situation in a more positive and better way even though there will be lapses. The fact is,  you have  days  where you feel things have gone better but you are suddenly back to the drawing board.  I personally advocate both professional and Jesus help. 

Most importantly, for anyone that is in a situation such as this or similar, it is imperative to admit that the baggages, the guilt, the abuse etc none are healthy   and it will only make matters worse if things do not change for the better.  Both individuals  can be ruined for good but thank God for grace.

What am I saying? At some point in our lives we will go through a major catastrophe God forbid, some are obviously manageable than others but in the case where  any negative events should take place, I hope we find the need to cry out for help and not be silent. I pray we ask the holy spirit for direction on what actions to take and speak or surround ourselves with people that genuinely care about us.

I don't like unforgiveness and I don't like guilt, I don't like hatred, I don't like jealousy,  I don't  like being the victim or victimising others, I don't like being the bad guy or being under the bad guy.

I don't like any form of Negativity period.  I consciously  don't  feed on it and I consciously don't feed it to others. 

I like to see life as a learning process where we will be challenged to our limits and our emotions will take a toll on us but we need to learn it only skin deep. 

I stay away from anyone that brings out the worst in me. Seriously, I don't like yelling, I don't like keeping malice so if you stress me, I will cut the person off. I need my cool jare.

Back to the summary of the movie, maybe if they sought help, the dude could have allowed himself to see the genuine love of his wife  although upset and angry both could learn from it and try to live happily ever after...... hahahha  if there is anything such as that. 

It is easy to talk the talk lol but to "walk the talk" entirely different matter.

I pray for anyone that is hurting will find healing.

I pray for anyone that is in pain, guilt and anger will find forgiveness, repentance and new life.

I pray whatever that is bad, unfair, unworthy will not be ours but grace will find each man. Amen.

Thanks for reading.

Love, Joy and Peace.

xoxo

Big Chop!!!

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are feeling great.

I know its been a while since have popped over but seriously, is it just me or am being random, Blogsville seems dry.lol. Maybe its me, I don't visit blogs as much I used to.
My life at the moment is full of sunshine, grey, blue sky and random rain drops. I guess I am getting there. I can't wait to share more with you.

I was sad and emotionally unstable for a while but am totally back on track. Thank God.
For some of us that are aware or not aware, "emotional illness" and "mental illness" are REAL.
What can I say? People do battle with serious demons.
We can only help by showing love, prayers and encouragements, it goes a long way.

I finally DID IT.
I chopped my HAIR OFF.
I took scissors and just snipped off the relaxed ends, funny enough I planned to relax it that very day.
Heyhoo, pls check out some of the pics.

Over the weekend, I went to see my friend. I was just full of love and sunshine. I love being HAPPY and in control.

I pray whatever that is imperfect in your life will have meaning someday.
I pray that whatever that makes you sad will have meaning someday.
I pray that whenever you can, you chose to remain happy and victorious.
Jesus Best. x

I had fun creating this. *loves*

Ajoke................... The finished part.

Hello People..

Back to finish the story of Ajoke..... pls Click HERE for part 1

I apologise for bringing this late but here it is..

We didn't want to talk about how long I had left. We decided to savour every moment, I felt total peace  not thinking about anything but enjoying our companionship. I knew I didn't have enough time anymore, I felt I had to do something. I had heard that the contract might be extended for another six months which I was not sure I would be allowed to come back. It was agreed this project was a stepping stone for me and once the current contract finished, it would be time for me to leave for something else.

I couldn't bare not being with the love of my life Ajoke, she was so delicate yet firm. We had talked about marriage and I knew I would do anything for her to be  my wife but when I approached her family, her father blatantly refused me with all his might. He had said I wasn't Yoruba and he didn't trust the "likes of me". I was hurt, we both were hurt, we didn't want to give up but my parents didn't agree either. My mother especially didn't approve, the brief visit to my parents turned sour. I was not allowed to marry the love of my life because she wasn't from my tribe. We  were crushed but we knew we wanted our parents blessings and had to respect their decisions.

