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Hello Everyone..... waving with love.. I hope we are well and having a fab time, prepping for Christmas and all. I am with my family spending time with them. I baked my Mum a surprised cake, lol, she didnt see that coming.
Back to the title.... today I will be sharing an interesting touchy story so pls grab a hot cup of cocoa, tea or smoothie..YAY..
How DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU? Woman, keep walking, you cant stay here, keep moving you cant stay here. I need to rest, I need to sit down, the pain I felt was incomprehensible, all I wanted to do was sit down, have a cup of water and sleep yet I keep hearing an angry strong voice saying you cant stay here.You MUST LEAVE.
As I struggled to block out the yelling, I found myself reacting to the soft palm touching and feeling my face. It was the lovely hands of my hubby. I tried to open my eyes to allow more vision, he looked concerned and I noticed my left hand was holding my belly. The neighbours are at it again. Is it contraction time? Hubby said with an enthusiastic voice and a worried smile. I immediately reacted to his concern, saying I think so. I keep feeling pain, I am pretty sure I had a dream. The pain I felt immediately after the statement reaffirmed hubby is concern, I was ready to pop. Our Christmas gift is coming early. I remember moaning, groaning, hoping and grinding my teeth to the car. I must say hubby was swift for the day, he quickly grabbed my preggie bag, called our doctor and was ready to take us to the hospital.
It was a long journey of panting, pushing, cursing and constant moaning but eventually Ayooluwa, Opeoluwa Grace Stevens was here, at exactly 9:30 am on Christmas Eve. It was an emotional and sweet moment, one I can't express but I knew our cup was full alright. I haven't told you the years it took us to get here but God did it, he surprised us and gave us joy that knows no bounds. Everything about her birth was miraculous, although we wanted the celebration to be small it turned out big. The baby ceremony was grand, the Sunday thanksgiving was grand, everything around us was just grand and I was full of joy. I couldn't express it all, I remain grateful to all that supported, prayed, encouraged and helped throughout the journey. I remain especially grateful to God during this time. However, I didn't know our recent joy will test our faith beyond words.
Brief intro into our lives, I got married to my one and only sweetheart, yes we had been together since our teenage years, started off as friends but eventually grew into a blossoming relationship. We had been friends since I was thirteen and he was sixteen. I was able, with permission from my parents to enter into a relationship at 18. I had to consult my parents on most things not only because I felt they had wisdom to offer me but they both made it comfortable for me to ask for advice and they both ensured I took precautions. Myself and hubby courted for couple of years, he proposed when I was 21 and we got married a year later. It was a joyful moment, we were both our first and I must say we were quite open about how daunting it will be at first but we were alright in the end.
When we started to get serious, I knew hubby would go into ministry and I was not surprised when he said he felt that God is calling him into ministry. During the time we courted, we discussed various issues including child bearing and I remember saying it innocently that if we happen to have any issues conceiving, I would never say NO to our marriage. Hubby nodded in agreement and banished the thought of that happening. It did happen, we both struggled to conceive, months went by, years went by and we saw and experienced the joy of parenting with other people who got married later much later than us. I was 32 when I finally got pregnant and it was a shock and unexpected moment that myself and hubby could not fathom it. We hadn't given up hope, we just decided we wouldn't allow this situation to ruin us as individuals although we felt pain, we learnt over the years, the importance of counting our blessings. Each time we felt a sting of unhappiness, we immediately chose to count our blessings and remain thankful and faithful.
While I ponder on the wonderful gift God blessed us with, I couldn't help but think that this definitely didn't happen by chance or luck nor did it happen because of our faithfulness as there were times we blamed ourselves and sought alternatives but nothing came to avail. In the end, we went back our knees to God for help and direction and we decided to remain happy regardless.
It was exactly 18 months when I noticed something was not right with our daughter. It was a reaction I was keen to explore although hubby thought I was overeating On getting to the doctors and receiving the diagnosis of what we were not prepared for, we were told she had a severe illness that is affecting her body, muscles, breathing etc. I couldn't understand the sickness and what it was about, all I knew was our beautiful lives was turned around in space of few mins. From then on, it was appointments after appointments, hospital visits, hospital stay over etc. Everything I did was centered around our baby making sure she was well and better but instead the situation got progressively worse. It got to the point where I was sleeping at the hospital against the rules, I was yelling at nurses whom I felt were not doing enough for our daughter or understood our misery.
Life became sour again, it felt as though what brought us the joy we longed for is also bringing us the sorrow we never longed for. I took the frustrations out on hubby, I felt he was not doing enough, he was not feeling the pain I felt. How accused him of being selfish, insensitive and unaware. I stopped helping with the ministry altogether and devoted my to our baby. During this time, hubby took the fault, the blame, took all the insults and to top it all of, I did no cooking, no cleaning. NOTHING. I left all, all I ever wanted was our baby to come home well and alive. I couldn't see myself, I became I shadow of myself.
