ITS CHRISTMAS.. WHOOP WHOOP.

Hello My Blogsvilefam,

I hope we are well.

Its Christmas..YAY.

WOW 2013 Christmas is here o. Can you believe it?

I can't. It came so fast.

I am grateful for life and the grace to celebrate in good health with my family and love ones.

I pray all our dreams and wishes will still come through.

JESUS is the reason for the season but sometimes it gets lost in the midst of everything, infact it mostly lost.

I am still finding my through it all.

From me to your love ones.

P.S.If you have nothing to be grateful for, be grateful that at least you can eat well and not have to be fed by a syringe or drip.. Be grateful and have a thankful heart.

Jesus is the reason for the season.

**Feeling Good**

Hello People,

I am so blog inspired and motivated.

I will be talking motivational today. Oh yeah. *winks*
Please you are welcome to share with your friends.

Feeling good: what is this all about and why  is it important?
Well honey, only you can answer the question correctly but pls hear what I have to say.

The idea of feeling good for me basically means choosing to stay positive, being positive and allowing my inner beauty i.e. the burst of energy that  resides inside to  radiate outside  triumphing over any negativity around me. In a nutshell, being confident and loving it.

I am totally  a "feel good" kind of person in that I don't care at all for other people's opinion emphasis placed on the bad ones. I am a happy go lucky child and one thing am grateful for is that I can be oblivious to certain things. I don't know why but sometimes my mind just does not acknowledge the meanest, saddest or insulting things some people chose to say or do. I sometimes notice much later that the person just said something rude but in that point in time I don't hear or see it.  I am glad am that way in fact I pray to continue to stay that way because I sure do not want anyone from anywhere to feel they can open their mouth and rain in my parade. Constructive criticism yes am open to and other good remarks but constant negativity and all sorts No, I am not open to it.

Why? what point is it that I abhor or indulge in such talks especially when the rationale is absolutely dumb. For instance, I am not a shy person noo and am quite happy to dance my socks away on the dance floor although to some people it looks odd or not posh or whatever etc. The truth is you can't cringe for me because at that point in time am having the ultimate fun ever!!!.
I recall  a situation at a wedding on the dance floor, doing my famous moves lol, my friend tried to tell me to tone it down, hahaha bless her she was embarrassed for me. I turned to her and just completely carried on dancing.

Also with my natural hair, I had alot of I can't believe you cut your hair, people that don't talk to me on a normal day sat me down etc  oo this ooo that. I laughed it off, I didn't care and  I rocked it with confidence. In fact one of my besties always dizzes naturals lol, that we look like village girls etc. I told her to wait till she sees me.  I look funky o, village has nothing on me. She was wowed plus I rocked it with so much love.

The  point of the illustration goes to show that I can't be tamed and I don't want to be tamed. There will come a time in my life maybe I will feel somehow but until then allow me o.

I also think part of feeling good is being happy, like appreciating life, appreciating you  and be full of it. In my old workplace, they loved my enthusiasm to constantly want to do things. It is part of feel good. I like using my initiative to help out without expecting back although it is only courtesy to be grateful. I think its a prayer point worth asking God, "help me to do things and be kind without thinking or expecting anything back".

In a nutshell, I am a feel good person it shows in all part of me. I am always upbeat, optimistic and whether you know me personally or you don't you will always feel it somehow. I don't like to hold myself back mentally because I have only one life to live besides  once I get past a certain age I can't wish it  back.

2014 by his grace will be one of the best UPBEAT year. I have alot of desires to accomplish but importantly I want to be inspired and inspire others.We will inspire each other.

Live, Love and ROCK.

Jesus best boo. Nobody shouldn't tell me Jesus didn't have fun say what? Jesus traveled saw and met different people so I mean CAMon.. lol.

P.S. Fun does not mean self damage or doing things that are  harmful to both yourself and others. xxx

                                        Bad boy Marble cake. lol. 1st attempt. x

Lovingly loving NATURAL. *smiles*

Hello People,

I trust we are doing "schemazing" Nicole on x factor. lol. x

I have been on this natural hair journey for close to seven months now I believe. Big chopped in July click here.
I can't emphasis or express how I am my loving natural hair and how it compliments my features.
I didn't think I would love it this much but I LOVE MY HAIR. I am in love with it.
I just love the journey and the relationship am having with it.
Its supercool.

I am excited to share my hair regime and pictures so far: 

My regime is simple I use less products on my hair.

I usually deep condition weekly.

 Loads of water and cold water to seal the moisture.(My hair loves cold water).

I find my hair does not like home made remedies like apple vinegar and bicarbonate soda (my Sis and Mum use them). I experience more hair sheds/breakage when I use them.

I like the avocado deep conditioner which I think my hair needs yet again I experience more hair sheds too.I try to minimise  usage to 2-3 weeks.

My hair does however used to like egg mayonnaise even when it was relaxed  but I am not sure about now? Egg mayonnaise is still my go to deep conditioner. My relaxed and shorter natural hair thrived in it.

I do plan to try something I did before which is only based on water. I will try it again couple of times and hopefully get to share the experience.

My hair loves Shea butter, castor oil, almond oil, coconut oil etc. 

I got some raw Shea butter from Niaj, nothing beats the raw ones which I mix with other oils. 

P.S. I don't mind hair sheds but not excessively though.

If you didn't know by now lol, taking pictures and posing for the camera is one of my favourite things. I just love it.

                                           

                              I thought I should throw this in. I tried with my gele gidi gon. lol. x

Thanks for reading.

God bless you and your love ones. x

'Closure' What about it?

Hello Boo,

I trust we are all well and shining bright like  a diamond. I pray God's  protection will continually be upon us and our family members..xxx

This topic is actually an interesting one. Ok, I read a post on Bella Niaja lol o, see my life anyway please click here.The post is not about the BN topic itself per say, its more of ideas on how people view relationships, break ups etc.
I know and I respect we all have varied opinions, advice and solutions to dealing with break ups and situations. I know some of us offer what is best for us but I tend to choose solutions that has the potential to solve a situation in some way  and provide healing of some sort.

I am not sure if you are familiar with the term 'closure' I think some of us might be. It generally means an act of closing something according to Google web. My interpretation, it means the purpose of finding answers that will provide an insight or possible solution to a problem. In the context of a  break -up of any kind, some people desire closure to help them with unanswered answers or putting  puzzles together to provide clarity or help them move on etc. But I often wonder if truly some of us need this so called "closure" as some people might suggest. I can't help but think that  "closure" will do nothing but even create more puzzles than before depending on the situation, frame of mind and individual.
If an individual is seeking closure it means the relationship was never real from the start because if it was real then it is only imperative, normal, noble and just for both parties or the other  to explain why the relationship is coming to an end. Remember a relationship might be real to you but not to the other person or better still be real to both parties but convicted in one more than the other or attached to one more than the other. For example, I could be dating a dude but have my guards up and he could however think am all for it which I am but totally one leg in and one leg out. You get my drift.

