Everything in LIFE happens in Stages, no matter how big, small, fast, slow etc. Why don't YOU tag along and lets discover and discuss each STAGE together. xoxo
Please please please I am so sorry for the late update.
I have alot of apologising to do.
Seriously, I have been missing from blogsville its unbelievably unacceptable.
I bet most bloggers that visit me often have probably given up on me posting anything or visiting them back.
Please am sorry. I am not done with my blog.
I have just been busy, tired and lazy with my blog plus my lappy needed TLC.
I will be back real soon to do better posting. I have quite to share.
Thanks for reading.
Side note, I hate that I don't blog often and I have drafts sitting collecting dusts smh.
I hope we are well and thankful for yet another day to breath in/out fresh air and eat good food. Thank you Lord.
I absolutely loved the lovely comments I got from my last post Pls click here. YAY....
Very quickly (learning how to keep my post short and snappy), I watched this interesting movie. Initially, I didn't like it, I thought it was too slow, way too mumuish etc but I allowed myself and not only did I enjoyed it, I learnt one or two things I will share with you.
I am not sure if you have heard of the Ghanaian movie "Sinking Sand" starring Yemi Blaq (that dude knows how to make English sound so cool). I watched the movie free on Irokotv (pls watch it too).
I won't spoil it for those that haven't watched it, but I kinda have to mention what happened to illustrate what I learnt.
The movie was about two love birds that wanted to love and live together "happily ever after" until a disaster struck. This changed both their lives together forever. I must say, I didn't particularly like the ending to the movie, I like happy endings, "who doesn't? expect you are a Devil. lol. I like to say I love realistic happy endings.
Back to the movie so they loved each other so much they couldn't foresee how this situation could have destroyed what was once beautiful. Who could have foresaw? Well, lets just say the disastrous situation was caused by the woman/wife which affected the man i.e. his physical state and psychological state. The situation affected their marriage, a joyful man/husband now became a "monster" constantly torturing his wife, abusing her and treating her shamelessly. A vibrant hopeful women/wife became a shadow of herself making up excuses to pretend the situation was healthy.
However, the key things I learnt from this movie was "Unforgiveness" and "Guilt". I rarely learn from movies produced these days. Can I get an "aye aye" ? lol.
After the negative situation occurred, the woman/wife carried a heavy burden on her mind which goes for alot of us when we make mistakes especially when it has a direct effect on our spouses or loved ones. Some of us carry the guilt because we feel immensely responsible for what has happened. We also don't forgive ourselves or the situation rather we mentally subject ourselves to the torture of trying to undo the situation by being more nice, cautious etc and at the end we exhibit self pity, low self esteem and other forms. We feel responsible for the situation, which is normal but it is important we learn from the situation and allow ourselves to better. Feeling guilty wasn't/ isn't the issue, it is "staying guilty" that is the main issue. When we feel responsible for what we have done wrong we can bend over backwards to please the other party while they take out the anger, frustration, rage and lack of self control on us. In this case, the woman/wife felt guilty and stayed guilty because she felt responsible for what happened, constantly blamed herself and to top it off she accepted the punishment as a way to rid herself from the guilt. While I advocate the need to feel responsible, I also advocate the need to learn how to move on from the situation and become better. It is possible, it will take time and lapses but it is POSSIBLE. Nothing is Impossible. Can I get an Amen? lol.
Now the "Unforgiveness" was mainly from the man/husband he just couldn't bear it, he was angry, dejected, insecure and frustrated. He didn't know how to deal with the situation and felt his wife intentionally hurt him. He couldn't bring himself to forgive her and move on. He felt angry with himself more so his wife and instead of dealing with the issue as it not always easy to do so, it was far more easier to punish his wife and take out the anger out on her. I believe this is a situation where any individual can be found in, the fact that we are trapped in our own feelings and emotions makes it impossible to see a way out or to see how sorry the other person is about the situation."Though sometimes people are not always sorry".
The unforgiveness he abhorred led to a series of torture his wife received from him and even with that,it didn't take away the fact that he is still bitter, angry and worse still, the situation is still there. The truth is, the damage is forever done and cannot be undone however there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In essence, the situation can be better managed. Besides, the man/husband also fed it by allowing himself to turn to the negative things like drinking, although it makes sense that he is upset and probably will be for a very long time it didn't mean that the future couldn't be bright or that nothing was impossible.
After all that has been said and done, both parties I felt needed help. They needed professional help equally and separately to deal with the situation in a more positive and better way even though there will be lapses. The fact is, you have days where you feel things have gone better but you are suddenly back to the drawing board. I personally advocate both professional and Jesus help.
Most importantly, for anyone that is in a situation such as this or similar, it is imperative to admit that the baggages, the guilt, the abuse etc none are healthy and it will only make matters worse if things do not change for the better. Both individuals can be ruined for good but thank God for grace.
What am I saying? At some point in our lives we will go through a major catastrophe God forbid, some are obviously manageable than others but in the case where any negative events should take place, I hope we find the need to cry out for help and not be silent. I pray we ask the holy spirit for direction on what actions to take and speak or surround ourselves with people that genuinely care about us.
I don't like unforgiveness and I don't like guilt, I don't like hatred, I don't like jealousy, I don't like being the victim or victimising others, I don't like being the bad guy or being under the bad guy.
I don't like any form of Negativity period. I consciously don't feed on it and I consciously don't feed it to others.
