Saturday, 15 June 2013
A Movie inspired post.
I hope we are well and thankful for yet another day to breath in/out fresh air and eat good food. Thank you Lord.
I absolutely loved the lovely comments I got from my last post Pls click here. YAY....
Very quickly (learning how to keep my post short and snappy), I watched this interesting movie. Initially, I didn't like it, I thought it was too slow, way too mumuish etc but I allowed myself and not only did I enjoyed it, I learnt one or two things I will share with you.
I am not sure if you have heard of the Ghanaian movie "Sinking Sand" starring Yemi Blaq (that dude knows how to make English sound so cool). I watched the movie free on Irokotv (pls watch it too).
I won't spoil it for those that haven't watched it, but I kinda have to mention what happened to illustrate what I learnt.
The movie was about two love birds that wanted to love and live together "happily ever after" until a disaster struck. This changed both their lives together forever. I must say, I didn't particularly like the ending to the movie, I like happy endings, "who doesn't? expect you are a Devil. lol. I like to say I love realistic happy endings.
Back to the movie so they loved each other so much they couldn't foresee how this situation could have destroyed what was once beautiful. Who could have foresaw? Well, lets just say the disastrous situation was caused by the woman/wife which affected the man i.e. his physical state and psychological state. The situation affected their marriage, a joyful man/husband now became a "monster" constantly torturing his wife, abusing her and treating her shamelessly. A vibrant hopeful women/wife became a shadow of herself making up excuses to pretend the situation was healthy.
However, the key things I learnt from this movie was "Unforgiveness" and "Guilt". I rarely learn from movies produced these days. Can I get an "aye aye" ? lol.
After the negative situation occurred, the woman/wife carried a heavy burden on her mind which goes for alot of us when we make mistakes especially when it has a direct effect on our spouses or loved ones. Some of us carry the guilt because we feel immensely responsible for what has happened. We also don't forgive ourselves or the situation rather we mentally subject ourselves to the torture of trying to undo the situation by being more nice, cautious etc and at the end we exhibit self pity, low self esteem and other forms. We feel responsible for the situation, which is normal but it is important we learn from the situation and allow ourselves to better. Feeling guilty wasn't/ isn't the issue, it is "staying guilty" that is the main issue. When we feel responsible for what we have done wrong we can bend over backwards to please the other party while they take out the anger, frustration, rage and lack of self control on us. In this case, the woman/wife felt guilty and stayed guilty because she felt responsible for what happened, constantly blamed herself and to top it off she accepted the punishment as a way to rid herself from the guilt. While I advocate the need to feel responsible, I also advocate the need to learn how to move on from the situation and become better. It is possible, it will take time and lapses but it is POSSIBLE. Nothing is Impossible. Can I get an Amen? lol.
Now the "Unforgiveness" was mainly from the man/husband he just couldn't bear it, he was angry, dejected, insecure and frustrated. He didn't know how to deal with the situation and felt his wife intentionally hurt him. He couldn't bring himself to forgive her and move on. He felt angry with himself more so his wife and instead of dealing with the issue as it not always easy to do so, it was far more easier to punish his wife and take out the anger out on her. I believe this is a situation where any individual can be found in, the fact that we are trapped in our own feelings and emotions makes it impossible to see a way out or to see how sorry the other person is about the situation."Though sometimes people are not always sorry".
The unforgiveness he abhorred led to a series of torture his wife received from him and even with that,it didn't take away the fact that he is still bitter, angry and worse still, the situation is still there. The truth is, the damage is forever done and cannot be undone however there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In essence, the situation can be better managed. Besides, the man/husband also fed it by allowing himself to turn to the negative things like drinking, although it makes sense that he is upset and probably will be for a very long time it didn't mean that the future couldn't be bright or that nothing was impossible.
After all that has been said and done, both parties I felt needed help. They needed professional help equally and separately to deal with the situation in a more positive and better way even though there will be lapses. The fact is, you have days where you feel things have gone better but you are suddenly back to the drawing board. I personally advocate both professional and Jesus help.
Most importantly, for anyone that is in a situation such as this or similar, it is imperative to admit that the baggages, the guilt, the abuse etc none are healthy and it will only make matters worse if things do not change for the better. Both individuals can be ruined for good but thank God for grace.
What am I saying? At some point in our lives we will go through a major catastrophe God forbid, some are obviously manageable than others but in the case where any negative events should take place, I hope we find the need to cry out for help and not be silent. I pray we ask the holy spirit for direction on what actions to take and speak or surround ourselves with people that genuinely care about us.
I don't like unforgiveness and I don't like guilt, I don't like hatred, I don't like jealousy, I don't like being the victim or victimising others, I don't like being the bad guy or being under the bad guy.
I don't like any form of Negativity period. I consciously don't feed on it and I consciously don't feed it to others.
I like to see life as a learning process where we will be challenged to our limits and our emotions will take a toll on us but we need to learn it only skin deep.
I stay away from anyone that brings out the worst in me. Seriously, I don't like yelling, I don't like keeping malice so if you stress me, I will cut the person off. I need my cool jare.
Back to the summary of the movie, maybe if they sought help, the dude could have allowed himself to see the genuine love of his wife although upset and angry both could learn from it and try to live happily ever after...... hahahha if there is anything such as that.
It is easy to talk the talk lol but to "walk the talk" entirely different matter.
I pray for anyone that is hurting will find healing.
I pray for anyone that is in pain, guilt and anger will find forgiveness, repentance and new life.
I pray whatever that is bad, unfair, unworthy will not be ours but grace will find each man. Amen.
Thanks for reading.
Love, Joy and Peace.
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