I think generally it is human nature to be in the know, seek answers, justify reasons and understand why this happened and why it is not happening etc. The harsh truth  is some of us will never be in the  know and the not knowing can actually be a good thing depending on the severity of the situation and how you manipulate the situation.
I think asking for a closure in dealing with a break up when the other person has clearly moved on or show the signs that they want to move on is simply a bad idea. When some people decide to move on, they totally block out the past and intimate details and completely switch off (unfortunately that is the harsh truth). Now, asking such person to provide closure would mean they should go back to the past and dig out what they have buried which quite frankly some people will not do as they don't see the point or want to go through the emotions.
On the other hand, the closure one is seeking might be an opportunity to start another episode of unnecessary arguments and disagreements that does nothing but show more holes and more tragedy especially when you find out the true intentions of the person was unfair and conniving? It might just make it even worse in my opinion.

How about,  if the other party has nothing to disclose I mean nothing significant to bring to the closure. For example the post on Bella Niaja which is about a lady who fell for a man with a shady attitude. The "shady" dude had a motive and whatever it was he exhibited some of it, it is now up to the woman to decide whether or not she will use it as a cue or simply live in cuckoo land and disregard major evidence. In the case of a closure as suggested by a commentator what should the "shady" guy say? What will be his reason or reasons? To top it off he is now married. Will the closure actually help her or make a difference?

Besides, I believe if  a break up occurs in a loveless, selfish and crap relationship then closure is pointless. Amazing opportunity to simply thank God that your life will take better form.  In a loving, sweet and genuine relationships (though I wonder why they should be break-ups), then  I guess a closure would make more sense but wait was it ever truly genuine from both parties or did it just appear that way? Also the questions need to be asked?  Why the closure and what will it do? The truth is, people that hold back info/cover things up in the relationship will never ever ever be open in a closure. Say what? he/she was never 100% authentic in the relationship so now that it has ended, you are concerning yourself with closure?.  Maybe they will be real to themselves but it takes maturity, a level of self journey, insight and a  level of confidence to be real to yourself and to others.
In any case, whatever we chose to do should be traced back to our motive, because the purpose of knowing your motives will help determine whether this a closure is  a better option or not.

I was in a relationship that I thought was great, loving etc etc until he dropped the bombshell and for a long time a part of me wanted to see him and ask him loads of questions as to why this happened or why it didn't happen etc. The questions and puzzles swam  around in my head but  the one question remained  will it change anything? Will it change the fact that you two are no longer together, will it change the fact that you were highly upset and it affected your grades etc, what will it change and what will it do for you per say? That when I realised that I didn't quite get it yet and that was why I needed to go on this journey. To understand that stuff happen and stuff will happen but you do what you do, you learn from it, forgive yourself and move on from that situation with a positive outlook and approach.
What is much better? a closure that does nothing but troubles you in comparison to simply accepting it was to be because no mattter how you try with closure it is still a learning process, you are to learn from it and become stronger.
Maybe in the case of a cheating spouse, I get having a closure but am not sure if it is the other spouse that should ask for it or the person should simply confess and from there,  open and honest communication should take place.

My point is, if you  desire a closure be sure you have clear motives behind it and you understand them and think clearly whether or not it will actually make a difference?
I don't care about closures or encourage them. I encourage communication and clarity  if it permits  but  closure I don't know.
Depending on the situation i.e. if it was a long term relationship and circumstances of the relationship then maybe closure can be demanding but be aware it might even leave a more bitter taste in your mouth.

I am done now. lol.
As always your opinions, thoughts, ideas etc are most welcome.

Thank you for reading. Be blessed.

                               Dust yourself and try again. Aliyah x

Abortion-Get Rid Off. An inspired post

Hi Everyone,

I trust we are all well and prepping for Christmas etc. I pray all our dreams that are yet to come true will do so. I also pray we will have a pain free, catastrophe free, accidents free, bombing free Christmas season. Amen.

This post was inspired by a comment I read on Bella Niaja click here for the post.Click here for the comments and I also commented.
I planned to upload a different topic but I had to do this.

To be honest, the topic on  abortion is a strange one, maybe complex and touchy subject for some. I have watched various documentaries on it and seen various advocates for and against it. In a nutshell, I have never really had a view on it other than I won't advocate it and I certainly will not encourage it. I have always thought that the only person that could make the decision most times is the woman. Her decision is based on her principles and core values.

However, I do not accept, or think it is right aside for medical reasons that can put both mother and child into jeopardy even with that (I will encourage to rely on faith).  It hurt when I read the comment on Bella Naija about a woman that had an abortion because her hubby encouraged her to and now she is struggling to birth and has had  several miscarriages.
Personally, I might be naive o, I do not accept a man/bf/husband etc that has impregnated another woman to tell her to "GET RID OFF" I don't care what the  excuses, motives, situations, ideologies whatever it is but abortion should be the last result aside from medical complications. I think anyone that suggests that is rude, selfish, wicked and EVIL. Why do you say such thing?

My reasons,  if they had aborted the person in question due to his/her parental circumstances will they be here? Nope. They wont. so why then would you deny someone else the opportunity?
To make matters worse, I hate it when it is married men that are telling their wives to abort the babies, I don't care if you are wretched and living from mouth to mouth, if you don't want to have any more babies (do family planning) or cut your loins which will not be considered. I even hate it more when married men tell their wives that are preggo for the first time to get rid off  of the child? Why? Why?
Children are blessings in the very least if your partner says that to you and lists all the possible reasons as not to keep the baby, then they have failed you YES, they have failed in their role as a man to protect, assure, support, encourage and be bold. They have failed to understand and comprehend the bigger vision. They have failed to consider the vows appropriately, they have failed to consider the blessings that is yet to come through this child above all they have failed to comprehend the power of their own seed that has allowed to possibly father a child where others have tried to no avail even with medical and all.

For such men, I can only pity them and their myopic mind.I hate to see women put themselves through such agony and say they are doing it for love...? What? Love? where is the love in that? The love for the guy or the love for  your own selfish reasons? or love for the unborn child? I stress that if love was ever involved in the relationship from the beginning then being pregnant under any conditions just raises/up the game to even stretch yourself  and become less selfish and more responsible with the ability to  love endlessly without waiting for the other. Yes, a child born into love will know from the very first day it ran and joined the ovaries lol.
I know there are deeper issues like rape, unwanted situations e.g. cheating etc that might have allowed such situation  but again any decision to which especially rape and medical reasons I will totally respect the need for the person to do as they wish. In fact I totally respect any decision be none medical I as I have stated above. I just do not like it when the lady carrying the child is coerced into abortion against her will but I guess there are reasons behind it all.

All I am saying is, as a woman with a choice, be careful about the risks you are taking with getting rid off the pregnancy as advised by your spouse or family members/friends. Think carefully, for every action there is a consequence. I also know some people who have had an abortion in the past are still struggling years on to bear a child of their own plus heard a lot of stories too. They have been advised wrongly and are regretting their actions.

So please, if anything consider the various options available to you.

P.S. Did I tell you that Dad told Mum to get rid off me? His excuse he didn't have money.. what??
I am glad Mum didn't cos boy I wont be here will I? and above everything she will still be disappointed because it wasn't like  he was ready to love her and be there?

If people around you are doing it. THINK TWICE.
My best advice as ever, if you are not ready for the consequences don't involve SEX. Once you start having then be open minded to all sorts.

I guess this post was more of a reprimanding one lol. Its all love. x

Thanks for reading and visiting.
I will upload the other post soon. x

***PASSED*** off car shopping lol.

Hello Blogsville fam....