I like to see life as a learning process where we will be challenged to our limits and our emotions will take a toll on us but we need to learn it only skin deep.
I stay away from anyone that brings out the worst in me. Seriously, I don't like yelling, I don't like keeping malice so if you stress me, I will cut the person off. I need my cool jare.
Back to the summary of the movie, maybe if they sought help, the dude could have allowed himself to see the genuine love of his wife although upset and angry both could learn from it and try to live happily ever after...... hahahha if there is anything such as that.
It is easy to talk the talk lol but to "walk the talk" entirely different matter.
I pray for anyone that is hurting will find healing.
I pray for anyone that is in pain, guilt and anger will find forgiveness, repentance and new life.
I pray whatever that is bad, unfair, unworthy will not be ours but grace will find each man. Amen.
I know its been a while since have popped over but seriously, is it just me or am being random, Blogsville seems dry.lol. Maybe its me, I don't visit blogs as much I used to.
My life at the moment is full of sunshine, grey, blue sky and random rain drops. I guess I am getting there. I can't wait to share more with you.
I was sad and emotionally unstable for a while but am totally back on track. Thank God.
For some of us that are aware or not aware, "emotional illness" and "mental illness" are REAL.
What can I say? People do battle with serious demons.
We can only help by showing love, prayers and encouragements, it goes a long way.
I finally DID IT.
I chopped my HAIR OFF.
I took scissors and just snipped off the relaxed ends, funny enough I planned to relax it that very day.
Heyhoo, pls check out some of the pics.
Over the weekend, I went to see my friend. I was just full of love and sunshine. I love being HAPPY and in control.
I pray whatever that is imperfect in your life will have meaning someday.
I pray that whatever that makes you sad will have meaning someday.
I pray that whenever you can, you chose to remain happy and victorious.
Jesus Best. x
Back to finish the story of Ajoke..... pls Click HERE for part 1
I apologise for bringing this late but here it is..
We didn't want to talk about how long I had left. We decided to savour every moment, I felt total peace not thinking about anything but enjoying our companionship. I knew I didn't have enough time anymore, I felt I had to do something. I had heard that the contract might be extended for another six months which I was not sure I would be allowed to come back. It was agreed this project was a stepping stone for me and once the current contract finished, it would be time for me to leave for something else.
I couldn't bare not being with the love of my life Ajoke, she was so delicate yet firm. We had talked about marriage and I knew I would do anything for her to be my wife but when I approached her family, her father blatantly refused me with all his might. He had said I wasn't Yoruba and he didn't trust the "likes of me". I was hurt, we both were hurt, we didn't want to give up but my parents didn't agree either. My mother especially didn't approve, the brief visit to my parents turned sour. I was not allowed to marry the love of my life because she wasn't from my tribe. We were crushed but we knew we wanted our parents blessings and had to respect their decisions.
It was two days before I left for good. Ajoke sneaked out late to be with me and we had decided to meet up under the palm tree near the old school. It was pretty late but we needed to be together, we both new its our last time to say our goodbyes.
We had laid next to each other looking at the clear blue sky,staring at the sparkling bright stars, we recounted our memories, we laughed hard and we talked about how special we both were. That night, Ajoke felt it was right for her to offer me something she thought it was special to her. I looked at her desirably, I appreciated the gesture and every fiber in my body was screaming YES YES YES, but I couldn't. I loved her too much to feel her and not forever have her. It was not fair, my heart yelled, cried but it made it more special as Ajoke couldn't help but cry. She cried so hard, why is it so hard to just "love" and not think about anything.We knew both our parents were too adamant. Ajoke gave me piece of her cloth and placed in my hand to keep. We wished on the stars and hoped in our hearts that things would change one day.
I never loved any other woman like did Ajoke, I got married to a family friend whom Mum praised and hailed, she was a lovely lady that cared for me and like wise but my heart belonged to Ajoke. I vowed to myself I would never stop my children from falling in love and marrying the lady or man of their choice as long as he/she is the right one for them.
It was the graduation of our first son, we had flown to the US to celebrate his graduation. He had been raving about this sweet lovely girl he had met and fell for. He said to me over the phone, Dad you will love her. I guess I couldn't wait to meet her. It was a lovely graduation, full of happy and proud parents cheering their children on. I was proud of him, he was incredibly ambitious and he had finished well. We had gone back to the main hall to take pictures when he hurriedly came towards us with this sweet lady and introduced her. From her name, I could tell she was Yoruba, she was courteous and greeted us well. We were still talking to her when her parents approached us.
Thirty years on and she still looked amazing. It felt like a dream. Her mother, was the love of my life, like a reflex, I proceeded to greet both her parents whom she also introduced to us. I looked at my son and her sweetheart, they both were like love birds. Ajoke had stared consistently at me and eventually said my name. She was shocked as much as I was.
It was a beautiful wedding. Ajoke and I had the opportunity to talk and we were both thankful about how life had turned out for our children. Who would have thought? It was great having her in my life again as a friend. I told my wife who she was and how I had known her years back. Meeting Ajoke, made me appreciate my wife even more, the love she has shown me over the years was genuine even when I felt withdrawn not consciously.
We both agreed everything happens its own time. Our experience had made us stronger in our own way. Did she miss me? Hell yeah she did but she had to move on, I was married so was she.
Nigeria today has changed. Am happy that in our own little way, we are embracing others culture and inter-tribal marriages are far more encouraged than before.
All the same am grateful my experience helped me to allow my children to be happy.