It was two days before I left  for good. Ajoke sneaked out late to be with me and we had decided to  meet up under the  palm tree near the old school. It was pretty late but we needed to be together, we both new its our last time to say our goodbyes.
We had laid next to each other looking at the clear blue sky,staring at the sparkling bright stars, we recounted our memories, we laughed  hard and we talked about how special we both were. That night, Ajoke felt it was right for her to offer me something she thought it was special to her. I looked at her desirably, I appreciated the gesture and every fiber in my body was screaming YES YES YES, but I couldn't. I loved her too much to feel her and not forever have her. It was not fair, my heart yelled, cried but it made it more special as Ajoke couldn't help but cry. She cried so hard, why is it so hard to just "love" and not think about  anything.We  knew both our parents were too adamant. Ajoke gave me  piece of her  cloth and placed in my hand to keep. We wished on the stars and hoped in our hearts that things would change one day.

I never loved any other woman like did Ajoke, I got married to a family friend  whom Mum praised and hailed, she was a lovely lady that cared for me and like wise but my heart belonged to Ajoke. I vowed to myself I would never stop my children from falling in love and marrying the lady or man of their choice as long as he/she  is the right one for them.

It was the graduation  of our first son, we had flown to the US to celebrate his graduation. He had been raving about this sweet lovely girl he had met and fell for. He said to me over the phone, Dad you will love her. I guess I couldn't wait to meet her. It was a lovely graduation, full of happy and proud parents cheering their children on. I was proud of him, he was incredibly ambitious and he had finished well. We had  gone back to the main hall to take pictures when he hurriedly came towards us with this sweet lady and introduced her. From her name, I could tell she was Yoruba, she was courteous and greeted us well. We were still talking to her when her parents approached us.

Thirty years on and  she still looked amazing. It felt like a dream. Her mother, was the love of my life, like a reflex, I proceeded to greet both her parents whom she also introduced to us.  I looked at my son and her sweetheart, they both were like love birds. Ajoke had stared consistently at me and eventually said my name. She was shocked as much as I was.

It was a beautiful wedding. Ajoke and I  had the opportunity to talk and we were both thankful about how life had turned out for our children. Who would have thought? It was great having her in my life again as a friend. I told my wife who she was and how I had  known her years back. Meeting Ajoke, made me appreciate my wife even more,  the love she has shown me over the years  was genuine even when  I felt withdrawn not consciously.

We both agreed everything happens its own time. Our experience had made us stronger in our own way. Did she miss me? Hell yeah she did but she had to move on, I was married so was she.

Nigeria today has changed. Am happy that  in our own little way, we are  embracing others culture and inter-tribal marriages are far more encouraged than before.
All the same am grateful my experience helped me to allow my children to be happy.

P.S. This was a fictional story inspired by the history of Nigeria.

I love inter-tribal marriages because to a degree its promotes "oneness". While some might argue against all sorts, I am simply happy that two individuals of different culture, ideologies and traditions are willing to make it work through alot of compromise and heartfelt desire to be together.

I hope  one day  I have an inter-tribal  marriage and if I don't my children might. lol.

Thanks for reading.
It is well with us. God is awesome.

Enjoy my Ole-ku outfits. x

                                 

In a Relationship........

Hello Everyone.....

Very quickly check this out...

In a relationship where one person seems to be giving more than the other? I'd say slow down.

In a relationship where your emotions seem to be at a faster pace...I'd say calm down and keep it in check.

In a relationship where you do most of the work...I'd say re-evaluate...

In a relationship where there is lack of appreciation and actions.. I'd say is it worth the hassle? No.

In a relationship where there is constant abuse e.g. verbal or emotional. I'd say step away from everything, be real  and if possible RUN. infact RUN and pray from afar. lol.

In a relationship where there is no FOCUS and aspiration. I'd say LEAVE or risk feeling worthless for a long time...