I trust we are all well.xx

I am so happy I finally PASSED O. Yes o, its been a long time coming but Glory to God I did it. I pray I will not use my license for accidents, evil or death... 

Ok so my testimony, I had been on this driving thing since summer  2011 after grad. I had not so good instructors that all they wanted was money and my naive mind didn't know better. To top it off I endured the shouting etc because I felt that was what I needed is a lie o. Cut to the chase, I passed after third attempt.

Ask me what happened?

Well I did my 2nd attempt early this month I was inspired to write this post Click Here.I was determined that I would hold onto my positive attitude and not give into doubts no matter what, which came in leaps and bounds but I held onto positive thoughts and faith. I declared  that I had already passed but only going for a cruise.... I am just so grateful to God for allowing this.

I would like to encourage you that no matter what is happening, the power of positivity goes a long way, never underestimate the need to constantly stay on top by being positive and involving God's favour.

YES passing my driving is a big deal especially here, because it takes money, time, energy and much more mental attitude.

Here is my PASS PIC... YAY me.

Going back to my value and believe system

Hello Everyone,

I trust we are well.
I am thankful to all the comments I had on my last post *so sweet*. I am grateful for  everything including the opportunity to blog. x

Back to the topic of the day.
I will make this short and sweet (hopefully lol).

Each and every individual  has  a different value system and by that I mean what we are truly guided by e.g. our core unshakable  principles which can be  influenced by a  variety of sources. The other thing also is  we all have different believe system i.e. what we hold onto whether its spiritual,mental, physical etc. I think its almost the same thing but they are slightly different. What I mean by value system is what governs your principles, actions and state of mind. For example,your  principle might include zero tolerance for cheating. That means you don't like cheating and  you don't cheat others in essence you are fair so it reflects in your actions that means you avoid that path at all costs.The believe system is what governs your motives, ideologies and views etc. For example, to accept its wrong to lie and there is a punishment for it etc. Having said that, some of our values and believe system might be similar in some situations yet again different because the measure we all use to judge situations will most certainly be different to others. Like me, I don't mind returning clothes if I wore it once even if I have danced in it which I have done once btw ages ago cos I thought I wont need it anymore but my sister on the other hand is totally against it which some of us will agree, yes I see her point and where she is coming from but I at the time I was in different etc. Probably won't return something have worn anymore except in extreme cases. Anyways you get the gist.

So what does this mean and why am I writing about this jargon philosophy etc. This is because I came to a recent understanding which I will admit is work in progress.
As an individual like some of us might tell, am a positive person, as in I try as much as possible to dwell on the good things not the bad but if anything  learn from it. It might appear that my world is rosy sometimes based on what I share  on this  blog but the truth is my world is full of all sorts but  its mostly full of roses because I chose for it to be that way. Since, I can remember I have always being positive and incredibly optimistic you can't beat my optimism, an ex of mine used to tell me I had a gift of faith. Anyhoo, there have been situations and times where I am trusting for something although I couldn't see it but I believed and professed what I wanted despite all the negatives, including the  highs and lows and to the glory of God I do have testimonies out of it. As long as I don't a)give into doubt because it comes in leaps and bounds b)I keep seeing and believing in that very thing I want and working towards it making sure my motives are genuine.  Its fair to admit that not everything works according to what I imagine but sometimes  it does work out better than or in a different way than I imagine which I guess I  get to learn from either way I know for sure God has a better plan which makes it even more exciting.

Why am I blogging about it? It is because in the past I have experienced some things that have made me doubt the need to be more  positive and optimistic. While I know that the world is not in  black and white I must admit I have  allowed the not so good  experiences and even other people experiences influence and   shake my value and believe system making me more complacent and indifferent in short  "not bothered".  The truth is, this attitude of indifference might work for other people but I don't believe it is for me. I felt maybe I was too naive and I should try to be maybe "liberal" and go with the flow like" if it happens it happens "and "if it does not it does not", either way life is good. To an extent I think its good to think this way because it kinda helps to deal with disappointments but it can also have an effect that I don't think its healthy.Yeah, in some situations I will perhaps be less expectant e.g. the turn outs for my birthday but I do  believe this attitude is making me less positive and more negative. I get the gist of thinking this way, i.e."what will be will be" or "whatever happens happens" but  this way makes  me less hungry, less passionate, very lazy and also adopt a defeat attitude. I don't want to be "what will be will be," we are all masters of our destiny and I should be hungry to fight for what is right and approval. Anything can be "what will be will be" but if everyone felt that way the world will not be where it is today. Truth is "what will be will probably  be" but not after we have fought the good fight and its pays off.

Cut to the chase, I am going back to my value and believe system  going with the flow and whatever happens etc works for some people but for me I am not a go with the flow person, I am not whatever happens happens person, I am not what will be will be, I am not fair enough, I am not a bunch of cliches. I am a woman of faith that believes in the power of positive thinking and dreams because in life nothing is impossible.  I am a woman that is grateful for life experiences and lessons but always chose to have a testimony at the end and appreciate it is not my doing nor my power.  For me,I have chosen to make my value and believe system work for me if it is God that I believe so be it, if things don't happen the way I want  I believe there is a lesson to be learnt and something better is around the corner no matter what my expectations are.

I challenge you to go back to the drawing board,  access the bad, take the good and have fun with the ugly.

God bless. x

In the mean time... found this YT video, she is very bubbly alright.

CURRY NIGHT/BIRTHDAY DINNER YAY!!

Hello Blogsville,

Its been a while, I hope we are all well and blessed.
Thanks for stopping by and checking on the blog.

I have been busy with many things amongst them was my bday.....YAY.
I did say I will upload pics too.
It started out alright we drove all the way to Birmingham thank God for journey mercies.
Had some pedicure etc and off we went to get ready... my make-up courtesy of my sis  who did an amazing job btw.
After that, we bundled into the car and went to the lovely Akbar Restaurant which has a fantastic decor and excellent customer service and later some of us went to African Village and boy did I dance to afrobeats.. lol.
I must say I expected more turn out but more than happy with closest friends who traveled far and wide.... muahh to you sweets.. x
The pictures tell the story. I also baked my birthday cake.

                                       
                            

Thanks for visiting and reading.
P.S. I cut a different cake on the night.

God bless you and  your love ones. xxx

New jam btw, no clue what it means though...lol

When sharing your opinion is considered Negative

Hello my fellow blogfam,

I hope we are well.

 Wow someone is on a roll with posts.Anyways I think its a good thing that am feeling inspired to write more posts. 

What is this topic about?

In general, I am not one to pour sand in people's garri but if something does not feel right or can be done better  then I will  try to give an opinion that is constructive or better still worthy.

Now this is the way I think, if someone gives me negative attitude or comments or whatever depending on the scenario etc.Sometimes there is an element of truth in what they are saying,  it is just the way it was said  that will probably stung more. I guess  I now have the choice on how to deal with it/how it will affect me.

Personally, the meaning of negativity  is subjective to each individual and their  personality. I am generally critical with myself more than others around me so when someone is critical with me I don't mind as long as I know is coming from a place of love and care. If it isn't I will know but it still does not take a hold on me because I don't allow it to. Instead, I channel it all into positive energy and I thank God for that ability.