P.S. This was a fictional story inspired by the history of Nigeria.
I love inter-tribal marriages because to a degree its promotes "oneness". While some might argue against all sorts, I am simply happy that two individuals of different culture, ideologies and traditions are willing to make it work through alot of compromise and heartfelt desire to be together.
I hope one day I have an inter-tribal marriage and if I don't my children might. lol.
Thanks for reading.
It is well with us. God is awesome.
In a relationship where one person seems to be giving more than the other? I'd say slow down.
In a relationship where your emotions seem to be at a faster pace...I'd say calm down and keep it in check.
In a relationship where you do most of the work...I'd say re-evaluate...
In a relationship where there is lack of appreciation and actions.. I'd say is it worth the hassle? No.
In a relationship where there is constant abuse e.g. verbal or emotional. I'd say step away from everything, be real and if possible RUN. infact RUN and pray from afar. lol.
In a relationship where there is no FOCUS and aspiration. I'd say LEAVE or risk feeling worthless for a long time...
P.S. I have been busy thinking about my life lol so blogging was not in the picture, but am back to complete the story on Ajoke very soon pls Click here to read.
Hope we are all good and still remaining thankful.
I hope we are enjoying May and the spring... Yippie...
Without much ado...I present to you the story of the Month... Pls Enjoy. xxx
It was precisely 4:00 pm, when I finally arrived in Ibadan. I had no choice but to endure the hot ride including the gruesome heat. Coming back to Nigeria can only bring a smile on my face, having endured four years of adapting to the UK's weather, I was glad to be back home. However, this new city have just arrived in is not my home but it will be over the next coming weeks, months and years. I had just got back from the UK when I came to know about the opportunity that would take me to this city. I was not only excited at the thought of the project am working on but the idea of working along side the new changes in Nigeria. It was our era, our time to take charge and make Nigeria the forefront of African countries. The plans on getting our independence was only too sweet to contain not much longer I said to myself but had to quickly re position my mind to get familiar and get to work.
It was during one of our several outings to the local market that I first laid my eyes on her. She had a basket clung to her arm, full of goodies. I could see fresh plantains, tomatoes, okras and some more my brain could no longer bother to figure out. I had thought had seen beauties but she was an eye to behold. I suppose what I first noticed about her was her immaculate English while conversing with the trader. Her beautifully shaped elongated fingers paraded the air as she tried to describe something the trader couldn't understand. She really was beautiful and I could only find myself gaping at her lovely features. I was lost in trance to notice my colleague had been trying to get my attention. I was definitely dreaming, I had to see her again I thought. No, I had to meet her and get to know her. For the next couple of days, I would be mesmerised by a special stranger. I devoted a great deal of my time mentally hatching plans on how to find her and meet her again. It wasn't until three months later that I saw her again, this time it was in a local primary school where she taught. We had to go there as part of our project, I found out later she was working for the local ministry who had taught her how to read and write. She spoke such impeccable English I was impressed.
Finally, we were introduced by the madam of the local primary school who talked about how wonderful she is to the school. I sat in the most uncomfortable bench, watching with admiration as she poured the tea out for us to drink. The school has potential I heard my Manager say but the rest became humming sounds. She was cultured I could tell by the way she presented the cups of tea and carefully curtsying at the same time. I smiled to myself and made a promise that I must get to know her if it was the last thing this project offered me. The following Sunday, fate was on my side, I left the local church to run some errands and who did I bump into.
She had the cutest eyes and softest lips and looked so innocent, which was very much appealing. I stammered to say hello while she addressed me by my surname. Mr Uzo, what a pleasant surprise. I wasn't aware you worshiped at our local church? Sheepishly all I could mutter was, I visit occasionally. I ravished my brain to think of a more appropriate answer but all I could try to mutter again was nothing. She proceeded to ask me questions about the service and if I had enjoyed it in which I sorta quivered. All I did mentally was to kick myself in the butt. No woman, ever, has had such a strong spell on me. I had definitely lost the plot here, my naughty boyish manner had certainly let me down causing me to be tongue tied and appear absolutely foolish. I could only nod, smile and appear to be engaged while I forcefully racked my brain for a meaningful contribution to the conversation which by now looked like I lacked interest. She had to, I could tell because she was trying to manoeuvre her way around, I had to excuse her as I was blocking the way. I summoned the courage to say goodbye and hoped to see her soon.
My hope didn't let me down, I saw her precisely two days later at a gathering. After drinking some local appetizer which undoubtedly loosed my tongue, I found words flowed easily. We had spotted each other across the room and I came forth to say hello and apologised for looking lost the last time we met. I had quickly used the opportunity to invite her for a meal or so and we could talk. She hesitated, I could see the frown appearing on her lovely smooth forehead and it was only the thought of behaving inappropriately that held my hands firmly in my pockets. I looked lovingly and wished I could soften the frown. I could tell she was mentally checking if she was available and if at all she wanted to meet with me. I tried my charm which always worked with most ladies including my mother. I had turn my bug looking eyes into that of a cute puppy that couldn't be resisted. I had found this worked amongst the ladies in my family as well as abroad. The lists of girl friends I had were simply mesmerised by it. It was my go to charm and I was desperately hoping it could work with her. What was only minutes possibly seconds felt like years when she finally answered, she would let me know. I was gutted and kicking myself in the butt for not trying harder. It wasn't so long when we all went our separate ways and I had felt disappointed but not defeated.
