The Test Chapter 3

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello Children lol (chorus hello aunty.. lol, raise ur pinky finger if you stayed up watching "tales  by moon light" loll).

Ok, on a serious note. Hello People of Blogsville, I hope we are all doing great.

Can I just say am beaming with smile due to all the lovely feedback and visits I have received from my new and old followers. Thank you so much and I genuinely appreciate each one of you. (big smiles).

I do apologise for not updating  sooner,  chia, its been busy busy busy ohh, as in I had to take the day off today sha i.e. went on leave. lol.

Back to the much anticipated continuation of Kemi and Kayode's journey.

Kemi: I believe our relationship was amazing, we started off with a good solid foundation what I meant by that is we communicated a lot and discussed areas of what our goals were, how we played an impact or could play an impact in each other's life. We talked about backgrounds, upbringing, past relationships, life experiences, we prayed together, studied the word etc. What I particularly liked during our early days of courtship was the direction and vision Kayode had for us and our future together. He wanted  us to be a transparent couple and God fearing with the idea of none is perfect but mistakes is all about discovery and development. Which for me was significant has it helped me to relax and be myself and around him and be alot more open about things. We were quite close and we had a lot open discussions.  As our relationship took shape, the more time we spent together the more we knew about each other habits, likes, dislikes etc.

In particular, Kayode does not like cooking with salt, in fact this is one bizzare situation I had to deal with. Basically, he would prefer to cook without and sprinkle some if need be on his food if at all he felt the need to. This attitude all stemmed up from his Mum who felt it was healthier to eat less salt or have none at all. When he was much younger i.e a toddler she did try to use salt to build immune system etc but the older all her children got i.e. Kayode's siblings the more she fed them less salt. For instance, she would cook rice and not put any salt and only use salt to boil the meat to kill bacteria and use its stock to cook the stew. In fact she went on to make a her own organic maggi and ingredients etc. In a nutshell, Kayode tends to stir away from cooked food that contained salt, he would much prefer one where he is able to dictate the amount of salt that should be in the food. Which I found annoying at the time because the food  I ended up cooking with little salt or maggi practically turned out tasteless I felt.

I mean the first time he tasted my food, he smiled through out saying it was nice but deep down he would have preferred other wise. Although, we talked about his selective ideas on foods, i didn't not know it was this bad in my opinion. For a while, I would get upset when he says oh he would wait till he get to his house to eat because he felt the salt or maggi I used was too excessive. I was usually mortified trying to defend myself that the food tasted like food good food to be precise.  Few months into our courtship we had to address this issue and we came to a compromise. That all the food I cooked will contain  salt but minimal one only because he is eating out of it. Funny right, when I tasted his food it actually was not that bad although the natural ingredient he used were helpful and tasted fresh. This was us and how the journey of discovery began, the more we talked, the more we knew about each other.

I started driving after two attempts at passing my test, it was fun to own my vehicle as I felt more independent not that am saying I was not beforehand. But this time, it was my car and it was not ohhhh am getting a lift with KK although I still do. KK is that sort of person you would call "push the button kind of person", he knows how to push my button alot or maybe I should say I allow him to get to me so much,  I react each time. He is so unpredictable yet predcitable i.e. you never know when he plans on doing things, he does things out of the blue. In a nutshell, he can be very annoying and he is spontaneous.  There was this particular time, I had to run an  errand for someone and I had promised the person that I would be on time. It  was during  this time KK said he wanted help that his car was acting up and he needed a lift to work. I remeber responding "Honeysuckle, you know I have to run errands that morning, I can only give you a lift on one condition if you wake up really early in the morning and I will drop you early". This was our agreement. So that why I was annoyed and then angry that if KK knew our arrangement why would he  not  respond to me pressing the bell, calling his phone no response "ahh to say I was begining to get irritated was  an understatement. I waited for around 5mins and I thought if I do not get in my car now, I would be late . As I was about to reverse out of the estate, I looked into my rear-mirror and left mirror and guess who I saw running down. KK, with a bunch of colour full flowers and break fast. He wanted to surprise me but he ran behind schedule more like the whole timing  didn not work out as the delivery man was late and there was a long queue at Starbucks. I stopped the car and he came right next to my car window, "breathing profusely" with my face looking really angry.

KK: Babi mii, omo toh dun, omo toh fine, omo sexy, omo valuable, omo sweet, am sorry. These are for you.

Kemi: (still frowning)  am I suppose to be happy and jump up down?

KK: Yep, (chuckles) am sorry, I know that face very well, its not a happy one, but this was suppose to be well planned and things just didn't go according to plan.
You were suppose to knock, and I was suppose to spoil you rotten today by brining you nice flowers to brighten up your day and possibly your office hence the flowers.  am joking now. I wanted to treat you today just for 5mins so you would have a smile all day  but it did not work as planned. So I am sorry, can I drop of these flowers  for my delicous honeybunny eventhough she looks so upset and angry right now, she still looks even yummier in the mornnings. Goodness!!  how do this Kemi.

Kemi: KK you know you are just buying your way out of this, with all the sweet words and lovely comments. But am vexing for you big time, am running out of time and am going.

KK: Ok, I guess I will go back home and drive myself to work with the flowers and pancakes breakfast I got you.

Kemi: No oh. drop them I know am upset but (secrecetly smiling) I want my flowers and my pankies oh...

We resolved our issues and we carried on as normal, again he does funny things and I have had to learn to be patient and not take things emotional because KK sees the fun in everything and the more serious I got, the more he would do strange things so I decided to calm down a bit.

On this particular day, it was my birthday  and I really was not in the mood for  anything. My cousin from naij had cover to the UK and she persuaded me to do something . I succumbed  and we decided  three of us, KK, myself and her would go a for dinner. KK would always let the waitresses know he does not want salt in his food or would indicate the amount of salt he wanted, he is a very fussy eater. Back to my birthday, my cousin had insitited I wore this particular dress she got me as a birthday present which came in baby blue colour, she wanted my make-up done by a professional which at the time I thought she hired. She was making a big fuss which I thought was a bit too much but I did not want to sound ungrateful so I felt well we are like sisters maybe she is trying to make up for the last 3 years for the birthdays she missed. I went along with the flow and she told me she wanted to pick something up and she would meet myself and KK at the restuarant. I did not think much of it, KK came around and his jaw dropped at the sight of me more like he looked very pleased with what he saw and would not stop complimenting me. Well, let just say I could not hide my expressions as I was beaming from my way out  into the car to the destination.

KK and I arrived at this place that looked familiar but I did not think much of it, he mentioned earlier that someone wanted him to drop some parcels off. I did not ask any questions so I was so surprised when he said he wanted me to come in  with him. At first I was really reluctant and I really didn't want to go in. I eventually stepped out of the car and went inside with him and all I could hear was "SURPRISE". Awww he had organised a surprise birthday party in fact himself and my cousin with couple of others from Church and friends from work were there. It was really emotional, as I was not expecting it,whilst everyone was all merry and having a laugh, KK was trying to get all our attention and it was weird I was thinking what is he doing and what is he upto this time.

I was with a couple of friends when KK said I have some surprise for you and I was like what is it, that was when my parents both of them came in and to say I was shocked is an understatement. I was incredibly ecstactic and  happy and shocked, I have not seen them both in a long while and it completely made by birthday so special that KK invivted my parents over. The suprises were not over, it turned out 2 of my brothers that were in Canada were also there, I was really happy and my pastor, Uncle, Aunties etc were all there. He really made the effort and ensured I had a great 25th and I could not ask for a better present. It was then, that he wanted all of our attention again and took on stage.

KK: Hello everyone, I would like to say a massive THANK YOU to all that made to ADEKEMI's birthday, am eternally grateful for the support and love. God bless you all abundantly.

Well, I have something special to say and I am a bit shy but I will get on with it. Adekemi, "my rising star, my incredible credible lady".


KK: I guess everyone now knows what I call you, nevermind. He went on to say, Adekemi Oluwatemitayo Morinke Ireti Babalola Samuel. I am eternally grateful to God for your existence and your purpose on earth. I am even more grateful that our paths crossed and I got to know more about you. I am exceptionally grateful that I have found courage to proceed to ask you  out. Now, I would like to take it a step further, to say this  in front of the people that mean the most to you. If I am worthy enough to  be the man that will father  your children, protect you,  help you and provide for you. Your presence in my life is a genuine blessing and I am happy to say I am myself around you and I feel always  encouraged to keep improving and developing.

Please would you do me the honour of being my wife, my best friend and my helper.

At this point, KK was kneeling right next to Kemi.

Kemi: (I cant believe you) Beaming with smile and pride and affection.

KK:  Sugar plum plum, am still waiting for an answer.