P.S. I have been busy thinking about my life lol so blogging was not in the picture, but am back to complete the story on Ajoke very soon pls Click here to read.

Hope we are all good and still remaining thankful.

God is good....renewing my love for him.

xoxoxo

AJOKE..................

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are enjoying May and the spring... Yippie...

Without much ado...I present to you the story of the Month...  Pls Enjoy. xxx

It was precisely 4:00 pm, when I finally arrived  in Ibadan.  I had no choice but to endure the hot ride including the gruesome heat. Coming back to Nigeria can only bring a smile on my face, having endured four years of adapting to the UK's weather, I was glad to be back home. However, this new city have just arrived in is not my home but it will be over the next coming weeks, months and years. I had just got  back from the UK when I came to know about the opportunity that would take me to this city. I was not only excited at the thought of the project am working on but  the idea of working along side the new changes in Nigeria. It was our era, our time to take charge and make Nigeria the forefront of African countries. The plans on getting our independence was only too sweet to contain not much longer I  said to myself but had to quickly re position my mind to get familiar and get to work.

It was during one of  our several outings  to the local market that I first laid my eyes on her. She had a basket clung to her arm,  full of goodies. I could see fresh plantains, tomatoes, okras  and some more my brain could no longer bother to figure out. I had thought had seen beauties but she was an eye to behold. I suppose what I first noticed about her was her immaculate English while conversing with the trader. Her beautifully shaped elongated fingers paraded the air as she tried to describe something the trader couldn't understand. She really was beautiful and I could only find myself gaping at her lovely features. I was lost in trance  to notice my colleague had been trying to get my attention. I was definitely dreaming, I had to see her again I thought. No, I had to meet her and get to know her. For the next couple of days, I would be mesmerised  by a special  stranger. I devoted a great deal of my time mentally hatching plans on how to find her and meet her again. It wasn't until three months later that I saw her again, this  time it was in a local primary school where she taught. We had to go there as part of our project, I found out  later she was working for the local ministry who had taught her how to read and write. She spoke such impeccable English I was  impressed.

Finally, we were introduced by the madam of the local primary school who talked about how wonderful she is to the school. I sat in the most uncomfortable bench, watching with admiration as she poured the tea out for us to drink. The school has potential I heard my Manager say but the rest became humming sounds. She was cultured I could tell by the way she presented  the cups of tea and carefully curtsying at the same time. I smiled to myself and made a promise that I must get to know her  if it was the last thing this project offered me. The following Sunday, fate was on my side, I left the  local church to run some errands and who did I bump into.
She had the cutest eyes and softest lips and looked so innocent, which was very much appealing. I stammered to say hello while she addressed me by my surname. Mr Uzo,  what a pleasant surprise. I wasn't aware you worshiped at our local church?  Sheepishly all I could mutter was, I visit occasionally. I ravished my brain to think of a more appropriate answer but all I could  try to mutter again was nothing. She proceeded to ask me questions about the service and if I had enjoyed it in which I sorta quivered. All I did mentally was to kick myself in the butt. No woman, ever, has had such a strong spell on me. I had definitely lost the plot here, my naughty boyish manner had certainly let me down causing me to be tongue tied and appear absolutely foolish. I could only nod, smile and appear to be engaged while I forcefully   racked  my brain for a meaningful contribution to the conversation which by now  looked like  I lacked interest. She had to, I could tell because she was trying to manoeuvre her way around,  I had to excuse her as I was blocking the way. I summoned the courage to say goodbye and hoped to see her soon.