Back in the project accommodation, myself and couple of colleagues could only engage in conversations about the local girls and their charms, and all I could think of was my lovely sweet, sweet, sweet Ajoke as I later found out she was called. I had received a note from one of the lads and in it was neatly written when and where she was available. My cup couldn't get any better, it completely ran over with all sorts, from joy, to excitement to utter thrill.
Coming to Ibadan had change my life for the best, I couldn't imagine life without her. Ever since we had met up, we were inseparable, we shared memories and dreams about the future. I had told her about my childhood in the local village. I enjoyed living in the city but my village is still the best. We both agreed there was nothing like living and running around in the village. Ajoke cooked the most delicious food, I automatically stopped eating at our accommodation. She fed me well and fed me big, my heart was always merry. I liked her innocence, she was intelligent yet she was vulnerable, I liked how she squirms when she sees crawly and slimy animals. I wouldn't forget the day she screamed when I showed her the mark where that horrible snake had bite me in my teens. I liked how she eventually calmed down and stroke the deep scar. She was inquisitive, she would ask me loads of questions about the plans for Nigeria, and what the British Colonel planned to do. She wanted to know more, she once said she would like to study abroad like myself so she could sound white. I had corrected her, telling her it was not something she should strive for. Speaking our indigenous language is part of our identity and if you pronounced words differently its shows you still had your identity in your origin. I told her she spoke well and that was good enough without going abroad. It is far more important that we maintain our true origin. I had decided not to go very deep into the racial and injustice I faced with my African brothers and sisters studying abroad. I slowly lured her into telling me stories about her children and she loved telling it. Each day, was an exciting day, we would plan to meet, hug each other and leave late for our respective homes. I had three months left till the project was completed.
I have to stop here if not it will be too long......
Thank you for reading and stay tuned more like keep refreshing the page for the rest of the story.
P.S. Job 8 21:22. He will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with joyful shouting. Those who hate you will be clothed with shame, and the tents of the wicked shall be no more.
Amen somebody....
No matter what the circumstances are, you have to believe it will change. Xxx
How are we? I hope we are well.
I am still enjoying the spring. Yippe..
I have a new template now... pls let me know what you think.
I would like to say a lovely Thank YOU to Afronuts for doing a blog review on my blog and a host of others. I found it very encouraging. lol. So a mini capture of what he said about my blog.... "DOHK is practically a teacher because there’s a lot of stuff you can learn from her blog posts; she kind of counsels you and gives answers to a myriad of questions you may have never thought of asking."
I practically grinned from ear to ear lol. Please visit his blog to read more. Thank you Bro, May God continue to appreciate you as you do others. x
Quick update:
I went to London for few days.. Yikes. It was my friend Jelony's bday (she had a dating blog at some last year). I did the catering for the food, made delicious coconut rice, chicken, gizzard and plantain and baked birthday cake. It was well loved (Thank God). I also got to meet up with friends including a childhood friend from Nigeria. All in all it was a long and fun weekend.
Back to the topic of today. I really would like to make it crisp and straight to the point.
I am not sure about you but goodness some of us do inhabit and exhibit some scary traits and attitudes. Its scary because it hurts other people and yet we still defend ourselves. I personally have had to learn the hard way about things because I can be very oblivious and quite innocent in my approach to life though am glad I am. I am very trusting of people and tend to allow people to show themselves before I make a run for it.While I advocate second chances and opportunities, I for one also know we humans are unpredictable.
This topic is simply about humans or more like individuals that are USERS. Having experience a first hand of people with such traits, I complied a mini lists below. I actually copied it from my Facebook as I posted it sometime ago.
USERS TRAITS
Manipulative: Uses you for what you are/good @.
Conniving: Always plotting a plan.
Sweet talker: Knows how to get under your skin.
Pretender: Rarely upfront.
Takes advantage: Seeks opportunity, find the opportunity and drop the person asap.
Malicious: Spiteful remarks and looks.
Commitment issues: Always hopping from one place to the other.
Drains your energy: Wants to hear your opinion ONLY to feel better not necessarily change for the best.
Insensitive: Don't consider your feelings.
Patronising: Never truly means it/meant it.
While my lists might completely exclude some facts and include mainly opinions. I do believe USERS are one to watch especially if you are someone that a)You are not sharp and b) You are too nice. I find that, to deal with users I have to constantly think fast ahead of them, apply strategic pointers and constantly be aware of myself. That in itself is a job on its own. I am real and transparent and its just hard work to constantly feel am second guessing somebody, or overly cautious or thinking sharper. Its just too much stress for me to handle.
Hence, my ways of dealing with USERS is to a )spot them from the onset and stay clear away from them asap except in exception cases or b) keep them at arms length distance or even further.
Don't get me wrong people can still change and there are rooms for improvement as I always encourage the opportunity to learn from mistakes and be better. However, I strongly feel it is not a good approach to consciously allow myself to suffer knowingly in the hands of a user and its traits. Besides, its totally unnecessary.
My point: chose your battles carefully and be fully aware whether you are in a relationship, friendship or whatever with a USER the price to pay might be costly and irreversible.
P.S. Users can buy you with anything they know you like. They are smart and full of conniving ideas. They never truly say much about themselves or over says too much.They are mild ones and extreme in some cases.
Enjoy the little good left in this world, show kindness and I pray God will pour his anointing on us afresh...
Please don't forget to comment and share your thoughts. xoxo
I hope we are doing great and enjoying the spring... Hmmm *loves*.