Kemi: its a yes, ofcourse its a Yes.

It was a such a delighful, memorable and incredible day that I felt so loved and so valued it was unreal.

The preparations for the wedding began, we had planned we would have the white wedding in the UK and have the traditional in Nigeria. It was lovely and we included each other in all the details and preparation and it was absoulty awesome. I did not see any signs of negativity from KK and I made sure I did not pressure him or be too demanding even though I knew it was my special day I made sure it was not centered around me only but instead it was "our special day" I was really looking forward to being Mrs Oluwakayode Korede I was so happy that our home would be joyful despite any storms we will come across, I was sure that we will come  out stronger.

We set the date for 6months after the engagemnt for the white wedding.

On our wedding day, it was a bright blue sky and it was awesome, it felt good and I felt good and I was ready so ready every fibre within me was ready. I remember driving down in the classic vintage rolls royce with my dad by side feeling proud and happy. We got to the Church and for some reason I was kept in the car but my Dad was requested. It was apparent KK was running late or some sort and I had to wait in the room until he gets to church. I was not worried I thought he was probably doing a surprise theme again as he was prone to do.

I stood in the alter for what seemed like ages and it seemed KK was not coming. I kept on saying someone should call him. They said his phone was switched off and I insisted they tried his land line.. I did not understand how all his grooms men and best man was there and KK was not. I  kept on asking were you not all in the hotel, what happened, where did he go, what is wrong. I was asking all sorts of questions and crying at the same time. That was when my sister aka cousin woke me up to tell me I was dreaming again.

Its  had been  months and I still had  nightmares everyday, what seemed like a great day turned out to be a grey day.Ever since, it felt grey, I was not myself, I could not eat, I had lost a lot of weight, I had to take a leave of absence from for a whole year from work. I could not function, I had lost my sanity. My parents decided to move me out of my old apartment into a new place. My cousin and Mum had to move in with me to care for me because I could not live on my own. My parents made a decision not to  me take to Nigeria because they felt the environment will not be positive for me. Besides, I was under medications and I needed to stay in a place where am most  likely would be receive the attention and care I could possibly get i.e. therapy. I saw a therapist once a week but it did not help. I was just in a dark place with a lot of questions. I had a lot of emotions as well, I did not who to direct my anger to, at times it would be at myself, at my destiny, at God, pastor, family, life, everything and at KK. But I had no answers, I had questions but no answers. I lost the will to live, literally felt this life was simply pointless. I have never felt destroyed in my life until that moment, it was awful.

Fast forward two years after the whole KK episode and I am finding my feet again. I made  a decision not to be a victim I did know where the strength came from but I knew people were interceding for me spiritually. I simply woke up one random morning and thought I can't live like this i.e as if am dead when am alive, I have to get on with it and make this  situation better and that was how journey to discovery and healing began and I tell it is one of the toughest, most challenging aspect of my life because I had to face it all, the pain, hurt, betray, anger I had to face each one step by step and begin to eliminate their power and influence over my life. It was not all my strength, the little prayers I said each day, each time, second were helping me too.  I knew my family and some of my friends were already affected by the situation and I could not bear the fact they all felt sorry and powerless and trying their absolute best to bring me back to my old self. I had to face my demons and face the world, I could not deny the shame or pain but instead embrace it but not make it my own. Horrible things happen and I cannot afford to remain a victim, it was about  time I took power and took charge of my life, and it was in no way shape or form easy.

Within the two years, I focused on building myself again and my career, I did not want to make my life about KK anymore or even  questions what went wrong and did not. The deed is done I just need to get on with life, and make it the best I can.

Four years of working hard, praying for healing and support, I was finally getting there, I started my own registered pharmacy  in the  UK with aims of going back Nigeria to set up a baby branch. I started to get ambitious again, I wanted to provide quality drugs that improved the quality of patients in Nigeria and sell them at affordable prices. My main focus was making sure that rich and the poor could access the medications under certain allowances and financial support from the local government would help with that.

Before I could embark on this journey, I needed to get a lot of things sorted out first in the UK and that took time. In  the midst of those I had written up  a business plan, secured sponsorship from governors and private investors. It was a hectic time for me so when one our friends was getting married and I was invited I did not say pass like I would have in the past as I  needed a break to relax and wanted to live again.

It was at her wedding that things took a different turn just when I thought I had moved on and everything was working out well. I could not believe who I saw at the reception in fact the nerve that he had to approach  me was indescribable. I did not realise when my hand landed on his face that was all I could do. I also did not realise when  he went on his knees and I gave another two. I must say it was so loud, heads were turned. It was at this point I came to reality when one of our friends came to get me and I was shaking, shaking like a jelly,. To make matter worse he was following me begging, saying he was sorry and he just wanted to talk to me and everything. I could not face him, I was too distraught, too angry, he begged my friend to have a word with and he was on his knees doing this. She said she was not going anywhere  that if he had anything to say he had to say right in her face. "We don't trust you, was a her response".

P.S. I would have to continue THE FINAL series next time. My eyes are soo dowry...

Thank you for reading.

God is love, love on yourself and others.

The Test.... Chapter 2

Thank you for VISITING.

Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello Peeps..(thot i try a new opening line ahahahah). Hope everyone is cool, calm and collected.

Thank you to all my blogsville friends and readers and I appreciate the comments on the last post.... Happy Smiles..


Well my week was alright nothing major, started my new job thank u Lord for the provision.  Heard about Djazzy and dbanj spilt on BN. All the best to both of them, they do really work hard. oh well, moving on ... No point going back.

Appy Moras Day lool.. joking.

 Happy Mothers Day to my Blogsville  expecting mummies, yummy mummies, older mummies, grany mummies, old in the game mummies, supportive mummies, acting mummies etc etc..... pick each category you belong to lol. I thank God for the awesome work all of you are doing towards bringing up these great children of God and I pray his light, protection, guidance, peace and direction will be upon them always. None of you will  bury, cry nor mourn after your children, instead you will be proud, happy and joyous over them and their character. Every plans of the evil ones concerning your loved ones are all  frustrated now and forever in JESUS NAME.  AMEN.

 To Mothers for all the commitment, strength and love you pour towards your children and family, May the Good Lord continue to reward you openly and inwardly.

 For as many as are believing the  Lord for the fruit of the womb and trusting for a turn around, I join my faith with you and believe it for you. AMEN. Jesus said with men it is impossible but with GOD  ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE not one thing but ALL things. I pray even  our tiny mustard faith will move mountains in our situations. He said ask and receive, seek and find. Keep asking and keep receiving by FAITH.

To MY PRECIOUS DARLING SWEET, LOVABLE, GENEROUS, KIND, AFFECTIONATE, RELIABLE, COMMITTED, TRANSPARENT, AWESOME, BLESSED MOTHER aka BFF. I salute you, congratulate you, appreciate you, respect you and celebrate you and your amazing commitment to motherhood struggles. You are so awesome, I pray you live longest to eat the fruits of your labour Now & Forevermore......AMEN.

Back to the  much anticipated continuation of Kemi and Kayode's journey.

Kemi: I clearly  did not know  or see  Kayode  feelings for me developing or maybe I did and chose to ignore it so as not to feed it and then get disappointed. I got to church on Thursday  evening for choir's  meetings and prayer. I recall  pastor's wife telling me pastor would like to know when next am free to come in, that he would like to speak with me. I was thinking to myself ok, I guess am free this Saturday afternoon. I could not for the life of me think about what he had in mind  to discuss.

 I remember on our way home Kayode was obviously my driver at this point lol. Well he drove me home frequently because pastor felt it was safer and  as a result we were sort of closer at this point. But, again I did not want to assume until I knew for sure so I just accepted he was being generous even though my mind thought otherswise i.e. he likes you etc. Besides, Doyin also started getting rides from Kayode, since she moved house, she insisted she also wanted to be picked  up, and I occasionally sat at the back of the car again Doyin wanted to sit next to Kayode and me being me, I would just find me a  nice comfy area at the back seat jor. During our drive home from the choir meeting with Doyin in there,  I mentioned Pastor wanted  me to see him  and I wondered why. He sniffed and didn't say much other than "hmmmmmm you will have to see him and find out I guess". I replied saying I hope it nothing major though, may be I have done something wrong. Doyin said haba, you are a good girl now, maybe  someone has expressed an interest in you and she chuckled.  I laughed and then said I doubt it, as in everyone in church is practically paired and by that response I felt silly and kept quiet. With an awkward silence brewing between us all. He  finally said really everyone in church is taken and I replied by the looks of it. He made the hmmm sound again and  Doyin, went on to say,  well apart from certain people now,  including you but am not sure. I don't know everyone's relationship status I am only assuming. We moved on to another topic, it was becoming too dramatic.