The internet and social media platforms has given a voice to every tom, dick and harry, so  when do we draw the line between people that generally spill out negative comments or those that give a harsh comment and its  considered negative.

I read alot of posts on Bella Naija, and I find that when a commentator has a different opinion that does   not necessarily tally to everyone then the person is negative(you should read Linda Ikeji now that serious venom)lol. For instance, the recent post I read was on a makeup/different tribes or brides we have in Nigeria. I went through the pics thinking its nice (I am not a make up person as you can tell from my pics so if it has dents and holes I probably wont notice). The only part was the yoruba bit I didn't like because it wasn't working as the fringe was exposed under the gele. Cut to the chase, some comments were about the make-up, photoshop etc. Some even said they could do a better job etc etc.Some attacked others that commented on the make up etc.

The truth is,I read the comments (i left my own too) but I could understand when people said they didn't like something which was fine because we can't please everyone but to say they are hating I felt it  was unnecessary.I hate to think each time we leave a comment it has to be something nice or pleasant etc. The honest truth is, it can't all be nice and it won't all be nice all the time.It is the ones that give a generous amount of criticism that actually  help to develop the person's work and make it better. Someone will always spot the mistakes and discuss them,  now it is the way they chose to say it that makes the difference but just because someone leaves a harsh comment does not mean they are negative perhaps it needed for that time to help you up.

I am not saying it is appropriate to dish out harsh comments or unpleasant things No it is not. But sometimes we need that to be better.

An acquaintance  that also bake cakes like me made a comment about my cake, did it hurt yes,( I know her to be envious) so when she said it, did it make me give up Nope, instead I was more determined to improve as ever. 

Point is, not all comments are negative and not all negative comments  come from a negative person. I believe in sifting through things, take the ones that you need and ditch the rest. There is no need to attack or not attack we are not enemies nah.  If you felt someone was negative either you understand its their personality and clearly stay away from them or  its not their personality confront them and they will explain themselves.If you can't confront them  as  it is via social media, just see it  as a platform to tell your story. We need people that will help us to help ourselves through their comments. There is no need for attacking people personally or private life  abeg just take the good, assess the bad and have fun with the ugly.

Is it easy to deal with it and move on. No, not in all cases but you are not the first to go through the situation and certainly wont be the last. Channel that energy into something positive and allow your inner ambition to rocket high. Your biggest critics will help you to sell out in the end cos they will talk about how well you have improved etc.

Thanks for reading.

Be Blessed and Stay blessed.

God is Love.

Meanwhile check out this cool video x

Still Championing my TWA!! YAY!

Hello Everyone,

Check out my hair update.
I have images to tell the story. x
Enjoy


                                                Big Chop June 2013

June-July 2013

                                                                  August 2013

                                                        October 2013

My hair regime so far:

Loads of water on my hair mostly each day

Loads of oil like coconut,castor, almond etc and shea butter too.

 I try to stretch my hair through twists out and cornrows.

So far am loving my hair and I think its super cool the way it changes my face each time.

Hope you had fun reading and gazing at my pics and appreciating God's beauty. Lol,am kidding.x

Thanks for visiting and reading.

Be Blessed and Stay Blessed.

God is Love*

Assumptions- Never underestimate its POWER.

Hello beautiful and blessed people,

I hope we are well and our loved ones are well too.

I appreciate the sneak peaks and comments on my last post.
It does feel good to be back, although I am yet to update everyone regarding how my new year resolutions  is going.

Back to the topic I aim to discuss.
Well the thing is, a situation occurred sometime ago that I felt I needed to address but on addressing it turned out that maybe just maybe I was subconsciously ruled by the power of ASSUMPTIONS.
You see as humans, I think its natural that we automatically assume certain things or assume more things than usual especially  when there is lack of clarity and communication. While some of us have used past experience to master/combat  the art of assumptions i.e. ability to clearly clarify things  and be sure before jumping into conclusions, some of us however have not yet to mastered the art or we are just good at  second guessing things.lol..

Most times, I like to be clear on things and not assume as much but sometimes the actions that someone portrays can also alter views and  allow room for assumptions. However, the power of assumptions can only take over   if I let IT.  I say let it because we have the power to control the thoughts we feed into our system and the way we chose to see a situation or interpret an action.
In some cases, the power of assumptions has caused alot of havoc, messed up alot of relationships and even destroyed what was once beautiful. Whether it is communication that is not strong enough or the ability to misinterpret things that is much stronger only the person in the situation is able to determine and obviously analyse the situation and make judgment.

This leads me to my recent story on assumption or should I say purposely led "assumption".
Myself and  a single friend of mine were catching up on gist and girly talk etc. In the mist of the convo, she mentioned she found a brother for me in church, I was like OK, (I am not a church brother type of person o)it just means I don't like the idea that church bros are better etc humans are still humans. Anyhoo,I recall saying ha am not interested, she said o he is igbo, shebi you like igbo boys. My response, well I used to cos my ex was igbo but now that am totally  over him am open to all ethnicity(well some). She was like since when, besides the dude she mentioned I felt was not my type lol, am sorry we all have a type don't we? and his face always looked serious. Cut long story short, we laughed about it and ended  there but was it?

It was about a  week or so, it was our department turn to clean the church, I came around to clean the toilets and other communal areas. The igbo dude in question is in the choir and plays the keyboard, the choir were rehearsing when I came to clean,while familiar faces said hello,I went about doing my bits. We have never exchanged pleasantries before but that day for the first time he came to approach me and said hello and we talked for a bit sha.....
From that day when dude saw me, he says hello and I found myself (ahem ahem looking forward to seeing him and having a massive grin on my face too) but I played it cool nah. I must say though, something didn't quite add up deep down.

Although,  he wasn't my type but I liked his smile, I thought it was cute (have I told you I like a sweet smile on  a dude? well now you know. I also like guys with BODY *coversface* when I say body I mean (forget it), renew mind pls. Ok,ok, I like them in nice hot thick body not fat though, no no just fine body which by the way the dude in question didn't have. However, I was subconsciously thinking to myself maybe if I get to know him sha I can overlook my vanity self. Funny thing was, during my small crush, Pastor preached on a topic and talked about "marrying a  potential that beauty fades". I thought hmmm maybe this is for me. He might not be all that I secretly desire in terms of physical attributes but hey no harm in being friends nah.

Over the duration, we would talk, found out what we both do, what we both studied and where our families are based etc. He  mentioned he went to Nigeria to visit but nothing else other than the family are well when I asked. So, no cue there that he is  unavailable anyhoo he asked for my facebook name which I replied it would be impossible to find me. I took his instead but couldn't find him. The next couple of times  we spoke we talked about the facebook thing and he proceeded to add me through mutual friends from church on Facebook.

As you do now, you look through the pics which I kinda felt nah brov, dude has got to be taken at least. I felt he was one of those Nigerian dudes that studied in the UK but have a potential gf, fiance or so back at home. When my friend (the lady that suggested the dude etc)approached the subject I said I don't think its gonna work and she kept on saying be optimistic etc but I had my doubts.  Yawah gas, the same lady/friend that was playing match.com later told me he might have gone to Nigeria to get married.