This topic is inspired by real life experiences but what prompted me to write about this. was something I read on BN CLICK. While my title is not exactly based on the article it made me want to share some ideas.
I am not too sure if everyone understands the meaning of using personal initiative in anything at all.Some of us do not only lack common sense at times we lack the ability to think outside the box /allow ourselves to do things without being told or asked. Personally,I hate when people are unable to use their own initiative like for real, I need to keep telling you everything when you are not two years old???
I have read stories and seen a lot of people that make mistakes, myself included and some of these mistakes if not most, could have been so avoided. While am not a perfect being but a strong advocate for learning as a way of growing up I do believe using personal initiative and taking responsibility is crucial to development and maturity.
I personally will not date or consciously allow myself to like or indulge with a dude that does not HAVE/USE his initiative. In addition, I will not also allow myself to be in friendships that the other does not use INITIATIVE. I don't like being frustrated and I don't like the feeling of training someone! its just not acceptable. .. Besides, am still training me by the grace of God jor. lol.
There are five facts I dont like:
1) Never offering help ever. Not even can I get that for you? or would you like me to get you this ?? I am not talking only relationships but in everyday life. E.g. at work, helping a colleague out or offering to serve tea (lol, the UK). This gesture is a sign of humility if anything at the very least. I know in some instances some people will take advantage and you will know. Why? They never return the offer or at least try to. I think in situations as such i.e. not to feel like a doormat, I will consciously cut back or communicate about it esp in a relationship or friendship.
2.) Always taking: I just loath it when people always TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, and keep on taking and never give nothing. Life does not work that way (well in my world), if we all took, took and took we will have nothing in us to give or sacrifice. It is a kind gesture not only to try and give a little back but it also helps to release blessings and in return be appreciated and valued. For some of us, we are quick to take and not quick to give. This is an area I had to learn to work on. It is a blessing to me to bless others and be supportive in anyway I can and I think it is great to say no to things as in take less where necessary.
3.) Lack of home training: I say this because some of us simply lack the ethos of house keeping, helping around the house or simply being supportive. We simply enjoy others slaving away for us in the kitchen, in the bedroom. in the work place etc. The simple gesture of appreciation is what we lack and not only is this attitude discouraging its just pure rude and insane for anyone to lack basic home training and expect so much from others. Mtcheewwww....
4.) Lack of responsibility: I hate when people can't/ refuse to be accountable esp when you are SANE. It is important to understand we are all on a journey so it is expected for us to mess up at some point order to get it right next time. Although, the degree of the mess we make varies, it is essential we learn to take responsibility for the mess we have caused and the pain that has affected others as a result. Surely, if you had any ounce of initiative you would have thought twice or three times harder about the decision that created this mess. If you didn't pls own up and don't blame any DEVIL, did he force you or you simply bought the idea that popped in your head?
5.)Lack the ability to think outside the box: The inability to think outside the box i.e. try to do something a little different for the person you love or care about is just plain BORING. For some people not only do they claim they don't have it in them, they don't even bother to TRY.
TRYING is a start. Nobody expects you to get it right all the time but when you try, you will learn and figure it out better next time.
What am I saying: STOP THE EXCUSES and just try to allow yourself to use your own initiative to think outside the box and take the lead.
I am done ranting..lol.
I hope to post some more relevant pointers about other topics.
Stay blessed and enjoy the tiny beauty left in this world.
*Sigh* @ the news, not very encouraging. I pray for strength and grace. x
I hope we are all well and enjoying 2013, thank God for life and life in abundance.
Its been a while since have updated. So here we go:
I am currently chilling with the fam so am at home. I have taken up jogging, it requires me waking up early as 5:30 (good for the soul right?) and I have lost a size I can see a difference on my clothes. Late last year to early this year, I wore UK size 12, now am back at UK size 10 and I can just about squeeze into a size 8 (Yippee). Not bad, I also have changed my eating habits, e.g. cutting down on hours I eat late, eating smaller portions of food and drinking loads of water with lemon. I will share some pics also. I must say I have not jogged since coming home on holls my excuse (running up and down the stairs is also exercise lol).
Back to the topic of the day, So what with the title? (i actually think its a saying or a quote). The moment I understood this saying, the moment my life became easier and better lol(kidding). As someone that generally takes everything in life seriously lol, I never understood how one can devote time and energy into somebody or something and they never get the same attention or level of involvement back or never just got there. Besides, different things have different meaning to people. You see, in life we are influenced by different situations that also influence our mindsets, values, thought process and actions. Each character or attitude we have/depicts is a result of an influence of some sort whether we are conscious of it or not or its intrinsic in our character. For instance, I like to think am helpful, if/when I see anyone struggling with bags or heavy things I offer to help. I can say this influence I have had is from my family (well mostly Mum) and I also know how it feels when you carry heavy things and just need help. This attitude has been influenced not only by my family but by other situations around me. Based on influences, some of us make decisions that are different to the norm. I have also come to realise that as individuals, based on our influences, core values and mental state we all have different priorities in life.
For me, priorities are things that are important to me and I am also passionate about them however not in all cases but they add value and meaning to my life in some sort of way. Our priorities also change mainly because we grow, experience and develop and what used to be important / priority 5 years ago is no longer relevant e.g. falling in love (the term is subjective but I know me five years and now the term is irrelevant).