Well, the truth is, I didn't think Kayode would fancy me  mainly because they were other fine looking girls with nice character that would complement him and I did not think I was his type not in a derogatory way though, simply being realistic.  In fact, most of the fine singles ladies practically drool over him, Kayode is a correct boy, he is sharp, smart, calm and not all over the place.He  also is very warm too. I think that is an attractive quality in a man i.e. he is respectful and respectable with good moral standards. I also knew Doyin from choir had mentioned couple of times how Kayode is not bad ohh, as in he might not be your bad boy type of guy but he is so warm and cool. I nodded but did not voice out my opinion,  after all, I had to renew my mind daily avoiding any form of emotions developing, so I told myself.

Saturday comes and I was sat in Pastor's office feeling shocked, I left his office calling my female cousin whom I refer to as sister. I remember telling her everything including how pastor said there is something he would like to discuss with me. He said "someone in this church very much enjoys your company and values your friendship"." He sees something special in you and he would like to approach you and he felt it was right for him to speak with me first mainly because he was led to".  "I have only  called you in here to say when the person does approach, please listen to what they have to say and pray about it". "Whatever decision you make,  it perfectly fine". I wanted to ask more questions but pastor would not say more than that because he felt that it was only fair for me to find out everything myself. Which left me even more baffled and curious and annoyed. I was just going over it again in my head, who could this person be as in, fancy me and I did not know or see it coming. After my sister's conversation, she reassured me to relax, pray openly about what Pastor said and remain calm and not over think it.

It was not until after my prayer that my mind was calm and relaxed and I told myself I would  not over think it and remain patient.

Two weeks later, am back in my room again calling my cousin aka my sister to let her know what had just happened. After the whole pastor episode, I renewed my mind and tried not to over think it(even though the thoughts always seems to come and seize me unexpectedly. Besides the curiosity of the human nature demands explanation and desires to seek things out but I had to again, renew my mind which was not easy and be patient. Exactly Saturday after choir rehearsals in the mid afternoon. Kayode said he would like to treat us, and I said us? In fact he had this beautiful smile on his face, he looked dashing too as in made proper effort in looking good and he smelt great. Really, I did not want to notice these things but it was different. He said I know you have nothing planned for today and I would like to us to go somewhere of your choice and just relax and talk.

I was still trying to process the word "us" and with my response yet to come,  Doyin again came in and said, so  when are we leaving now. Kayode, had to let her know gently that he was not going home straight away but he could drop her if she wanted. She was like ohh you are not going home now? Kayode said precisely. She said so is there somewhere you are planning on jamming, invite us now, as in you cant go and enjoy it alone. Kayode smartly replied, Doyin if you want me to drop you I will right about now, because my time is pretty much planned today. Reluctantly, she replied saying, well I am sorry to disturb your timing ohh, I will go and catch the bus and with that she gave me a funny look and left. Kayode being humble, said Doyin come back. She came back and said what now. Kayode, said ok let us all go, I will drop you off. Again mourning and sulking and more mourning about how  he should not bother but she was clearly following him towards his car. I did not say anything kept quiet and was going through the "us moment".

We dropped her off, we waved goodbye and left. I remember saying that is something you did there, he said "Doyin reminds me of my little sister, that is exactly how she behaves, you are in the middle of something she wants you to drop all that you are doing  for her but its cool, that what people with that mindset do. I was not upset abit irritated Yes,  but that all. She will live to learn was his last response to that matter before he turned around and said. So " about what we were discussing in church, do you have a place in mind you would like us to go and talk and relax". I did not see myself blushing (i was later told by KK). I replied saying, errmmmm I dont know, its awkward(stupid answer). He said ok, I know it is but let not make it awkward, let make it interesting. Is there a place you have always wanted to visit in London and thought hmmmm one day one day. At the mention of one day I started laughing and said you have being picking alot of naijer lines ohh, and he said abi ohh.  We started laughing and it was not so awkward anymore. We ended up choosing a nice Italian restaurant, a restaurant that was not a popular choice seeing that he particularly wanted a calm atmosphere. It was during desert, KK said he had something in mind,  he would like to tell me, he said pls dont be nervous. Wrong move, cos I was tripled nervous. He said:

Kayode: Kemi " do you know you are incredible".
Kemi: me (looking down at my dessert, I could not look into his eyes, too much mushiness, too nervous).Ok, I did not know.
Kayode: Well to me you are incredible, I ermmm, well,errm, ok, this is really difficult for me but errmm ok. ahem ahem, " you are great girl, what I mean is  you are awesome and you make me so happy  you have no clue". How do you that: its your smile,  it is so beautiful and so warm. Your voice gets me excited and I can listen to you endlessly. I know I am  beginning to sound gibberish at this point, because my words are failing me and what I am trying to say is "I have found something special in you". It is your sincere approach to life, your moral standards and principles to life, your respect for your family and those around you. Your intelligence, love for God and killer body. Ok, that was not part of the speech, but I have to admit you are a very attractive lady and yes your eyes are so beautiful. I have to stop myself looking into your eyes because I know I would be lost inside and not have anything else to say but be in awe of how  beautiful you are,  yet your inner beauty seems to shine forth. This is why I say you are incredible.

I want to get to know you more with a vision of going into a courtship and possibly being married. I see  in you a caring wife, great mother and a loving friend and I want to be more than that with you. I know we will develop, grow and make it together. Ok, so what am saying is please in your time, I would like us to pursue a godly relationship with a purpose to accomplish. I know I am talking alot. So please look up and say something. Obviously, I will not be a hurt if there is another brother, actually I would be but I will get over it.

Kemi: KK, i feel the same way. I guess am very shy.

I remember he came around me and gave me a hug and said I am sorry if that a step too far but I wanted to reassure you. I know it is a lot to take in, so I will take you home and give you time to think about it. So you know I was the guy that went to pastor am sure you guessed right. I am so shy you have no clue but am happy and I feel so relieved telling you this. It has not being easy but it was worth the wait.

During the car drive, I was so quiet I actually did not have anything to say but Kayode will not stop talking. It was as if he came out this shell that he was hiding in. He went on and on about other things and he would occasionally look towards me and smile and say am so happy telling you this. I just felt silly for not saying more I guess I was tongue tied and still processing all the things he said to me. What words can do to your emotions, it really is incredible.

I explained it all to my cousin and she processed it and asked me what I wanted to do. I said I believe I should pray about this first and commit it in God hands because words are easy but actions are different. She prayed with me and we left it.

A month later, we were both officially in  a relationship, after seeking God's face and discussing with our parents and pastor. We were finally in a courtship, which was quite exciting, new and different. But I will not dismiss the fact that I felt something was going to happen but whatever it was I had that assurance I would be fine. I just felt myself and KK would be tested in a big way but I had not clue what it would involve. We prayed about the feeling and left it in God hands. This was the beginning of a beautiful, fun, exciting, cool and totally God centered two years courtship.

I did not see his proposal coming..

I would have to continue next time. Please stay tuned...

God is love, love on yourself and others too.

May God continue to keep you strong and healthy this week and protect your going out and coming in. AMEN.

The Test.. Chapter 1.

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello People....

I hope we are all doing amazingly and gorgeously well. My condolences and my prayer are with the Family of the British and Italian Men who have suffered a terrible loss. Lord, may you avenge and fight their battle. Amen. May the strength of the Almighty continue to empower their family and protect us from evil in any part of this world. We will not be  wanted in the  wrong place at the wrong time. Amen.

This is going to be a long post as usual with many series to cover... I suggest you grab a chair and a cup of cocoa and Enjoy.

This is the story Kemi and Kayode, a story that is about love, survival, hurt, confession, revival, discovery, forgiveness, acceptance and moving on.

Written as described by the person that experienced it.

Kemi:  As I stood across the balcony, I looked back over the past 12 years and wondered how life can be so interesting and damaging at the same time. How life in itself is a journey of discovery without any manual apart from the Bible even then we still have to discover what works for us and does not and how our mistakes can cost our lives, yet be that very same thing that will help us to be better if we chose life. Now, I can honestly say life  is truly unpredictable and God makes no mistakes no matter how my human mind tried to comprehend.

I will share my story with you, it might be one of many but its certainly amazing to me.