True true true, dude had gone to Niaj and brought a wife back. All this time, me thought dude was kinda into me just based on the actions.I sorta mentioned it to him that all this time he didn't tell me he was getting married  and he acted surprised or so etc.

All the same,the moral of the story is, I could have made a fool out of myself due to elements of assumptions. Things like these happen all the time and in all fairness I would have thought it was only normal to mention it that he is getting hooked but  hey he didn't and I assumed/misread into his actions bearing in my mind a seed was sown from lady/friend(be careful what you allow people tell you and what you read meaning into).

Point am trying to make is, just because people act a certain way or do certain things should not give us the go ahead to assume.Although, in some instances  it is blatantly obvious that 1+1= 2, I think its best to ask and be in the know. In some cases, some people do assume but have an open mind that it could go either way. Maybe the latter approach is more manageable, I dont know.

I will stop here.
I have learnt from this and continue to learn.

Thank you for  visiting and reading.
Be Blessed and Stay Blessed.
God is love.

Still championing my TWA, so far have been natural for 6months but did BIG CHOP 4months plus few days ago. I need to do an update of my recent hair.

Unbelievable/Typical

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are all blessed.

Its been ages since I last blogged or read/left a comment.
I am just hoping I am not forgotten.

I have my excuses for being away for such a long time despite my commitment to changing my attitude and being more blogger friendly.

Warri was was?( as some accent in UK lol),I basically moved.
Yep,I moved from my city sobs to my family city and that meant alot of packing stuff, I hired a van o.
I am a typical hoarder I guess.

In the mist of the move etc, I have not had time to blog nor read blogs because my life was quite busy but it is a lot better and am glad that abit of normalcy is coming through bit by bit.

Its my BIRTHDAY MONTH... YAY ME.
Excited WHOOP WHOOP... Am turning a quarter of century and am celebrating it in style, glitz, glamour and everything/everything lol. I am looking forward to it, thank you LORD. So far (in my vanity self), I have got the birthday dress which Mum said was nice, earrings(I might change my mind on that and still need to maybe buy new shoes/clutch bag and wristwatch.
I plan to rock my TWA too.
I will be posting pics too YESKE. lol.
I also plan to bake my  birthday cake.*just had that goey feeling* :)Yummy cakes.

Planning anything is sometimes a long ting jor but it gats to be done right?

I hope to catch up on the rest of the blog posts have missed and leave comments. Its been agessssssssss since have visited am so looking forward to catching up.

I hope you are well and thanks for the love. Muah*

P.S. I changed the template again because the other one was simply useless, I couldn't reply comments, I couldn't check comments etc. Hopefully this will be much better. x

Be blessed and stay blessed.

He had a DREAM....!!!

Hello Lovely people,

I hope we are good in the land of the living....
I would like to share a little piece of gift, please read on.

Once upon a time,a child was born.
That child was born with hope but little did his  parents know he had a massive future ahead.

The child became a Boy, the boy became a Man and the man became a LEADER.
He had a dream, he was laughed at, ridiculed and spat on but he had a DREAM.

With his dream, he would work with other amazing people that would change the world for good.
He HAD A DREAM...... and his DREAM became everyone's dream including his enemies. HE HAD A DREAM....

This piece is dedicated to MARTIN LUTHER KING JNR...
Thank you SIR for walking in the destiny ordained for you.
Thank you that you helped every African American to stand TALL AND PROUD.
Thank you to all OUR FREEDOM FIGHTERS who fought with everything including their dignity, pride and shame.... THANK YOU.

Don't let your dreams die...

Piece by me..x

Thanks for reading and visiting. xxx

Update

Hello Everyone,

Thanks for the love, comments and patience, much appreciated.

So what happened? Why the silence?

I admit I am not a regular blogger as much as I want to be, so I said to myself I will try to post as often as I can. Sometimes, I don't post anything because am not feeling what am writing or I have lost my trail of thoughts or in the middle of it and I give up because its not coming together the way I initially imagined.

In some cases,  I don't feel like blogging and these days if am being honest, there is a disconnection with my blog and the blog family. I don't know what happened or why it is so but I read less and less blogs these days.  It most likely a phase.

I think some of the factors that might have disconnected me from my blog:

1) Bored: I just get bored sometimes of reading in general, its just feels pointless.I find myself skim reading and getting to the end before giving myself a chance.

2)  Sleeping hours: I tend to read blogs in the evenings but I go to bed early therefore I don't read as much or cant be bothered too.

3) Watching: I do more watching these days than reading. I just want to watch movies or listen to music.

4) Laptop issues: Yep for almost a month my lappy would just randomly shut down. I had to hand it over for repair.

5) Blogsville: I liked reading certain blogs that I enjoyed but each time I check on their post its like a month ago or two months ago and for some reason I think it just demotivated me.

6) Google playing up: It felt as though I couldn't access my blog. there would be times I want to update and something goes wrong and am trying to fix it but end up giving up.

7) Depression: Some of us may know I have been job hunting for a while and I must say I was not motivated at all to read anything and I think that where the whole watching movies just kinda took over.

8) Victory: I have been meaning to share a little testimony with you blogsville family. In June, I had some marketing/ promotional ideas that came to me. I took these ideas and pitched to a company. Initially,  I didn't know what the outcome would be, but if anything I thought they would invite me for a meeting in their board room and I would elaborate more on the ideas.  I was nervous, prayed and told only my sister who encouraged me, "what is the worst that can happen"?Exactly, they will say NO and thank you. I did pitch, they liked it, they offered me a job and I am grateful to GOD.  I am encouraging someone if you have that creative idea GO FOR IT, "what is the worst that can happen?" Right?

Needless to say, work has been a major contributor to my schedule. I have also had weddings, visitors to host and my baking too.

I promise myself despite some of the jargons I have listed, I owe it to myself to do at least 2-3 posts plus a month if anything. I know some of my posts blesses someone so I shouldn't give it up or abandon my blog. I should also try to reconnect with blogsville. I know blogsville has helped me at some point in my life when I was really down. Blogsville family  were one of the things that kept me going.

 In the past, I have hated when people created blogs, leave it and not come back to it for weeks, months and years. I always told myself I won't be such person and I hate to think am now doing what I hated so please don't think I don't appreciate the sneak peak and every now then check ups,  I really do and  I thank you for your continuous love and support.

Am home for my Mum's birthday. I baked her a delicious coconut cake which she liked alot.Yay.
 I am taking her shopping and we are having lunch/dinner afterwards.

I WILL RECONNECT AGAIN. LOL.

Stay blessed people. xoxox and Thanks for reading/visiting.

I am still here!!!!

Hello Everyone,

Please please please I am so sorry for the late update.

I have alot of apologising to do.

Seriously, I have been  missing from blogsville its unbelievably unacceptable.
I bet most bloggers that visit me often have probably given up on me posting anything or visiting them back.

Please am sorry. I am  not done with my blog.

I have just been busy, tired and lazy with my blog plus my lappy needed TLC.

I will be back real soon to do better posting. I have quite to share.

Thanks for reading.

Side note, I hate that I don't blog often and I have drafts sitting collecting dusts smh.

Stay blessed and see you soon. xoxox

A Movie inspired post.

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are well and thankful for yet another day to breath in/out fresh air and eat good food. Thank you Lord.