I will use the context of relationships, friendships or people in general to discuss the topic. I find that some of us due to the we are, we consider certain things important than others whilst to some it aint. Due to this, I think some people or many people get hurt in the process. For instance, for some people they think friendships is about communicating and telling each other all the secrets in this world. Whilst you find yourself telling all your secrets to somebody you consider your friend, you find out they don't do that with you? Could it be they don't place you on that friendship pedal stool like you or better still, they don't consider sharing secrets true friendships? It could be anything... Whilst you make time to call, text or check on somebody, you find that they don't do the same for you or with you? In my own opinion, no matter what the excuses are (as we all never run out of them), to me it means they don't see you the way you see them. It not such a bad thing, because again we all influenced by different things and are moved by different situations and we all have priorities. It is only bad when people never take time to communicate/ be honest or they lead you on pretending to be this whilst they are not.
For some of us we find its frustrating when people do not relate to us as we want them to or think they should. On the other hand, the other people might be the way they are as a result of past hurts and experiences which again influences their priorities meaning what they would usually hold dear is no longer the same. For some people, stuffs like sharing secrets never mattered to them because to them that not what they consider friendships or perhaps they have no secrets to share or do not consider anything as secrets etc. I guess this is where communication does take place to better understand each other values and mentally relate well to each other.
I suppose for me, its not so much what people place value on, its much of I don't like feeling stupid or be stupid and I always read between the lines. Whilst this might not always be the case, I think its important when to know its time to draw the line and just plainly understand "there is no point flogging a dead horse". No matter how much you invest, try or cajole, if somebody isn't changing or budging to make you a priority i.e. give you the same attention as you give them or even place you higher. I simply think, to them you are an option or better still nothing at all or they are not ready/not into you. Whichever, I think the sooner one realises this, the better you know how to strategically deal with some issues that come your way.
We all do it, we make people priorities and some people options and vice versa. With time, some people you thought were "options" become priority due to some eureka moments whatever/whenever that occurs and some that were "priorities" become options again maybe you read between the lines and thought "things gotta change" whichever way. I believe its best to tell yourself the truth, face reality and deal with it.
In all fairness, placing people as options is not such a negative thing (though I don't encourage it in some situations e.g. in relationships), but providing that the level of investment is about the same or better still not exhausting. Some people like being options whether its in relationships or otherwise. Personally, I don't like giving my best knowing that the other person wont and isn't bothered to. It really does not encourage me. I know my worth.
For me, my best solutions to dealing with encounters such as this i.e. placing people as priorities/options.
First establish an understanding of the person in question or the situation (consider their attitudes and scenarios). Understanding a variety of issues gives people scope on dealing with them.
Communicate if allowed by the person and maintain transparency. This offers opportunity to gauge things in order to make prepared and better decisions. If you sense things and you communicate it, yet no amendments then I guess you have to ask yourself the ultimate question.
Importantly you can be led to pray for them and lift them in love because you never know the deep battles people are fighting in their personal lives. I guess if you had a really good rapport, vibe and understanding beforehand it would facilitate this approach. For some, it simply the case of we live and learn or time will tell.
Like everything that has less time invested in it, it will die and on that note, if we don't want it to die we have to keep trying. In most cases, we only try with things that we consider important and are of benefits to our lives or to others etc.
In conclusion, you will meet various people in life and situations will occur but before anything, its important we know ourselves and what we consider important. If we are able to communicate great. Just bear in mind that people react to things differently based on their personal values, motives and mindsets.
Please feel free to add your comments or contribution.
Thank you for reading.
God bless you and hope we all had a wonderful EASTER.
Such a poser...
I know some of us have missed me, my posts and maybe comments *chuckles*.. I like to think so sha.. lol
To start off, am not a blogger that generally talks about these things i.e. hating. I have never had the reason to. I am also not the type that generally writes by reading other posts. My comments are usually enough to show my strong opinions, though I think if I blogged often people are able to see more of me and my thoughts pattern. Which I think it great (I should just try harder lol).
This post is inspired by many things but ultimately what pushed me to writing is the post I read on my lovely Aunty IB blog. People should leave her for me o. I like her alot because she is bold enough to communicate her feelings and her stance, though it might not always go down well with everybody, such is life. At least, she is learning and aims to be better, not everyone can boast of that. This is a link to the post Simply Mee.
Back to the topic of the day. lol o. The term hating is subjective, it will vary depending on individuals and their understanding of things. Typically, when people term others as haters I have to read the comment or what they have said to see it as that. In some cases, some comments are not hateful its just the choice of words and interpretation that makes it come across as that. In most cases or less, some people are not sensitive enough to realise that the comment might be hateful or considered rude and unnecessary We live to learn.
What I generally find hateful is mainly centered around personal attacks, for example, you get people that insult people's image and go further by calling them horrible names and attacking the rest of their family members. I find that not only appalling but disrespectful to the person in question saying such, and it makes me marvel if anything at the type of mindset and issues the person abhors in them. "By their fruits you shall know them". Mattew 7: 16 (Pls read the whole chapter, its just amazing).
Moreover, I do think some hateful things some people say are not generally intended that way, it might be the passion and the lack of insight to the situation that makes them talk as such or maybe the ground they stand on. For me, I have very strong opinions and I am incredibly expressive with my words, actions and body language etc if you met me in real person, I suppose that the testament. In comparison to some people, I do a lot of reflections, that has been a big part of my growth and growing process and if at all I feel or convicted I didn't handle a matter in love or could have been better handled, am quick to apologise and amend my ways. Sadly, not alot of us have the capability to exercise humility and some of us simply choose/chose not too.