About 22 years ago, I met someone and it was the beginning of what is to make my life a journey. It was a normal day at Church, I recently finished my degree in Pharmacy so I was quite excited about my future career and goals. I was looking to conquer the world really, I was young, naive, interesting, funny and playful but so serious with my walk with God and education too. Whilst my friends were dating or being chased, I faced my education squarely knowing fully how my parents have laboured their last penny on me, I had no chance of messing that up. I was a happy bunny on my Graduation day, seeing the joy in my Father's eyes made me so proud of myself, I am the only girl and only child of my Father so he loves me so dearly. Before, Dad married Mum,  he was single and never thought he could be married again after all he passed the date of marriage according to family and friends. He was 40 when he met Mum, Dad had been busy preparing his future and plans he chose to have a ready made life for his wife and children when he felt it was right but things didn't work out the way he wanted so he decided to wait a bit more. During that waiting time, most of the potential women were snatched off the market, and when he did meet someone he truly loved and felt he could marry, the lady wanted to marry asap as in right now or next year and Dad felt at 26, he was struggling and hustling and he was not ready to commit to that life of "managing". Besides, he saw how much he manged in his own time and he didn't want that. Mum on the hand, married three different men Yes, and bore three boys for each of them. Mum was beautiful and a stunner  in her youth (she still is), but at the time,  she was incredibly naive and immature and that led her to make stupid decisions upon stupid decisions.

Mum and Dad only got together through his cousin, Mum was a caterer and she cooked to make a living. During her days, she wanted to chase the higher earners because she knew she was most likely to make more money. She cooked for a particular party where everyone like the food including Dad, in fact he loved the food so much, he decided he would hire Mum right there. He did, he hired her and the rest is history as they say, Mum was 35, Dad was 40 and they tied the knot 2 years later and I was on the way the next month.

This particular Sunday was the day I met Kayode, infact Oluwakayode Aderemi Korede mostly known as KK, cos of his surname. I remember vividly in the afternoon, I was running errands for my Uncle Segun Dad's cousin, who sent to his car to pick up some stuff for the church. I was  communicating with my Uncle without looking my way and before He could shout my name to get my attention, I  had already knocked over the Guy that seemed to have alot to carry and the sound of clashing instruments everywhere. I remember I kept saying sorry but really wanted to get out of there. I had a meeting to attend this afternoon, well more like, Funsho my friend  and I had plans to meet up. Besides, we were going to serve together in the same location  and we decided to meet up afterwards and discuss things. However, this Kayode guy seems to affect my timing. I hurriedly  helped him  with the instruments and when others came around too, I said sorry severely, didn't really catch his face but left to run my Uncle's errands and came back.  Afterwards, I simply left for my friend Funsho and we planned and did our thing etc. That was is it(so I thought).

Fast forward, 16 months  later, I was in the UK working for an international company and looking to settle back home at some point. Again, I went to church joined the choir, worked hard and focused on me, God and my life. During  choir's rehearsal  that took place in the week,  I bumped into one of my friends from church and we talked  for a bit, exchanged numbers and proceeded to leave. He called me back and asked me if I had met his cousin, he is the new drummer, he is replacing Femi that decided to move outside London, he said.  I was already frowning  my face saying "Femi can never be replaced oh, he is too good and his rhythm  is always on point. I was lamenting, when his cousin came by and he  introduced us and we shook hands (well he took my hand to shake it so I responded).Well, it was a brief meeting and again I had to dash, this time I had a deadline so after choir practice I was just looking to catch my bus before it leaves me or I miss it, I do not fancy waiting another 30 minutes. I remember standing at the Bus Stop which was approximately 8 mins away from Church. A car drove by, stopped and asked if I wanted a lift. I politely declined, I guess I could not see his face properly to tell it was the cousin Kayode I was introduced because my glasses was now in my bag or that the lights were just too dim, I could not make out his face. Either way, I would not have entered into his car, I do not like turning people into mini cabs unless I have a rapport and a strong one too and you have to practically force me into your car, other than that I will walk home or take a cab or bus and simply pray for protection.

It wasn't until four weeks later that I spoke with the cousin again, although we made eye contact during practice and meetings and said brief hellos. Anyway, I would always mind my business and stay focused not watching any glance even though Bimpe my closest friend at the time  was suggesting that he liked me and was forever scoping me when he drummed. I simply ignored it and did not allow her words to get into my mind.
This particular night vigil in church, Pastor announced if we didn't have a transportation we should say so, I quickly took my bag to proceed towards the door, when pastor saw me and called me back. At this point, pastor then called him too and said Kayode, you know Kemi now, she lives not too far from you, please kindly drop her and make sure she gets home safe. This is me protesting, Pastor I know my way home and I am safe, I don't need Kayode or anyone to make sure am safe. Pastor, insisted he knows that but today Kayode will take you home and no more walking by yourself in such late hours it is not appropriate for a lady certainly not in that area you live in.

That was how the friendship started, he would drop me and pick me up etc and we would talk, catch up and discuss stuff. Kayode was warm, not incredibly friendly but he was warm like, cool and calm. He didn't talk too much, but sometimes he would talk ohh (when he is passionate about a topic or situation). He also has good memory, he recalls alot of events. In fact, he recalled my accident with him in Nigeria, which I totally forgot, he told me how he would never forget that day. He had come down on  holiday as usual and was helping with the drums instruments, when I decided to torture him by bumping into him without looking and offered one lame excuse that I had to get away. He was so shocked and thought what a pretty but yet manner less/selfish. He remembered saying to himself, some of these girls with fine face  with no morals and respect. I could not help but burst out laughing when  he said those things, and I asked him if he hadn't  heard my several attempts at saying sorry, he said even if he heard, it didn't mean anything as  I did not meant it. I remember defending myself and going on about it, what was a joke, turned into a biy deal on my part, despite the fact he kept on saying this was like more than two years ago its not a big deal. For some reason, I did not leave the subject, I was going and on and on ,(maybe a part of me wanted to get him angry or get him to show slight emotions because he always had it together and despite my attempts he did not lose it). His response, Kemi, when you are done making a big deal out of nothing,just let me know. He kept quiet throughout the whole journey and did not say anything. To say I felt stupid was an understatement or to admit I was wrong and just looking for trouble is also an understatement. To cut a long story short, I wrote a letter to express myself as I was to ashamed to talk to him face-to-face. I posted it to his home address,he read it, picked it up and spoke about it during a Sunday dinner that I offered in order to break the silence I created between us. That was it, I knew from then on, nothing I can do or say will make him flinch if he does not see the need to argue or waste his time, he would leave it, literally leave it.

After six months of friendship, Kayode finally told our Pastor about his feelings towards me and his intentions of which I was shocked not that am saying I did not think about it or it didn't cross my mind.To me Kayode was cool and did not express or give anything away.For instance, he rarely called me, he would only tell me things in advance or write a letter or emailed, he didn't act as if he knew my birthday but he did, or that my favourite snack or meal is fried fish(I love fried fish).

I will have to continue in the next post.

Thank you for reading.

God is love, love on others and yourself too.

XXX

Recap!!!!

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello People,

Thank you  again to all the comments and support  I received from my other posts, much appreciated.

I am so glad my adopted Blog Aunty Ibahde is back on the blogsville community....(standing ovation sister, well come back (cheesy grin ).

Well, quite a lot of things has happened this week, first I saw the Qween of England lol.. joking, The Queen of England, Her Majesty and Princess Kate (for the first time).

This Saturday, I also had my haircut. Yay... told u I was a poser!!!!.

Ok, I took part in a fairtrade baking competition and I didn't win anything  (was upset about that). Despite my fury, I still made sure I collected my goody bag and carried the rest of my cake home, shared with friends and they loved it... considering keeping some for my family so when I visit next, will give it to them...

My toffee layered cake.        The top part is iced with beglian chocolate with confectionery sugar.

                                           Do not mind the crumbs....(smiles).

 Yep, basically this is a piece of it.... dont know if it looks appetizing but its taste really good (walia, not lying lol).

This is all for now...

Stay tuned for my next blog posts.

I hope some of us had a jolly week.

God is love, love on yourself and others too.

XXX

Conclusion!!! Really??

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hellooooooo.....(smiling).

Happy New month Everyone, I pray we will tap into the joy and mercy this month brings. None of us by HIS GRACE will know any form of  sorrow or pain this month. I pray whatever situation anyone is in at the moment, I join my faith with them and I say it is established. Your heart desires which are in line with his words are established by faith... REJOICE OHHH...... AND SHARE THE LOVE.

I should have concluded my marriage theme on the 29th but  have been busy, thought I do a quick one now.

I want to say a massive THANK YOU to all that commented and contributed various ideas whilst reading the posts in February. THANK YOU to all that read and still reading. To my new and old followers THANK YOU. Ok, will stop being mushy now. lol.

There are many aspects of marriage that I could have covered but I did not(maybe some other time heheh). But marriage is dynamic and there are some aspects that are yet to be revealed to me i.e. my mind and spirit However, for now I can only comprehend so much, seeing that am still growing and learning, I will keep advancing in all areas.