I recall coming home after my thousands of visits to the hospital and crying one of my many tears asking God why he had allowed this to happen and why he felt the need to punish us. I was in tears and anguish, when I fell asleep. I was having the conversation again, asking God why he allowed such to happen to us and why he wasn't fighting the battle. I was still crying and weeping asking questions but all of a sudden, I felt the need to be quiet. During the silence, was when I was able to see my Mother which was very weird, she held my hands and comforted me with her advice. She said "why worry? when you can pray? The battle isn't yours to fight, it is God. He is the giver and taker of life. You have fought with your own power where has it taken you? It was during this time, I pondered and asked myself why I had fought with everyone around me, making them the issue and blaming them. I was fighting with God and even with myself. I woke up to what felt like a long sleep but it was quite short. I decided from that minute, I would be better and improve. For the first time in months since the illness, I made a decision to allow God who gave her to us to take charge. I told myself this situation will not ruin us, me, our family and our marriage but I will learn to count my blessings and do my part. Through the day, I gathered courage to pray and ask for strength to remain positive, cheerful and thankful.
I took a look at the mirror for the first time in months and who I saw was not me. I looked dead, my eyes, my hair, my face and body were just not mine. I had not been eating and am sure my baby would not be happy to see me in this state. I shook my head and I felt within me things cant go on like this, I have to change and I must change for the best. If I lose myself into this situation that I have no control over, I will lose my sanity and all that I have working for me. I immediately booked myself full body massage, got a cleaner to help clean the house and went food shopping.
Hubby got home to a clean house, clean wife and ready made food, that day I decided to allow God comfort our baby and would try to increase my level of attention to other areas of my life that I know needs it too. He was too shock for words at the sight of me and all he could do was go on his knees to praise and thank God. He kept on asking what happened to me, I shared my dream with him and he said it had to be God working. That night, we ate together, had a laugh together, he told me he dropped by the hospital to say hello to the doctor. I asked if he saw our baby, he said he did and always does every time. He explained each time he came, he would see the doctor to request about the progress of her health. He knew deep down seeing her in the state was painful but he knew he had to be strong for her. He also knew God was not done with our case yet. All this time, I had been jabbing him for not coming to see her, I didn't know he did that silently. Each time he came and he saw me with her, he would say a silent prayer and he would go home to clean and cook for us, the food I rarely ate. He said, he knew in his heart nothing he said helped because the more he was positive the more I damped his spirit by cursing, yelling, accusing and insulting. He figured there would be peace if he kept silent and continue to pray and keep the faith alive.
He was right, all the positive words and prayers fell on deaf hears if anything I would accuse him of being insensitive. That night we talked like we used to and we communicated deeply. We had missed each other so much and I had missed him and forgotten I had a really cool friend I could talk to and share things with. I couldn't believe I distanced myself, I strongly know for certain that I have a great husband who is supportive, helpful and caring. We were both happy we had our heartfelt discussion, we prayed that night and we also did ahem ahem you know, the whole intimacy thing. *winks*. Goodness we both were starved it was unbelievable how much we had missed each other comfort.
I was still sore but I knew I had to allow myself to give it all to God. The next day I went to visit our baby, this time I had on my nicest dress and smile and was lovely towards the nurses, who in turn were surprised to see me in a good state. That day, we had good news, that she was alot better and responding well to the treatments. Amazing or What?
Its a year later and we holding our twins and celebrating the birthday of our baby girl. Its been a roller coaster but we got through by YAWEH's grace. Our Ayooluwa meaning the Joy of the Lord, is stronger, healthier and healing well.
As I count my blessings again this year, I have realised that in hard times and when things are out of our control, as hard as it seems we cant allow it to consume us. Consuming us would mean the need for us to be strong and continue to live is taken away by the situation. I also know that I cant comprehend the plan God has for our lives. It seemed unfair at the time the way everything happened but I am grateful it did because it showed me who was in control of EVERYTHING and how I am only an instrument to be use for HIS GLORY. I celebrate the joy of overcoming, I celebrate the joy of understanding deeper things in life, I celebrate the joy of experiencing the ups and downs, I celebrate my home and my desire to continue to make God our leader, number 1 and our pillar and most importantly I celebrate the special Christmas gifts God has blessed us with.
This is a fictional story, inspired by the Holy Spirit. Any correlation to real life incidents is purely coincidental.
In life, I have learnt even when our hearts desires are met, they are still obstacles on the way that is purposely there to help us build ur character and trust in God. This season as we celebrate the love of life, the love of generosity, thanksgiving, togetherness and the love of our Saviour JESUS. I pray the Lord will surprise us with the best Christmas gifts. xxx
Have a WONDERFUL Christmas and a BLESSED Purpose driven and Purpose filled New YEAR.
I appreciate all the comments, new and old followers and the constant visits to my blog. I pray your lives will forever be blessed..
On a lighter note, check out the toffee layered cake, grazed with golden caramel strings, I made for work.. It went down well. Thank God.
I tried small. lol.
Lol..... I thought I should throw in my pic too lool. The hair is mine too lol.. xxxx
Thats me doing a fashion modelling tingy..xxx