There is a saying that goes "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all". I think "good" is relative, does it mean good as in nothing elevating to say or does it mean you must first think of a good thing and if you don't see the good, it means the rests are bad, therefore you shouldn't point out an error? We are humans and our opinions are formed by various issues and situations we are influenced by.After all, we are products of our environment, if you someone doesn't see any good but chooses to calmly state their points without any form of aggressiveness or hateful tone, it most likely they do have something good to say. Maybe not what we want to hear but their comment or opinion makes sense and it would make a different if employed. Obviously, we are required to sift through things and weigh them.
I think that hating is not the issue, because to a degree we all dislike some things and have a strong opinions about stuffs be it religion, relationships, upbringing etc. I guess what stands out for me is the way we approach the issue and discuss it without breaking the roofs or ripping out the keyboard. Lool. If you find yourself wanting to do something destructive based on someone else disagreeing with you, I suggest you find a chill corner or better still do something about it because that for me is a sign of "VIOLENCE" which am sorry it shouldn't not be tolerated because you want to "by force by fire" push the person to believe your points of view in order words coercing the person. If you stand correct, leave the matter and pray for the person to see it for themselves that for me is the true way. In fact, doing so might allow the person to think and reflect.
I also do think that seeing that the world is diverse with different personalities, it is inevitable not to get someone or somebody that wouldn't hate or pour venom. I think the hurtful things some people say, pierce through the hearts but you have to ask few questions. What made this person say such horrid things? could they have an element of truth? Could they have their own personal demons fighting them? Are they indirectly seeking help? Do they enjoy feeding off negative vibes to feel good or are they generally aiming to pull me down? Based on your answers, my solution, do try to answer/respond in love trust me it will not only back fire it will help you to understand some people are just "attention seekers" and love does conquer. Besides, one can still clarify without having to stoop low to the level of the hateful comment for example calling horrid names. You know Why: "the hearts of man is desperately wicked", sometimes you don't know the state of mind of people, their history, their upbringing, their challenges etc. If it was online, you can't see this person, look/ assess them and you don't know whether they have had in for you in a long time etc. You don't know alot of things so why would you think you can take them on? If anything, they are charged and rearing to go after all its is their mouth and opinions. It can't be easy to LOVE but that the calling, I'd say pray for grace and strength.
I am grateful for my upbringing and my faith, because first and foremost, we all have opinions. If you hate, that is your opinion, I am not about to start a world war 3 because of what you have said. I will admit depending on the severity of what was said, I would be hurt but I won't allow the hurt to rule my mind and emotions. I have the CHOICE. The other thing is, you don't know me,I don't know you, if you die today I prolly wont know, so what my own?. Besides, it is energy and time consuming replying to an hateful comment like seriously the person is already less busy and looking to while away their idle time.
Finally, that hater or the commentator with the hateful comment will not be the last person that will attack or say horrible things so why should I start entertaining you? I won't be the first or last person that has been dizzed not only by haters but by any particular hater.
Life is tough as it is, and some people derive some sort of sad joy by sapping our energy so what do you do? You ignore and pray for them. God said he will heaps of coal on your enemies head. Unfortunately, some people have allowed themselves to used by all sorts. The other thing I would say is, there are extremities and its important we also check ourselves, some people do say hateful things but there could be an element of "truth in it".We should take time to sift through things and not allow our emotions to take over as it is sometimes always the case.
Lastly, if you look through history of great men and women, pls do let me know if they didn't encounter or still encounter any form of hatred and injustice. When you generate hate, it means you are making an impact, so pls don't be discouraged, if anything your words are like "Loud SIRENS" to some people. I also think some of us have it easy with some haters, some people get it really bad so pls be grateful in a way. lol. You have to always compare. I am not saying is right or fair that "haters" or "hateful" comments should be here to stay but the reality is, it is here to stay before us it did and it will after us because like everything in life "there are opposites" so it is law and part of life processes. Jesus had it bad, and for me despite his love and sacrificial death and salvation to mankind he still does have it bad and prolly will till the end of time. So can you ever please people. NO ( I am spelling it out). You cant.
So next time you see any awful comment. MAKE SURE YOU CHOSE wisely.
P.S. I would like to say the word "hate" has been misused and is now tagged on anyone that disagrees, critics or points things out. Its not acceptable to just tag people as hate because they disagree with your opinion or share theirs.
God is love and pls don't stop praying for grace and strength.
My sunshine, I have never stopped loving you. I went away a boy and now am a Man. A man that I am, I want another chance to do it right, to make it better and love you dearly as you deserved. Yours always and forever Chijioke.
I read it again, and again and again.Precisely four years, no contact and now this. I went through the envelope again and found his contact card saying we should meet up. I smiled, blushed and seemingly felt WOW. I hadn't realised my hands were doing what my head wanted whilst my heart was busy screaming. I ripped the whole lot and chucked it in the bin. I switched on my light, put off the candle, took my bag and coat and left the office at 8:00 pm.
I was knackered, with my "To- Do -Lists", I called Mum, called Catherine about the wedding, caught up on my movie night and ate the meal I had been looking forward to. As if nothing ever happened, I had a shower and went to bed. I woke up to a morning of sweet sweet Sun, I love the SUN, I am a sun person. I do prefer it warm with a cool breeze but I also don't mind it HOT as long as I my bottle of chilled water and lotion of sunburn cream. I went to the office with a smile on my face, happy the Sun was smiling on me. I could feel it. It loved me before and it does always as I felt the warmth on my shoulders, it was the perfect day to wear a beautiful yellow armless dress. Yum.