My hope didn't let me down, I saw  her precisely two days later at a gathering. After drinking some local appetizer which undoubtedly loosed my tongue, I found words flowed easily. We had spotted each other across the room and I came forth to say hello and apologised for looking lost the last time we met. I had quickly used the opportunity to invite her for a meal or so and we could talk. She hesitated,  I could see the frown appearing on her lovely smooth forehead and it was only the thought of behaving inappropriately   that held  my hands  firmly in my pockets. I looked lovingly and wished I could soften the frown.  I could tell she was mentally checking if she was  available and if at all she wanted to meet with me. I tried my charm which always worked with most ladies including my mother. I had turn my bug looking eyes into that of a cute puppy that couldn't be resisted. I had found this worked amongst the ladies in my family as well as abroad. The lists of girl friends I had were simply mesmerised by it. It was my go to charm and I was desperately hoping it could work with her. What was only minutes possibly seconds felt like years when she finally answered,  she would let me know. I was gutted and kicking myself in the butt for not trying harder. It wasn't so long when we all went our separate ways and I had felt disappointed  but not  defeated.

Back in the project accommodation, myself and couple of colleagues could only engage in conversations about the local girls and their charms, and all I could think of  was my lovely sweet, sweet, sweet Ajoke as I later found out she was called. I had received a note from one of the lads and in it was neatly written  when and where she was available. My cup couldn't get any better, it completely ran over with all sorts,  from joy, to excitement to utter thrill.

Coming to Ibadan had change my life for the best, I couldn't imagine life without her. Ever since we had met up, we were inseparable, we shared memories and dreams about the future. I had told her about my childhood in the local village. I enjoyed living in the city but my village is still the best. We both agreed  there was nothing like living and running around in the village.  Ajoke cooked the most delicious food, I automatically  stopped eating at our accommodation. She fed me well and fed me big, my heart was always merry.  I liked her innocence, she was intelligent yet she was vulnerable, I liked how she squirms when she sees crawly and slimy animals. I wouldn't forget the day she screamed when I showed her the mark  where that horrible snake had bite me in my teens. I liked how she eventually calmed down and stroke  the deep scar. She was inquisitive,  she would ask me loads of questions about the plans for Nigeria, and what the British Colonel planned to do. She wanted to know more, she once said she would like to study abroad like myself so she could sound white. I had corrected her, telling her it was not something she should strive for. Speaking our indigenous language is part of our identity and if you pronounced words differently its shows you still had your identity in your origin. I told her she spoke  well  and that was good enough without going abroad. It is  far more important that we maintain our true origin. I had decided not to go very deep into the racial and injustice I  faced with my African brothers and sisters studying abroad. I slowly lured her  into telling me stories about her children and she loved telling it. Each day, was an exciting day, we would plan to meet, hug each other and leave late for our respective homes. I had three months left till the project was completed.

I have to stop here if not it will be too long......

Thank you for reading and stay tuned more like keep refreshing the page for the rest of the story.

P.S. Job 8 21:22. He will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with joyful shouting.
Those who hate you will be clothed with shame, and the tents of the wicked shall be no more.

Amen somebody....

No matter what the circumstances are,  you have to believe it will change. Xxx

.

USERS............................... BEWARE

Hello Everyone,

How are we? I hope we are well.
I am still enjoying the spring. Yippe..

I have a new template now... pls let me know what you think.

I would like to say a lovely Thank YOU to Afronuts for doing a blog review on my blog and a host of others. I   found it very encouraging. lol. So a mini capture of what he said about my blog....
"DOHK is practically a teacher because there’s a lot of stuff you can learn from her blog posts; she kind of counsels you and gives answers to a myriad of questions you may have never thought of asking."

I practically grinned from ear to ear lol. Please visit his blog to read more. Thank you Bro, May God continue to appreciate you as you do others. x

Quick update:
I went to London for few days.. Yikes. It was my friend Jelony's bday (she had a dating blog at some last year). I did the catering for the food,  made delicious coconut rice, chicken, gizzard and plantain  and baked birthday cake. It was well loved (Thank God). I also got to meet up with friends including a childhood friend from Nigeria. All in all it was a long and fun weekend.