Note: I am not married yet nor have I been ever married before this is all part of God's work in me.

Finally, things I did not mention and should have mentioned in detail includes FINANCE, Debt, Family Planning, pre -marriage counselling etc etc.

It is important that both parties communicate i.e. talk, discuss, listen, observe, (keep listening, ask questions and get deep).

There is no particular way to the success of anything, it is the application of what we do and how we do it that makes the major impact at the end of the day.

For me ohhh, I am grateful I have God who has my back all the way including Hubby's ofcourse(it aint gonna be easy, but does anything good come easily in life??). One of the significant things I do is to pray for myself and my husband including our marriage as in no be say pray selfish prayer provide me with a husband NO ohh cos I know he has. Besides am referring to  prayers like  let him be rich or his mother berra be dead lol(I will not be surprised, people pray for success when they want to kill or steal, watch Yoruba movies and see my point). Not that am saying praying for him to be rich is bad, but pray fully understanding that you are able to cope with his workaholic lifestyle if he happens to have one, pray that he is generous and not selfish, cos trust not every rich person is generous  (not that I am bothered if he is rich or not, he must be self sufficient/debt free  without any form of addiction to gambling or betting or any form of damaging addictions. Besides, I am far more  concerned with other  deeper aspects than meets the eye, abeg marriage na for better for worse. you never know what that worse entails).

But prayers like every form of emotional blackmail, abuse, regrets, failures etc etc God should help him to deal with NOW before he enters into the marriage. I pray the same prayer for me too. More prayers like: Give him the grace and the strength to be a leader, make decisions and see my as an helper and supporter, be a good role model, be faithful, committed and transparent etc etc(Holy spirit tends to inspire me for more prayer points concerning our marraige and when I see things or hear things I also pray about them).  The fact is people change and the scariest thought I have is, marrying the sweetest man in the world and few years down the line (MONSTER). It is not my portion in JESUS NAME but sadly it happens. Most importantly for me I pray to marry someone that has the level of maturity if not more, level of Mindset in all aspects i.e. spirituality, emotionally, intellectually, financially, physically, mentally etc. I pray for someone that has the MIND OF CHRIST. He does not pretend to be what he is not, he recognises he is HUMAN and will make mistakes but HE takes responsibility (but he is also accountable hence, he does not mistake an opportunity  for taking advantage), repents and MOVES ON. I pray this prayer because this is the WOMAN I am and inspire to be more of  NOW and in the Future.

Although, I am passionate about marriage etc, I do not just want to marry for the sake of it, I want to be married and remain HAPPY in my marriage no matter what, fulfil purpose and make a difference (two heads are better than one right?? Besides that (its golden for me).I am confessing my desires to God.

 So In summary this is what Marriage means to me:

a)Fulfilling one of many God's visions.
b) Willingness to share my freedom with someone that I know is worth all the energy, time and devotion.
c)Going on an adventure that can be so elevating, fulfilling, demanding, challenging, loving, memorable, sweet, annoying, awesome and most importantly ACCOUNTABLE.

I am done NOW......

I cant wait to blog about other things other than marriage chai...see me ohh..

Thanks for reading, visiting and indulging..

God is love, love on yourself and others too.

XXXX

Marriage: As Motives

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello People of the world...

I hope you are all well...

We thank God for his mercies and his testimonies, I pray we will rejoice in the good, bad and ugly because joy comes in the morning and life is journey so we get to pick and chose our outlook on it.

I want to do a quick post on this topic.

This topic mainly addresses the ideologies and selfish motives and intentions as to why people want to get married or be married etc.

I think some of us see marriage as a point of social elevation or promotional status in society that once you have reached a certain age then surely marriage should be next on the agenda. Based on that, we  subconciously rule out the purpose marriage stands for and the consistent work that has to be invested in it which takes your mental, emotional, financial physical and spiritual life etc. Some of us wrap ourselves up in the mentality that am old hence I have to be married, time is running out, hence anything will do, chai my mates are all hooked up and I am the  only one living the single life, I need to start breeding my eggs are running dry, my siblings all have children and am an aunty to loads of them already, mehn I have grey hair, etc etc. The lists are endless.

In fact, marriage in today's world in  my opinion is a business, a contract, a meaningless showcase where both couples in it have no real intention of working together in partnership but just doing it for reasons that are selfish and personal to them.

For some of us, marriage as we do not realise is born out of motives/intentions and these are the logical thoughts process that occurs behind every action we carry out whether good or evil. When God said to Samuel in the book of 1st Samuel ch 16 vs 7 " for the LORD does not look at the things people look at, people look at the outward appearance but the Lord look at the heart". In essence, we see what we see with our physical eyes but the LORD sees the heart and the intentions of man. For this reason I believe the motives/intentions of both of individuals will ultimately direct the vision/purpose behind the marriage and its accomplishment.

I will proceed to discuss five topics relating to marriage as motives:

1)

Anticipation


Some of us, we  are in such a hurry to this marriage business we fail to anticipate, pray,  act and work on ourselves, we are too busy thinking and cooking up stupid and selfish reasons as to why we need to be married that we fail to understand marriage is deeper than what meets the eye. It is not a one stop road to indulge all our selfish fantasies even though we have them i.e. 100% guaranteed sex life no more one night stand etc. We fail to anticipate nothing is guaranteed apart from the grace of God, anything and absolute anything can affect the sexual part of marriage. So then what happens, if he/she had an accident and cant perform or better still performs but you are never satisfied or you are satisfied and the other is not etc etc. This is time both couple should be thinking of solutions and not aggravations but seeing that the marriage had selfish motives at the time, thinking about solutions is out the window fast fast or maybe it was even thought about but it didn't work asap but selfish reasons reduces the lack of patience on both parts.

Besides, you tested the waters and knew both were compatible in bed but failed to realise other things or discuss other things i.e. his blood type or that particular sickness that runs in their family or maybe its that particular sickness that runs in your family but no family tree discussion cos anticipation ain't there. Better still, you failed to anticipate that the job ain't the right source or that he is doing dodging business or that the girl ain't telling the truth etc etc. Or maybe he will one day loose his job and you will be the bread winner of the family and he will be too busy being depressed to show support.The lists are endless. However, some of us will fail to take our time, to study each other and actually learn about each other i.e. communicate. In addition, we do not seek guidance or help from God or other positive sources but we ASSUME thinking we KNOW that our marriage will work why: because we LOVE each other. You will realise what LOVE is until you enter the marriage and start seeing double sided person.. that when you would wished you prayed more or at least paid more attention to little detail and prayed about it more.

2)

Fantasies

Mehn for some of us we live in a world of daydream (me lol) but some of us our own pass Disney Walt ohh in fact them no get idea wey our mind they for this one lol. We live in a realistic world where things happen in a predictable/unpredictable way. Thing change. situations affects us,  human beings change, our lifestyles and things that we do changes, but in our daydreams it is perfect and honkeydory no quams. Until the day realities of marriage and the sacrifices of marriages hits us like a ball in the face.
So you met prince charming, you met cinderalla all happily ever after and then in the marriage  he/she does not help out in the house chores. You say its nothing it will pass, but he/she does not help with anything around the house i.e. financially, spiritually and physically but you say it will pass too. Then gradually, it dawns on you the person you once dated not COURTED (cos I think courtship is deeper) but  because quite frankly you were too busy going on dinners, sleep overs that you were taken off guard that you did most of the work but it didnt occur to you then or it did and you failed to acknowledged it, marriage was on your case, willing to reduce standards or compromise meaninglessly. Now, you are married and find out the person is lazy in fact good for nothing, might as well be single because you are not only realising your are feeling single every day, you realise you are been used as a slave, hooker and houshelp and you are in this marriage all by yourself.

The time that should be spent building standards, studying and working on flaws was wasted on building and maintaining unrealistic fantasies and secretly hoping and giving meaningless excuses.

3)

Pressure

For some of us we are perfectionist in fact we want everything to work according to our plans and if it does not we get mad, we fail to leave room for possibilities that mistakes are lessons, failures are learning process to success etc. Everything just needs to be done at our time, pace and world, we forget Ecclesiastics ch 3 that says " there is time for everything, and a season for an activity under the heaven". Everything has its time and place that is why when you feel time is too long we  should focus on ourselves and work to improve and impact positively instead we put ourselves under immense, unhealthy, necessary  pressure that time is not on our side and look to society for comparison and justification.