I walked into my office and was greeted with a bunch of flowers I thought, "O wow, that a nice gesture, I smiled, was it a client this time around, it looked quite expensive". I am aware our clients do send expensive flowers to say "Thank you" for planning all sorts of dinner dates, weddings, birthdays, corporate events and much more. I took another look at it, I admired the different roses including the gorgeous smell. I read the card, it was from him. This time, I didn't chuck them away I dumped the withered ones that I got just few days before and filled the vase. It looked perfect sitting just next to the reception desk, it was much better there in comparison to my office. It does bring a glow to the reception area and it should attract the attention of clients. I smiled and hummed to myself and made my way to my office. This time it was a feel good smile, you have to try harder was my thought, and I closed the door.
It was a pretty hectic day and with loads of meetings. I certainly wasn't expecting to see anyone that was not booked in but I did. I saw the man himself, the one behind the notes and the flowers. Goodness, he looked dashing, I can't fault him. He looked the part and dressed the part and surprisingly more handsome, quite huge too. My hands were sweaty, heart racing, No make it " thumping and hyperventilating" but I had to play it cool.
I caressed my dress with both my hands proceeded to address his name Mr ... I wasn't to finish the sentence, a bear hug had greeted me. I stood there stunned and responded with a lame and weak hug but that should do. I gently removed myself from the bear hug, gestured towards the sit in front of me and I opened my mouth to talk more. Next I knew, he was on his knees, his words "You don't have to say anything, in fact don't say anything. I have loved you everyday of my life but I knew I was not ready to be what you wanted us to be, I felt I needed to be a certain standard to be with you and my perfect excuse was, I didn't want to hold you back from all you could have. You are a great lady, no pardon me "you are an exceptional human being with an amazing personality". I kicked myself throughout the whole time apart but I needed to grow and to be sure of what I could be for us. I prayed for you everyday, us and possibly our future and I believed at the right time I would come back for us. The thing is, the time never felt right until I made up mind about what I wanted and without a doubt I know it is you, us and our future. Please find it your heart to forgive me and come back. I am not going anywhere, so you have no choice, well at least am hoping you don't."
I stood there staring at him and watching everything play out like a movie. It was dramatic, intense, I could see and sense the passion. It was just so surreal but I had to do what my head was thinking. Which was "Get OUT". I called security to intervene and get him out. I couldn't believe I was throwing one of the finest lawyers out, and importantly the Guy I once loved so much. I sent him out and cried my eyes out, though I wanted him, it wouldn't be at his terms. After the episode, it took few six months of contemplating, understanding myself and a massive dose of prayer to come to terms with the idea of "us" again. Funny thing was, I didn't anticipate I could react the way I did. Before he finally showed up, a part of me did pray about us and possibly reconnecting and that made me think I would run into his arms or at least be decent and actually go on dates with him. I guess my head had other plans and my mind seemed to be respond.
With all of that, he fought, o he fought. He sent letters everyday as he promised when he left my office. I read each letter and tore it up. Eventually, I said Yes on my birthday. I guess my happy days came after I was convicted he was ready for me, us and our future. Was it easy to let down my barriers? Heck No. I had grown into my own woman, I had worked my way in life, fought and still fighting for what is right and just. I wouldn't want to throw it away because the love my life came back. My head said that not me but I said "life is mysterious, love does not happen all the time, we take chances, we take risks and we take time but its not everyday LOVE comes knocking back".
Marrying him on that day wasn't the best day, No. Everyday is the best day. I smile, I laugh, I cry, I giggle, I get upset, I scream, I disagree, I mourn, I display randomness, I stand my ground, I pray, I love, I cook, I plan, I chuckle, I share, I give, I submit, I withdraw, I share memories but everyday is beautiful. It was better to wait for a Man, than to wait and marry a boy that would take a while to find his way whilst he makes indecisive decisions that will wreck our lives. I waited, I believed, I prayed and most times felt DELUDED but he felt the same way and he came back not only for me but to FIGHT and prove I am needed. I love the feeling.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24.
He did just that, cleaving is a process but he is doing a great job. As I sat down to write how lovely and amazing he has been to me I couldn't help but smile and think wow our KIND of LOVE is amazing. I thought writing him and sending him a Thank You letter for being a great husband and a cool dad would remind him that he is always needed and forever appreciated.
Are we gonna live happily ever after? Yes, because happiness is what you make it. It is not in material things it is in our actions, in our hearts in the way we do and practice things. We will fight, argue, disagree and love some more why: conflicts helps us to discover our likes, our boundaries and what we should do differently.
Is it easy? Yes, it is with the right person and the right intentions. Loving is easy and natural.
Will it last forever? Yes, why because nothing never dies until YOU let it.
Will things get in the way? Yes, challenges are part of the journey, it strengthens and bind the cords of love and even wax stronger. Genuine love and pure hearts can take alot and will stand through tests and trials. We intend to spend each time with God using 1st Corinthians Ch 13 4-8 as reminder of what we share and intend to show our generations.
I love to "love" and I will chose to "love" you always now and forever.
P.S. This is a fictional story truly inspired by my creative mind and the Holy Spirit..
Thanks for reading.
God is good at being awesome and full of surprises. Never stop claiming...