Back to the topic of today. I really would like to make it crisp and straight to the point.
I am not sure about you but goodness some of us do inhabit and exhibit some scary traits and attitudes. Its scary because it hurts other people and yet we still defend ourselves.  I personally have had to learn the hard way about things because I can be very oblivious and quite innocent in my approach to life though  am glad I am. I am very trusting of people and tend to allow people to show themselves before I make a run for it.While I advocate second chances and opportunities, I for one also know we humans are unpredictable.

This topic is simply about humans or more like individuals that are USERS. Having experience a first hand of people with such traits, I  complied a mini lists below. I actually copied it  from my Facebook as I posted it sometime ago.

USERS TRAITS
Manipulative: Uses you for what you are/good @.
Conniving: Always plotting a plan.
Sweet talker: Knows how to get under your skin.
Pretender: Rarely upfront.
Takes advantage: Seeks opportunity, find the opportunity and drop the person asap.
Malicious: Spiteful remarks and looks.
Commitment issues: Always hopping from one place to the other.
Drains your energy: Wants to hear  your opinion ONLY to feel better not necessarily change for the best.
Insensitive: Don't consider your feelings.
Patronising: Never truly means it/meant it.

While my lists might completely exclude some facts and include mainly opinions.  I do believe USERS are one to watch especially if you are someone that a)You are not sharp and b) You are too nice. I find that, to deal with users I have to constantly think fast ahead of them, apply strategic pointers and constantly be aware of myself. That in itself is a job on its own. I am real and transparent and its just hard work to constantly feel am second guessing somebody, or overly cautious or thinking sharper. Its just too much stress for me to handle.

Hence, my ways of dealing with USERS  is to a )spot them from the onset and stay clear away from them  asap except in exception cases or b) keep them at arms length distance or even further. 

Don't get me wrong people can still  change and there are rooms for improvement as I always encourage the opportunity to learn from mistakes and be better. However, I strongly feel it is not a good approach to consciously allow myself to suffer knowingly in the hands of a user and its traits. Besides, its totally unnecessary. 

My point: chose your battles carefully and be fully aware whether you are in a relationship, friendship or whatever with  a USER the price to pay might be costly and irreversible.

P.S. Users  can buy you with anything they know you like. They are smart and full of conniving ideas. They never truly say much about themselves or over says too much.They are mild ones and extreme in some cases.

Enjoy the little good left in this world, show kindness and I pray God will pour his anointing on us afresh...

Please don't forget to comment and share your thoughts. xoxo

I baked this cake delish cake for a client.

                                                               Me posing away. lol. x

Using your PERSONAL INITIATIVE.......

Hello PEOPLE,

I hope we are doing great and enjoying the spring... Hmmm *loves*.

This topic is inspired by real life experiences  but what prompted me to write about this. was something I read on BN CLICK. While my title is not exactly based on the article it made me want to share  some ideas.

I am not too sure if everyone understands the meaning of using personal initiative in anything at all.Some of us do not only lack common sense at times we lack the ability to think outside the box /allow ourselves to do things without being told or asked. Personally,I hate when people are unable to use their own initiative like for real, I need to keep telling you everything when you are not two years old???

I have read stories and seen a lot of people that make mistakes, myself included and some of these  mistakes   if not most, could have been so avoided.  While am not a perfect being but a strong advocate for learning as a way of growing up I do believe  using personal initiative and taking responsibility is crucial to development and maturity.

I personally will not date or consciously allow myself to like or indulge with a dude that does not HAVE/USE his initiative. In addition, I will not also allow myself  to be in friendships that the other  does not use INITIATIVE. I don't like being frustrated and I don't like   the feeling  of training someone! its just not acceptable. .. Besides, am still training me by the grace of God jor. lol.

There are five facts I dont like:
1) Never offering help ever. Not even can I get that for you? or would you like me to get you this ?? I am not talking only relationships but in everyday life. E.g. at work, helping a colleague out or offering to serve tea (lol, the UK).  This gesture is a sign of humility if anything at the very least. I know in some instances some people will take advantage  and you will know. Why? They never return the offer or at least try to. I think in situations as such i.e. not to feel like a doormat, I  will consciously cut back or communicate about it esp in a relationship or friendship.