I absolutely loved the lovely comments I got from my last post Pls click here. YAY....

Very quickly (learning how to keep my post short and snappy), I watched this interesting movie. Initially, I didn't like it, I thought it was too slow, way too mumuish etc but I allowed myself and not only did I enjoyed it, I learnt one or two things I will share with you.

I am not sure if you have heard of the Ghanaian movie "Sinking Sand" starring Yemi Blaq (that dude knows how to make English sound so cool). I watched the movie free on Irokotv (pls watch it too).

I won't spoil it for those that haven't watched it, but I kinda have to mention what happened to illustrate what I learnt. 

The movie was about two love birds that wanted to love and live together "happily ever after" until a disaster struck. This changed both their lives together forever. I must say, I didn't particularly like the ending to the movie, I like happy endings, "who doesn't?  expect you are a Devil. lol.   I like to say I love realistic happy endings.

Back to the movie so they loved each other so much they couldn't foresee how this situation could have destroyed what was once beautiful. Who could have foresaw? Well, lets just say the disastrous situation was caused by the woman/wife which affected the man i.e. his physical state and psychological state. The situation affected their marriage, a joyful man/husband now became a "monster" constantly torturing his wife, abusing her and treating her shamelessly. A vibrant hopeful women/wife became a shadow of herself making up excuses to pretend the situation was healthy. 

However, the key things I learnt from this movie was "Unforgiveness" and "Guilt". I rarely learn from movies produced these days. Can I get an "aye aye" ? lol.

After the negative situation occurred, the woman/wife carried a heavy burden on her mind which goes for alot of us when we make mistakes especially  when it has a direct effect on our spouses or loved ones. Some of us carry the guilt because we feel immensely responsible  for what has happened. We also don't forgive ourselves or the situation rather we mentally subject ourselves to the torture of trying to undo the situation by being more nice, cautious etc and at the end we  exhibit self pity, low self esteem and other forms. We feel responsible for the situation,  which is normal but it is important we learn from the situation and allow ourselves to better. Feeling guilty wasn't/ isn't the issue,  it is "staying guilty" that is the main issue. When we feel responsible for what we have done wrong we can bend over backwards to please the other party while they take out the anger, frustration, rage and lack of self control on us. In this case, the woman/wife felt guilty and stayed guilty because she felt responsible for what happened, constantly blamed herself and to top it off she accepted the punishment as a way to rid herself from the guilt. While I advocate the need to feel responsible, I also advocate the need to learn how to move on from the situation and become better. It is possible, it will take time and lapses but it is POSSIBLE. Nothing is Impossible. Can I get an Amen? lol.

Now the "Unforgiveness" was mainly from the man/husband he just couldn't bear it, he was angry, dejected, insecure and frustrated.  He didn't know how to deal with the situation and felt  his wife intentionally hurt him.  He couldn't bring himself to forgive her and move on. He felt angry with himself more so his wife and instead of dealing with the issue as it not always easy to do so, it was far more easier to punish his wife and take out the anger out on her. I believe this is a situation where any individual can be found in, the fact that we are trapped in our own  feelings and emotions makes it impossible to see a way out or to see how sorry the other  person is about the situation."Though sometimes people are not always sorry". 

The unforgiveness he abhorred led to a series of torture his wife received from him and even with that,it didn't take away the fact that he is still bitter, angry and worse still, the situation is still there. The truth is, the damage is forever done and cannot be undone however there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In essence, the  situation can be better managed.  Besides, the man/husband also fed it by allowing himself to turn to the negative things like drinking, although it makes sense that he is upset and probably will be for a very long time it didn't mean that the future couldn't be bright or that nothing was impossible.

After all that has been said and done, both parties I felt needed help. They needed professional help equally and separately to deal with the situation in a more positive and better way even though there will be lapses. The fact is,  you have  days  where you feel things have gone better but you are suddenly back to the drawing board.  I personally advocate both professional and Jesus help. 

Most importantly, for anyone that is in a situation such as this or similar, it is imperative to admit that the baggages, the guilt, the abuse etc none are healthy   and it will only make matters worse if things do not change for the better.  Both individuals  can be ruined for good but thank God for grace.

What am I saying? At some point in our lives we will go through a major catastrophe God forbid, some are obviously manageable than others but in the case where  any negative events should take place, I hope we find the need to cry out for help and not be silent. I pray we ask the holy spirit for direction on what actions to take and speak or surround ourselves with people that genuinely care about us.

I don't like unforgiveness and I don't like guilt, I don't like hatred, I don't like jealousy,  I don't  like being the victim or victimising others, I don't like being the bad guy or being under the bad guy.

I don't like any form of Negativity period.  I consciously  don't  feed on it and I consciously don't feed it to others. 

I like to see life as a learning process where we will be challenged to our limits and our emotions will take a toll on us but we need to learn it only skin deep. 

I stay away from anyone that brings out the worst in me. Seriously, I don't like yelling, I don't like keeping malice so if you stress me, I will cut the person off. I need my cool jare.

Back to the summary of the movie, maybe if they sought help, the dude could have allowed himself to see the genuine love of his wife  although upset and angry both could learn from it and try to live happily ever after...... hahahha  if there is anything such as that. 

It is easy to talk the talk lol but to "walk the talk" entirely different matter.

I pray for anyone that is hurting will find healing.

I pray for anyone that is in pain, guilt and anger will find forgiveness, repentance and new life.

I pray whatever that is bad, unfair, unworthy will not be ours but grace will find each man. Amen.

Thanks for reading.

Love, Joy and Peace.

xoxo

Big Chop!!!

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are feeling great.

I know its been a while since have popped over but seriously, is it just me or am being random, Blogsville seems dry.lol. Maybe its me, I don't visit blogs as much I used to.
My life at the moment is full of sunshine, grey, blue sky and random rain drops. I guess I am getting there. I can't wait to share more with you.

I was sad and emotionally unstable for a while but am totally back on track. Thank God.
For some of us that are aware or not aware, "emotional illness" and "mental illness" are REAL.
What can I say? People do battle with serious demons.
We can only help by showing love, prayers and encouragements, it goes a long way.

I finally DID IT.
I chopped my HAIR OFF.
I took scissors and just snipped off the relaxed ends, funny enough I planned to relax it that very day.
Heyhoo, pls check out some of the pics.

Over the weekend, I went to see my friend. I was just full of love and sunshine. I love being HAPPY and in control.

I pray whatever that is imperfect in your life will have meaning someday.
I pray that whatever that makes you sad will have meaning someday.
I pray that whenever you can, you chose to remain happy and victorious.
Jesus Best. x

I had fun creating this. *loves*

Ajoke................... The finished part.

Hello People..

Back to finish the story of Ajoke..... pls Click HERE for part 1

I apologise for bringing this late but here it is..

We didn't want to talk about how long I had left. We decided to savour every moment, I felt total peace  not thinking about anything but enjoying our companionship. I knew I didn't have enough time anymore, I felt I had to do something. I had heard that the contract might be extended for another six months which I was not sure I would be allowed to come back. It was agreed this project was a stepping stone for me and once the current contract finished, it would be time for me to leave for something else.