 Clearly, society feeds us with unnecessary pressure because we allow it and are open to it and then we say my mum wants me to get married or my parents are already pressuring me etc etc. There is a thin line between concern and obsession and when people genuinely ask us because their concern we think they mean we should marry now and then and we take it for literal meaning. Why: because our mindset is already under pressure from when we started realising that age is not only a number but its tells on the skin and the body and we fail to understand that marriage tells even more(although some married couples can conceal it through surgery but mehn their soul is sooo weak,we have no clue). This is because we have not experience marriage surely the couples are glowing and having fun hence, it must be beautiful we do not know their stories or their marriage but we look from the outside and pass judgement.As result,when the next person comes an expresses their evil intention  for marriage which we clearly cannot see or we see but fail to acknowledge we are too busy praising God and shouting hallelujah that we have met the ONE clearly the ONE is thinking have hit the jackpot, all I have to do is keep pretending. The pressure as overclouded our judgement that we have not taken a tiny step back to analyse and consult for advice. We lay our beds and we lie on it and we say nobody tells us what marriage is about.....well, well ..life is a learning process so no pressure.....


4)

Intimidation

The society we live in, is full of oppressors as in people that will rub it in your face like no other and make you feel it like no other and next you know you are craving it not only because you think its nice to be married but because you cant wait to shove it in their face and rub their face in it. But, we sometimes do not take a step back and look at the oppressors and wonder whether or not its real or fake or perhaps its so bad their purposely shining it in our faces to make themselves feel better.   You hear phrases  and you are already intimidated and blood pressure is on the rise and you thinking why me oh Lord why me self pity syndrome is not even helping matter "Since I have been married I have never felt more loved or completed in my life, marriage is amazing there is nothing like it, "my  hubby is the best" "my wife is awesome" "our marriage is just great" etc etc. Nothing is wrong with these phrases except that it makes you feel less worthy and makes you yearn it more because as far as you are concerned marriage is what making these individuals happy not the amount of constant work they both have to equally invest in if not, there is a scale going down somewhere. Some married people do not make it easier by making it seem its perfect and that there is no hardwork involved and come to think it of is it their responsibility to make it easier or make it less imperfect?( I dont know). What I do know is if two imperfect people get together surely their will be frictions and all sorts, it must take a level of understanding and maturity to agree, disagree, compromise and eventually dwell on the positives rather than the negatives. But we are too busy feeling intimidated by oppressors we take no notice of the little details that they  chose to leave  out i.e. why they constantly  call you for every single thing when they have their partner??? Sigh, you just want to be married so that all the  oppression is over jor right?

5)

Wedding Fever

Finally, you have had enough and it all caught up with you now   the age, oppression, time, etc its all around  you. You can no longer wait on God, you can no longer stay patient, you can no longer remain under service but want to be finished and want the finished product. The weddings are now getting to you.. ahaha you have attended  20-30 weddings in the past five years and you can no longer wait for your day. As in serioulsly, people that you are older than are married with children and more on the way etc. It ridculous, you are wating for this husband of yours and you are running out of patience with God because why: you have done everything under his name and obeyed him and yet he is blessing people with partners that did not even bother serving him or doing his will. Nawahooo, this kind God sef, abeg will take matters into my hand and listen to a friends advice call that brother jore and see how it goes. Now, its wedding fever that is getting to you ohh not because you are willing to share your energy and effort with someone esle. God is teaching you patience and generority because he knows in your marriage you will need a massive dose of it as there are unforseen circumstances that will challenge the marriage. But, you cant see that because you clearly think God is punishing you or has punished  you or the works of your hands are having karmar effect or could be God has forgotten you and gave up. You mistake preparation for punshment and allow wedding fever to take hold of your heart because really it was never  being about serving God selflessly, it was always what you will gain that mattered. Better still. your parntner is work in progress and based on esitmate its only few years to go and God needs you to pray for your partner progress to aid his perfect work. Instead, wedding fever takes over and you mistake a bronze for a gold and a conterfiet for the real deal. You realised down the line, you did not marry for love  let alone marry for God but married  for wedding fever to show off and feel among becuase after all the weddings you have attended you have mistaken it for marriage. Wedding is a ceremony and celebration of a union between a man and his wife but you thought it was marriage where two as supposed to become ONE i.e. work in parnerships... Now that the wedding is over, the celebration has now ended, both of you are not ONE and still struggling to agree whether  or not you should sleep in the spare room or in the sofa cos your partner does not allow sexual intercourse not because he is shy but because there are deeper problems, obviously you did not know that now... you are pracitsed abstinence from sex he was supposedly a Christian...??  What about the time when finances should have been discussed and it was overlooked due to mental pressure i.e. wedding fever. Afterwards in the marriage, you find out that all the money contributed towards the wedding was borrowed and actually he/she has massive debts..  wedding  fever hehe..


Conclusion:

There are many reasons beyond my comprehension why people tie the knot and get married but I think the intentions and motives really counts because it what makes a massive difference in the end.

I cannot mention it all, but I know we are all moved by what we see but we should not because we do not know what is behind the intention of anyone. It is important we remove our emotions from the situations and apply wisdom and prayer. Marriage ain't an easy road(each has it ups and down, although some might be steady it will not take the fact that its has it struggles whether good, bad or ugly), but for any decisions made, it needs to be accountable and justifiable. I think too many things are going on in the world that are happening too fast as a result our judgments are clouded.Having said that, it's understandable that pressure will get to us but just as we pray for the hubby/wifey to come, we should also pray for the grace to wait and stay happy, content, fulfilled and blessed whilst waiting.


God will continue to help us (I know I certainly need his grace, being single, waiting on God and doing things right is not the hard part, the hard part is when you fall for someone and you know your freedom, your life, your dreams, your space, body, soul and mind is shared with another and whatever happens you are accountable and responsible not only for yourself but your significant other). This is time to pray for the grace, patience and mercy that will help you on the road you going to take with that special person someday if not sooner.....

More to say but am tired and sleepy..

God is love, love yourself and on others too.

I pray God will never stop teaching and empowering me and many of us to reach our full potential and even exceed it (everything in life will stand a test of time, its important we know that each stage is one for growth, learning and developing).

Song for the week..

Marriage: As a Service

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome..

Hello Ladies and Gents(thought I try a new opening line).

I hope all is awesome.

Thank YOU to my followers old and new(hugs and loves and muwaahhhhh)...

 Its me again ohh.. on this marriage yarn ohh.llol. so this particular post  involves marriage as a service. Seeing that all that pertains to humanity deals with service one way or the other, there is no doubt marriage involves that aspect too.  In a place of service or providing any form of service there are dynamic qualities I believe are needed to accomplish the goals and tasks set. These dynamic qualities ranges from different dimensions and its one that most people will find out along the way so each one will require different abilities to accomplish any tasks.  Essentially,  Marriage I believe offers a place of service  where couples are working in a partnership (i certainly know this is how I see my marriage), both work towards a particular purpose and offering each other as a service to themselves and to others.

I have heard people women/men discuss how marriage has changed them and they are more patient, polite, serviceable and tolerant etc.

This post will focus on five different aspect of services that would or is required to be rendered in  a marriage(please do not hesitate to contribute your ideas xx).


1)

LOVE: lurveeeeeeeeeee luve luve luv...lol.. ok am kidding. yeah so on a serious note, Love is a serious topic ohh.Well, in my head it is. Love where do you start from really, because for me Love is a foundation to all and will always be. Now love is not a feeling and certainly not a void.  LOVE !!! and the best description I can find is written in the book of  1st Corinthians chapter 13 vs 1-13. I will use verse 7 it says "Love bears all things, believes all things and hopes all things" and vs 8 "Love never fails" and more etc (pls do read it to get the whole picture or better still google it...Yay). Personally, I know that love is needed from the get go and the actions concerning love is needed to show otherwise. In a marriage, LOVE should be  a center where it bears all things and literally bears all the positive/negatives/perfections and imperfections/the annoying and the not so annoying etc etc. Love believes i.e. we can conquer and overcome and know that this journey is made out to be easy if we chose too and surely I will stick by you through the thick and thin and good and the bad and the ugly etc. Love hopes all, Yep, the situation we are facing is not the end of our chapter we will write a new chapter from this  and that is our testimony etc. Love never fails, friends will fail, jobs will fail, health may fail, riches may fail, life itself may fail but LOVE never fails that means when we make mistakes we don't quit and say its OVER in fact more reasons to say its only begun because of out of the failures, we will have ten reasons not to try that method  and we will have ten alternatives to try different  method  that works better.

I believe LOVE  is needed in our everyday lives  and marriage is no exception. In a place of service, LOVE is needed to do things without expecting or feeding expectations it is done with open heart and good intentions. Seeing that marriage is  a  place of service LOVE is needed to firm the foundation and reaffirm the foundation and to carry out certain duties and fulfill purpose.  Personally, I believe Love is  a decision hence people make sacrifices that shocks you  and you are in awe. I am not talking about evil sacrifices though(because love does no wrong hence doing wrong to hurt/cause pain to another in the name of LOVE, I question your mindset/ideologies ohh). I am talking about the ones like doing things to better other people and doing things that are of benefit and significant  help for others you can use the example of JESUS and his love for humanity i.e. salvation).