2.) Always taking: I just loath it when people always TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, and keep on taking and never give nothing. Life does not work that way (well in my world), if we all took, took and took we will have nothing in us to give or sacrifice. It is a kind gesture not only to try and give a little back but  it also helps to release  blessings and in return be appreciated and valued. For some of us, we are quick to take and not quick to give. This is an area I had to learn to work on. It is a blessing to me to bless others and be supportive in anyway I can   and I think it is great to say no to things as in  take less where necessary.

3.) Lack of home training: I say this because some of us simply lack the ethos of house keeping, helping around the house or simply being supportive. We simply enjoy others slaving away for us in the kitchen, in the bedroom. in the work place etc. The simple gesture of appreciation is what we lack  and not only is this attitude discouraging its just pure rude and insane for anyone to lack basic home training and expect so much from others. Mtcheewwww....

4.) Lack of responsibility: I hate when people can't/ refuse to be accountable esp when you are SANE.  It is important to understand we are all on a journey so it is expected for us to mess up at some point order to get it right next time. Although, the degree of the mess we make varies, it is essential  we  learn to take responsibility for the mess we have caused and the pain that has affected others as a result. Surely, if you had any ounce of initiative you would have thought twice or three times harder about the decision that created this mess. If you didn't pls own up and don't blame any DEVIL, did he force you or you simply bought the idea that popped in your head?

5.)Lack the ability to think outside the box: The inability to think outside the box i.e. try to do something a little different for the person you love or care about is just plain BORING.  For some people not only do they claim they don't have it in them, they don't even bother to TRY.
TRYING is a start. Nobody expects you to get it right  all the time but when you try, you will  learn and figure it out better next time.

What am I saying: STOP THE EXCUSES and just try to allow yourself to use your own initiative to think outside the box and take the lead.

I am done ranting..lol.

I hope to post some more relevant pointers about other topics.

Stay blessed and enjoy the tiny beauty left in this world.

*Sigh*  @ the news, not very encouraging. I pray for strength and grace. x

Don't make people a PRIORITY when to them, you are an OPTION.

2013 is great so far..

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are all well and enjoying 2013, thank God for life and life in abundance.

Its been a while since have updated. So here we go:
I am currently chilling with the fam so am at home. I have taken up jogging, it requires me waking up early as 5:30 (good for the soul right?) and I have lost a size I can see a difference on my clothes. Late last year to early this year, I wore UK size 12, now am back at UK size 10 and I can just about squeeze into a size 8 (Yippee). Not bad, I also have changed my eating habits, e.g. cutting down on hours I eat late, eating  smaller portions of food and drinking loads of water  with lemon. I will share some pics also. I must say I have not jogged since coming home on holls my excuse (running up and down the stairs is also exercise  lol).

Back to the topic of the day, So what with the title? (i actually think its a saying or a quote).  The moment I understood this saying, the moment my life became easier and better lol(kidding). As someone that generally takes everything in life seriously lol, I never understood how one can devote time and energy into somebody or something  and they never get the same attention or level of involvement back or never just got there. Besides, different things have different meaning to people.  You see,  in life we are influenced by different situations that also influence  our mindsets,  values, thought process and actions. Each character or attitude we have/depicts is a result of an influence of some sort whether we are conscious of it or not or its intrinsic in our character. For instance, I like to think am  helpful, if/when I see anyone struggling with bags or heavy things I offer to help. I can say this  influence I have had is from my family (well mostly Mum) and  I also know how it feels when you carry heavy things and just need help. This attitude has been influenced not only by my family but by other situations around me. Based on influences,  some of us make decisions that are different to the norm. I have also come to realise that as individuals, based on our influences, core values and mental state we all have different priorities in life.