I couldn't bare not being with the love of my life Ajoke, she was so delicate yet firm. We had talked about marriage and I knew I would do anything for her to be  my wife but when I approached her family, her father blatantly refused me with all his might. He had said I wasn't Yoruba and he didn't trust the "likes of me". I was hurt, we both were hurt, we didn't want to give up but my parents didn't agree either. My mother especially didn't approve, the brief visit to my parents turned sour. I was not allowed to marry the love of my life because she wasn't from my tribe. We  were crushed but we knew we wanted our parents blessings and had to respect their decisions.

It was two days before I left  for good. Ajoke sneaked out late to be with me and we had decided to  meet up under the  palm tree near the old school. It was pretty late but we needed to be together, we both new its our last time to say our goodbyes.
We had laid next to each other looking at the clear blue sky,staring at the sparkling bright stars, we recounted our memories, we laughed  hard and we talked about how special we both were. That night, Ajoke felt it was right for her to offer me something she thought it was special to her. I looked at her desirably, I appreciated the gesture and every fiber in my body was screaming YES YES YES, but I couldn't. I loved her too much to feel her and not forever have her. It was not fair, my heart yelled, cried but it made it more special as Ajoke couldn't help but cry. She cried so hard, why is it so hard to just "love" and not think about  anything.We  knew both our parents were too adamant. Ajoke gave me  piece of her  cloth and placed in my hand to keep. We wished on the stars and hoped in our hearts that things would change one day.

I never loved any other woman like did Ajoke, I got married to a family friend  whom Mum praised and hailed, she was a lovely lady that cared for me and like wise but my heart belonged to Ajoke. I vowed to myself I would never stop my children from falling in love and marrying the lady or man of their choice as long as he/she  is the right one for them.

It was the graduation  of our first son, we had flown to the US to celebrate his graduation. He had been raving about this sweet lovely girl he had met and fell for. He said to me over the phone, Dad you will love her. I guess I couldn't wait to meet her. It was a lovely graduation, full of happy and proud parents cheering their children on. I was proud of him, he was incredibly ambitious and he had finished well. We had  gone back to the main hall to take pictures when he hurriedly came towards us with this sweet lady and introduced her. From her name, I could tell she was Yoruba, she was courteous and greeted us well. We were still talking to her when her parents approached us.

Thirty years on and  she still looked amazing. It felt like a dream. Her mother, was the love of my life, like a reflex, I proceeded to greet both her parents whom she also introduced to us.  I looked at my son and her sweetheart, they both were like love birds. Ajoke had stared consistently at me and eventually said my name. She was shocked as much as I was.

It was a beautiful wedding. Ajoke and I  had the opportunity to talk and we were both thankful about how life had turned out for our children. Who would have thought? It was great having her in my life again as a friend. I told my wife who she was and how I had  known her years back. Meeting Ajoke, made me appreciate my wife even more,  the love she has shown me over the years  was genuine even when  I felt withdrawn not consciously.

We both agreed everything happens its own time. Our experience had made us stronger in our own way. Did she miss me? Hell yeah she did but she had to move on, I was married so was she.

Nigeria today has changed. Am happy that  in our own little way, we are  embracing others culture and inter-tribal marriages are far more encouraged than before.
All the same am grateful my experience helped me to allow my children to be happy.

P.S. This was a fictional story inspired by the history of Nigeria.

I love inter-tribal marriages because to a degree its promotes "oneness". While some might argue against all sorts, I am simply happy that two individuals of different culture, ideologies and traditions are willing to make it work through alot of compromise and heartfelt desire to be together.

I hope  one day  I have an inter-tribal  marriage and if I don't my children might. lol.

Thanks for reading.
It is well with us. God is awesome.

Enjoy my Ole-ku outfits. x

                                 

In a Relationship........

Hello Everyone.....

Very quickly check this out...

In a relationship where one person seems to be giving more than the other? I'd say slow down.

In a relationship where your emotions seem to be at a faster pace...I'd say calm down and keep it in check.

In a relationship where you do most of the work...I'd say re-evaluate...

In a relationship where there is lack of appreciation and actions.. I'd say is it worth the hassle? No.

In a relationship where there is constant abuse e.g. verbal or emotional. I'd say step away from everything, be real  and if possible RUN. infact RUN and pray from afar. lol.

In a relationship where there is no FOCUS and aspiration. I'd say LEAVE or risk feeling worthless for a long time...


P.S. I have been busy thinking about my life lol so blogging was not in the picture, but am back to complete the story on Ajoke very soon pls Click here to read.

Hope we are all good and still remaining thankful.

God is good....renewing my love for him.

xoxoxo

AJOKE..................

Hello Everyone,

I hope we are enjoying May and the spring... Yippie...

Without much ado...I present to you the story of the Month...  Pls Enjoy. xxx

It was precisely 4:00 pm, when I finally arrived  in Ibadan.  I had no choice but to endure the hot ride including the gruesome heat. Coming back to Nigeria can only bring a smile on my face, having endured four years of adapting to the UK's weather, I was glad to be back home. However, this new city have just arrived in is not my home but it will be over the next coming weeks, months and years. I had just got  back from the UK when I came to know about the opportunity that would take me to this city. I was not only excited at the thought of the project am working on but  the idea of working along side the new changes in Nigeria. It was our era, our time to take charge and make Nigeria the forefront of African countries. The plans on getting our independence was only too sweet to contain not much longer I  said to myself but had to quickly re position my mind to get familiar and get to work.

It was during one of  our several outings  to the local market that I first laid my eyes on her. She had a basket clung to her arm,  full of goodies. I could see fresh plantains, tomatoes, okras  and some more my brain could no longer bother to figure out. I had thought had seen beauties but she was an eye to behold. I suppose what I first noticed about her was her immaculate English while conversing with the trader. Her beautifully shaped elongated fingers paraded the air as she tried to describe something the trader couldn't understand. She really was beautiful and I could only find myself gaping at her lovely features. I was lost in trance  to notice my colleague had been trying to get my attention. I was definitely dreaming, I had to see her again I thought. No, I had to meet her and get to know her. For the next couple of days, I would be mesmerised  by a special  stranger. I devoted a great deal of my time mentally hatching plans on how to find her and meet her again. It wasn't until three months later that I saw her again, this  time it was in a local primary school where she taught. We had to go there as part of our project, I found out  later she was working for the local ministry who had taught her how to read and write. She spoke such impeccable English I was  impressed.

Finally, we were introduced by the madam of the local primary school who talked about how wonderful she is to the school. I sat in the most uncomfortable bench, watching with admiration as she poured the tea out for us to drink. The school has potential I heard my Manager say but the rest became humming sounds. She was cultured I could tell by the way she presented  the cups of tea and carefully curtsying at the same time. I smiled to myself and made a promise that I must get to know her  if it was the last thing this project offered me. The following Sunday, fate was on my side, I left the  local church to run some errands and who did I bump into.
She had the cutest eyes and softest lips and looked so innocent, which was very much appealing. I stammered to say hello while she addressed me by my surname. Mr Uzo,  what a pleasant surprise. I wasn't aware you worshiped at our local church?  Sheepishly all I could mutter was, I visit occasionally. I ravished my brain to think of a more appropriate answer but all I could  try to mutter again was nothing. She proceeded to ask me questions about the service and if I had enjoyed it in which I sorta quivered. All I did mentally was to kick myself in the butt. No woman, ever, has had such a strong spell on me. I had definitely lost the plot here, my naughty boyish manner had certainly let me down causing me to be tongue tied and appear absolutely foolish. I could only nod, smile and appear to be engaged while I forcefully   racked  my brain for a meaningful contribution to the conversation which by now  looked like  I lacked interest. She had to, I could tell because she was trying to manoeuvre her way around,  I had to excuse her as I was blocking the way. I summoned the courage to say goodbye and hoped to see her soon.