Love is the very decision that I believe will contribute too many qaulties that will get us through the journey of life and especially in marraige. I know myself and hubby will share the romantic love (which is basically attraction that is deeper than emotions but it is between two genuine people). But we will need to demonstrate God's  LOVE which Paul described in the book of Corinthians and this love aint easy, aint fair aint rosy but it has to be done. We need LOVE in order to give without expecting back, we need   love knowing that things might not work the we want and we need  love knowing that making a difference in a positive way is very important.


2)

Humility: This is one aspect that if one does not posses already(you will one day). They say "charity begins at home" well some of us we might have to find this out from outside  before we start praciticing what we preach (its not so bad,  life is a learning curve at the end of the day, but its good to know and practice the right things). It is important  to know that "pride" resides in the heart of every human and it takes grace and understanding to humble oneself. To be of a service at any place humility is significant mainly because there are things and I mean probably horrible situations one has to deal with but its humility that shows the difference between dealing with a situation in a positive way or just making things worse. For some of us, to recognise our wrongs or the fact that we have hurt others is a not an easy thing but it has to be done. Seeing that marriage is a place of service, it will teach you to be humble, infact if you think you are humble (i am referring to me btw), well marriage will show how humble you are and how humble you can be. Humility surely cant come easy but I believe is needed in  a marriage that wants to be of a service, there has to be mutual respect and understanding going on and there has to be acceptance and responsibility. Marriage I believe will require me to stoop to some levels on a normal day I will not stoop to.

A quick scenario (Mother Inlaw came to visit for few days, enters the Kitchen and she  decides today she will cook for her son(my hubby, but my guess is, am not feeding him well enough lol).
 Me: Mummy (i like to think I will call her mummy not mama..lol) do you need help with anything in the kitchen Ma.
Mother In Law: No my dear, (hopefully she will call me dear and be nice to me lol), I just want to cook something fresh and nice for my son.
Me: Mummy you don't have to stress yourself, I have prepared some nice fresh and tasty meal for our son now).
MIL: Really you have, you are a nice daughter ohh.. but this one I think is nice too ohh infact this particular food is his favourite, he loved it as a child and chai he has missed it ohh.
Me: Really, are you serious Ma? well,  I must have missed it when he mentioned this  particular meal was his favourite but am certain he mentioned something else.
MIL: Dont mind him, he is joking he knows in his heart this particular meal is his favourite oh.
Me: Ok Mum, I will clear the table and tell him we are making his favourite dish and afterwards I will come and help you and learn this special meal.
MIL: Thank you dear, I will wait for you to come before I start.
Me: Now that I have learnt this recipe Ma, it means I will have to cook this ohh and next you visit you will relax and enjoy the meal abi?
MIL: Yes dear, infact I will give all the recipes I have ohh.
Me: I'm  happy to come and collect them oh... Thank you Ma, for your support and love God bless you abundantly(hugs her).  (In my head, thank you for the sly intrusion, but its cool am willing to share as long as you are not possessive lool, only kidding).

The End lol...

Now, I am not saying that this role play works like that in real life or that I will just succumb like that (probably will sha lol). Fact is, I know that  this is not my hubby favourite meal and I know that he has particularly requested for the dish I already made. But if his mum insist to make him food then I would be humble to understand that
a)She misses him and misses making food for him and the joy of having to make that food and know its goes down.
b)She feels she can cook a better meal than I am (ofcourse she sees me as a competition now).
c)She wants to use this opportunity has a bonding time between herself and her son.
d)Finally, she probably feels other wise(it could go either way).

Only God knows why she made that decision, but for me instead of being angry, sad or getting paranoid, I will humble myself and understand this is only temporary and I will give her the chance to express herself and her love (If she becomes possessive or uses this the opportunity to her disadvantage, its cool no wahahlala... but by  the time I pray her out, she  will know how far..lol.obviously myself and hubby will discuss issues like these now..).

My point is, situations in marriage will make you humble and marriage as a service  requires humility, there will be instances where humility requires you to  own up  to wrong doings/decision, to back off, to accept, to be patient, to be quiet and in fact use wisdom in some situations where you would have walked away no long ting jor lol. In essence, I know that,  massive dose of humility is required from myself and hubby to ensure our marriage serves a purpose and particularly serves the purpose it should fulfill. Like I said, there are many dimensions humility will be needed but its important in a marriage of service.

Note: Before I say Yes I do, am collecting all her recipes ohh during courtship that is and No, her cooking will only be allowed when necessary lol if not I will  just freeze all her dishes and dash to somebody else oh lol.


3)

Charity:  now am not only referring to money, but time, energy, advice, ideas, encouragement, prayer etc. Charity for me is the essence of using ones quality in a better way to impact positively, it not only with money. Seeing that my marriage will be of service not only to myself and husband but to the outside world. I know charity will be important in our home, I believe in the act of giving and knowing the difference it makes when we give something positive. I would like to encourage myself and hubby to practice charity in our family that means giving to each other, family members, relatives, community at large. In marriage, I know there will be times where  we are compelled to do something or to reach out to someone one way or the way and if volunteering is one of those aspects I will definitly encourage it. I am compassionate (well I like to think I am lol) and I know hubby will be too,hence,  I know both of us will  be drawn to sow, help and support and that will automatically be of a  second nature in our home which we will do without any attachment or expectations. But, I will definitely encourage wisdom and wise decisions in all that we do or hope to do. Charity is a big deal for me because its a service that is rendered without anything expected in return, it is done in love and it is  just what it is....


4)

Grace: Well I will keep it simple and sweet. I can honestly tell you when I see myself doing good to people that have hurt me it has to be GRACE. When I see the amazing things God has done in my life and my family and others and in the world. ITS GRACE. In a place of service, grace is needed to carry out the tasks without being wary or complaining. Grace for me is a divine strength that God will empower us with when we ask.  I can't perform the services concerning marriage if I have no grace. I will tell you now,  its easy to walk away, and  not to bother, its so easy to be by yourself and do you and it easy to stay unhappy in a marriage and make no changes to improve or simply manage.  But grace will give us both that strength that we have no clue about but desires us to want to stay,  not stay out of duty or obligation or but out of sincerity, kindness and Love. I know that we will need the GRACE OF GOD our  my marriage and in the place of service. Knowing fully well our marriage is not only ours to enjoy  but as an experience to share with others and a foundation for our  generations and an opportunity to demonstrate God's kindness/visions. I believe we will need the Grace to do things and accomplish them with open heart and smile. Grace is needed to carry the marriage with dignity, respect and Love. I know that our marriage will serve a bigger purpose and for that reasons and more GRACE in its abundance  is needed.


5)

Prayer:  There are many verses  in the bible that talks about prayer (will not delve too deep in that). I see prayer as a way of talking to God and discussing my inner most fears and insecurities, doubts etc. It is also an opportunity to be grateful and recount (though one has to have a grateful heart everyday). Me, I pray alot ohh(like my friend once said God knows my face and voice like I literally bang it out in his ears lool). I actually don't think I pray alot i mean some people pray for hours etc, but I talk alot when praying as in (God grabs a chair and a cuppa cos he knows am gonna go on and on and on and eventhough the bible says let your words be few as God knows the desires of your heart lol). On a serious, prayer life is very significant to me and having seen the power of prayer, I dare not commit my life and activities to God. Hubby  and myself have no choice but to practice a life of prayer in order to embark on the this journey, because I know for a fact all my issues concerning him will be to reported to God (lol). I know that we need to communicate with him to cover certain areas that we cannot see or comprehend and hence prayer is important. In addition, we are not only praying for us and future, prayer should involve other people too and  the world around us. Our prayer life should be of a service in our marriage where we focus on different areas of life. I would personally (me speaking) like us to actually ask around and take personal prayer points and pray for other people and take it seriously like we would when praying for ourselves. In addition, we need to do this and to do more. so mehn alot of tongue wagging lool. am joking. Is essential and it has to be used in serving others and staying on track.

In summary, there are alot more I would like to say on each topic but this is all I have now and been revealed to me and so ermmmm maybe next time(but then again, people might be tired of reading oh lol). On a serious note, marriage should not only be a service to both parties but to others as well. People have to benefit from the beautiful qualities that both couple share and can impact in a positive way. Most times, the service might not be done together physically but it is agreed spiritually and both understand  and aware of that.