For me, priorities are things that are important to me and I am also passionate about them however not in all cases but they add value and meaning to my life in some sort of way. Our priorities also change mainly because we grow, experience  and develop and what used to be important / priority 5 years ago is no longer relevant e.g. falling in love (the term is subjective but I know me five years and now the term is irrelevant).

I will use the context of relationships, friendships or people in general to discuss the topic.  I find that some of us due to the we are, we consider  certain things important than others whilst to some it aint. Due to this, I think some people or many people get hurt in the process. For instance, for some people they think friendships is about  communicating and telling  each other all the secrets in this world. Whilst you find yourself telling all your secrets to somebody you consider your friend, you find out they don't do that with you? Could it be they don't place you on that friendship pedal stool like you  or better still, they don't consider sharing secrets true friendships? It could be anything... Whilst you make time to call, text or check on somebody, you find that they don't do the same for you or with you?  In my own opinion, no matter what the excuses are (as we all never run out of them), to me it means they don't see you the way you see them. It not such a bad thing, because again we all influenced by different things and are moved by different situations and we all have priorities.  It is only bad when people never take time to communicate/ be honest or they lead you on pretending to be this whilst they are not.
For some of us we find its frustrating when people do not relate to us as we want them to or think they should. On the other hand, the other  people might be  the way they are as a result of past hurts and experiences  which again influences their priorities meaning what they would usually hold dear is no longer the same. For some people, stuffs like sharing secrets never mattered to them because to them that not what they consider friendships or perhaps they have no secrets to share or do not consider anything as secrets etc. I guess this is where communication does take place to better understand each other values and mentally   relate well to each other.

I suppose for me, its not so much what people place value on, its much of I don't like feeling stupid or be stupid and I always read between the lines. Whilst this might not always be the case, I think its important when to know its time to draw the line and just plainly understand "there is no point flogging a dead horse". No matter how much you invest, try or cajole, if somebody isn't changing or budging to make you a priority i.e. give you the same attention as you give them or even place you higher. I simply think, to them you are an option or better still nothing at all or they are not ready/not into you. Whichever, I think the sooner one realises this, the better you know how to strategically deal with some issues that come your way.
We all do it, we make people priorities and some people options and vice versa. With time, some people you thought were "options"   become priority  due to some eureka moments whatever/whenever that occurs and some that were "priorities" become options again maybe you read between the lines and thought "things gotta change" whichever way.  I believe its best to tell yourself the truth, face reality and deal with it.
In all fairness, placing people as options is not such a negative thing  (though I don't encourage it in some situations e.g. in relationships), but  providing that the level of investment is about the same or better still not exhausting. Some people like being options whether its in relationships or otherwise. Personally, I don't  like  giving  my best knowing that the other person wont and isn't bothered to.  It really does not encourage me.  I know my worth.

For me, my best solutions to dealing with encounters such as this i.e. placing people as priorities/options.
First establish an understanding of the person in question or the situation (consider their attitudes and scenarios). Understanding a variety of issues gives people scope on dealing with them.
 Communicate if allowed by the person and  maintain transparency. This offers opportunity to gauge things in order to make prepared and  better decisions. If you sense things and you communicate it, yet no amendments then I guess you have to ask yourself the ultimate question.
Importantly you can be led to  pray for them and lift them in love because you never know the  deep battles people are fighting in their personal lives. I guess if you had a really good rapport, vibe and understanding beforehand it would facilitate this approach.  For some, it simply the case of we live and learn or  time will tell.
Like everything that has less time invested in it, it will die and on that note, if we don't want it to die we have  to keep trying. In most cases, we only try with things that we consider important and  are of benefits to our lives or to others etc.

In conclusion, you will meet various people in life and situations will occur but before anything, its important we know ourselves and what we consider important. If we are able to communicate great. Just bear in mind that people react to things differently based on their personal values, motives and mindsets.

Please feel free to add your comments or contribution.

Thank you for reading.

God bless you and hope we all had a wonderful EASTER.
                                                                      Such a poser...

                                        Nothing like noodles and eggs. Yummy. x