My hope didn't let me down, I saw  her precisely two days later at a gathering. After drinking some local appetizer which undoubtedly loosed my tongue, I found words flowed easily. We had spotted each other across the room and I came forth to say hello and apologised for looking lost the last time we met. I had quickly used the opportunity to invite her for a meal or so and we could talk. She hesitated,  I could see the frown appearing on her lovely smooth forehead and it was only the thought of behaving inappropriately   that held  my hands  firmly in my pockets. I looked lovingly and wished I could soften the frown.  I could tell she was mentally checking if she was  available and if at all she wanted to meet with me. I tried my charm which always worked with most ladies including my mother. I had turn my bug looking eyes into that of a cute puppy that couldn't be resisted. I had found this worked amongst the ladies in my family as well as abroad. The lists of girl friends I had were simply mesmerised by it. It was my go to charm and I was desperately hoping it could work with her. What was only minutes possibly seconds felt like years when she finally answered,  she would let me know. I was gutted and kicking myself in the butt for not trying harder. It wasn't so long when we all went our separate ways and I had felt disappointed  but not  defeated.

Back in the project accommodation, myself and couple of colleagues could only engage in conversations about the local girls and their charms, and all I could think of  was my lovely sweet, sweet, sweet Ajoke as I later found out she was called. I had received a note from one of the lads and in it was neatly written  when and where she was available. My cup couldn't get any better, it completely ran over with all sorts,  from joy, to excitement to utter thrill.

Coming to Ibadan had change my life for the best, I couldn't imagine life without her. Ever since we had met up, we were inseparable, we shared memories and dreams about the future. I had told her about my childhood in the local village. I enjoyed living in the city but my village is still the best. We both agreed  there was nothing like living and running around in the village.  Ajoke cooked the most delicious food, I automatically  stopped eating at our accommodation. She fed me well and fed me big, my heart was always merry.  I liked her innocence, she was intelligent yet she was vulnerable, I liked how she squirms when she sees crawly and slimy animals. I wouldn't forget the day she screamed when I showed her the mark  where that horrible snake had bite me in my teens. I liked how she eventually calmed down and stroke  the deep scar. She was inquisitive,  she would ask me loads of questions about the plans for Nigeria, and what the British Colonel planned to do. She wanted to know more, she once said she would like to study abroad like myself so she could sound white. I had corrected her, telling her it was not something she should strive for. Speaking our indigenous language is part of our identity and if you pronounced words differently its shows you still had your identity in your origin. I told her she spoke  well  and that was good enough without going abroad. It is  far more important that we maintain our true origin. I had decided not to go very deep into the racial and injustice I  faced with my African brothers and sisters studying abroad. I slowly lured her  into telling me stories about her children and she loved telling it. Each day, was an exciting day, we would plan to meet, hug each other and leave late for our respective homes. I had three months left till the project was completed.

I have to stop here if not it will be too long......

Thank you for reading and stay tuned more like keep refreshing the page for the rest of the story.

P.S. Job 8 21:22. He will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with joyful shouting.
Those who hate you will be clothed with shame, and the tents of the wicked shall be no more.

Amen somebody....

No matter what the circumstances are,  you have to believe it will change. Xxx

.

USERS............................... BEWARE

Hello Everyone,

How are we? I hope we are well.
I am still enjoying the spring. Yippe..

I have a new template now... pls let me know what you think.

I would like to say a lovely Thank YOU to Afronuts for doing a blog review on my blog and a host of others. I   found it very encouraging. lol. So a mini capture of what he said about my blog....
"DOHK is practically a teacher because there’s a lot of stuff you can learn from her blog posts; she kind of counsels you and gives answers to a myriad of questions you may have never thought of asking."

I practically grinned from ear to ear lol. Please visit his blog to read more. Thank you Bro, May God continue to appreciate you as you do others. x

Quick update:
I went to London for few days.. Yikes. It was my friend Jelony's bday (she had a dating blog at some last year). I did the catering for the food,  made delicious coconut rice, chicken, gizzard and plantain  and baked birthday cake. It was well loved (Thank God). I also got to meet up with friends including a childhood friend from Nigeria. All in all it was a long and fun weekend.

Back to the topic of today. I really would like to make it crisp and straight to the point.
I am not sure about you but goodness some of us do inhabit and exhibit some scary traits and attitudes. Its scary because it hurts other people and yet we still defend ourselves.  I personally have had to learn the hard way about things because I can be very oblivious and quite innocent in my approach to life though  am glad I am. I am very trusting of people and tend to allow people to show themselves before I make a run for it.While I advocate second chances and opportunities, I for one also know we humans are unpredictable.

This topic is simply about humans or more like individuals that are USERS. Having experience a first hand of people with such traits, I  complied a mini lists below. I actually copied it  from my Facebook as I posted it sometime ago.

USERS TRAITS
Manipulative: Uses you for what you are/good @.
Conniving: Always plotting a plan.
Sweet talker: Knows how to get under your skin.
Pretender: Rarely upfront.
Takes advantage: Seeks opportunity, find the opportunity and drop the person asap.
Malicious: Spiteful remarks and looks.
Commitment issues: Always hopping from one place to the other.
Drains your energy: Wants to hear  your opinion ONLY to feel better not necessarily change for the best.
Insensitive: Don't consider your feelings.
Patronising: Never truly means it/meant it.

While my lists might completely exclude some facts and include mainly opinions.  I do believe USERS are one to watch especially if you are someone that a)You are not sharp and b) You are too nice. I find that, to deal with users I have to constantly think fast ahead of them, apply strategic pointers and constantly be aware of myself. That in itself is a job on its own. I am real and transparent and its just hard work to constantly feel am second guessing somebody, or overly cautious or thinking sharper. Its just too much stress for me to handle.

Hence, my ways of dealing with USERS  is to a )spot them from the onset and stay clear away from them  asap except in exception cases or b) keep them at arms length distance or even further. 

Don't get me wrong people can still  change and there are rooms for improvement as I always encourage the opportunity to learn from mistakes and be better. However, I strongly feel it is not a good approach to consciously allow myself to suffer knowingly in the hands of a user and its traits. Besides, its totally unnecessary. 

My point: chose your battles carefully and be fully aware whether you are in a relationship, friendship or whatever with  a USER the price to pay might be costly and irreversible.

P.S. Users  can buy you with anything they know you like. They are smart and full of conniving ideas. They never truly say much about themselves or over says too much.They are mild ones and extreme in some cases.

Enjoy the little good left in this world, show kindness and I pray God will pour his anointing on us afresh...

Please don't forget to comment and share your thoughts. xoxo

I baked this cake delish cake for a client.

                                                               Me posing away. lol. x