Above all, I pray that I carry on learning and keep learning and implement all that I have learnt. Obviously, I am growing and open to ideas so this is not the end.


God is love, love on yourself and others too.


My song for the week...(happy smiles)

so blessed... Yehe

Marriage: Journey of Discovery

Thank you for visiting. Comments, Views, Opinions, Expressions, Ideas etc etc are all welcome.


Hello People,


I hope all is well.


Tribute to Ms Whitney Houston who passed away approximately two days or less  before this post.(I pray her Guardian Angels take her to her perfect rest and I pray  her family will have the strength and courage to grieve and heal).


Ok, something is bugging me(i am not one to talk about trivial issues sometimes) but I know people read my blog I just wonder why anyone chose not to leave comments or at least chose to follow me(i am not paranoid). Please when you read,  share your thoughts if any, only be positive and pls do click to follow me(publicly)...
THANK YOU.LOL.


I will hopefully do a mini post today. This post is mainly about discovery and five key things I would like to discuss. Seeing that this month is dedicated to sharing my views on marriage (and learning), I will simply carry on from the foundation. I consider life a journey, fact is: life in itself is also a discovery journey, I figured everything in life helps us to discover ourselves, inner ambitions and personal growth and Marriage is no exception.


Discovery journey which I have summarised into Five categories are as follows:


1) Compromise:


Now this is a very interesting topic and one that I think as humans we cannot live without.. We all in our own ways somehow have to compromise either it was forced upon us or other wise.  I believe marriages involves quite a number  of compromises if not alot more  and I know it will be happening in mine. I would like to think the type of compromises that will happen will be  accountable and justified in a godly way (but this sometimes is not the case). So, yes compromising will happen that will either take me out of my comfort zone and put in a different situation(which can be bad/good but its ok, cos life is all about discovering right?). I guess it another opportunity to learn more about one's self and strength. Having said that, I am a reasonable/sensible person and compromising in my marriage or anything else  has to be inline with God's purpose mainly because accountability/responsibility is essential in my life. On the day of judgement, I really do not want to be looking lost but comfortable....lol. But really I  do not want to regret or start living with major guilt due to senseless and stupid decision making that could have easily been  avoided (if wisdom and help was applied beforehand, although lessons will be learnt, it can be very costly that I would like to avoid and I believe compromising should not involve such but then again it could to learn and teach others).


2) Differences:


This is also a very interesting topic, in all of us we can be similar but still we  all  have our differences i.e. our ideologies/views/opinion governed by experiences/environment etc. I know without a doubt there will be differences in our marriage mainly because we are two different individuals with different upbringing that has shaped our world and way of thinking. Differences can sometimes make things better or make things worse depending. This is why I strongly believe understanding and discussing i.e. open communication with transparency/honesty  should pave way that means,  because we both actually understand that we are different, our expectations about things needs to be altered (or in the process). In essence, when I expect things to be done in  a particular way and its not ( i have choice to react or respond). Reacting means doing/saying the exact things that comes to your mind/head. Responding:  stepping away from the situation/ emotions and looking at it from a different angle(it is easier to react than to respond but responding provides better solutions most times). When I learn to respond I am more likely to be reslient and tolerant and able to communicate  my hurt better and convey my emotions in a sensible manner. Also at this point I am believing   hubby and I will be open with our thoughts and discuss our  understanding expectations/differences
/preferences etc we both will have and as a result of communication we can both have a common ground/agreement and clearer views(just to let you know, am willing to drag it out of him lol.. as you can tell am big on talking/questioning lol, more like interrogating. I  like to think good communication is an important foundation from both sides, it should be equal).


3)  Romantic Gestures:


The interesting thing about this topic is that the ideologies surrounding romance is different for every individual. In my case, it is the little things and the thoughtful things I tend to consider romantic I am more than superficial i.e. buying flowers or chocolate etc(although, its sweet I will probably appreciate it more if its a little creative and unique). In addition, romance is both ways, I do not in any shape or form expect Hubby to be the one doing everything and coming up with the ideas(I have alot on my sleeve lol, I am a creative person as you might know my mind does wonder alot so thoughts and ideas easily pop in my head lol.). For me, things like helping out, doing chores, using personal initiative to carry out tasks I consider that as romantic gestures. For instance, if I am cooking (which I love doing, no quams), I would appreciate an helping hand and someone that actually ask how things are going and if I needed any help. (If I do, trust me I won't say NO, I will say YES). By God's grace I don't have to worry about that cos I know my (husband will have a good dose of initiative). Having being in a relationship where the guy had common sense and does things without being told has just reinforced my views on certain things.  In addition, I am big  on family support and family gathering (so checking up on my mum i.e. a phone call or ring is definitely so cool and me also doing that ohh). Besides, other little things like  prepping for work/occasions  I would not mind him polishing his shoes and asking if I wanted to polish mine too  or  if it is the case ironing/driving etc. Guys tend to iron well more than ladies (I think, lol), I would consider him ironing my clothes, cleaning the cars, emptying the bins, changing the lights, setting the table, washing up, getting the babies ready etc  romantic gesture as suppose to buying a dozens of roses that will wither away. Having said, I am totally up for doing these things too ohh... I cant have expectations and not expect to do my part (not sensible). Sometimes, I know I would have to exercise some of my expectations out of hubby mainly because some people have the potential in them to do things but they just do not think about it straightway(besides, we are different individuals and since marriage is about discovering he has to be open-minded to ideas viceversa). Although, some people do not have any idea or clue of what to do or what is required of them and some people t just have a CLUE and instantly do it(these people, i tend to roll with, CLUED up people).


4)  Identity


This is very important to us in our society, in our everyday lives we all have a form of identity that we all portray or people perceive us as. It is equally important for us as a couple to have our own identity, I understand with everything going on around us it is easy to get caught in the whole journey and business and forget you both had a lives or still do have life when we chose to say "I DO". For this reason, goals/objectives I think should we should set/encourage  that comes along with the visions we have  for our marriage. In essence, what do we both want to portray ourselves as and how can we maintain consistency and transparency. Having  an identity means a lot to me for someone that believes in enriching lives and growth/development  I definitely would  want to have an healthy identity that does not take me away from myself but adds more or contributes  to my mindset and sense of purpose sames goes for hubby. Everyone's idea of identity will be different some will  stand for justice, ambitious etc. It will range for different individuals(lol repetition).


5) Lessons


Knowing that life is full of lessons and each stage offers a different ground to express yourself and maturity including implementing the changes developed (and an opportunity to learn something new).  I believe marriage will present a lot of lessons too (in fact I think marriage is one of many lovely things I believe is present in this life and will impact one's life like never before). For me and by my KING's grace, I  have made a mental decision to chose to learn from all the lessons and be better(if anything maintain consistency of what I regard better and inline with God's purpose).


 I believe marriage itself will change me, my husband can influence me but marriage is most likely going to have a bigger effect (This is because when anyone says I do, you not just marrying that man/woman, you are marrying their problems/flaws/imperfections/pleasant/unpleasant situations, family members i.e. in laws, relatives etc. (Most especially in an African community Nigerian for that matter, forget your peace and husband lol (kidding) but be sure  of intrusion from family members/other people  whether negatives/positives).One is  basically marrying into the unknown really and one's marriage  comprises of various stages including situations with in laws, distant relatives, his/her destiny and many more. This will without a doubt change me not only influence  my thoughts/actions but change the way I think and see life. Now, I have the decision to ensure those changes whatever they are, are not ones that will destroy me or my future or the future of myself and hubby instead, it should BUILD US, ENCOURAGE US, ENRICH US AND ENLIGHTEN US etc. There will be stages where trials and tribulations just seems to be a common occurrence but its ok, (it happens,) my decision now is not to be a VICTIM but VICTORIOUS(it cant be easy to be victorious at anything but that is my decision because I have alot to teach my children and their generation and I owe to them to be honest and transparent but to be positive too. Mistakes will be made, situations will change, people will disappoint/you will also disappoint people/ betrayl can occur in other aspects of lives that will take a toll on the marriage. But since we  are both in a partnership in this together and I am his missing rib,  I would like us to agree from the beginning  that by his grace there is no going back, no going sides ways or confused.com but taking it on the chin and moving forward (again, not our  strength but his everlasting GRACE).


Finally,(I am young and still learning and discovering things about life and my views can be altered and influenced). But I know my values and principles on life are most likely to sway every now and then but it will mostly remain(His grace not mine).. At the end of the day,(thing happen, however God did say to Habakkuk to write his visions down and watch it come to pass, so doing this, feels  like I am  writing my visions down and praying I live to see these and much come to pass).


Thank you for visiting.


Please share your thoughts.


God is love, love on yourself and others too..

xxx

My Jam.......